Oxycodone..not sure what to do..

[MissWinter]

Hi everyone i am new here and don't really know where to start..guess to make a long story short,ive been taken percocet since March 13. I had a bartholin gland cyst and was given oxycodone 512's. Well all i have to say is it did not take much to get me hooked on them. I had 1st taken percs in nov 08 for the same cyst. I finished the bottle and tried to get more. When that failed i was disapointed but was fine.
This time though in march i was given 3 prescriptions from the hospital. One script was for 20, the other 30 and another 20. Not to mention a few i had stashed away from a friend at work.
During the week of April 20-27th i was severly depressed. I lost a baby and April 20th would have been my baby's due date. I was crying constantly and would take the percs to numb the pain.
I slowed down from taken 2 a day everyday. Now i take them every couple days. Whenever i can get my hands on them. Ive expierenced some withdrawel symptoms. Sleepless nights,aches all over my body,depression. Ive done some things im not proud of..i gave my friend one of my gold & diamond rings for some percs. And the most embarrsing ive given oral sex to my same friend for 6 percs.
Im going through withdrawel right now. I havent had a perc in about 4 days.
Ive been taking norco's to help ease the withdrawel but im out of those too.
Tomorow my mom should be getting a script for percs...Im elated. I cannot wait. Yet i know how bad they are for me..they are the only things that make me feel so happy and carefree. They give me energy. I do better at work on them. So a big part of me does not want to stop. Another part of me wants to because the withdrawels. I had no sleep last night. I had restless leg symdrom and my arms felt the same except they were hurting like hell on top of it. Even my effin eyeballs hurt. i take Klonopin for anxiety. I took 4 last night to help me sleep. It didin't work. Sorry for my grammar and babbling. Im feeling so shtty right now i can barely type. I know i will end up taking the percs tomorow. I have no self control when it comes to these things. I love them and yet i hate how i feel without them. Ive consiered numerous times this week faking an injury and going to the ER.
I guess i just wanted to share my story with people who understand what im feeling. I feel so alone...Any advice,well wishes are welcome..
Thanks for reading my ranting

[change4penny]

Winter, Hi and welcome,
As a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 8 months clean, I know exactly how you feel. Before entering rehab last September, I was swallowing 30 10mg hydro or oxycodones per day just to keep from being 'dope sick', plus I was snorting/smoking about an 8 ball of coke a day.
I started taking painkillers a little more than 10 years ago after an accident. I loved the energy they gave me, the confidence, the feeling. I too started taking the amount that you are currently taking, but believe me when I say this...You will increase this amount with time....and bam! before you know it, you'll be taking them just to keep from being 'sick'.
We all, as addicts, do things we're not proud of. But if you don't quit using, you will continue to degrade yourself and your body for pills. If you did one time, you'll do it again, and again when you're desperate.
Have you ever heard of Suboxone? This drug is designed to help you through withdrawl and cravings for opiates. For me, it saved my life. I suggest you google it.
But you have to have the desire and want recovery, otherwise it won't do you any good.
Keep posting...you'll receive a lot of advice and support here

Good luck,

Penny

[mal1515]

Well,

You're now an addict. But keep in mind you aren't as physically addicted to it as most. You are mentally hooked.

You have to focus and do what it takes to stop. Because they make you feel good now but once you become very physically addicted it won't make you feel good anymore. All it will do is make you not feel sick. You will be very sick without it. No more getting high.

I was taking a lot of oxycodone each day. It was very hard to stop.

[123bubblegum123]

Thanks so much for your story, it's always important for me to read other people's difficult experiences. Welcome to SR and congrats for trying to get clean.

Rach

[MissWinter]

Thanks everyone..Its great to meet you all and talk about this! What scares me the most is the the fact that im not taking that much yet i still get some crappy withdrawals :[
So i can imagine what it will be like if i continue and then try to stop.
I started with just one 512. Then 2. Then 2 and a half. Then the 10/325's. Two of them.
I know i have to quit but at the same time i don't want too.. I feel like i found the one thing that makes me feel good in a long time...My physical symptoms are alil better since earlier today,now its the depression thats getting me. Thinking about everything in my life an all i can do is think about how tomorrow i should be getting the pills. Im literally counting down the hours till i get them..how sad is that?

