Notices

Addicted to the NEEDLE HOOKED ON THE RITUAL!

Old 10-14-2009, 10:54 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Looking For Myself...Sober
 
Aysha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak View Post
i totally disagree with the "still in addiction" thing about PRESCRIBED meds... i am on a lot of different meds, and i think as long as you dont abuse them, take more than prescribed, or taking it just to get a high,t that it is absolutely fine.
And this is exactly why I dont let others opinions dictate my recovery. I know whats right or worng. I dont need to follow someone elses belief system. And I dont mean that in a disrespectful way. And I am always open to hearing others opinions and def want to hear and do follow alot of what has worked for others. But as far as someone telling me I am not clean becasue I take a prescribed med, as prescribed. Well that just makes me giggle a little. Cause not everyone is going to fly off the deep end over every little thing.
I respect anyones beliefs when put upon themselves. But dont put them on me.
I know there are some that cant even consider taking certain meds or it may trigger them. But not everyone is like that. Some people need some meds. And I will dam if I am going to suffer through pain that can be managed properly with a medication. As long as I fllow the directions and my intentions arent for anything other than what it is intended for.
Aysha is offline  
Old 10-14-2009, 11:37 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
FREAKING AWESOME!
 
ashleek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Paris KY
Posts: 255
Originally Posted by crzylilmndfreak View Post
omg, i am so much like that, and meth was never even my DOC, my thing was alcohol, but i did do it for a bit, im ADD, so it doesnt give me the same effect as most, but i would continue to do it at times, because i was always hoping that maybe "this time" i could get that high... and i really enjoyed the whole crushing it up, making the line, and snorting, it was just kind of a rush for me, felt like i was "doing something wrong" and i am a thrillseeker, so i like the feeling of being "sneaky" if you will...and now, i have been diagnosed with the ADD and i am currently taking ritalin, and its very embarrasing to admit, but i crush them up and snort them, it doesnt even make a difference in doing that and taking them orally but i just enjoy the sneaky feeling, feeling like im "getting away" with something...i know i am at an age that i should be past that whole defiant thrill seeking thing, but here i am, still doing it... i think if i werent doing that, i would find something else that may be REALLY wrong, and at least what im doing is legal, and wont tear up my family
That's so funny because I am so the defiant one myself, I think a lot of addicts are or were in the past! As a teenager I looked for trouble, the thrill of the trouble, not getting caught. I still do that sometimes, well have the thoughts of doing something crazy and something I know I'm not supposed to do just for the thrill.
ashleek is offline  
Old 10-14-2009, 06:46 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Reborn in Sobriety!
Thread Starter
 
xpartyeee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: My safe place NW burbs, IL (Chicago)
Posts: 35
Alright I ahve so many thoughts angles and feelings about this. I will first state my opinions and then try to look at in another direction. I agree that it is not for anyone to say you don't count or you aren't recovered or you aren't clean because you take a medication a pain killer whatever. There is a Huge difference between being an addict way overboard out of control then beingan addict that is recovered who takes a pain med as prescribed for pain. As far as I am concerned you are healed you are complete you are so far recovered if you are avle to take that mew pain killer whatever as prescribed and be ok and keep your addiction in check. That is a good point to be at. Here is why I believe others say the things they do. We are all addicts agreed. Ok that being said an addict is an addict and we all have urges we all will probably have urges and we all no that if we slip on that urge from that pill or that med or even that ritual we loose evrything we worked so hard to build its not the fact that you take that pill its the fact that you can push the envelope with that pill. At the same time for some of us we have gotten to the awarness pin were we know what is what we feel what we feel and we know we got to that point were we know how to take things were we dont act on our urges and that is the true point of recovery. An addict will always want that pipe that drink that needle but to say no way not again that is recovery that is when you can truely heal and stay clean. For alot of addicts I can say from experience you maybe forced or start recovery when you are not ready. You may have think you it the bottom but sometimes you have to hit below the bottom Its tuff its ruff its wrong that this is the way but it is the way to recovery. I will tread litely on this so please dont get mad its not like this for everyone this me and whoever wants to agree I don't think your an addict unless you relapse what I mean is someone that uses for a long knows they have a problem gets clean and then stays clean granted this person is addicted to there doc but they were able to quit get out be great fine. One is not worse then the other or anything like that that is not what I am tryinig to say I guess in my head addicts have to fail multiple times really before they can learn how to Win and overcome. Its like playing the same game over and over and over and over utill you figure it out and win the game. Then your done. Others play once get mored say this isdumb and change. Addicts cant do that theuy have to go through all of it again and again or there is no satisfaction it really is sort of sick when you think about it. So back to the point becasue of this that is why people are so you cant do that that doesn;t count its because they try to tie up everything and try to hide the failure that has to come. With Addicts the only way to win is to fail It ois the only way to get through and finish. Again let me say I may have put this in a way that may be wrong to you may affend you may upset YOU THAT WOULD NEVER BE MY INTENTION THIS ISJUST HOW MY PATH WENT AND MY OPINION REMEMBER ALL PEOPLE SEEKING HELP WHENEVER THEY DO ARE TAKING BIG PERSONAL STRIDES TO HEAL AND BE A BETTER PERSON AND THAT IS SPECAIL AND GREAT WHENEVER YOU DO THAT MY THOUGHTS ARE MINE. I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A STRONG DAY!
xpartyeee is offline  
Old 10-14-2009, 07:15 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
FREAKING AWESOME!
 
