Reservation's?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Denver,CO
Posts: 5
Reservation's?
Reservation's? Reservation's? OK,I have never posted here before but I am going to try,I am having trouble with some reservation's,or I think they are reservations,I sometimes think I can smoke pot on some days...pot wasent the prob,heroin was,I am also finding myself drawn to cocaine,I dont know why but the urge is very strong...I have givin in at times but IO know that it can and will kill me yet I am still drawn to it.Any suggestions would be aprieciated.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: leeds uk
Posts: 9
Aha... when i saw this post i felt drawn to it, now i can see why. I had EXACTLY this problem! I used to think heroin was my problem! And every time i stopped i thought "al i need is some crack" so i stocked up on about 5 bags, and thought, right, this is ok. Im not on heroin, then i began on booze, and then pot again... Sigh.. U can see where im going. I found myself trying al these different drugs, wel i say try.. You know how it is, try to us addicts isnt the right word. We dont try a drug like a wine taster and say "ooh nice, then spit it out" we dont do it for the taste. We THROW OURSELVES into it. And of course i did this on these other drugs, however, i tok more of them than i ever did heroin, because i found i was trying to create the illusion that heroin gave to me. I never found this illusion, i mean, nothing compared to heroin for me. I loved all other drugs, would take them of course, (ever known a using addict turn down a drug??) But of course over time i went back to my beloved heroin.
The thing i realised, now this took me ages, i mean i was trying to keep every escape route open, and then suddenly when i got this realisation, it was like id been slapped round the face with a huge wet hallibut! The realisation i read in the "how it works and why book" it reads - Reservations are a place we withold in our program for relapse. Or something like.
Now, i had difficulty accepting this. I believed pot was fine. Psychiatrists told me it was!!! I mean it never hurt noone. But the fact is, as Freud even wrote, now in my opinion Freud outdid himself when he said this, it was smething along the lines of - Anyone who tries to help someone with an emotional/physical (i think that the words) illness, who has not experienced it himself should be arrested.
Now i agree totally here... What wise words!! I mean my psychiatrist had never had my withdrawl, hed never had my addiction, and here he was saying its ok for this and that, and of course the addict in me told me "he dont know what u been through so u cant listen to this guy" and this really hit me. I needed only to listen to people whod done what i had, addicts and alkies, they spoke to me and had been through it. I found i needed meetings...
My reservations, my main reservation was, that pot was fine. I mean soon it may be legalised here, hows that for self justification!! But, what i began to realise was, it is fine for those non addicts out there. But it is not fine for us. Not for an addict. Not for me. I canot smoke half a joint and put it out. I canot limit myself to one joint a night, or only at weekends, when i have one i need more. I got so bad i had a secret stash put away like war rations just in case or something... anywayz, forget this, point is. We, Or rather I cannot limit myself. Other people can, friends can, my psychiatrist probably could, but I cant. And this is what matters. I am an addict. I canot take any mind altering drug, or i will not just sample it and spit it out, i will THROW MYSELF into it. No matter what drug it is.. And knowing me, i will buy so much of a drug to try fnd what heroin gave me that i would end up penniless and worse off than heroin ever left me..
So in conclusion.. I for one canot take drugs.. Others can who are not addicts.. And the reservations u have, are quite natural, the more u realise its the disease of addiction, not a heroin addiction that is ur problem, the more u will overcome ur reservations. I recommend u share ur reservations in meetings too.. Get to many meetings, share it.. people wil give advice there too.
I mean if heroin was my only problem, i could go to a detox centre and get clean, come out and id be fine. Walk down the street skipping and singing. But its not, i suffer the disease of addiction. It can get me onto anything, and wil if i let it. So i canot take the chance. Can u take the risk with pot? If ur anything like me u will know u cant...
I hope something ive said has helped, i can only speak from my own experiences...
Feel free to Contact me if u need to talk or need anything
Yours
Reven
The thing i realised, now this took me ages, i mean i was trying to keep every escape route open, and then suddenly when i got this realisation, it was like id been slapped round the face with a huge wet hallibut! The realisation i read in the "how it works and why book" it reads - Reservations are a place we withold in our program for relapse. Or something like.
Now, i had difficulty accepting this. I believed pot was fine. Psychiatrists told me it was!!! I mean it never hurt noone. But the fact is, as Freud even wrote, now in my opinion Freud outdid himself when he said this, it was smething along the lines of - Anyone who tries to help someone with an emotional/physical (i think that the words) illness, who has not experienced it himself should be arrested.
