a letter to anyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 119
a letter to anyone
im having problems, deciding what to do and i dont know what to do .... i have chronic pain but i want to stop taking oxycodone i take around 300 mg a day now and im almost out with a week to go before i go back to the doc. ....... im sick and tired of taking this junk all i have left is old fent patches ....im so depressed i have been thinking about moving on to heroin or chewing my patches ....... the oxy has ruined my life but im scared to talk to my doc or tell him i have used more this month so fast i have never done that and i have been seeing him for years ...... honestly i find myself not caring anymore and that scares me even more ....... like i said i just wish i didnt have to take the oxys but my p.m. doc wouldnt understand i have seen him kick people out of his office for asking questions or questioning his judgement ....... i am almost at the end of my rope and i feel someone just lit fire to the bottom and i have no where to go .... i think that is where the heroin thoughts are coming from .......... i just want to feel happy, i havent in so long ..... i dont know what i will do when i take my last pills tomorrow and have a week left till i see the doc i have tried cold turkey and never made it more than 2 days ........ im sorry for who ever reads this , i know i sound like a nut or a junkie .............. but i have always taken what they told me , just the way they told me .. its just that i find myself not caring anymore ... im tired and im ashamed my kids have always thought i was so strong ............ im just so unhappy i just dont know what else to say ........ except help me god ..... but i have prayed that for so long and realized for some reason he just want help me
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 775
Ray I told you about chewing those patches its a fast way to make your children orphans.Suboxone.com - Office-Based Treatment for Opioid Dependence this is the suboxone web site there is a Dr. locater get on the phone and someone will help you.You need help and that site is a good place to start.Good Luck Ray
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 775
Ray praying is a good start but YOU have to do some foot work too.In one sentence you say you always take your meds as directed then in the next you say your going to run out a week early.I think you need to get honest with YOURSELF.You are afraid of this Dr. he sounds like a bully.A Dr. who you cant talk to is doing you no good he is keeping youy addicted.Herion is like going from the pan into the fire.Trust me it will be a big mistake.Get on the phone first thing tomarrow and you could be in a program by noon You will not regret it.Your Worth It
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 119
this is the first time i have ever run out of meds, thats my point ... i just dont seem to care anymore and this month i have just popped them like cany i guess .... but i will be out tomarrow .... and i dont know what i will do...i dont know what to do, like i said ........ honestly i just dont think i care anymore and maybe i kinda wanted this to happen so i could move on to something else ....... i just dont know
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
The first time in a long line of yets for you, I assume. Welcome to SR. Tell your doctor. Dont ******** yourself anymore, you could die from this. If your doctor has any clue about drugs at all he will know the double sided blade that is treating chronic pain with narcotic pain relievers. Talk to him, now, today or tomorrow. Dont put this off, your life depends on it. Just be honest with him like you have with us, random strangers, here. Good luck friend.
mi vida loca
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: the desert
Posts: 351
i am not going to make any direct suggestions but i will say that i have heard of other CP patients moving from dependence to addiction and not being able/willing/etc. to face their prescribing doctor for WHATEVER reason, so they go see an addiction specialist--SOMEONE...get some help NOW...like yesterday...heroin isnt going to fix $hit...i promise you that getting happy and heroin dont mix...pick up the phone and make some calls...good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 52
doctors are aware that some may abuse meds. but where to draw the line, if a patient saying he is having pain, pain cannot be seen and pain is very personal, if i say i am having pain maybe for me this small pain is preety disturbing.
most definately this needs to be addressed with your doctor.
are you doing any pain distracting activities? such as massage, doing something you enjoy ....to help distract from pain
most definately this needs to be addressed with your doctor.
are you doing any pain distracting activities? such as massage, doing something you enjoy ....to help distract from pain
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: england
Posts: 356
please from someone who manages pain issues(badly lol) i promise you that you need to do three things
1 -get a new doctor
2 be honest about your use and thoughts
3 dont get heroin!!
we are all here cos we fckd up some how -i am no judge so cannot tell you what to do etc but i'm an ex heroin user on off over the last thirteen yrs... it only makes things a THOUAND times worse.. please get better help- you deserve it ok..
i wish you much luck and keep coming back here - there are many people who want to support and help here ok (i lurked for a year before i actually became part of a lil community!!!) -take care and good luck
Karma
xx
1 -get a new doctor
2 be honest about your use and thoughts
3 dont get heroin!!
we are all here cos we fckd up some how -i am no judge so cannot tell you what to do etc but i'm an ex heroin user on off over the last thirteen yrs... it only makes things a THOUAND times worse.. please get better help- you deserve it ok..
i wish you much luck and keep coming back here - there are many people who want to support and help here ok (i lurked for a year before i actually became part of a lil community!!!) -take care and good luck
Karma
xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
ray ray...I've been where you are. I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 9 months clean.
I realized, after being hooked on pain meds and coke for more than ten years, that I was chasing drugs for happiness, all the while it was by doing this that I was unhappy. You've got to get real honest with yourself and your doctor. If not your current doc, then get another doctor. Suboxone helped to save my life.
