can anyone help me..

[wes]

hi i dont no what im doing.im add,to hydro's and have been on them for along time.i started off like 2 a day then after awhile 2 in the morn and 2 in the eve. then 3 the 4 then 5 it's been going on for so long im tired..i dont know if anybody will belive me or not but i take alot..i take well it all depends no less then 10 a day alot of the time 15 like today it was 17.im 31 years old. and really do have a bad back,and do need them for the pain but how do you take them for the pain and get off them at the same time..i know that im killing myself and i dont want to die! i have two wonderful kids and a wife like no other.. she's in chruch and behind me 100% but she dont know what to do if i dont. its so hard.. i take 10\325 and 5 at a time. and it scares me b\c ive looked at some of these site's and i dont see anybody that takes that many.and i wonder to myself if i can do this on my own..i work everyday and my job makes me be on my feet all day and i walk so much. about 4 or 5 miles a day. you know what are you sup to do. tell your boss that you need time off to recover from being a drugy. i cant lose my job ill lose everything if i do.so there you have it, keep taking them and keep my job or quit the pill and lose everything.to be honest i dont even know if i could hold down a full time job if i quit the pp.im so add to them it used to take 2 or 3 days before i went in withdraws now all it takes is 1 and my whole body feels like ive been ran over by a simi truck.by day 2 im pukeing cold chills and cant even get out of bed.. its bad guys. and congrat's this is the frist time ive talked about it. other then my family. please help me my road has came to a dead end now and i dont know what to do anymore.. sorry not the greatest speller in the world.. thanks for reading this..

thank you
wes

[Dee74]

Welcome to SR Wes

I don;t know anything about hydros, but I think the first step for anyone addicted to their pain meds is to go and see their doctor.

If you're not happy with your doctor, find a new one who knows a bit about pain management.

so there you have it, keep taking them and keep my job or quit the pill and lose everything

Wes, if you don't do something now, you're likely to lose everything else anyway. Please don't let the difficulties of the situation stop you from looking for answers, cos you need them.

any NA experience? any other recovery programme?
any counselling? any outpatient rehab programmes?

Keep reading and posting here Wes - you'll find a lot of support and a good many ideas on what to do next

D

[Wolfchild]

[wes]

thanks for the advice but there is no doctors no counseling no rehab ive been fighting for a long time all alone. been to a bunch of doctors but its hard to do if you dont have no ins.but i do have my wonderful and loving wife.that prays for me everyday so i got that on my side.i just dont know how life will be like after im off the pills.in my mind if it was not for the pills i would not play with my kids like i should or not do anything.the pills makes me normal.i no life is going to change as i know it,and i no that it will be for the better,but i guess for those reasons that is the real reasons that i have not put my all in stopping. i thank sometimes that im going crazy. ill take all the advice that you guys want to give because im open for help..thank you

[Celestiale]

At the point right before I stopped taking all the pills, I was basically useless. I had lost all interest in everything, I was sleepy alllll the time I did only what needed to be done insofar as my family is concerned. I was just surviving and going through the motions.

3 weeks clean now and I'm starting to "wake up" again. I am interested in things I used to love, I have more energy for my family, and I feel better, much much better. I can almost see the person I used to be before I became addicted.

The detox was very difficult....very, but I did it cold turkey. I just went to my first NA meeting on Monday, and hope to hit up another one tomorrow night as well. I think that this is where you need to begin since you have limited resources as to Dr. care/insurance. Go to a meeting and get the resources and real life guidance that only they can share.

*hugs* There is help, and you deserve it to yourself to take advantage of it! We're all here too to talk to, you're not alone!