ashleek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Paris KY
Posts: 255
You know I love you X but I gotta disagree! I am new to recovery and I hope to God I don't relapse. I feel like I don't want to be that person I was again and maybe it's too early for me to being saying this stuff cause I may eat my words but this is how I feel.

I know damn good and well I am an addict. I know if I put another pill up my nose it won't just be one time, I will be right back in detox again bc I can't just do one. One is never enough! So, maybe I get it before other people because I have been around addicts, I am well educated on addiction, I live my life constantly thinking about recovery. I remind myself where I was and how I don't want to go back there. I have a beautiful two year old son that I have missed so much and he has been right here in front of me the whole time but I'd rather be high than play with him.

I don't need to relapse to know I am addict. Maybe I just get it sooner than some do. Now do I think I will never relapse? I know I could tomarrow no matter how straight I have my head on my shoulders. I love sobriety, I haven't felt this great in such a long time. I laugh for Godsakes! I smile, I am the old me that is stupid crazy and break out in dance to the music in my head. I've always been the outgoing crazy azz person and I lost that person when I was using. I love me and I never want to hate me again.
ashleek is offline  
Old 10-14-2009, 08:31 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Still Learning..
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 97
Originally Posted by ashleek View Post
You know I love you X but I gotta disagree! I am new to recovery and I hope to God I don't relapse. I feel like I don't want to be that person I was again and maybe it's too early for me to being saying this stuff cause I may eat my words but this is how I feel.

I know damn good and well I am an addict. I know if I put another pill up my nose it won't just be one time, I will be right back in detox again bc I can't just do one. One is never enough! So, maybe I get it before other people because I have been around addicts, I am well educated on addiction, I live my life constantly thinking about recovery. I remind myself where I was and how I don't want to go back there. I have a beautiful two year old son that I have missed so much and he has been right here in front of me the whole time but I'd rather be high than play with him.

I don't need to relapse to know I am addict. Maybe I just get it sooner than some do. Now do I think I will never relapse? I know I could tomarrow no matter how straight I have my head on my shoulders. I love sobriety, I haven't felt this great in such a long time. I laugh for Godsakes! I smile, I am the old me that is stupid crazy and break out in dance to the music in my head. I've always been the outgoing crazy azz person and I lost that person when I was using. I love me and I never want to hate me again.
You basically stole the words out of my mouth.. I feel the same way.. But I will say this.. I did have a relapse awhile back.. It was due to missing my sub appt. I took a couple of hydrocodine.. not my doc.. didn't even feel anything.. I was just too worried about feeling sick.. but it was a relapse.. (to me anyways) and I am not trying to justify why I did it or making excuses I am just simply explaining the situation..