And yes i have looked up Suboxone . Im scared because that means admitting to my mom i have a problem. Plus im scared that i will be replacing one drug with another :\

[ex D-Boy]

thanks for sharing your story winter. just wanted to welcome you(i used to live in NY as well) to the site and add a bit of my own experience with suboxone.

I am an opiate addict like you (started with OC's and did those for a few years then moved onto heroin for the last few years of my addiction) I tried every method and route to get clean, cold turkey detox, geographical moving solution, rehab, detox centers, tapering, suboxone maintenance and they all ended up with me getting high eventually again.

If you are finding the physical withdrawal to hard to overcome I would suggest checking into a detox facility where they will taper you off using either methadone or suboxone. They do it during a 3-5 day period (very brief). The best part of this is that you are totally comfortable while switching from the oxycodone to suboxone // methadone and also you arent on the subs or methadone long enough for your body to switch and become physically addicted to that substance.

Also I know many people who use their suboxone prescription only on an emergency basis. Meaning they will only take the suboxone when they have no money for dope/pills or if they are about to go see their doctor again and are afraid of getting **** tested.

For this addict, opiates of any kind, whether safe non euphoric drugs (like suboxone) or highly abusable drugs like heroin//oxycontin, just did not help. I would become very lethargic, sleep a lot, and have zero motivation to do anything but play video games or eat.

Hope you reconsider taking those percs tomorrow. Your mother doesnt have an infinite supply and you will just be starting over from day one, with the sickness probably being more intense. Im not judging though, god knows how many times ive repeated that mistake before.....

Oh ya, the thing that actually helped me stop in the long run? Meetings, being honest with my family about past situations, and staying close to healthy people. That last one was huge for me, I never realized how much easier it was to condone my actions when my only interaction was with other dopeheads.

[Stagebear]

So, if stopping now is not an option, when will be a good time to stop?

Or do you envision yourself popping pills forever?

You have to want to, without that there is nothing.

[Nallabelle]

I totally understand what you are going through and you have come to the right place for support. However, this site alone will not be enough for you.
I can tell you first of all that the withdrawals you are feeling are nothing, I mean NOTHING in comparison to what you will be feeling in 6 months or several years from now when your 2-a-day habbit goes to 10 a day, and it will. Most of your addiction right now is mental, in my opinion.
You are selling your possessions and your body to get drugs with only a small daily habbit. What are you going to do when you increase to more and more pills a day? At 4 days of withdrawal, you are over the worst of it.
You came here for help. You need to take the advice given to you on this board or I can show you what your life will be like if you dont and I am living proof. Take your recovery seriously right now. Get into therapy, and most importantly get to an NA meeting tomorrow. Dont wait.

[MissWinter]

Thanks everyone..i felt better last night and actually had a decent sleep. Now this morning my throat is killing me and i know my mom just got her script for percs ..Yes i know..im looking for any exucse to take some.

And Stagebear you are correct. That's the thing though im scared to give them up because as sad as it is they make me happy

Gah this sucks. And i know i got myself into this. I knew they were addictive when i got them. Hell i even knew id problem enjoy them alil too much..
Ive been 8 yrs sober from alcohol although lately i have been having 1 beer or a shot to enhance my high from the percs. I try NOT to drink too much because of my past history with alcohol and because i take Klonopin.

[Stagebear]

Originally Posted by MissWinter

Ive been 8 yrs sober from alcohol although lately i have been having 1 beer or a shot to enhance my high from the percs. I try NOT to drink too much because of my past history with alcohol and because i take Klonopin.

You're in deep sh!t here, although I suspect you know that. Abusing narcs and benzos and adding alcohol to the mix, especially with a hx of abuse.

You can try not to drink too much, that will only last a short time. But again, I think you know that.

I suspect you need a good detox at this point. As I said before, if now is not "convenient", when do you think you will be able to stop? Or, by the time you're back to your old drinking, will it be too late? Take the steps (the real kind, not the 12 kind) toward getting help, before intervention is needed.

[bvaljalo]

I'm not sure if it's fortunate, or unfortunate, but you're SO FAR from 'alone' in this situation you describe, it's not even funny

I too relied on my dad's supply of oxycontin in the early going in my addiction as well. I had a good job and money, he had all sorts of back and neck problems, no job, no car, no money. It was, shall we say, a recipe for disaster. I got hooked for many of the same reasons as you ... love how they feel, felt like I could work better, get more done, felt more sociable, like people liked 'the high me', etc.