[wes]

thanks for the advice.i know i need to go to aa or somthing but my question is to you celestiale is how you just quit cold turkey? like today i had 15,yesterday it was 17..i wish i could do it cold but i wont be able to go to work.. if i just miss one day i can barley get out of bed.im a salesman and im on my feet all day i sit maybe 2 or 3 times a day and thats just a couple of min's. there's no way i can go cold,i do try.i dont take none with me to work so i wont take them,so i take 5 with me to work and take them about 8:15 every morn.and alot of the time ill call my wife and have her come down at lunch and bring me more.about 4 more.then when i get home i take 5 more thats at 5:00pm.like tonight it was six pill's.theres 15 today. and if i had it my way it would be more! someone helps me not to take to many thats about all i get a day. but see its worked up to that though out the years. it just used to be 2 a day,and that was it.i dont no.its so easy to get to were im at, and it seem's like no way back.it sounds so good to here you say that you have more energy and are back to your old self. deep down i know i would be too. starting tomorrow im not going to call at lunch and im going try not to take none when i get home either.thats going to be a big cut for me.see there's been times when ive only had 5 the whole day and by the next day ill start going in withdraws. not bad but bad enough that you dont want to be at work.only thing i know to do is cut down,a little at a time. and thats so hard for me b\c i have like no will power...sorry so long have not done this before and this is the first time that im telling the truth i guess. ive lied for so long to everyone and myself it just becomes part of life. thanks for hearing my problems. and if there's anything i can do for ya'll let me know.

thanks
wes

[Celestiale]

It was at the point for me, where I was going to have to increase my dosage (again) if I didn't stop. I was having withdrawal symptoms anyway (dope sickness), and I was just so sick and tired of it all. I told my husband I didn't want any more...that I was done, and I had him hide the pills and eventually flushed the Tramadol that I had. I don't work outside the home...that is why I was able to go cold turkey. I absolutely could NOT have gone to work...I could barely get myself to the bathroom.

I can't give any medical advice...as much as I'd like to...I wish I had the right answers for you! I can only relate my experience to you...I wish so much that you could find a doctor to see.

I will say this, if I had to do it again, I would have either A.) Gone into the hospital, or B.) Tapered by half every few days, keeping the same dosing schedule.

I hope that you can find an AA or NA meeting near you...they will have so much information for you, and I know they could help you. You can look up meetings online www.NA.org - the website for the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous :

Keep posting, you're not alone.

[christin1225]

Wes,

You've painted yourself into a corner with this thread. You can't quit cold turkey because you take too many pills and you can't be sick and miss work. You can't get time off to detox because you can't tell your boss because you'd lose your job. You can't taper because you have no willpower (just an aside, most addicts can't taper, but it's not a matter of "willpower." We can't taper because we are battling a disease, just as you are).

All I can say is that many of us have painted ourselves into the same corner as you (and probably have used the same color paint. We're not very original). However, we are recovering.

You asked about telling your boss as though you think that it's an absolute impossibility. I know that it seems as though it's impossible. But, it usually isn't. Fortunately, you have a legitimate pain issue. You simply need to explain to your boss that you've become addicted to your pain meds and need some time to get off them.

In my determination to be honest, I had to admit to my boss that I was never prescribed my DOC (oxys). Still, he has assured me that he will do what he can to support my endeavor to get clean. He has alcoholism in his family (his uncle). So, he has a little experience with recovery. You'd be surprised how many people have been affected by alcohol and substance abuse and, therefore, are compassionate and understanding.

I ended up going the Suboxone route. Have you considered Suboxone? It would alleviate some of your major concerns (taking off a long period of time or having bad withdrawal). When I first went on Suboxone I was taking 110mg of oxy a day. The second time that I went on Suboxone (had a relapse in May), 100mg at a time couldn't even get me high. Being inducted on the Suboxone required one sick day for me. The greatest downfall to Suboxone is that opiates are blocked. Prescription pain relief is pretty much no longer an option.

Methadone may be an option for you. Not only is it a treatment for addiction, but it takes care of pain as well. If you are 100% convinced that you need ongoing opiate pain relief, Methadone is probably worth looking into (just an fyi, I discovered that while abusing opiates my natural pain tolerance was much lower. Once you're clean for a bit, you may find that you don't need opiates anymore).

Of course, the Suboxone and the Methadone options require that you contact a doctor. You could tell your boss and try to c/t at home, but my personal recommendation for a situation such as yours is to come clean with your boss and to find an inpatient facility that has doctors to assess your addiction and your pain management needs.

When you find yourself painted into a corner, you've got to want recovery enough to take some risks, even taking the risk of losing a job.

[ChillyBones]

Hi Wes, How you doing? Mate, my story is the same as yours and it seems like there is no way out at times but if you really, really wanna quit the drug, more than anything in the world it can be done.

