Codeine

[Jane63]

(((((emmer))))))
Just sending good thoughts your way!
:ghug
Jane

[whiskerkissed]

Hey Joe~
Time to get a serious grip. You know what it takes and how to get there. GYST!! Dealing with life on life's terms sux sh*t at times...but you know in your soul the drugs do NOT make the situation better. You might feel like it's making it easier to deal with, but it's the disease talking. That's what it wants you to believe.

Scary = fear

Addiction is a fear-based disease. I've found I've lived my life largely based on fear - of everything. I have turned my fear to an asset, however. My recovery is based on the fear of returning to active addiction. It terrifies me NOT to work a program...not to work the steps. A 12-step program isn't for everyone, but it's what's keeping my a$$ on this side of some sort of sanity - better yet - on this side of the dirt. Whatever you're going through cannot possibly be better with codeine. You may numb yourself and the thoughts, but you can make it without using. You don't have to use today.

I'm really proud of you tapering already. You have gone in and out of actively using something for sometime now from my time on SR. Don't just make this another attempt. REALLY WANT IT FOR LIFE!! YOUR LIFE!! I know you can do it...

((JOE)) I do believe in you!

[emmer]

Yeah I know been mucking around in and out of addiction for some time, thing is - I can do it.
A good friend has been helping me realize that my tactics and excuses are just differant angles for using.

Bad new today~ I have to use
Im terrified of the future- I have to use
I'll just use for a few more daze till I get my head together
Nobody knows the depths of my problems- therefore I'm justified in using
Can't go to a meeting because there's too much snow ,but somehow there's never enough snow to stop me from getting pills.
and on and on and on.

Its all just a slew of nonsence to keep form getting and staying clean.

I accept this and have some hard thinking to do.
Do I want to continue on, turning my liver into soup and messing myself up?
Or do I want recovery?

[lostbutterfly]

I used and drank because it was Monday - always a tough day for anyone!
Tuesday - even worse than Monday
Wednesday - celebrate getting to the midweek point
Thursday - practically Friday, so what is the point in stopping now, just get sick.
Friday - YES!! Go wild!!
Saturday - All day!!
Sunday - well, fck it all, it's Monday tomorrow!

[Impurrfect]

(((Joe))) - you never "have to use", sweetie. There is always a choice. I know that sounds simplistic, and pretty crazy when you WANT to use, but it's the truth.''

Your liver can only take so much abuse, before it starts shutting down.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[emmer]

ok, i flushed the rest of the codeine. time for healing

[Impurrfect]

I am SOOOOO proud of you!!! I'd do the happy dance, but I'm kinda warm under my electric blankie, and Patches is laying on my feet

This will have to do....

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[emmer]

awww thx ((((Amy)))

Patches is keepin your toes warm like Frisbee does for me

ya gotta love those kitties.

[lostbutterfly]

I need to find this training manual that get's kitties to keep your feet warm. Mine just purrrrr until I wake up.

Toilets are the only place for codeine!

[emmer]

Wierd, I'm laying on the bed with no blankets..........the heat is off and I'm boiling hot. If the summer fan Isn't blowing on me I overheat.

I dont have a fever and I'm not sick..........go figure.

can't be withdrawals this soon..

as soon as i can, I'm going to sleep my butt off.

[ananda]

Joey (hug) use the support here to help you through these next few days and on.....You can do this (if LB can you can for sure ):ghug

[emmer]

Thanks Ananda!

Soon as my wife is out of the house Im going to puke for a bit ,then try to sleep some.

Didn't feel sick earlier but i do now.

[emmer]

Yuk ... dry heaves and the shakes ......still, I don't regret dumping those pills one bit.

[emmer]

errrr........ anyone else get blood out the 'back end' detoxing from opiates?

sorry ,gross I know ..

aside from my body jerking a bit and a sore stomach from heaving ....... so far so good.. I guess

[lostbutterfly]

Well, I used to get it all the time, but not specifically from detoxing. I think you send your colon to bad places when you abuse codeine.

If it's a lot of blood, I would definitely get it seen to. Mine really was just a little. And all cleared up within about a week of stopping.

Thinking of you Joe.

[Jane63]

Sending you ((HUGS)) emmer! Sounds like you sure could use some today!

If you continue to show blood in your stools then you should call your DR but if it was just a one time thing then I wouldn't be too concerned for now. Do you have stuff like Immodium and Ibuprofen to help with the WDs? Try eating some saltine crackers and sips of Coke for the tummy...always helps me!

I would definitely try to sleep it off for a day or two if you can...the worst should be over by then but you also need to be thinking about what you will do to help you stay in recovery this time...something different than what you've done before.
Don't overwhelm yourself...I just think it would be a good idea to have a plan of sorts.

Here is something I copied down to keep and it has helped me through some rough times!

"DEADS-Kill Your Urge!!

The letters stand for a reminder of some techniques for dealing with urges.

D=Delay.
It is a fact that the mind cannot hold a single thought for any length of time. If you don't believe me, just try to meditate on your navel for 20 minutes. Think of NOTHING else. Don't think of that ticking clock you hear, don't think of your foot that itches, and don't think about how much time is left before you can get up and make dinner. Just your navel, period! Hmmm, pretty hard to do. You can use this fact to crowd out urges by postponing them for a later time. Twenty minutes later, the urges will not seem as urgent as it did when it first appeared. Wait that nasty thought out and it will dissappear. Try it! What have you got to lose except ... your urge.