Girl, I have been there, done that, lemme tell ya.

Over time, the problem steadily got worse. I eventually acquired new sources for the drug by trolling the mean streets of the Tenderloin in San Fran, and soon had a little circle of friends (some of them very good, lifelong friends) that were relying on me to hook them up on a regular, if not daily, basis.

What started out as a few percs worth of oxycodone a day eventually became a habit of snorting an 80mg oxycontin (16 percs) just to get out of bed in the morning. I'd then proceed to do another 2-4 more 80's during the course of the day, not really getting high off them, this was just to not be dopesick. I ran around with the sketchy-est people, sat around for hours waiting for the man in horrible neighborhoods with junkies and crack-heads and hookers all around, got ripped off countless times (and had to go back to my friends with nothing but a 'story'), etc. Mind you, this became a $90 a DAY habit. You do the math. Suffice to say, I did many things I'm not too proud of these days.

I lost a great job, didn't work for years, borrowed thousands from my mom, completely ruined my credit, ended up having to sell my condo (and quickly blew the sizable profit I made on doing so) and basically just lived like an animal for the last 1.5 years on was on the stuff. Living just to do oxys (and speed on top of them in the last year of my addiction) so I'd not be horribly, horribly dopesick.

Even now, 2 years later, I'm still reaping the 'rewards' of my irresponsible period. I have like 10 cavities, a badly broken tooth, my mouth is killing me every day now, and I've just received a tax bill for $6,000 from back when I was avoiding anything that looked like 'responsibility', or that costed me money ... unless it was drugs.

This kind of life sound fun to you? NO? Well, lemme tell ya ... that kinda thing is what is in store for you if you don't get this problem nipped in the bud. It's time to seek out some real help. Telling your mom that you have a problem is a very wise first step, along with seeking out some recovery-group meetings and immersing yourself in their program.

If you don't, I promise you, you are not even going to believe the depths of despair and misery to which this sh!t can take you. The kinda scenario you describe, it sounds very much like the path that leads people into prostitution. I'm serious when I say ... never say 'never' when it comes to this stuff. You have no idea how bad a situation this little problem can turn into.

Take it from those of us who've been there and done that. You do want to go where we've been, or do what we've done.

Reach out and get help, pronto, girlfriend.

And welcome to SR.com, and keep posting

[pumpkin77]

I think I just read my own story well except for the drinking part ( I don't drink) So far I am 48 hours sober and the only withdrawal I have had is the shaking and the sleeping (restless legs and such) but other then my hands shaking and not getting enough sleep I feel pretty good is this normal? I know I need to start my own thread lol. I was reading the posts this morning and saw all that stuff about tramadol and got really excited because I have some of that but I don't think it gives me the high that percs do. My doc switched me from percs to muscle relaxers and they do nothing for the problem (migraines) sorry I am babbling

[MissWinter]

Originally Posted by Stagebear

You're in deep sh!t here, although I suspect you know that. Abusing narcs and benzos and adding alcohol to the mix, especially with a hx of abuse.

You can try not to drink too much, that will only last a short time. But again, I think you know that.

I suspect you need a good detox at this point. As I said before, if now is not "convenient", when do you think you will be able to stop? Or, by the time you're back to your old drinking, will it be too late? Take the steps (the real kind, not the 12 kind) toward getting help, before intervention is needed.

Yea i know i am digging my own grave here, im not worried about the alcohol because the last time i relapsed was in 2007 & i got so sick from drinking again i stopped. One thing i do know is my control over alcohol because im too scared to drink more then 2 beers or have more then 3 shots. Im not denying i have a problem or making excuses,i just know i will not let the drinking become more then it is. As for the klonopin, thats a whole other story. I been on them 8yrs for panic attacks that stemmed from me smoking weed laced with dust,coke and rat poison!! I did NOT know it was laced. I was also given klonopin with a warning NOT to drink on them. This was actually easy for me up till 2yrs ago. And i want to stop now. Just scared and so tempted...i know percs are on their way here as i type..im trying to not think of them.
bvaljalo