I also have chronic pain...rheumatoid arthritis and it's very painful at times...but guess what....Motrin helps!
Bottom line, you can get advice here on this board, but it really and simply depends on you. No one can do this for you. YOU have to want it.
Penny
I realized, after being hooked on pain meds and coke for more than ten years, that I was chasing drugs for happiness, all the while it was by doing this that I was unhappy. You've got to get real honest with yourself and your doctor. If not your current doc, then get another doctor. Suboxone helped to save my life.
I also have chronic pain...rheumatoid arthritis and it's very painful at times...but guess what....Motrin helps!
Bottom line, you can get advice here on this board, but it really and simply depends on you. No one can do this for you. YOU have to want it.
Penny
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 123
ray ray,
You have kids, you have chronic pain, you're obviously abusing meds, and thinking about using heroin.
Like everyone else has said...get help fast...today.
My son died of a heroin overdose last September.
Try to think of your kids' lives and your parents' lives if you overdosed on your pills or heroin. Try to be a little less selfish and think of the effect your death would have on those who love you.
Katyrose
You have kids, you have chronic pain, you're obviously abusing meds, and thinking about using heroin.
Like everyone else has said...get help fast...today.
My son died of a heroin overdose last September.
Try to think of your kids' lives and your parents' lives if you overdosed on your pills or heroin. Try to be a little less selfish and think of the effect your death would have on those who love you.
Katyrose
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 119
well 24 hours off and god the hot flashes are awfull ...i sent the kids away so they wouldnt see me ....but nothing to write home about i have made it 60 hours then poped away ....im affraid if it dosent happen this time they want be a next ....im so tired of hurting and im tired of takeing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 119
yes im here... just hurting ..i thought i was going to die a little while ago lol i couldnt stop sneezing and couldnt breath all i could think about was what a hell of a way to go after all ive done ...... i really just cant figure god out 
thank all of u for ur kind thoughts i just really dont know how all this will turn out ..... just sick and tired of being sick and tired and alone 
thank all of u for ur kind thoughts i just really dont know how all this will turn out ..... just sick and tired of being sick and tired and alone 
crazy vampire addict
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: just north of hell.
Posts: 429
Ray ray...we are here. Please don't stop posting. Don't give up. Think of your children if you can't think of yourself right now. There IS a lot to live for once you get clean, Ray. I promise you that. The world is such a different place without being a slave to those pills and patches.
And I BEG you...please don't chew on your patches. Please. I have treated more than one kid in the ER who tried doing that with their parents patches. We had one kid die on us. Don't do it. It's a surefire method of ending your life.
You are stronger than the drugs, Ray. You just really have to want life more than your pills.
And I BEG you...please don't chew on your patches. Please. I have treated more than one kid in the ER who tried doing that with their parents patches. We had one kid die on us. Don't do it. It's a surefire method of ending your life.
You are stronger than the drugs, Ray. You just really have to want life more than your pills.
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: anchorage Alaska
Posts: 2,741
Ray ray..I hear you...I can relate to what you are feeling so much...I went like a boomerang in and out of opiate addiction for 15 years...
O know how hard it is to tellyour doctor..I understnad the fear ...the thing is..for me..I can't take pain pills. I tried tha torute for years...STILL occasionally I will try to get my doctor to prescribe something! But I told on myself the first time I met her ....so she hears when my addict is talking!! Sometimes it comes out of nowhere so I am grateful that god manages what I can't...
Its not going to be easy for you to get clean...You are not GOING to "just be hapy again"..it does not work like that...at least for me...Sobriety is PAINFUL sometimes...none of us gt through it unscathed...we come here out of the desperation that only the dying have ....I did anyway....if you can get recovery ..you will have MOMENTS when the pain is gone...then HOURS...then you will have a GOOD DAY CLEAN ....and you will see how worth it , it is to get free...
Don't be ashamed..Its a disease...not a moral problem!! I know you are a fine person ...and it is time ??? I pray that this is your time..
love norty
O know how hard it is to tellyour doctor..I understnad the fear ...the thing is..for me..I can't take pain pills. I tried tha torute for years...STILL occasionally I will try to get my doctor to prescribe something! But I told on myself the first time I met her ....so she hears when my addict is talking!! Sometimes it comes out of nowhere so I am grateful that god manages what I can't...
Its not going to be easy for you to get clean...You are not GOING to "just be hapy again"..it does not work like that...at least for me...Sobriety is PAINFUL sometimes...none of us gt through it unscathed...we come here out of the desperation that only the dying have ....I did anyway....if you can get recovery ..you will have MOMENTS when the pain is gone...then HOURS...then you will have a GOOD DAY CLEAN ....and you will see how worth it , it is to get free...
Don't be ashamed..Its a disease...not a moral problem!! I know you are a fine person ...and it is time ??? I pray that this is your time..
love norty
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