Now i agree totally here... What wise words!! I mean my psychiatrist had never had my withdrawl, hed never had my addiction, and here he was saying its ok for this and that, and of course the addict in me told me "he dont know what u been through so u cant listen to this guy" and this really hit me. I needed only to listen to people whod done what i had, addicts and alkies, they spoke to me and had been through it. I found i needed meetings...
My reservations, my main reservation was, that pot was fine. I mean soon it may be legalised here, hows that for self justification!! But, what i began to realise was, it is fine for those non addicts out there. But it is not fine for us. Not for an addict. Not for me. I canot smoke half a joint and put it out. I canot limit myself to one joint a night, or only at weekends, when i have one i need more. I got so bad i had a secret stash put away like war rations just in case or something... anywayz, forget this, point is. We, Or rather I cannot limit myself. Other people can, friends can, my psychiatrist probably could, but I cant. And this is what matters. I am an addict. I canot take any mind altering drug, or i will not just sample it and spit it out, i will THROW MYSELF into it. No matter what drug it is.. And knowing me, i will buy so much of a drug to try fnd what heroin gave me that i would end up penniless and worse off than heroin ever left me..
So in conclusion.. I for one canot take drugs.. Others can who are not addicts.. And the reservations u have, are quite natural, the more u realise its the disease of addiction, not a heroin addiction that is ur problem, the more u will overcome ur reservations. I recommend u share ur reservations in meetings too.. Get to many meetings, share it.. people wil give advice there too.
I mean if heroin was my only problem, i could go to a detox centre and get clean, come out and id be fine. Walk down the street skipping and singing. But its not, i suffer the disease of addiction. It can get me onto anything, and wil if i let it. So i canot take the chance. Can u take the risk with pot? If ur anything like me u will know u cant...
I hope something ive said has helped, i can only speak from my own experiences...
Feel free to Contact me if u need to talk or need anything
Yours
Reven
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Denver,CO
Posts: 5
Reven,Thank you very much for the reply,I can relate to ALOT of what you said and there are two thing's you said that really made sense,1)We THROW OURSELVE'S into it,my God do we...everything and anything I will take to the extreme,2)the disease of addiction.You reminded me that it was,I am an addict,dont get me wrong I never forgot that I was an addict it is just that I guess with Pot you dont think about addiction with Pot,at least I did'nt,pot was NEVER a prob,u know?Anyway thank you again,you made me think about it...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: leeds uk
Posts: 9
No problems.. And as i say feel free to contact me if i can help or if u need to speak further.
Pot is a tough one, because it dont physically harm us. I mean mentaly it does. But i mean for example heroin really bleedin hurts, sweats aches all that, its obvious there is problem. But pot and crack and the like, its harder to tell. I mean dont get me wrong each one is as hard as the other. But my point with pot is, that many people tel us its ok, and these people who tel us this are "civilians" non addicts basically. They dont know how it affects THE ADDICT. Me, i cannot stop smoking if i begin, others can. I know if i smoked it, id spend hundreds of pounds a week on it, but again as said we really throw ourselves into these things, unlike others.. And this is why we must throw ourselves into recovery..
You know.. i recal i think it was Clancy who said, when asked "what is the difference between an alcoholic and a non alcoholic" and he said "Well, those non alcoholics got no will power! It takes a lot of concentration, dedication, time, thought" etc... u get the idea. Made me laugh much.. Its true, our lives become dedicated to getting off our face. And in order to change this we gotta dedicate our lives to recovery. I mean, throw ourselves nto recovery, get sstuck in. Get to meetings instead of being too lazy to go. Do service at meetings. Do step work. Speak to the peopel in the fellowship.. I mean all this sorta stuff helps me stay positive and focused on my recovery.
I hope Something i said here helps, or perhaps i was just yapping on.. but i do hope i said something useful
Yours
Reven
Pot is a tough one, because it dont physically harm us. I mean mentaly it does. But i mean for example heroin really bleedin hurts, sweats aches all that, its obvious there is problem. But pot and crack and the like, its harder to tell. I mean dont get me wrong each one is as hard as the other. But my point with pot is, that many people tel us its ok, and these people who tel us this are "civilians" non addicts basically. They dont know how it affects THE ADDICT. Me, i cannot stop smoking if i begin, others can. I know if i smoked it, id spend hundreds of pounds a week on it, but again as said we really throw ourselves into these things, unlike others.. And this is why we must throw ourselves into recovery..