Thank you,its defitnely good to know im not alone an i am sorry bout your past. I give you hella credit though for getting through it..With alcohol i went into detox & rehab myself cause i realized i was addicted. And i was scared for my life because of how much i drank daily. I was hospitalized 9 times for alcohol poisoning & almost got taken away from my mom because i was a minor at the time. I wish i could find the strength to say NO to these damn percs..Sorry im rambling just a nervous wreck IM going to try my best to not go near them when my mom gets home.
Ive been through a lot during my alcohol abuse..did a lot of stupid sh!t. Stole.Nearly caused my mom to lose her job,got kicked out of 4 high schools. I don't want to go through that again with percs. THEN WHY IS SO HARD FOR ME TO SAY NO TO THEM??? :\

[Cherybaby66]

Miss Winter - First of all...good job on coming here and being so honest about your addiction. It's a good first step. I am 3 weeks out of an oxycodone addiction. Like you, I have them readily available to me via my husband who has legitimate pain issues. He doesn't abuse, takes them as he needs them...the proper way. Since they are in the house, we decided to get a safe and he locks them away from me in there. I would suggest confessing to your mother about your illness/weakness and have her lock the drugs away from you. It's a bandaid on a bullethole, certainly, but knowing they are locked away will force you not to touch them. Don't go down this road, Winter. It's so hard to turn back. I am concerned about the fact that you are using alcohol again...especially while taking pills. That's a lethal combination.

Lastly? I want you to think more of yourself. Don't trade your body for narcotics. You are worth so much more than that. SO much more. *hugs*

[bvaljalo]

My post should have said:
You do NOT want to go where we've been, or do what we've done.

Except for the recovery part

[MissWinter]

Thank you Cherybaby66 and bvaljalo :-)

Well yesterday as much as i tried NOT too give in..i did I took 2 512's thats all i could take without mom noticing. My throat was killing me. And yes i was looking to get a buzz as well. Wellll..nothing happend. my throat still hurt and i did not get a buzz. Every summer around this time i get sick (sore throat,aches,chills) sometimes it just goes away on its own. Anyway i felt worse as the day went on. I felt flu like and just wanted to stay in bed. Instead i went to the movies with my boyfriend and it hit me in the theatre..I DONT want to be taking these anymore. Yes i love the feeling,but i don't want pills to control my life. Im going to try my hardest to do this on my own. If that fails i guess i will have to admit defeat and tell my mom. I do have a question though..since for a few nights i had withdrawel symptoms and then they went away will i expierence them again just because i took 2 512's yesterday?

[hopefully tryin]

I really want to second what Bvaljalo said
Of course he told you his story of losing things and his life and having to regain it back BUT it is a very very familiar story to just about every person on this forum.
Come clean with your mom, get help, go to treatment, do whatever you need to do to get better!!
I'm personally worried about you taking benzos, opiates and drinking alcohol. That kind of combo usually does not have the best ending if you know what I mean.

[MissWinter]

Originally Posted by MissWinter

Thank you Cherybaby66 and bvaljalo :-)

Well yesterday as much as i tried NOT too give in..i did I took 2 512's thats all i could take without mom noticing. My throat was killing me. And yes i was looking to get a buzz as well. Wellll..nothing happend. my throat still hurt and i did not get a buzz. Every summer around this time i get sick (sore throat,aches,chills) sometimes it just goes away on its own. Anyway i felt worse as the day went on. I felt flu like and just wanted to stay in bed. Instead i went to the movies with my boyfriend and it hit me in the theatre..I DONT want to be taking these anymore. Yes i love the feeling,but i don't want pills to control my life. Im going to try my hardest to do this on my own. If that fails i guess i will have to admit defeat and tell my mom. I do have a question though..since for a few nights i had withdrawel symptoms and then they went away will i expierence them again just because i took 2 512's yesterday?

Thank you hopefully tryin
Like i said in my quote..im going to try this on my own :/

[bvaljalo]

So how's the quitting on your own thing going MW?

[K3yz]

Let me start off with saying, this so called friend of your is not a real friend. I am sorry if this sounds blunt but, he does not care about you at all. I have never in my life had a friend I had to give oral sex to to get pills. Thats just not even human like of your friend to request or accept. Start off with losing this scumbags information, seems like that will help you out a grate bit.

You should prob go to a NA meeting, see how you like it, they can help you out a great bit. If that does not work, think about suboxone. Its a tough struggle, You can do it though.

