Codeine Chronicles Part II

[Dee74]

I won't 'me too' - but you're a mate and anytime I hear you're taking codeine for *anything* LB?

< me

Hope you make the meeting
D

[Impurrfect]

Good for you for getting rid of the tincture...now flush the pills, sweetie...all of them. It's the addict, in you, telling you you need that stuff. Tell the addict to shut the f* up!

Go to the meeting with the attitude of finding one thing you can relate to. Even if it's just one sentence someone says..I bet you hear it. When we go into something with doubt that it will help us, we usually don't get much out of it. But if we go in, with the thought that we will find SOMETHING to help us, we can find it.

I think it has a lot to do with attitude. I know your anti-d hasn't kicked in, and you're still feeling down, so this is hard. This is where "fake it 'til you make it' kicks in, I guess. Pretend, for that one hour meeting, that you are enthusiastic, and this is a place you are going to get something out of.

I've been to meetings I didn't really like, and I had to think about them to find something I did like...I always found it, even if it was a minor thing.

Hang in there, sweetie.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[mumbai78]

Back in 1997 when i was using codeine it used to be availeble over the counter - no prescription required. I am surprised that in the US it is not widely used for colds and coughs. I was under the impression that in the US they drug you for the slightest of ailments.

[lostbutterfly]

Thank you for saying it like it is!

There is no fear of me abusing them right now peeps. I can hardly keep food down, let alone a box of narcotics!!

But there is a very real danger once I'm feeling OK again.

[Dee74]

good time to make disposal plans then LB
D

[christin1225]

Thank you for saying it like it is!

Then you won't mind if we continue?

There is no fear of me abusing them right now peeps. I can hardly keep food down, let alone a box of narcotics!!

Okay... I'll trust you on this one. Soooooo...... the pills are not yet tossed .... WHY???? Forgive me, sweetie, but I think that I missed that sentence.

But there is a very real danger once I'm feeling OK again.

Oh!!!!!! THAT must be the sentence that I missed. You WANT to wait until there's a VERY REAL DANGER before you toss them! That makes so much sense! How did I miss it?????

I don't think that you're thinking very clearly, LB. Well, one part of your brain is thinking very well -- the addict part. Please, lovey.... flush ALL of them. NOW. Okay?

[lostbutterfly]

I hope NA can do for me what AA did. I really, really hope. This meeting allows kids, so I can even go when I've got no babysitters!

[christin1225]

Originally Posted by lostbutterfly

This meeting allows kids, so I can even go when I've got no babysitters!

Lost,

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for you!!!!
It's about time that a meeting in your area realized that moms need help too!

[lostbutterfly]

well, na was different to what I expected. It was really hard for me to identify.

It made me grateful for my AA meetings actually. There is a lot of long term sobriety in those meetings and the main message is the joys of recovery, not the difficulties of stopping.

I already know how hard it is to stop and stay stopped. I need the positivity of the people in recovery to make me want to keep going.

I also saw where I don't want to go. Waiting for beds in rehab while you're homeless, no family left that wants to speak to you - hopelessness - which I feel too, but I need to stay around people who aren't hopeless anymore.

It was hard to share how I was scared about losing my job because I can't do it without pills, when people around me are homeless, jobless, got out of prison - I just felt my problems were so trivial compared to theirs.

And I really, really missed my friends in AA. I guess I identify with them coz most of them are trying desperately to hang on to what they got, like me. We still have a lot to be grateful for.

So, it made me grateful and showed me where I don't want to go. LBx

[stone]

Are you gonna back to AA meetings, L?

[lostbutterfly]

Definitely Stone. I was never going to stop, I was just going to go to NA as well. But I felt really depressed after I left, whereas AA I always feel really good, really uplifted. There were real hardcore drug problems there, real end of road situations.

There was one bloke 4 weeks clean from a 25 year heroin habit, and he's managed to run his business pretty much OK all that time. I don't know how he did that - he was really happy!

Right, I'm off to live my day. Got the day off work, and there is a very real danger of me frittering it away!!

[christin1225]

Originally Posted by lostbutterfly

well, na was different to what I expected. It was really hard for me to identify.

When it came to the life situations of the people in the room, LB, it was for me too.

It made me grateful for my AA meetings actually. There is a lot of long term sobriety in those meetings and the main message is the joys of recovery, not the difficulties of stopping.

I can see where you are grateful for AA and where it has done wonders for your recovery. For me, I hear myself (my own addiction) in the NA stories about the difficulties of stopping. No matter how different I am from all the others in the room... over and over again, I hear what is inside me. I admit that the stories of long-term sobriety are greatly outnumbered by the stories of relapse, but I try not to get discouraged. I think that it helps others in the room to hear that there are people who hold down jobs and are struggling with pills. It's proof that addiction can afflict anyone.

So, it made me grateful and showed me where I don't want to go.

I erased where you said that you spoke up. Good for you! That must have been so difficult, it being your first meeting and you feeling really out of place.