You know.. i recal i think it was Clancy who said, when asked "what is the difference between an alcoholic and a non alcoholic" and he said "Well, those non alcoholics got no will power! It takes a lot of concentration, dedication, time, thought" etc... u get the idea. Made me laugh much.. Its true, our lives become dedicated to getting off our face. And in order to change this we gotta dedicate our lives to recovery. I mean, throw ourselves nto recovery, get sstuck in. Get to meetings instead of being too lazy to go. Do service at meetings. Do step work. Speak to the peopel in the fellowship.. I mean all this sorta stuff helps me stay positive and focused on my recovery.
I hope Something i said here helps, or perhaps i was just yapping on.. but i do hope i said something useful
Yours
Reven
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 128
Marijuana Maintenance Program
You might have read this but I wanted to put it in the right place!
Hello satanicpitbull:
I was just thinking about what you said about smoking pot. When I first went to Hospital Treatment in 98 they told me that if I drank, I would smoke crack. I thought they were crazy...little did I know. I thought they must be talking about those people that drank alcohol when they smoked or something. I had my days as an alcoholic but didn't drink too much at that time. Whatever, I thought. Well, it is all a process and it took some years for me to find out they were right. Eventually every time I would drink even a beer - a half a beer I would be on the payphone at the bar buying an 8-ball (back when I used to cook it myself). I still didn't believe the hype and I tried it many more times until I found that there truly is a rock at the bottom of every bottle. I cannot drink ANY alcohol unless I totally am planning to smoke crack and when it comes to alcohol - that is usually the same night.
I started hearing that all drugs would lead back to my drug of choice. I'd like to comment on how skewed the term 'Drug of Choice' is for labeling crack, in more ways than one. I don't feel like I ever really had a choice but aside from that - I hate the sh*t!! It sucks ASS. If I had a favorite it would be one of the ones before crack like Vicodin or something. Something fun, at least. I remember thinking - oh yeah right, you are saying that if I smoke a joint I will smoke crack. No way - that is what the MMP (Marijuana maintenance program) is for...to help quit real drugs. Again, it took some time to see how wrong I was. If I take NYQUIL even, it awakens something in my psyche that cries out for crack and no other alteration of mood will fulfill it's craving. You know that they say that both caffeine and nicotine are triggers for cocaine and I know it is true. That doesn't stop me from drinking my Dr. Pepper incessantly and smoking my Marlboros. That is just a little too many addictions to face at one time when I am battling with the greatest addiction I would venture to say - known to man. They say nicotine is more addictive than cocaine and that may be true in some overall kind of way. In my opinion, though, nothing could compare to the monkey that is crack. Not even other forms of cocaine. It is all the same monster in a different costume but crack seems to really expedite the process of finding a bottom.
I had my days of other things. I loved Vicodin, I was a pothead for many, many years, an alcoholic, a pill monger making trips to Mexico for an assortment of goodies...I did IV coke for a time and even sought out and used Heroin to get off of crack successfully for a couple of years. Honestly, I thanked God every day during that time that I no longer thought about crack every freaking waking moment and dream moment of every single day. Crack gets into your mind and I have learned that something that controls your mind is worse than any physical addiction, for me. I gladly traded the mind control of crack for a physical need of heroin...I even went through Methadone and Methadone withdrawal and that wasn't fun at all. Yet, how did I manage to get off of Heroin? With cocaine. Sick, isn't it? Insanity at its finest. Yet, I don't ache for any of those other drugs. I don't go insane trying to get their needling presence out of my mind...I was a polysubstance abuser and I enjoyed that. I managed some measure of control.
However, the fact of the matter today - if I use ANY mind altering substance, even pot as I have tried, believe me, I have - perhaps I won't smoke crack that same day although by now, chances are I will, I am on the road to relapse and it is just a matter of time before I will be sucking on that glass pipe again. Many times I have looked back over a relapse and seen how I started say, taking Vivarin to get going in the morning, thinking to myself what is wrong with that yet unwilling to share the info with anyone which should have told me something...only to see that a couple of weeks later I was no longer doing my program work, missing meeting and falling into a full-scale relapse for which I might not have made it back to the program for a long, long time. Many times I have gone to the dentist and managed a bottle of Vicodin thinking that THAT is different...I still want to say it is...yet within a couple of days I am smoking crack. The signs are all so undeniable and hindsight is always 20/20.