I do know that I do not want to ever go back to that lifestyle or be that person who I once was.. I know for a fact that if I was to use my doc just once.. that it would never stop at just one.. Many say relapse is a part of recovery.. and you never know.. and you can never say never because I am proof that it is possible..but I am gonna try my hardest not to let it ever happen again! I love being sober.. I love the person I am becoming.. I love that I am back to my old self before drugs.. I am going to work at my recovery.. and avoid any possibility of ever relapsing, take one day at a time and go from there.. but I feel the same way as you.. I don't need to relapse to know I am a addict.. I am a addict and I need to focus on ways to prevent relapse.. These are just my thoughts and opinions
miamary05 is offline  
Old 10-18-2009, 09:17 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
You can't fix stupid!!
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: West Coast
Posts: 57
Originally Posted by ashleek View Post
You know I love you X but I gotta disagree! I am new to recovery and I hope to God I don't relapse. I feel like I don't want to be that person I was again and maybe it's too early for me to being saying this stuff cause I may eat my words but this is how I feel.

I know damn good and well I am an addict. I know if I put another pill up my nose it won't just be one time, I will be right back in detox again bc I can't just do one. One is never enough! So, maybe I get it before other people because I have been around addicts, I am well educated on addiction, I live my life constantly thinking about recovery. I remind myself where I was and how I don't want to go back there. I have a beautiful two year old son that I have missed so much and he has been right here in front of me the whole time but I'd rather be high than play with him.

I don't need to relapse to know I am addict. Maybe I just get it sooner than some do. Now do I think I will never relapse? I know I could tomarrow no matter how straight I have my head on my shoulders. I love sobriety, I haven't felt this great in such a long time. I laugh for Godsakes! I smile, I am the old me that is stupid crazy and break out in dance to the music in my head. I've always been the outgoing crazy azz person and I lost that person when I was using. I love me and I never want to hate me again.
I wanted to weigh in on this thought real quick because I have opposing points of view on it.

First off, I don't think it is healthy for any addict to agree that relapse is ok...only because that is giving them an "out" or an excuse to use sometime in the future. It could be 5 days or 5 years after they quit, but as long as that option is there, chances are they will take it.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that relapse will happen to most people in active recovery simply because it is the nature of the beast...and that is ok. This opinion comes from being in Drug Court and watching over 90 percent of the people in that program, who were being monitored EVERY DAY with drug tests, use and fail in the program.

Now my personal experience is that I have quit and been in active recovery, and used. More than once. Had this not happened, I would have never understood how dangerous it is for me to even attempt to use drugs. The stretch after I used the first time, nothing terrible happened to me. Then I quit. I used again and I was arrested more than once. Then I quit. I used again and my life went str8 to hell...then I quit. I used again, turned to the needle, almost died, and was arrested. Then I quit. I used AGAIN, used the needle again, watched 2 close friends OD, and this time, I quit on my own.

The definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I think that definition has played out perfectly in my life with the exception of things getting worse everytime.

X---Don't set yourself up for any type of failure on this. You have been down a bad road already, you don't need to do it again. If my experience can help just ONE person, please understand that if you leave that door even cracked a little, chances are you will want to see what's inside just one more time. There is no need to peek behind it anymore; just shut that door and remove the option.


/EndRant
sk8rvirgo is offline  
Old 10-19-2009, 07:59 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Reborn in Sobriety!
Thread Starter
 
xpartyeee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: My safe place NW burbs, IL (Chicago)
Posts: 35
I understand but here is my issue. My door will always be cracked. I will always have temptation thrown in my face. That is the way my life will be the only way around that and to truely shut the door is to end up crippled. i have to take multiple injections all the time self administered for my RA. There is no other treatment for me. It's bad enough I am living with excruciating pain at the moment because I refuse to take any opiate pain meds right now becasue I want to give it more time. I will end up back on some type of pain killer. That will happen its reality. Here is the thing though. I have learned through experiences how to not want to my Docs and right now I have no desire no want for H or any other drug. My flame for such things is out. Everyone who reads this can say what they want but there are people that can actually just be at the point were they just dont even like it anymore and that is were I am at. I truely just feel pain when I think about any drug. Also people have said try another type of medication or do this or do that. I have been through so many treatments and so many types that trust me when I say this tat there are no other treatments then Auto immunue and opiate prescriptions to help me. So think about this I was hooked on H quit I can get more opiates then you can imagine legaly with very little effort but I choose not too even though I am supposed to taake them I choose not because I quit. For me relapsing was part of my cycle to understand experience everything I needed to to be able to put out my flame of desire for dope. I am at a good place in my life right now on how i feel and react to things and situations. I truely feel free from the grip my addiction has had on me.
xpartyeee is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 10:00 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: las vegas, nv
Posts: 5
hey there xparteee. thank you so much for addressing this issue. i actually found this place because i googled "addicted to the needle" i would sincerely like to talk with you more in depth about it sometime. hopefully soon. i do not yet have a clean date. having an extremely hard time putting it down. i am quickly losing everything. the most important of which are the people in my life who still love me and care what happens to me. so im just now new to this web site. maybe u can help me there to. not even sure how to find a response from you if you do respond. lol. [/I]
sharppain is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 10:28 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Hi sharppain

