EscapedOC

Dec. 27th, I was sober for 5 months. I was injecting Oxy, Dilladid...anything but Herion.I tried to stop for months on my own. During that time, I put my entire family through H*LL. Up and Down, Up and Down. Finally, I checked into a medical detox (best thing I ever did). I went through 5 to 6 days of the WORST WDs.It was scary, but now that was an asset. I don't want to go back. This stuff was not a joke. I played with eating opiates for about 5 years , until it didn't work anymore. I was taking them to feel normal...not good. I swore I'd never shoot up, but did.I tried suboxone, but the WDs were longer than the Oxys. Get help, If you need. Your sick getting well, not bad getting good. Addiction is a disease. I still have obsessions and compulsion at 5 months sober.

finallyclean08

Thanks Escaped! How do you feel mentally? The physical symptoms have pretty much subsided but the mental depression is horrible. I have always suffered from depression but how was it for you? I havent actually moved from my bed all day. Took the laptop to bed and I think I got up to go to the bathroom. This is the only thing that seems to take my mind off the depression is to talk to people.

finallyclean08

And its funny I keep saying that the physical symptoms are gone but I haven't stopped taking Advil for the past week and today haven't taken any and my bones are killing me. I don't have a bad back but it hurts tremendously. I guess I have to take some more advil. I thought I was over that. Darn!

EscapedOC

If I could tell you anything. Try to get out of your "rut". I attend AA..and love it. I didn't at first, but I met some pretty cool friends. Addicts build up addictive behaviors over years of using that have to be broken to keep from relasping. these are most prevelent in depression, boredom, anxiety feelings. Whatever you do, stay busy. Meetings are a new behavior that can help. There are a lot of them usually. I was encouraged to do the same...and didn't want to go, but I see why now. It's a way of "getting out of yourself" Today I feel great, but I 've change my entire life in 5 months.....but I have some really cool friends in recovery that can relate. It's good. Keep it up.

EscapedOC

I had extreme Leg and back pains for about two weeks. Don't let them beat you. It will go away. I was a shower guy, but now I will take a hot bath almost daily to calm me down. It was almost critical for me in the first month. I had "creepy crawly skin" and anxiety.

lostbutterfly

FC - I was so frightened at my first AA meeting. I was sober, but full of pills. That was OK right, this was for alcohol? Saw two people I knew, (my biggest fear) which has turned out to be the best thing.

I love those meetings now. I feel like they took me in and they are going to make me better.

I'm so glad I went. It was actually SR that made me go. Most of the long term sobriety I see on here is by people who go to meetings. Saying that, there are lots who don't. I just thought I would go with the majority, because I knew I couldn't do it on my own, I have been trying long enough.

Do you take anti depressants, or don't they work?

finallyclean08

Thanks Escaped! You made sense. I need to get out of this rut! I am still afraid to go to a meeting but I think I will just do it anyways. It can't hurt right? Only good can come I hope. At least at the most it gets me out of the house and occupies my mind for a little while. What happened to you at your first meeting? Did you talk? Or just listen to others? Do you have to introduce yourself? Do people talk to you? Or can you just sit and not have anyone notice you?

finallyclean08

I do take anti depressants, they worked before when I was taking codeine but I don't know if it was the codeine or the anti depressants. I have tried many different anti depressants but they seem to work for a while and then stop. I don't know what my problem is but its frustrating!

I can imagine you were scared at your first meeting...and to see people you knew! Wow that must have been really scary. But you got through it and I bet those people turned out to be a help to you in the end right?

lostbutterfly

It is a bit daunting to walk into a room full of strangers, of course. Especially if you are used to a nice fuzzy codeine blanket to get you through awkward situations!

I think all meetings are different. No-one has to speak at ours. You speak and share if you wish to. But I tell you, it's hard to get a word in edgewise most nights! Some people just won't shut up, lol!!

The wee-wee thing must have been the ibuprofen then. I used to not wee all day, have aching kidneys, and be all swelled up with fluid retention by the end of the day. One of the highlights of my main w/d's, was seeing my ankles again!!

Vintersemestre

LB is a MILF :P

finallyclean08

Thanks LB I think I will give it a try. Do you go all the time still? Weekly?

lostbutterfly

Twice a week, every week. Happy to go for the rest of my life if that's what it takes. In fact, as my kids get older, I can only see myself going more.

But some people outgrow it. Maybe I will too. But that is too far in the future.

hmmmm - now I've just googled MILF Vinter - not sure if our definition is the same as yours, but I may be flattered or you may get a virtual slap!

finallyclean08

ha ha LB I was thinking the same thing when I saw that post. I think you should be flattered!
Just means your gorgeous!

Vintersemestre

you got that gorgeous sauwf afrika look, LB

lostbutterfly

lol, thanks vinter! Speaking of gorgeous, is that your doggy in your avatar FC? I can't decide whether he is really p*ssed at having to wear his little red jumper, or if he thinks he's the bees knees in it!!

finallyclean08

ha ha thats my doggy, shes mad that Im making her pose for the camera. I love this pic she is so cute!

emmer

Thats good you came to the realization that you have a problem with codeine. I too live in Canada (I used to live in Calgary (SW) and know how otc codeine can eat up your liver.
I recently sucked myself into thinking I can handle codeine, but Im abusing them yet again (now 36 -48 a day).

But anyway......good for you!

I hope to have the guts real soon to quit before it buries me.

lostbutterfly

We all hope you do emmer. It's a relief to know I'm not the only one, you know? My experience is the exact same as yours last time I relapsed. I just sort of gave up, thought I had to find a way to make my life work being addicted to codeine, because I couldn't see myself ever living without it.

But within days I was back to buying a box a day. And within a week that wasn't enough and I looked and felt like poo!

I can see now what the doggie's expression is conveying! "Oh, when will this be over?"

emmer

I couldn't see myself ever living without it.
Yup, thats my biggest fear right now Lost, right now I just have zero courage. **sigh**

Glad to know there are others who have been in the same boat as me............
it gives me more hope.

FC , your doggy is super cute

lostbutterfly

I am going to reassess the whole situation if I ever get to 90 days. If I still feel like I need it, then I'll have to think again.

Problem is, I never get to even 21 days and I don't think I give my body and mind a chance to readjust. I'm approaching the two week mark, which is my traditional "fall flat on my face" time!

Here's to 90 days and beyond!!!