One other thing that used to irk me big-time and I guess still does is when I have met people who say, "I would NEVER smoke crack". I have heard that from people doing a line at the time, but I am not even talking about those people - I am talking about the alcoholics and addicts not doing coke yet (Your Eligible Too) but who are on their way to the program. All I can say is "Oh Yeah - just go back out there a few more years and you will.". Do you think I EVER thought I would smoke crack!! Anyway, those people just can't see like I couldn't see so many things until I was right in the middle of it. Denial is strong in addicts and unfortunately it makes it so hard sometimes to see the truth or to get this simple program.
Together WE Can...
Theresa A.
www.iwantrecovery.com
[email protected]
"A Work in Progress...."
You might have read this but I wanted to put it in the right place!
Hello satanicpitbull:
I was just thinking about what you said about smoking pot. When I first went to Hospital Treatment in 98 they told me that if I drank, I would smoke crack. I thought they were crazy...little did I know. I thought they must be talking about those people that drank alcohol when they smoked or something. I had my days as an alcoholic but didn't drink too much at that time. Whatever, I thought. Well, it is all a process and it took some years for me to find out they were right. Eventually every time I would drink even a beer - a half a beer I would be on the payphone at the bar buying an 8-ball (back when I used to cook it myself). I still didn't believe the hype and I tried it many more times until I found that there truly is a rock at the bottom of every bottle. I cannot drink ANY alcohol unless I totally am planning to smoke crack and when it comes to alcohol - that is usually the same night.
I started hearing that all drugs would lead back to my drug of choice. I'd like to comment on how skewed the term 'Drug of Choice' is for labeling crack, in more ways than one. I don't feel like I ever really had a choice but aside from that - I hate the sh*t!! It sucks ASS. If I had a favorite it would be one of the ones before crack like Vicodin or something. Something fun, at least. I remember thinking - oh yeah right, you are saying that if I smoke a joint I will smoke crack. No way - that is what the MMP (Marijuana maintenance program) is for...to help quit real drugs. Again, it took some time to see how wrong I was. If I take NYQUIL even, it awakens something in my psyche that cries out for crack and no other alteration of mood will fulfill it's craving. You know that they say that both caffeine and nicotine are triggers for cocaine and I know it is true. That doesn't stop me from drinking my Dr. Pepper incessantly and smoking my Marlboros. That is just a little too many addictions to face at one time when I am battling with the greatest addiction I would venture to say - known to man. They say nicotine is more addictive than cocaine and that may be true in some overall kind of way. In my opinion, though, nothing could compare to the monkey that is crack. Not even other forms of cocaine. It is all the same monster in a different costume but crack seems to really expedite the process of finding a bottom.
I had my days of other things. I loved Vicodin, I was a pothead for many, many years, an alcoholic, a pill monger making trips to Mexico for an assortment of goodies...I did IV coke for a time and even sought out and used Heroin to get off of crack successfully for a couple of years. Honestly, I thanked God every day during that time that I no longer thought about crack every freaking waking moment and dream moment of every single day. Crack gets into your mind and I have learned that something that controls your mind is worse than any physical addiction, for me. I gladly traded the mind control of crack for a physical need of heroin...I even went through Methadone and Methadone withdrawal and that wasn't fun at all. Yet, how did I manage to get off of Heroin? With cocaine. Sick, isn't it? Insanity at its finest. Yet, I don't ache for any of those other drugs. I don't go insane trying to get their needling presence out of my mind...I was a polysubstance abuser and I enjoyed that. I managed some measure of control.
However, the fact of the matter today - if I use ANY mind altering substance, even pot as I have tried, believe me, I have - perhaps I won't smoke crack that same day although by now, chances are I will, I am on the road to relapse and it is just a matter of time before I will be sucking on that glass pipe again. Many times I have looked back over a relapse and seen how I started say, taking Vivarin to get going in the morning, thinking to myself what is wrong with that yet unwilling to share the info with anyone which should have told me something...only to see that a couple of weeks later I was no longer doing my program work, missing meeting and falling into a full-scale relapse for which I might not have made it back to the program for a long, long time. Many times I have gone to the dentist and managed a bottle of Vicodin thinking that THAT is different...I still want to say it is...yet within a couple of days I am smoking crack. The signs are all so undeniable and hindsight is always 20/20.