E=Escape the situation.
We cannot ALWAYS manipulate the situation, but often we can. If you have chosen to go to a party, and the urges are looking 'irresistable', do yourself a favor and get the heck out of there. Mark parties off your list for several months. If certain friends seem to 'make you want to drink', put them on the back burner for a while. If driving by your favorite bar puts a yearning in your stomach, drive home a new way for a while. Several months down the road you can experiment with dealing with tempting situations, but why do it in the first sensitive weeks? There is plenty of time later. Give yourself a break!

A=Avoid.
Make your list up now of triggers that YOU feel tempt YOU and avoid them. Avoid them for good or just for a while. This is your list and your choices. Putting them on paper NOW rather than finding yourself in a sticky situation later makes much more sense to me.

D=Distract.
Distraction or divertion is something that we talk about a lot around here. Having a list of things to do, in advance, is insurance for when the only thing you can think of to do is drink. Pull out that list and pick an activity... and just do it... whether it feels like something you want to do or not. I have found that at first, I would say 'Heck, I don't want to do that'... but after making myself do it, it became fun. My favorite motto of late:

'Motivation follows action'.

I said earlier that it is hard for you to hold one thought in your mind for any length of time, just think how hard it is to hold TWO thoughts at once! This distraction technique utilizes this principle.

S=Substitution.
You can substitute an irrational belief with a rational belief. You can substitute an addictive behavior with a healthy behavior. You can substitute cranberry juice for beer. You can substitute jogging around the block instead of eating chocolate cake. You can substitute feeling sorry for yourself with coming to an online meeting. The possibilites are endless.

DEADS - another tool for the toolbelt."
(*Thanks to DoneWithIt for posting that!!)

Hope that helps ((emmer))! Take care of yourself and please keep posting so we can support you!
((HUGS))
Jane

[emmer]

Oh Thanks soo much Jane and LB , Amy and others. I really do need support now more than ever.

My stomach is so sore from heaving I guess and the blood thing has all but stopped.
My hands are a bit shakey but and Im so darn hot. The thermostat has been turned down to 10c (50f) all night and I am still boiling...even hot with no blankets.

I guess my body's a bit screwed up (to say the least).......... I am feeling the reward of abuse....
Thats ok though, Im not going to go back to using.
I have a wonderful sponser, and a solid plan in place to stay clean. (meetings,step work etc.)

I feel crappy but at least i feel something. My thinking is a bit scary (what I mean is I'm freaked out about the future) but at least Im heading in the right direction.

All support is greatly appreciated.

love you guys.

[ananda]

your doin all the right things emmer....do consider the dr though....


worried mama bear

[emmer]

Thanks (((Ananda))) , I sure will consider the doctor.

[Impurrfect]

(((Joe)))

I've never gone through the withdrawals, but I know that any time I get nauseated or feel sick, I feel hot, like I am burning up. I know my stepsister recently told me that she ran a fever when she came off Klonopin, which I never thought of fever as a withdrawal symptom, so I guess the body can do just about anything.

I'm glad you have a plan, and are working hard toward recovery. With all that's gone on, in my life the past 22 months, and even though I've thought about getting numb, I'm glad I haven't. It's a good feeling to just get through stuff and not have to deal with the guilt, remorse, shame I would have dealt with had I used (that's just what I would have felt...not saying anyone else should).

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[EscapedOC]

Wish you the best. I f*#d myself bad with codeine.OxyContin to be exact.I was injecting them for the last 6 months of 5 years using them. In 20 days I will have 6 months sober and life is really good today.I make a lot of meetings. 5-6 a week. NA/AA
Support from other people is so valuable. Keep you eyes on the prize.
I was also in the hospital for 7 days. Shaking w/ chills and sweats. It goes away soon. Thank GOD! Use your sponsor!!! Hope you get a huge pink cloud! I did! Keep it up!

[emmer]

yup I know exactly what your saying (((Amy))) I know a wonderful lady (x prostitute and crack addict) who had probably 1 1/2 years clean and one night she decided to go back out there and regretted it very much.

She probably now has about 2 years clean and is very instramental (sp) in helping many others stay clean.

Keep safe with the weather that's on your way ((Amy))! ....k?

love ya..


Thanks Escaped!!! Will do.

[emmer]

Watery eyes, pretty fluish feeling,puffy eyes, nothing to puke up- had this crazy idea that if I could puke up something (not just air).... I'd feel better.........

.......just talking to myself

[Impurrfect]

I don't think it's crazy to think it would be better to have something to puke up. I HATE nausea/vomiting. Of course, I'm a wuss, and hate being sick in any kind of way!

The only thing that helps me is Gatorade.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[lostbutterfly]

DEADS - that is brilliant. So got to remember that! Thanks Jane.

Talk away Joe. If any of us feel tempted to take pills again, we can run back to this thread to remind ourselves of how much fun they really are! Not just the w/d's, but all the despair that they bring while you are taking them.

This last time I stopped, I felt afraid too. I finally realised I can't go back to them anymore. So sobriety really is the only way now!

I always get hot flushes when I stop. I loved the chilled foods aisle!!! Then hots and colds. Then just turn into a human iceblock!

Glad the bleeding thing stopped. Really, I'm surprised my a$$ didn't fall off long ago, with what it has been put thru!!

Take care Joe. Look after yourself. You deserve to be as comfortable as possible thru this, you know. Luv LB xxx