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|09-01-2008, 12:56 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
My Story of Addiction to Hydros
Thanks to you all for your replies. I still don't know quite what I'm doing on this. I dont know how to work all of this. But I wanted to give a little more detail about my addiction.
Well, I'm 25 now, & started using hydros for recreation only. There was one time both of my exs died & he gave me two bottles of hydros both containing 100 each. I took them for fun & after a year & the 200 were gone, I had no problems coming off of them at ALL.
Well, from the ages of 20-24 I kept using them on occasion, just whever they were available, never had the urge to use unless they were around me.
November 2007 is when my world started to fall apart. I was 25, have a history of abusing meth, coke & other drugs for short periods of times & drinking mountain dew heavily.. plus smoking.
I got scared straight with all of these other drugs, by Od'ing & getting "scared straight" from all of them. Coke is the hardest drug to overcome & I had NO problems whatsoever.
But I can't seem to scare myself straight with hydros.
So November 2007 I developed an abscess of my left second to last molar. He fed me Tylenol #3 for weeks & antibiotics trying to get rid of the abscess. Weeks later, he said everything looked good & he put a cap over it.
Minutes later after walking in my house, I was in my room in the fetal position screaming my lungs out. We went back & the dentist popped my cap open & all of this pus started squirting out. My BF almost fainted. He said, "ok we need to leave this open so it can drain out" The cap the dentist put on made my abscess put pressure against it & that's why I was in so much pain.
Then he started feeding my hydros all of the time. I came back weekly, only to get a new script & more antibiotics.
By this time it was January & I couldn't take it anymore. I work am a medical professional & finally went upstairs to a dentist who was in my building & couldn't believe his eyes. He said "that needs to come out right away"
So, I went to Oral Surgery & got it yanked out. It was horrible. It was violently taken out. Again I was fed hydros. I developed dry socket SEVERELY. I kept calling, asking for pain medicine almost every other day.
Pretty soon they told me, "no more narcotics"
So I was like ok, great. So then I started jumping from doctor to doctor, to ER to ER to get pain relief... & it worked! I kept getting hydros all of the time. Nobody suspected a thing. I was even jumping from pharmacy to pharmacy making sure they didn't catch me. In the interim, I would even find some from the streets :-(
So after that grueling ordeal I thought everything was ok. Then in February I started developing severe pain on my right bottom second to last molar. I went to a different dentist who hardly looked at me & said "you have an abscess, here's antibiotics & 7.5 hydros." I was like great, here we go again.
He then put a silver, generic looking "bottle cap thing" on top of it so I could try to eat. Well, again I was in agonizing pain. I kept calling & calling & they told me to wait until my next appointment.
So again, I went back upstairs where I work & they found out the the dentist stuck a metal piece inside my gum, like a knife stabbing me. So they pulled it out & gave me more pain meds.
So after weeks & weeks of being fed antibiotics & hydros, he finally decided to give me the root canal, (by the way I WAS NOT NUMB) & he did not believe me. Then he put a beautiful EXPENSIVE crown over the top of it.
I was so excited that I got a new molar! It was so beautiful!!! But after the days went on, I was still experiencing pain. I kept calling them back complaining, & they kept giving me hydros.
After about a month, they began to get suspicious, so they cut me off & told me to come in. I went in, the dentist BARELY even looked in my mouth & told me to "give it time & take Motrin"
So I did. But I noticed that I could hardley eat hard food anymore. My dry socket on the left was too tender to eat, & this crown he had put on me was killing me. I just couldn't understand what I was doing wrong.
So again, I went upstairs where I work for a 2nd opinion & AGAIN he said that I needed it pulled out. But I didn't want to so I went to a endodologist (root canal savers) & she said the same thing. She said that the dentist who did the root canal used a "screw type" post & didn't clean out the rest of my infection. She said that he had cracked (perforated) so many areas of my tooth that if she were to try to get the post out, she would ruin it even more by pulling back on it & shredding it.
Once again, I was referred to oral surgery. I was heart broken. I had spent thousands of dollars getting this root canal & crown, only to have it get pulled out. And again, I developed dry socket. And again, I kept calling & calling asking for more pain meds.