One other thing that used to irk me big-time and I guess still does is when I have met people who say, "I would NEVER smoke crack". I have heard that from people doing a line at the time, but I am not even talking about those people - I am talking about the alcoholics and addicts not doing coke yet (Your Eligible Too) but who are on their way to the program. All I can say is "Oh Yeah - just go back out there a few more years and you will.". Do you think I EVER thought I would smoke crack!! Anyway, those people just can't see like I couldn't see so many things until I was right in the middle of it. Denial is strong in addicts and unfortunately it makes it so hard sometimes to see the truth or to get this simple program.
Together WE Can...
Theresa A.
www.iwantrecovery.com
[email protected]
"A Work in Progress...."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Denver,CO
Posts: 5
Theresa,thank you so much for the advise and insight...I do understand so much of what you were sayin it's not funny,I to was a pot smoker for many yrs and no prob,I havent smoked pot regularly for over 13yrs now,when I got clean for the first time it was from pot and cocaine(all form's)that was 1990,I relapsed in 95 on Heroin,I never did heroin before that and I have been battlin it ever since.I am now clean 9 month's?11/12/03 is my clean date,but recently I have had pot in my face and coke more and more in my face,I am tellin these people to get the *?#!*?#!*?#!*?#! out of my face but it is gettin harder and harder.I want to get high!That is the truth!No bs,the God honest truth...but I havent YET!You know what they say about YET....I am tryin my hyardest not to get high,goin to meetins,my counselor,NA online,here,you know I am doin my best,I know I will get through this...it has been a few weeks since the cravin first came up and I have delt with it so far...as long as I keep doin what I have been doin I and we should be ok,thank you for the support.....EVERYONE!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 128
Mind reader
Hey:
I JUST posted something on trading my crack addiction for Heroin. What are you - a mind reader?
Here is what I posted on http://www.ipcamera.info/forum/ SOmeone there said you can get off crack with heroin or that heroin helps with crack cravings....
Heroin? Hmmm. Let me tell you a little story! My very best thinking - since the damn program just obviously wouldn't work for me - was to seek out and find Heroin. I decided, the intelligent girl that I am, that if I was going to have a monkey on my back then I wanted it to be something I could at least ENJOY. So, I started out at the Vike clinic and within a week or so found a heroin addict and hooked up with them. I remember coming off a crack binge and using Heroin to come down. I remember 7 days later saying aloud, "Do you think I am addicted to Heroin now?" That was my goal.
I spent a year on Heroin and by the way - it only made me feel good for the first couple of weeks. I thanked God that I wasn't thinking of that *?#!*?#!*?#!*?#! 24/7 (crack) as we know how it needles into every freakin thought. I slept mostly and every 6 hours I would get sick if I didn't have some and I mean extremely ill. Still, I was so happy to have traded - I preferred the physical horror to the overpowering mental control that crack gets. Well, I slept so much I started doing a little coke. I recall vividly saying, "But this is DIFFERENT". Yeah - I'm unique guys (NOT).
So, I get onto Methadone and that sucks ASS. It doesn't work for me and I am sick all the time plus I have to go to the clinic every morning at like 5:30 a.m. By now to stop the sickness I am doing quite a bit of cocaine. But it's different, you know. Truth was - I was a mess - arms all f*cked up...I went out of town to see my mother who was in a car accident I guess two years ago now (she died in May of her addiction). Back then she had taken some Xanex and stumbled out into busy traffic. She was first clipped by one car and then hit head on by a truck. Some say she never got over it. Anyway - she had all broken limbs, pelvis and so on. No clothes but what was cut off of her. Long story but I went to see her at the hospital I was born at. I helped her smoke a cig in her room - brought her some Vicodin - she always asked if I had any drugs for her. Nurse got all pissed...I told her I would go to the thrift store and get her some clothes and such. I made it over to MLK and never made it back. $800 stolen from me in a crack house - go figure. I try to drive back to Houston and something was wrong with me - methadone, crack, pills - something just wasn't quite right. I kept thinking I was falling asleep but I knew better - I know how to handle my drugs - never had a car accident except those few one-car accidents - I always knew when it wasn't safe to drive...I remember seeing a road sign for a motel and thinking just maybe. I hit a tree going 70 mph.
