The Cold Hard Reality of Addiction - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

fndngserenity · 01-13-2009, 02:55 AM

For me, I consider myself pretty lucky. A few months ago, I became severely addicted to cocaine. I had never done any drugs before. I had just moved in with my addict boyfriend. My therapist told me that if I continued using and continued to stay with my boyfriend, I would lose everything until I had nothing left. I could already see the consequences of my addiction. I had lost my daughter (temporarily). I had lost myself, I was extremely behind on all of my finances, I had lost my relationship with my boyfriend because his addiction spiraled so far out of control, I had shut my family and friends out and the only thing I had left was my job. I was so grateful for that because I loved my job. So.....I got clean. With the help of friends and family, I was able to get clean and eventually walk away from my boyfriend.
Well, now I can truly say I did lose everything. Yesterday, I lost my job. Somebody found out about my personal life and tried to use it against me. I am trying so hard to be strong because I know I am strong but I'm still very scared inside.
My life was turning around and I have never felt better. I'm happy and confident and I'm rebuilding my relationship with my beautiful little girl. For someone who had never used before, a month and a half addiction literally took everything from me except for my life and it almost took that.
So, I'm really starting over from the ground up.....but, I don't know where to start. I kind of feel a little lost at this point. But, I'm trying so hard not to let this break me. I know how easy it would be to just give in and cry and feel like I've lost everything I've worked so hard for but if I do that, I'm going to lose myself again and I don't want that.
So right now.....all I am thinking is: Where do I begin?

Bamboozle · 01-13-2009, 03:08 AM

That sucks that someone would be so vicious as to use your situation against you. That's exactly why I don't like most people and I usually keep to myself.

Avoid negative people and keep your head up. Keep working on your relationship with your daughter and family. The job thing will eventually work out.

lostbutterfly · 01-13-2009, 03:17 AM

People are very judgemental about addiction. That's why I don't tell people outside of here and AA. I'm so, so sorry. You didn't deserve this.

christin1225 · 01-13-2009, 04:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fndngserenity

My therapist told me that if I continued using and continued to stay with my boyfriend, I would lose everything until I had nothing left.

You listened and straightened out. You are an amazing individual.

Quote:

So.....I got clean.

Yep. Amazing.

Quote:

I know how easy it would be to just give in and cry and feel like I've lost everything I've worked so hard for but if I do that, I'm going to lose myself again and I don't want that.
So right now.....all I am thinking is: Where do I begin?

Fndngserenity,
I don't know about your religious convictions, but I would say (after reading this post) that you have shown God that he's got a lot to work with. Begin by trusting him -- that he has something out there for you. Keep your resolve to stay clean. I'm awed by your story.

tommyk · 01-13-2009, 05:14 AM

Start with thoughts about just for today/

Do what you can just for today.

Don't 'project' your thoughts into the future.

Keep coming back.

hopefully tryin · 01-13-2009, 06:34 AM

I personally think things happen for a reason. I know you loved your job, but maybe an even better one is waiting for you. Keep your head up, down let this get you down and try to look at how far you have come since getting off the drugs!!

fndngserenity · 01-13-2009, 06:47 PM

Thank you everyone:ghug3 I know that I've come so far in such a short time and I am so proud of myself for that. Tomorrow I am going out looking for jobs. I know I will find something; I have a lot of experience and am good at what I do. And as much as I love what I did....I'm not so sure I will choose that field again.
I'd really love to get into something where I am helping people. Something meaningful. I mean, yes, I did help people with my other job but maybe a job where I can help people on a more personal level. I don't know, just a thought.
I do believe too that everything happens for a reason. Thinking of it in that way has helped me stay positive.
Well, goodnight everyone and thanks again for the support! I really appreciate it

:ghug

01-13-2009, 02:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
fndngserenity Perfectly Imperfect Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: H Posts: 129 Blog Entries: 6	The Cold Hard Reality of Addiction For me, I consider myself pretty lucky. A few months ago, I became severely addicted to cocaine. I had never done any drugs before. I had just moved in with my addict boyfriend. My therapist told me that if I continued using and continued to stay with my boyfriend, I would lose everything until I had nothing left. I could already see the consequences of my addiction. I had lost my daughter (temporarily). I had lost myself, I was extremely behind on all of my finances, I had lost my relationship with my boyfriend because his addiction spiraled so far out of control, I had shut my family and friends out and the only thing I had left was my job. I was so grateful for that because I loved my job. So.....I got clean. With the help of friends and family, I was able to get clean and eventually walk away from my boyfriend. Well, now I can truly say I did lose everything. Yesterday, I lost my job. Somebody found out about my personal life and tried to use it against me. I am trying so hard to be strong because I know I am strong but I'm still very scared inside. My life was turning around and I have never felt better. I'm happy and confident and I'm rebuilding my relationship with my beautiful little girl. For someone who had never used before, a month and a half addiction literally took everything from me except for my life and it almost took that. So, I'm really starting over from the ground up.....but, I don't know where to start. I kind of feel a little lost at this point. But, I'm trying so hard not to let this break me. I know how easy it would be to just give in and cry and feel like I've lost everything I've worked so hard for but if I do that, I'm going to lose myself again and I don't want that. So right now.....all I am thinking is: Where do I begin? __________________ ~ fndngserenity " Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm." Unknown "God be in my head, and in my understanding." Sarum Primer

01-13-2009, 03:08 AM	#2 (permalink)
Bamboozle I got nothin' Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: My house. Posts: 4,814 Blog Entries: 14	That sucks that someone would be so vicious as to use your situation against you. That's exactly why I don't like most people and I usually keep to myself. Avoid negative people and keep your head up. Keep working on your relationship with your daughter and family. The job thing will eventually work out. __________________ A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

01-13-2009, 03:17 AM	#3 (permalink)
lostbutterfly OMG everything's real Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: England Posts: 3,977 Blog Entries: 3	People are very judgemental about addiction. That's why I don't tell people outside of here and AA. I'm so, so sorry. You didn't deserve this. __________________ happily addicted to sugar, caffeine and horses

01-13-2009, 06:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
hopefully tryin Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: A very HOT place, near the beach ;-) Posts: 295	I personally think things happen for a reason. I know you loved your job, but maybe an even better one is waiting for you. Keep your head up, down let this get you down and try to look at how far you have come since getting off the drugs!! __________________ Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly

01-13-2009, 06:47 PM	#7 (permalink)
fndngserenity Perfectly Imperfect Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: H Posts: 129 Blog Entries: 6	Thank you everyone:ghug3 I know that I've come so far in such a short time and I am so proud of myself for that. Tomorrow I am going out looking for jobs. I know I will find something; I have a lot of experience and am good at what I do. And as much as I love what I did....I'm not so sure I will choose that field again. I'd really love to get into something where I am helping people. Something meaningful. I mean, yes, I did help people with my other job but maybe a job where I can help people on a more personal level. I don't know, just a thought. I do believe too that everything happens for a reason. Thinking of it in that way has helped me stay positive. Well, goodnight everyone and thanks again for the support! I really appreciate it :ghug __________________ ~ fndngserenity " Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm." Unknown "God be in my head, and in my understanding." Sarum Primer

01-13-2009, 05:14 AM	#5 (permalink)
tommyk Awaiting Email Confirmation Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2,942	Start with thoughts about just for today/ Do what you can just for today. Don't 'project' your thoughts into the future. Keep coming back.

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