When they cut me off again, I went back to doctors, walk-in clinics & ER's multiple times. By this time, I was taking way more than prescribed. Probably 5 a day, instead of 2 at night. This is when my addiction began.
So in June I started seeing the dentist where I work. He developed a huge treatment plan for me & gave me hydros every so often to deal with the agonizing pain before my next appointment.
He was doing a great job! He said my front teeth needed to be fixed immediately, (there were was holes in them, black crap) but those weren't the ones that were hurting me! But he suggested we get these ones fixed anyway, & again fed me more hydros.
I called back a couple days later & asked to be seen again as an emergency. This time, it was my far back right molar. He again, recommended that I save the money from saving a tooth that had a poor prognosis & get this one pulled out.
I was STILL suffering from dry socket with the other one, & got the one next to it pulled out. AGain, I got dry socket & called over & over again for pain meds.
Also, kept doing my "doctor shopping" in the interim when it was too soon to ask the dentist for more. So during my 2 year anniversary hotel stay with my BF, I was in the worst pain ever. My pain meds had run out & I was just the worst person to be around. It ruined my whole vacation with him.
This is when my life hit rock bottom. In November 2007, I weight approximately 105-108 lbs at 5'1".
Now in June, I dwindled down to 92 lbs because I just could not eat. I went to the ER for this many time because I felt so week & I kept throwing up & was just miserable. Of course, they couldn't do anything for me.
Also, during a boating-outing, I slipped & pretty much broke my leg. Again, at the ER, I was provided with more hydros & when I would run out I'd go from Dr. to Dr. asking for more.
THENNNN on top of that!!!! I started to get severe tooth pain on my upper right very back molar. I called my dentist frantically & said "get me to oral surgery now!"
He said that he doesn't want me to get it out until I can be seen. He was also suspicious that I might have a sinus infection, given my ear was killing me as well.
So I went to my ear doctor, he fed me hydros & gave me antibiotics. He thought it really was my tooth.
So again, I went to my dentist & he agreed that it needed to be pulled out. So I did, & got rx'd to oxy's since I had a long hx of using hydros. Those were great, I didn't need to take as many as I had to take the hydros.
But after the weeks, my socket didn't dry up & I was feeling good. Except for my severe ear pain. AGAIN I went to the ER & they said I might have a tube dysfunction, gave me hydros & told me to see an ear specialist.
I went & saw him & he thought my ears were perfect. He was suspicious of lock jaw.
So now, I am addicted to hydros & everyone has cut me off. Sometimes I still go from doctor to doctor just to get a fix & sometimes I would buy them from the street, which where I live is just impossible.
Now, I'm trying so hard to have my old life back. I don't want to be on these pills. I'm too scared to tell anybody because I am a medical professional. I feel so heavy, I can barely get out of bed. I can't have no sexual interest in my BF unless I'm on hydro's.. I pretty much have no interest in doing ANYTHING unless I'm on hydro's. Even on hydro's I still didn't want to do anything except just sit there & stare.
Today, I can take up to 15 5/500 mg hydros a day. Sadly, I'm 92 lbs & I can take 5 pills at a time to get the same experience I used to. Every day I was using 15 pills a day.
Now, I'm trying to cut myself off. I want my normal life back. I want to have fun with life & fun with sex like I used to. Now I'm just a numb zombie who still is in a lot of pain in my ear.
I constantly think about the high & how bad I want it. I won't let my BF touch me anymore because I'm just not in the mood.
I also have a long history of anxiety/depression for which I'm on Zoloft & Clonazepam. I have told my shrink about my pill addiction & he thinks that it will go away on it's own. The thing is, he doesn't know exactly how much I REALLY have been taking. I'm too scared to tell anybody.
I just don't know what to do. I'm lost & confused & sometimes feel like dying is the best way out :-(
|09-01-2008, 01:43 PM||#2 (permalink)|
"Welcome To The Future..."
Join Date: Mar 2008
Blog Entries: 1
Hey there! Jeez you've been through hell and back. I am sorry for your suffering! Sounds like you are ready to get some help. First off, let me tell you I work in the medical profession too, or rather did. Currently, my license is at stake b/c I did some illegal things that have not yet been resolved. Please don't let yourself get to that point, sweetie. You're already doctor shopping which is illegal in and of itself. But most importantly, you need to get better for yourself. . . to have a better quality of life once again.