Needless to say and ommitting some details, I missed the clinic for some days and man, I was sick. You can kick Heroin in 3 days or so although it is one of the most painful physical things I have ever been through. But Methadone? It IS the most painful withdrawal I ever went through and it lasted for about 6 weeks. Well, the only thing that made me feel better was smoking crack. Long story short - I used Heroin to get off of crack and then got off of heroin with crack.
That is what they call insanity. I thought it was a pretty good idea, though. It didn't quite work out as planned but still - not bad for no program. Those damn meetings just made me want to get high since that's all they talk about anyway.
You know what, though? I'd be wanting to get high anyway. I used to say I got tired of talking about drugs in meetings, thinking about it constantly but the truth is that I would be talking about it and thinking about it in a more negative way anyway.
Together WE CAN!
Theresa A.
www.iwantrecovery.com
I JUST posted something on trading my crack addiction for Heroin. What are you - a mind reader?
Here is what I posted on http://www.ipcamera.info/forum/ SOmeone there said you can get off crack with heroin or that heroin helps with crack cravings....
Heroin? Hmmm. Let me tell you a little story! My very best thinking - since the damn program just obviously wouldn't work for me - was to seek out and find Heroin. I decided, the intelligent girl that I am, that if I was going to have a monkey on my back then I wanted it to be something I could at least ENJOY. So, I started out at the Vike clinic and within a week or so found a heroin addict and hooked up with them. I remember coming off a crack binge and using Heroin to come down. I remember 7 days later saying aloud, "Do you think I am addicted to Heroin now?" That was my goal.
I spent a year on Heroin and by the way - it only made me feel good for the first couple of weeks. I thanked God that I wasn't thinking of that *?#!*?#!*?#!*?#! 24/7 (crack) as we know how it needles into every freakin thought. I slept mostly and every 6 hours I would get sick if I didn't have some and I mean extremely ill. Still, I was so happy to have traded - I preferred the physical horror to the overpowering mental control that crack gets. Well, I slept so much I started doing a little coke. I recall vividly saying, "But this is DIFFERENT". Yeah - I'm unique guys (NOT).
So, I get onto Methadone and that sucks ASS. It doesn't work for me and I am sick all the time plus I have to go to the clinic every morning at like 5:30 a.m. By now to stop the sickness I am doing quite a bit of cocaine. But it's different, you know. Truth was - I was a mess - arms all f*cked up...I went out of town to see my mother who was in a car accident I guess two years ago now (she died in May of her addiction). Back then she had taken some Xanex and stumbled out into busy traffic. She was first clipped by one car and then hit head on by a truck. Some say she never got over it. Anyway - she had all broken limbs, pelvis and so on. No clothes but what was cut off of her. Long story but I went to see her at the hospital I was born at. I helped her smoke a cig in her room - brought her some Vicodin - she always asked if I had any drugs for her. Nurse got all pissed...I told her I would go to the thrift store and get her some clothes and such. I made it over to MLK and never made it back. $800 stolen from me in a crack house - go figure. I try to drive back to Houston and something was wrong with me - methadone, crack, pills - something just wasn't quite right. I kept thinking I was falling asleep but I knew better - I know how to handle my drugs - never had a car accident except those few one-car accidents - I always knew when it wasn't safe to drive...I remember seeing a road sign for a motel and thinking just maybe. I hit a tree going 70 mph.
Needless to say and ommitting some details, I missed the clinic for some days and man, I was sick. You can kick Heroin in 3 days or so although it is one of the most painful physical things I have ever been through. But Methadone? It IS the most painful withdrawal I ever went through and it lasted for about 6 weeks. Well, the only thing that made me feel better was smoking crack. Long story short - I used Heroin to get off of crack and then got off of heroin with crack.
That is what they call insanity. I thought it was a pretty good idea, though. It didn't quite work out as planned but still - not bad for no program. Those damn meetings just made me want to get high since that's all they talk about anyway.
You know what, though? I'd be wanting to get high anyway. I used to say I got tired of talking about drugs in meetings, thinking about it constantly but the truth is that I would be talking about it and thinking about it in a more negative way anyway.
Together WE CAN!
Theresa A.
www.iwantrecovery.com
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