Codeine

[emmer]

aww thx........ you guys are such angels !!!

[lugnut]

congrats emmer! Proud of ya man. Dumping all that stuff down the toilet! Glad you told yourself your not going to take it anymore. Keep it up man.!!!

[emmer]

Thx Lugnut !! Feeling pretty rough but ya know, I'm glad I feel this way.

Yep, as screwed as it may sound, I'm glad ........... at least I'm feeling something.

My head is messed up but I'll deal with that later on the best I can, with NA and friends and step work.

[squirty]

(((((((Joe)))))))

I am SO sorry I haven't been along sooner... I only just got your email.

I am SO proud of you. It's not hard to crawl back out of the throws of addiction is it? But I always knew you were a fighter. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for hun.

Dealing with the feelings that make us use is so tough isn't it? But you know you have a lot of friends here you can turn to. You know you can always talk to me about anything.

I will try and be here more. I want to be here for you and Woops... just like you were there to pick me up every time I fell.

Love ya Joe x

[emmer]

Oh Squirty , its sooo nice to see you!!!!! I missed ya!

Thanks very much for the support!!

I have a big grin on my face right now, even though I am pretty sick.

love you !!!

[Impurrfect]

Hey (((Squirty)))!

Good to see ya!

(((Joe))) - even though you may feel like crap, you already sound better.

Mots has gone outside, and now Elvis is curled up with me. One thing about having 3 cats...can't get too lonely

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[hopefully tryin]

I am SOOO proud of you for dumping those nasty pills !! I know I'm a little late but I'm 8 hrs ahead of EST so I'm usually sleeping when everyone is on and vise versa. Those nasty w/d's will get better with time. Just try to remember them the next time you want to use. It's so hard facing reality and life w/o drugs but once you get over the little hurdles, the big once get easier to manage! I'm rooting for you and I know you can do this

[emmer]

Thx ((HT)) I woke up not long ago with a super nasty headache but i do feel better than yesterday, mainly tired and fluish.

I am going to do some reading from the basic text (NA) and start on step one today.

[lostbutterfly]

On day 2 then, Joe? And you got a bit of sleep too.

See you later - must "work" now, lol!! luv lb xx

[emmer]

Except for being up for an hr I slept almost 18 hrs.

some dope problem............ how embarrasing!

I aint going to use but I feel mighty stupid.

Going to read from the basic text. ........over and out.

[lostbutterfly]

18 hours! You lucky b*stard!!!

You sound so much happier. Weird how we take them to feel better, but we seem to actually feel better when we stop.

They are mean little suckers, those pills!!! Hoiking us back in like that all the time when they don't give us anything in return, not anymore anyway.

LB xxx

[squirty]

(((((Joe)))))) I'm SO glad I made you smile. You have made me smile too... by throwing those **** pills down the loo.

I'm proud of ya hun.

You are doing SO well and there's NO way on this earth you should feel stupid.

I'm glad you are getting sleep... sleep is good... codeine is bad.

(((((Amy))))) good to see ya too hun. I hope you are well.

Keep up the good work Joe! ;-)

[emmer]

Dang..clean but very scared and depressed. I hope I dont feel like this for a long time......**sigh**

Any help? ......any ideas ?

[Impurrfect]

(((Joe))) I don't remember feeling scared, so much, but definitely depressed! I was also angry...at myself, and for the fact that I couldn't use anymore.

I actually wasn't even a member at SR, until 6 months later, but remember lurking a lot.
I think I just kept praying "let me get through this day clean" and putting one foot in front of the other. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I was lucky that my schedule at work kept me busy enough that all I had time to do was work and sleep. I guess that was one thing 3rd shift was good for.

I also had gotten to the point that the last few times I got high, I hated myself. I kept reminding myself of that, when it seemed like a good idea. I had lost so much, again, when I relapsed, I just don't think I can come back if I were to screw up one more time.

Hang in there, sweetie. This, too, shall pass.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Jane63]

((emmer)) Remember what I said about only fearing fear itself! You will feel bad for a couple more days and I would continue to sleep for as much as possible. Soon though, you will feel better and be thinking clearer...that is when you need to start putting your tools to use so the stinkin' thinkin' cannot invade your thoughts!