Are there other meetings in your area, LB? They can be very different. The first meeting that I went to was in the 'hood. (An old neighborhood of mine) It is still my preferred meeting even though there is a Friday meeting that I fit into better (calmer, the addicts are all working, everyone is my age, etc...) The first group would see me and try to lead me to a church meeting down the hall. The second group looks like the church meeting down the hall. My preference would be to attend both. Yet, I know that if I were to have to choose to attend one it would be Sunday's group, yet to choose a sponsor it would be someone from the Friday group.

I've made a novel out of this, Lost, because I hate to see you give up on NA after one meeting. I know that the people in AA have inspiring recovery stories and you have an inspiring story of your own to share behind those doors. But, sweetie, you still struggle with pills. I've read about your struggle with pills for three months now. I can't help but feel that your pill addiction will relate more to the struggles that you hear in the rooms of NA. I know that the pills are OTC where you are; so, they will probably never lead you to two of the three ultimate outcomes of drug addiction: jails or institutions. It can, however, take you to the last option: death.

I'm concerned about you, Lost. I see my struggle in you and I worry for you.

[Sugah]

Please, LB, if you can't seem to identify in NA, remember that what's underneath the various symptoms is the same. Whether it's NA or AA, the solution doesn't change. Focus on the solution, and the symptoms will go away.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[lostbutterfly]

I'm still going to AA, that is for sure. I wouldn't give that up. I just wish the pills were as easy to stop as the drinking. It's because I'm functional on them, that is the main problem.

My anxiety at work is through the roof at the moment. I don't want to go back, but I have to. I'm beginning to hate my job and I used to love it.

[lostbutterfly]

Taking work one hour at a time. I have got to get a grip on these feelings. All the people who drive me crazy, I have got to let it go. I can't control their behaviour. Maybe their demands aren't actually that unreasonable, it could just be that I can't cope with my job sober.

I woke up really happy this morning. Strange!

[christin1225]

I woke up really happy this morning.

Hold on to that, LB. I wish for you a "happy day" for the rest of the day.

[lostbutterfly]

It wasn't such a bad day at work. I was in a good mood, which helped. I can't imagine the a/d's have kicked in already, but I definitely feel better. Certainly don't want to die anymore, which is a nice change!

A few people upset me, but I try and keep things in perspective. If no-one's going to get hurt or die, I try let it go. Letting it go is the second thought I now have in most situations. My first is usually something quite dark, aimed at the upsetter of my life, lol!

I'm worn out, I've got to admit, living in reality. Living with my feelings and my memories. In Sunday's meeting, the chair said she learnt that she could accept her feelings, but she didn't have to live them.

I'm off to escape reality thru the medium of cr&p television. I need rest!!!!

[Callie]

LB, for what it's worth, my AH liked the AA format alot better than the NA format too. Not sure what the difference was, but he felt the same way. You can find your way, You've been such a help to me with AH and just wanted to say thanks!

[lostbutterfly]

I think the main difference for me was that there is so much sobriety in my AA meetings. It gives me hope, and they have something I want. Every time they share, they show me how to cope with some aspect of life.

Anyway, I'm glad I went, it still added something to my recovery.

Hope everything works out for you Callie. I hope your AH recovers, but ... it's hard!

[lostbutterfly]

I've identified afternoons at work as a peak killer craving time for me. I'm just sitting here, feeling one wave after another crash over me. I keep forgetting that I have to do this for the sake of my health, apart from anything else. I keep thinking I have some sort of choice in all this.

I hate cravings.

[christin1225]

Originally Posted by lostbutterfly

I've identified afternoons at work as a peak killer craving time for me.... I hate cravings.

LB,
I think that it's helpful to recognize those times when we are most tempted or crave. I'm learning that even when not craving, I associate things with my pills (which I need to stop referring to as "my" pills).

Even though I don't crave them right now, I'll admit that there are times when I "miss" them and the way that they made me feel. After only a few months, I need to relearn and disassociate things… the boss gone and it getting quiet at work, being cold… How difficult it must be for someone who has years of associations imprinted on their brains!

I think it's great that, when you are experiencing cravings, you're not just grumping about it and trying to ignore them. Instead, you're recognizing when you get the urges so that you can be proactive in the future. That means that you're planning to do the next right thing. Good for you!

[lostbutterfly]

It's been a week since I took pills for my fluey thing. I'm all better now and half a stone lighter which has cheered me up no end!

I'm surviving the cravings, and they seem to be getting more manageable. They were probably triggered just by taking that little bit of codeine when I was ill. They were awful, anyway.

I'm trying to see life's minor irritations and setbacks as practise for the big stuff that is bound to happen sooner or later in sobriety.

[Impurrfect]

Good for you, ((LB)) and good attitude!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[christin1225]

LB,

It never ceases to amaze me how we can be there for each other (you are always for me) and yet we fail to show up for ourselves when we need support to keep clean.

I'm "here" for you and I'm glad to read this post. It sounds to me as if your attitude might help you to show up for yourself. Good for you!

[lostbutterfly]

It's been 13 days since the flu incident! I still just feel like I'm surviving. I hear all this talk about obsession's being lifted and miracles happening in meetings, and I just can't imagine it.

I still do an awful lot of white knuckling to get thru the day. And I think about pills about once every minute that I'm awake.

I got really upset about something today, but I'm learning, I just got to sit with the feelings, I'm not going to die if I just let myself feel them. I don't always have to run away.