the real issues

[cowboy]

Ok. I have been sober for 3 days now and this time I know I am committed!Great! I will not drink or take any drugss!
The problem is now I am having to deal with the feelings that drove me to drink in the first place. Frankly, it is my marriage. I am not happy. I don't want divorce. I know it is wrong and would destroy my kids. Enough of my pitty party!
Is there anyone out there who can encourage me to live through the emotional pain and go on. I figure in a few days I can bury this and go on like I have done before.
I have even mentioned moving out, but my husband says what will that accomplish. We tried counseling before with no results.
I don't really believe divorce would improve my life maybe, I just need to vent a little.

[phoenix]

Hi Cowboy...

When I was drinking I could always find some excuse to justify it.I drank because I was happy,sad,hurt,angry,and on and on.Getting into recovery finally opened my eyes.Turns out for me,the reality is that I drank because I am an alcoholic and that's what we do.I could no longer blame people,places and things for my problems.I had to accept responsibility for myself.

Your frustration with marital troubles is understandable.But we generally encourage people not to make major decisions in early recovery.You may find that when you work on yourself the other problems will become easier to deal with.Give yourself some time,and focus on your recovery.

Feel free to vent here when you need it.And if you haven't already,consider getting involved in AA.Having the support of others in recovery is a great advantage.

Take care,

phoenix

[Gooch]

Guess before I got clean I had a habit of making permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. Now I try and give things some time.. Can't speak for anyone else but I feel that I was allready an addict before I ever picked up the first hit. Thing is that the dope helped me forget what I was feeling or at least helped me to ignore it... then for what ever reason the day came that the drugs quit workin. So after tryin unsucessful combinations to get the desired effects and eventually not being able to deny it anymore I got clean. it's been a number of Just For Todays since then and every day I face the same challenge .. what to do about these feelings? My sponsor has a great way of helping me keep it simple .. I say "what should I do about these feelings?" He says "Feel them" ... So thats what I do. I feel it all ..every thing .. the whole spectrum of human emotion, the ones I like .. those are easy... the one's I don't.... (fear, envy, anxiety, doubt..etc. etc.. ) those are a bitch. and some days I deal with them more gracefully than others, but it's been 12 and a half years and I haven't had to use no matter what I have gone through...

[chicken little]

Hi Cowboy,

It was pretty easy to see how messed up everyone else in my life was when I got clean. It's become a mental exercise for me to get back to the point which is me.

Boy would I love to blame some of this stuff on someone else. I can't believe I'm just this rotten all on my own. My marriage was the foremost problem too but as time's gone by there has been a gradual shift in my perceptions. It is still rocky but at least I'm thinking clearer and have no need to act impulsive.

Plus I've changed in the 7 months I've been clean and sober.

When you find yourself obsessing about someone or something else try picking up an NA or AA text book. There is usually something in there that makes you say, "oh! it's me."

Anyway I thought that the only way I could get better was to get a divorce but now it may or may not go that way and when the time comes I'll know what is right.

Just go to some meetings and work on cleaning off your windshield. Things always look better without all the bugs and dirt.

CL