RX addiction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 5
RX addiction
Hello, hello! Thanks for providing me with a place to vent!
I have been a major pill popper for most of my life..from my first tranquilizer at 10 (dad gave to me when grandma died-she raised me) until now (I am 33), I would live my life with pills if I could. I went a few years without taking anything, but when they become available I am first in line.
It was strictly a social thing, though..for the most part...until last December when I discovered a VERY painful lump in my lower midsection. It took 5 months to get a proper diagnosis and during that time, I went through endless quantities of codeine and lortab. Finally had a diagnosis and surgery in May (more lortab) and went through a withdrawal that was just terrible when the pills ran out. But! I missed the "high" so I have gone out of my way to see that I can get lortabs or whatever as often as I can. I have an office friend who has severe back pain, and he brings me in some pills every now and again. I have no way to buy them or have them prescribed, but if I could, I would. I crave them. Right now I have 2 lortabs at home and I am literally fixated on getting home and taking one. Actually, I want to take them both because then they will be gone and I will have to stay clean.
I have a friend whose husband has a back injury...they have many bottles of pills in the house and I have dipped into the bottles from time to time.
My friends know I like to take pills and will save some for me when they have them. My usage is occasional, but if I get 10 pills, they are gone in 3 days.
I am not sure what my point here, is. Other than that I love to take pills, that is! For the record, I have not smoked pot in over 10 years and I do not drink. This is my vice. I hate this craving but seem helpless against it. It should be easy for me to stop, since it is difficult for me to get prescription drugs, but I always seem to find a way. I want to not look for ways to get them.
I can't think of anything else at the moment, so...Thanks for reading!! Happy Thursday.
I have been a major pill popper for most of my life..from my first tranquilizer at 10 (dad gave to me when grandma died-she raised me) until now (I am 33), I would live my life with pills if I could. I went a few years without taking anything, but when they become available I am first in line.
It was strictly a social thing, though..for the most part...until last December when I discovered a VERY painful lump in my lower midsection. It took 5 months to get a proper diagnosis and during that time, I went through endless quantities of codeine and lortab. Finally had a diagnosis and surgery in May (more lortab) and went through a withdrawal that was just terrible when the pills ran out. But! I missed the "high" so I have gone out of my way to see that I can get lortabs or whatever as often as I can. I have an office friend who has severe back pain, and he brings me in some pills every now and again. I have no way to buy them or have them prescribed, but if I could, I would. I crave them. Right now I have 2 lortabs at home and I am literally fixated on getting home and taking one. Actually, I want to take them both because then they will be gone and I will have to stay clean.
I have a friend whose husband has a back injury...they have many bottles of pills in the house and I have dipped into the bottles from time to time.
My friends know I like to take pills and will save some for me when they have them. My usage is occasional, but if I get 10 pills, they are gone in 3 days.
I am not sure what my point here, is. Other than that I love to take pills, that is! For the record, I have not smoked pot in over 10 years and I do not drink. This is my vice. I hate this craving but seem helpless against it. It should be easy for me to stop, since it is difficult for me to get prescription drugs, but I always seem to find a way. I want to not look for ways to get them.
I can't think of anything else at the moment, so...Thanks for reading!! Happy Thursday.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Utah
Posts: 330
10 pills lasts you 3 whole days! Wow, I would have had those suckers gone long before the end of the 2nd day without a doubt. I know what you mean about loving to take pills. Believe me, I know which family members have pills,where they keep them etc..... I would create issues to get pills, although my choice pills were Xanax. Different than the opiates (pain killers) but same mentality. Dont get me wrong, if there were pain killers availabe I would take them too! I did not discriminate there. I hated being slave to the cravings. Since getting clean and sober (had to do it all at once. Drinking made me pill, pilling made me drink), those cravings have subsided. If I get to thinking about it again I can just feel them going down. I know for a while no one would know I was using, but eventually my disease would rear it's ugly head and I would be back to square one. I had to give in though. I had to give up the idea that I could use these pills (which were Dr. prescribed to me even) in any kind of normal fashion. I just couldn't. They consumed my thoughts, filled my days, and became my best friend and worst enemy at the same time. I thank God I am free of that obsession. I owe that to AA and NA. I could not have survived it for this 96 days without the program, no way. You can kick it too, but you have to want to first! You are not helpless against the craving. Sounds crazy but we have to hurt enough first before the high of using the pills is outweighed by the pain it causes. Then we hit bottom and we stop the madness. Keep posting, many other pill poppers will be along soon!