I had bone surgery on my ankle 8 years ago and was given pain meds. Fast forward 8 years and I am taking around 300mg of codiene per day. Opiates take a huge grip on your life and way of thinking.

You wake up and the 1st thing you do is take some pills to face getting out of bed

You take pills a few hours later to give you some energy a warm cosy feeling so you can face work, or get you through it

You take pills mid afternoon as a little pick me up so you dont start feeling withdrawals before you get home from work

You take pills as soon as you get home from work, regardless of the time - 4, 5, 6 7pm - anytime as you feel lousy without them. You take them before you have dinner so they absorb better to numb the pain and give you that calm feeling

You take the largest dose of the day just before bed, the dose you know doesn't need to be that big. The dose that gives you a warm fuzzy blanket of Numbness that blocks out the pain and lifes worries until you wake up

You wake up and start the insanity all over again!

Alongside my 300+mgs of codeine I was taking in 15+grams of paracetamol (is that how its spelt?) per day which was doing me no good what so ever.

Like you, I cannot afford to have time off from work and my job would be impossible whilst withdrawing as I am in sales and need to be upbeat, smiley, friendly, helpful and resilient. All you'd be thinking in withdrawal is me,me,me! Poor me!

There is the pain too. The whole reason we are in this mess in the first place.

I had enough. I woke up with a real bad stomach pain and knew that is was from the 30 + pills I was taking per day and decided to stop.

Its the morning of day 7 as I type this and I am feeling much, much better. The physical WD's are fading away and Im starting to think about life before I think of the drug.

I started friday night as I knew that I had 2 days off to get started
I needed to take monday and tuesday off from work as I could not function at all

The first 4 days and nights are pure hell. HELL!!! You wanna die, you hate everything and you have never, ever in your life felt so terrible. Day 5 is somewhat better, I believe this is when you start to turn a corner. Each day after that becomes easier. not great, but easier.

Seriously, I have bad grammer and cannot express what I wanna say over forum like this, its pure hell but it doesn't last long.


You really gotta want it though mate.

Please feel free to contact me and i'll do my best to help as I am one week infront of you mate and believe me, the sun is shining so much brighter over here. Its waiting for you too.

ChilliyBones

[change4penny]

Wes, Hi, I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 13 months clean. I was addicted to pain pills for more than ten years. Before rehab, I was swallowing thirty, 10mg pills of hydro or oxycodones each day just to keep from being dope sick...plus, smoking/snorting 150-300
dollars of coke along with it.
Suboxone has helped me. It has save my life. It has afforded me the time to get used to a life of recovery, taking away all the cravings I once had for those dang pills.
But, you have to want to be clean and have a program in place. Without the true desire to stop, the Sub will be 'just another pill'.
Please, get help now before you get to where I got...having to take so many pills just to feel 'normal'.
Keep posting here. You'll get a lot of support and good advice from those who've been in your shoes.
Good luck and God bless.

Penny

[wes]

i just want to thank everyone one here for supporting me it helps to know that im not alone.i wish that i could tell my boss and take some time off,but he is old fashion and dont understand about this sort of thing.believe me he would let me go.. and i cant lose everything that ive worked so hard to get. and im not giving a excuse.. i can bearly make it from check to check,so many bills..ill fig out something..i really like this site and you guys are great! if everyone in the world were like you all it would be a great place. cant stay on here i got to go right now.. i dident get to say things that i wanted to tonight, but thats ok ill try to get back on here before i go to bed. thank's you guy's were all going to beat this thing. i just wished i was already where you guys are.. but ill make dont give up on me.. did not do very good today with them. pray for me..

wes..

[krisgrace]

Wes,
Have you thought about suboxone? I pretty much agree with everything Christin said. I started on Suboxone after quiting C/T three different times only to get back on after being off for two weeks. I feel like I have much more hope this way. I don't obsess over the pills, there are no withdrawls hardly. You taper down, and its Dr. supervised. And for some reason, I actually listen to someone I am paying with a degree. lol

[Vintersemestre]

First of all you're NOT killing yourself. You're not going to die taking opiates unless you overdose and you're not going to die withdrawing from them either - you may however destroy your liver and die if these "hydros" contain acetaminophen and you're taking that many of them.