I have an issue...

[HappyHippie]

Hello hello....Melissa here. Im having an issue. Its a kinda long story, but i'll make it short and sweet. I was with a man for 5 years, and then i left him because he was getting in the way of my addiction. Sad i know, but im sure im not the only one. Anyways, when i left him i got with another addict. Surprise surprise...well i dont know if i fell in love with him, or made myself believe i loved him, because he had drugs, no matter which one it was I had love for this man. I've decided to get clean, left him and got back with the other guy. The guy i was with for 5 years. But now the he wont leave me alone. He says he's in love with me, and he cant live without me, and i very much believe he feels this way. He says he's getting clean, but i dont believe him. He's a compulsive liar, way more than ur everyday addict. He lies about EVERYTHING. Im not in love with him but i care for him so much. I know he doesnt need to be in my life, and because of our history I dont want him in my life but he wont leave me alone!! If i dont talk to him he starts calling my friend and my mother . I guess to see what im doing or what not. I really dont know why he does it.My current boyfriend HATES him and i understand why. What the hell do i do? Is this one of the instances that i need to veto him from my life, whether it hurts me or not? I would say so...but....i dunno, i wish he would jus move on with his life, do something good for himself, get clean, find some ambition and goals....etc...I guess in a way i feel if im not there 4 him, he wont get any better. I jus wish i could live my life, jus my family and i, (my daughter, and her daddy) and not have to worry about any one else. I cant just stop worrying and caring about him. I feel so stuck. Oh and i shortened my story substantially, so if somethings dont make much sense thats why. Can i have some input on this. That'd be wonderful.


Melissa

[windysan]

I've learned not to get between wimmens and they menses. I'll let one of the wimmens answer. Good luck with it though !

[Peter]

Stop agonizing over him. focus on getting yourself clean and keeping your daughter safe.You can't fix him. Hopefully he will get the message when you don't return his calls. If he doesn't then seek legal action against him. You cant live your life with your foot stuck in the door.

[hello-kitty]

You may think this is harsh and maybe it is, but your recovery needs to come first. I speak from my personal experience.

Get a restraining order and next time he contacts you or your family, tell him if he ever comes near you again, you'll file it and turn him into the police for drugs. Your first priority needs to be you and getting off drugs. Everything else is a bonus.

[freshstart]

IMO, this is the time for you to focus on YOU. not on who you are going to be with. This time for you is going to be hard enough without having to worry about someone else's recovery. If he gets clean good for him... maybe later on down the line when you both have clean time you'll be able to get things going again. Also he is going to have to do it for himself, not to get you back. That will never work. Two freshly recovering addicts together is just a timebomb plain and simple. Deal with yourself. Work on your own issues. It's going to be hard but so worth it.

[TTOSBT]

You need to cut off ties with him.
It sounds like an Alanon meeting would not hurt you either. You can not fix him. He has to want to get clean and that has nothing to do with you.
Do not ruin your relationship with your family over him, move on.
Take the necessary steps.
Cut off all contact.
Change phone numbers if necessary.
Tell your Mom and friend what you are doing and ask they do not speak to him either.
Take legal action if needed.
Good luck!

[HappyHippie]

Thanks for the input. But i want to make it VERY VERY "CRYSTAL" CLEAR that whether he's clean or not...i DO NOT want to be with him. Im jus worried. about him and myself. But there's nothing i want more than my current relationship, i've spent most of my life with this man, (not the one we are talking about) the "good" one so to say, he is the father of my child, and i love him. I want to grow old with this man. I REALLY dont want to be with the topic of my thread. Im just worried about him....

thanks again

[freshstart]

He has to find his own way. We all do. You can not carry another addict into recovery. I learned that the hard way. We all have to find our own way around the mountain. Support him from a distance if he finds his way. Emotional strings will complicate things. If he's serious he'll understand. JMO.

[Stubborn1]

I have to agree you need to tell him no means no. It's okay to tell him that you wish the best for him and you hope he finds happiness but other then that you can not be there. It's not fair to your new life, your new found sobriety, your daughter and your boyfriend. The ex is disrespecting all of those and he needs to stop.
Good luck.

[hairgirl]

Cut em loose

[NeedingHelp7]

HappyHippie, These are the kind of struggles you end up with when you go to other men for relationships and drugs.

I commend you on your decision to get clean and sober.

I'm not sure why your boyfriend accepted you back so soon, you are fortunate, most wouldn't.... I hope you can earn his and daughters trust back. You have this chance to stay sober and have your family together...mom, dad, and daughter....anything else is heartbreaking...believe me.

Hoping the best for ya,
NH7

[chiynita]

You need to decide whats more important? Your relationship with the father of your child and your child and yourself. Or this other guy who is a pest and not doing anything good for himself or you.
Seems pretty clear cut to me.

[HappyHippie]

i pretty much knew the answer to that question. I just wanted more input...thank you so much