[Cherybaby66]

Originally Posted by K3yz

Let me start off with saying, this so called friend of your is not a real friend. I am sorry if this sounds blunt but, he does not care about you at all. I have never in my life had a friend I had to give oral sex to to get pills. Thats just not even human like of your friend to request or accept. Start off with losing this scumbags information, seems like that will help you out a grate bit.

[80sOnMyMind]

Hey girlie... welcome and thanks for posting.

I am an opiate addict... started with hydrcodone.. then OCs... even some heroin. Withdrawal is HARD!!!!! It is by far one of the biggest mind games i have ever played with myself... always searching... always plotting... thinking... OBSESSING!
My mom and I shared pain pills in the begining, too. She was never addicted to them, like I was/am. Let me give you warning... I was / am hooked... i was on them for 5 years... started with some back pain and went down hill from there. . . I have done things i swore to myself i would never do, could never do... but ended up doing it. desperate people do desperate things. If there was one piece of advice i could give you it would be this.... Stop now. . . before things get worse... if you dont... its only going to go down hill from here... unless you STOP... i guarentee it.
If you ever need anything... please let me know... even if you just need to vent. getting it out on here is much easier than to hold the guilt / obessive thoughts.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. it WILL get better!!!
xoxo,
Cat

[MissWinter]

Wow thank you everyone..!
It feels good not to feel so alone about this cause only my boyfriend knows about the trouble im having he can take percs (went thru 60 in 2weeks) and have no withdrawels. He hasent had any in a month and had no problem. :/ As for me ive been obsessing over them..have taken at least 1 512 every day for the past 5 days (so much for stopping) I haven't had one today but im craving one. Does not help that i have a UTI and i did take them for pain and got no high from them. But my UTI hasent bothered me in a couple days and i am still taking them.

I know i should get help with this. Im just so scared to admit to my mom i have a problem. All i do is let her down :[

[Cherybaby66]

Not mincing words here. You NEED to tell your mother. That is your supply. You need to cut off that line. As long as those pills are in your reach you are never going to get well. My husband, as I told you in a previous post, has Percocet (my drug of choice) on hand for his pain needs. They are legitimate pain issues. He doesn't abuse at all. When I told him I was running into trouble with them, two things occured:

1) He already knew.

2) He stuck them in a safe, locked away from me.

You might be surprised to find that your mother MAY already know that you are taking her pills. She, like my husband, may not want to confront you about it because she doesn't want confrontation or to make you feel terrible. Then again, who knows. She may be oblivious to it. Point is, you're not. You know what is going on. Go back to your first post and read it. Read it over and over... Then, read all your other ones. You are, like I did, making a lot of excuses for taking the meds (ie: depression, throat pain, UTI pain, lack of energy, etc.)

But...I want you to revisit ONE line of your post:

"Ive consiered numerous times this week faking an injury and going to the ER."

That tells you everything you need to know.

And we all make excuses, Winter. You aren't terrible for doing that. Hell, one of my recent posts talked about me asking my husband for Percocet due to the sunburn I received over the weekend. Mind you, we were at the beach celebrating my 30 days clean!

In the end, I didn't take them.

You have the ability, somewhere inside you, to be stronger than your addiction. I struggle with it everyday...but since allowing myself to become sober, Girl, it is like night and day. I don't feel crappy all the time. I don't deal with withdrawals anymore. I have an honest relationship with my husband now. It's all out on the table and I feel so free knowing there isn't a weight over my head any longer.

But it's all going to start with cutting off your supply. You have to tell your mom or you are never going to get well.

If not now...then when?

[LoveLivesFree]

I read that you were taking benzos and drinking with the perks and I had to scroll to the bottom and tell you this. A very good friend of mine died from this exact combination. She was only taking a few perks as you are, and she had a Rx for the benzos. A beer or two on occasion. She did them all at once and she never woke up again.

Get some help. My addiction started with 1 and a half vicodin every other day or so and grew quickly (within 2 years) into a 3,000 dollars a month heroin habit. I stuck needles in my arms because I liked what it did to me. This is serius sh!t here, and I really hope you tell your mom what you're doing and that you want to get help. Please keep posting, we're all here to support you!

I'm Kelby by the way, 15 months clean and growing =)