I'm sure you'll find folks to talk with here. There's a lot of support

Welcome to SR!
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 11-25-2009, 08:08 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: las vegas, nv
Posts: 5
hey dee. thank you for your response. it means alot to me. i feel so alone sometimes. i have really f**k** up my life. my partner, wife, best friend is also my using buddy. she has been using meth for almost 20 years. after trying to beat em, i couldn't. so about 6 months ago i decided to join her...... the rest is history. i was off and running very quickly. it is tearing us apart. she wants to quit desperately. i am finding it to be the most extremely difficult addiction i have ever faced.
sharppain is offline  
Old 11-25-2009, 08:17 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
soberinwpg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The GREAT White North
Posts: 315
Originally Posted by sharppain View Post
hey dee. thank you for your response. it means alot to me. i feel so alone sometimes. i have really f**k** up my life. my partner, wife, best friend is also my using buddy. she has been using meth for almost 20 years. after trying to beat em, i couldn't. so about 6 months ago i decided to join her...... the rest is history. i was off and running very quickly. it is tearing us apart. she wants to quit desperately. i am finding it to be the most extremely difficult addiction i have ever faced.
Keep talking and welcome. ((hug))
soberinwpg is offline  
Old 11-25-2009, 01:09 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Yeah I hear you sharppain - meth is tough to kick, even without the added relationship complications.

Are you doing anything else besides coming here to SR?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 11-25-2009, 02:21 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5
Weird... I'm from the northwest suburbs of Chicago, too.
xbluemystx is offline  
Old 11-25-2009, 08:59 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
meditation's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
I am so glad that phase of my addiction is done. I could get high just popping the needle now without any drug and that is insanity. My veins are still trying to recover and I hope I never have to go thru chemotherapy cause I am in for a bad time with just finding veins.

And I never ever thought my addiction would progress to that point but the pills weren't doing it for me anymore. And here is the most sick part of all........ I loved at the time now, I loved the decadent feel of being bad cause for most of my life I lived a good fairly pure life and I hit my late 30's and I guess it was some mid- life crisis to not feel so boringly pure at the time. I wish I could have skipped this part of my life and not done this and maybe just gotten a tattoo or something.

I stopped using morphine and just stopped cold and went back to pills and a year ago I stopped using anything and have been in recovery. I sometimes get wistful about how morphine made me feel but I don't miss the rest now. You can and do get over it with time.
meditation is offline  
Old 10-27-2010, 11:23 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: ABQ NM
Posts: 2
Needle Addiction: behind the scenes

My addiction to the needle and the ritual is the main thing keeping me from cumulating clean time. Every relapse iv had in the past two months has begun with imagining my blood shooting back into the rig giving me a green light to temporarily turn off my thoughts and emotions. However i can explain this annoying temptation. Addiction occurs within the instinctual, or survival area of our brain. this part of our brain basicly tells us to do wat makes us feel good at all cost. For example a tiger in the jungle experiences euphoria as a phsycological reward when it catches an antelope, Just as a student will feel pleaseure when he or she Aces a midterm, obtaining the goal they studied for.
Addicting drugs short circut this reward system in ur brain causing a release of euphoric pleasure. naturaly your brain is going to learn the most effective and pleasurable way of achieving this reward. Putting it simply; by showing your brain the most intense and effictiant way of getting the pleasure ("Using The Needle") it connects the the needle and the hi so you are teaching your brain what it needs to do for the best feeling. Completely unaware that you have given your brain the latest and greatest survival instinct. When you want to quit drugs thats great cuz we all know that u chose if u dont want drugs anymore. However nobody can chose that they dont want sleep or food or shelter anymore, and for the past fifteen years when your brain tells you to stick a needle in ur arm you do it without hesitation rewarding it just like when it tells u to eat.
The difference is that eating is an actual survival instinct that u have from birth but the ritual of shooting up is developed as an instinct in the same part of ur brain which cannot weigh the posotive and negative effects.
I hope a better understanding of why the addiction seems to be stronger for the ritual than for the drug itself can help you find a way to reteach ur brain and if so plz share becuz i will try anything.