LG
LG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 5
LG, thanks for the response!
I have to laugh, because when I wrote that 10 pills would last 3 days, I thought to myself (I bet some folks think that's NOTHING), and sure enough, here you are! LOL!
After these 2 are gone, I really have no way to get any more, unless I invent an excuse to go visit the friend with the husband!! Notice I did not say I was going home to flush them down the toilet.
~sigh
I have to laugh, because when I wrote that 10 pills would last 3 days, I thought to myself (I bet some folks think that's NOTHING), and sure enough, here you are! LOL!
After these 2 are gone, I really have no way to get any more, unless I invent an excuse to go visit the friend with the husband!! Notice I did not say I was going home to flush them down the toilet.
~sigh
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming Summer
Posts: 821
Hi and welcome to Sober Recovery 
The reality is that until you are sick and tired of this way of life,nothing is going to change.I reached a point where all of my days were consumed with getting and using more drugs.Nothing was more important than getting the next fix.It was killing me,and I was the last one to see it.I lost everything.
That's what it took for me.I had to be cornered and defeated,and completely broken.I could no longer work,or take care of myself.Recovery has been a long and sometimes very difficult road.Today I am free of my addiction,and life is sweet.
Don't kid yourself.As long as you are in active addiction you will find a way to feed your habit.Addiction is a progressive and often fatal condition.How far down will you let it take you?
The time may come when you can no longer face life with or without the drugs.I reached that point nearly 14 years ago.I still can't forget the despair and the desperation I felt.I don't have to live like that anymore.NA gave me a new way to live.I found others like myself,who had been through hell and had found a way out.I became teachable...as willing as only the dying can be.
When you are ready,there is a way out.In the meantime do some reading,here and in the NA forum.Be sure to read the Power Post at the top of the page in the NA forum,and the daily readings posted by Gooch as well.We do recover.You can too.And you don't have to do it alone.Take care and keep coming back.
phoenix
The reality is that until you are sick and tired of this way of life,nothing is going to change.I reached a point where all of my days were consumed with getting and using more drugs.Nothing was more important than getting the next fix.It was killing me,and I was the last one to see it.I lost everything.
That's what it took for me.I had to be cornered and defeated,and completely broken.I could no longer work,or take care of myself.Recovery has been a long and sometimes very difficult road.Today I am free of my addiction,and life is sweet.
Don't kid yourself.As long as you are in active addiction you will find a way to feed your habit.Addiction is a progressive and often fatal condition.How far down will you let it take you?
The time may come when you can no longer face life with or without the drugs.I reached that point nearly 14 years ago.I still can't forget the despair and the desperation I felt.I don't have to live like that anymore.NA gave me a new way to live.I found others like myself,who had been through hell and had found a way out.I became teachable...as willing as only the dying can be.
When you are ready,there is a way out.In the meantime do some reading,here and in the NA forum.Be sure to read the Power Post at the top of the page in the NA forum,and the daily readings posted by Gooch as well.We do recover.You can too.And you don't have to do it alone.Take care and keep coming back.
phoenix
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
oh Emunah..I was ten also when I started my pill addcition..codeine to start, then benzos and vicodins and fentanyl patches, morphine, speed, alcohol....I am 31 now and in May of this year I was faced with stop..or die. It has been so incredibly hard, I will not lie to you..It is downright brutal, hellishness..but do it once won't have to again. This is what I remind myself. I have had a few relapses since then, but have not taken them like i used to. i would take up to 50 or more vicodins a day at times....I would mix them with speed and thought I had found heaven for sure. I forgot I had to land...and boy did I. Even when the docs told my hubby three years ao that I was in end-stage narcotic addiction I went right on using..I had bleeding, infected sores all over my body, could barely walk, was in bed days at atime.....I still thougth it was 'something" else wrong with me.....I finally came to realize that i was an addict and I had to stop using...when you are truly sick and tired of the sick and tired way you feel..you WILL be able to stop. Hang in there okay?
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