After I got out of the 4-day rehab/detox, I came home and didn't do much for a week or so...just laid around on the couch, watched TV (tried to shoot for upbeat stuff and old movies!), ate small meals, and drank lots of water. Hubby was at work and I was kind of scared to go outside the house by myself...I don't know why, I just was. I had to make myself do it though and started walking around one block, then two and finally getting my strength back enough to do normal chores and stuff.
Hubby helped alot too...calling me during the day to check on me, going for walks together in the evenings and going for long drives.
He was a big part in my recovery and I couldn't have done it without him! We started doing more things together than we had in years and it really helped me stay focused on the good things in my life.
It seemed when I was doing the pills that they were all I needed...once I got clean I soon realised how wrong I was!

Keep hanging in there ((emmer))! You should feel better in a few days..plus, you've got the wknd now to relax and continue to heal!
((HUGS))
Jane

[hopefully tryin]

I don't know if I have any advice on how to not feel scared or depressed. I really think these are real feelings that our body puts on us after we come off the drugs, kinda of like saying "hello and welcome back to reality" :-)
It will get better. You have lots to deal with and just know that we are here for you.

[karma35]

hey emmer - WELL DONE
am on day two off h sooo long rd but already my taste is coming back...
keeep in there - think the average jo gets depressed too u know.. jus life babe
feelings can be the best thing
i am terrified but wots new there - keep in touch
Karma xx

[emmer]

thx a million guys.

I am still a bit freaked out but I'm trying to trying to put things in perspective.
I used and now I'm clean, reality did come rushing back in and its not that easy to deal with but at least I have hope and such wonderful support.

Good going getting off h ((Karma)) !! what an awful drug.
((HT)) You can do it honey !!
((Amy)) ((Jane)) you guys are always there for me !!!

I guess my liver is hanging in there ... whew!

[lostbutterfly]

I've been scared this time too Joe. Couldn't sleep the other night coz of the fear. No idea why (altho I've been off a/d's for three weeks too - maybe that is why?)

Part of it, I know, is I was so miserable the last time I slipped up, I've realised that there is no way but forward. I'm pretty much doing what Amy said, praying to whatever is out there and putting one foot in front of the other. Going back is no longer an option - that's what is scary!

Also, I only take my day in parts. Can't cope with the whole thing in one go. So I get to start my day over a few times! It has helped me so much to do that.

You're doing great ((Joe)) LB xxx

[emmer]

Having a tough time with worry and crappy self worth

[tanyapmc]

Hi Joe! I'm proud of you for flushing those pills. I had to detach for a while when you were using. But I am here for you again. I am so glad that your getting clean again. You CAN do this. You have done it before. I am here to support you my friend!

[Rowan]

Yeah I had to detach for a while too, it was too hard watching you do this to yourself, Joe. I'm glad you're starting over. I see you are reading the NA basic text and that's great - what about f2f support? Are you going to meetings?

[Impurrfect]

(((Joe)))

The worry and crappy self worth I understand. My aunt Phyllis kept telling me to focus on who I am NOW, not who I WAS. Took about a zillion times of hearing that before it sunk in

You have ALWAYS been a very good friend to me...whenever I've needed to talk, you've been there. You are full of compassion, have a huge heart, and are very supportive of others, even when you're struggling, yourself.

I had to pray "let me see what's good in me" to even begin to see what was good about me, and others had to point it out, and even then it was still hard. We can be our own worst enemies. No one can beat me up, nearly as well, as I can do it myself. It's just a matter of re-training our brains to see the good instead of only the bad, and it takes practice.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[emmer]

Thanks Tanya, I hope I haven't messed anyone up with my using.
I just felt I had to pull the dope blanket over my head from all the anxiety in my life. I was worried I might fall into a dark (dangerous) place, and using seemed a quick way around it.

I am however going to put (at least) a reasonable effort into a new way of living clean.
I dont want to be clean right now but things will almost certainly get worse if I didnt put an end to it.
So just for today (as we say) I am clean.

.................. messed up with anxiety but clean.

[tanyapmc]

It was just difficult to watch Joe. You are such a neat person and I hated to watch you kill yourself. No, you did not mess me up hun. No need to worry about that. I appreciate your honesty. Hang in there and I am here for you!