THANK YOU
TheBattleWithin is offline  
Old 10-28-2010, 03:57 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
Onewithwings's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 650
I am a DXM addict, my drug is found mostly in liquid (yuck) or pill form (though you can snort or shoot pure forms of it, but those are hard to find/pain in the ass to create). I never was a street drug use (well, except for pot) all my drugs were prescription or over the counter, but I did shoot up once (easy to get a needle, I just jacked one of my husband's needles from his MS medication). After that, I definitely felt the urge to shoot more often, and thought about other drugs a lot. So I would take 20 to 40 pills a day, sometimes more. I am also on psych medication for legitimate purposes. I also sometimes take over the counter meds such as benadryl or motrin or old prescriptions like the ton of neurontin they gave me-- not to get high, just for the sake of popping pills. Even vitamins and stuff I would keep taking more and more, just to take them.

Now I can not pop a pill, even a tylenol, without consulting my husband. I let him know what and how much I am taking. This has really helped me make it back to 33 days (although I was in the psych ward for an overdose for my first 11 days clean).

Do you have someone that could help watch over you? If you feel like you must inject, can you try injecting water or saline? It's not a perfect solution, but if that's what you need to stay clean for the next minute/hour/day, I would rather see that than an actual relapse.

It's funny I found your thread, because I recently lost a sponsor, who told me to get a new sponsor because I relapsed too much, and felt that she couldn't help me anymore, due to the fact that she did street drugs and I did pharmaceuticals. She also thought that since I was on psych meds and she wasn't, that I needed a sponsor who knows about these things!

So, I got a new sponsor. This one did street drugs too, but it is really hard to find someone who did mainly pharmaceuticals. This sponsor, however, is Bipolar, which means she can understand my need to be drugged (er, medicated) during the day, and is happy for the fact that I am no longer taking any habit-forming meds. Now I just have to deal with taking what I need and leaving what I don't need.

Good luck out there, TBW!
Onewithwings is offline  
Old 10-28-2010, 07:43 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Middle of MO
Posts: 666
I recall the urge to shoot anything, even ice water, when I was coming off cocaine. My veins were riddled badly enough without doing pointless shots, though. I'd have to say that, for me, going through any of the ritual is deadly, even if the drug isn't present!
tsmba is offline  
Old 10-28-2010, 09:21 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by TheBattleWithin View Post
I hope a better understanding of why the addiction seems to be stronger for the ritual than for the drug itself can help you find a way to reteach ur brain and if so plz share becuz i will try anything.

Rehab and active participation in 12-step recovery is what worked for me.

I too was an IV drug user.
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 10-28-2010, 09:06 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: ABQ NM
Posts: 2
I am currently attending an intensive outpatient program as well as daily NA meetings but im just starting to work the steps so hopefully i can get it this time

thank you
TheBattleWithin is offline  
Old 10-29-2010, 04:49 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1
The needle is a seductive beauty and it's been my true love for a really long time. I've been injecting just about anything (speed, crystal, MDMA, coke) for more than 20 years.
For me it's a Pavlov's dog thing - when I see the needle I get so excited, I shake. When I see injecting on TV, I get a rush. The feeling is like no other. Well, it's like sex or even better than sex.
I've never done any formal recovery although loads of friends have. I have had extended clean breaks - sometimes for years. But I've never really ventured far. I've always just survived on the edge and managed to get by, generally undetected. Recently, I've come close.
I'm new here, so one day I'll ask what people think of "functional addicts" which is what I guess I'd call myself. Not today, though.
dragon66 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:07 AM.