I have a five year history of abusing opiates. Norco 10's were my DOC, but I'd take anything I could get my greedy little hands on. At my worst I was taking 30 pills/per day. Like I've said countless times before, I'm lucky to be alive much less still have a healthy liver!
Right now I'm on suboxone and have been since 4/21. It has literally saved my life. I couldn't do this on my own. To get to the root of your addiction you also need to seek out a therapist who understands and knows how to treat addiction, as well as a psychiatrist who can treat addiction. I also have depression and anxiety so I'm being treated for that as well. I am miles from where I once was, and you can be too. Few people can taper off opiates or go cold-turkey, and sometimes it just isn't safe to do so. I would advise you to check out this website about suboxone. It also helps you find treatment doctor's in your area. Buprenorphine treatment and opioid addiction resources from The National Alliance of Advocates for Buprenorphine Treatment
This isn't the only option. There are others out there. Keep researching. Call an addiction hotline. That is what I did before going to the website I previously mentioned. I talked to some really helpful people who knew what I was going through and were able to give me names and numbers of treatment facilities.
I know how worried you are about your career. But at this stage of the game that kind of has to be put on the back burner. Getting yourself healthy and keeping yourself out of legal trouble before it is too late is what is most important right now. Get these things under control and then worry about the career. I don't know what it is you do in the medical field, but b/c of my legal trouble I did report myself to my licensing board. I had to in hopes of ever working again. My physician is totally aware of my legal problems and has been willing to help me get my career back on track.
Keep researching and posting. You can do this sweetie. I and so many others here are proof of that!!!! Take care and keep us updated!
My Disgrace Is My Saving Grace
|09-01-2008, 03:33 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
Yeah, I know I need help. & I have heard of this Subutex & asked my shrink about it. But the thing is is I kinda lied to him & told him I was just on it for a long time... taking it as directed.... but that was a lie. I was taking 20 lortabs in 2 freakin' days. It's just getting outta control. I'm a medical assistant, so I don't have like, any liscenses to take away, but I'm just embarrassed because I was a 9+ year ex junkie, & unintentially got myself in the same hole I was 9 years ago with other drugs.
I too, take anything I can get my hands on. If I can get tramadol, I take them by the fist full. If I get Codeine, I would take all 20 pretty much at the same time. (I'M VERY LUCK TO HAVE NOT GOT LIVER FAILURE TOO). Now, the only thing I can find is phentermine, my mom's weight loss pills. I'm not usually up for uppers, but I needed the energy so I grabbed a couple. I'm sure my mom will find out, but I was so desperate. I probably will come up with an extravagant story or something.
That was actually today :-( I don't know what to do. I'm so scared that my shrink will cut me off from my clonazepam (which I hardley take anyway because I take so many narcotic pills) because they really seem to help.
I just feel like I can't function anymore unless I'm on ANYTHING. Anything that'll give me that extra boost to get that heavy-feeling off of me. My BF has even noticed that I have lost extra weight (I weigh 88.9 lbs today) because I'm on these damn diet pills now.
I have such an addictive personallity of f**** hate myself. I don't want to lose my job, my bf or go to jail because my insurance is suspicious I'm a drug seeker. But I really feel like if I were to get into trouble, I'd put up a hell of a fight because my pain was LEGIT.
It just so happened I was a lil' clutzy & broke my leg along the way. But also, I have that fear, that'll I'll lose my really good insurance because of my multiple visits at multiple places.
I just don't know anymore. If I wasn't on my mom's diet pills right now, I'd be going insane. I keep thinking about how hard it's going to be going to work tomorrow. With hydro's I always woke up instantly, ready to go & even put on makeup at 7 am. When I'm not on them, I'm on my Zoloft & Clonazepam, rolling outta bed, dreading work (I have agoraphobia) & falling asleep on my way to work 25 miles away.
I just wish that I'd dye sometimes. Seriously.
|09-01-2008, 04:04 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
Blog Entries: 12
Wow! That is quite a story. I am so sorry that you have been thru all of that. i just want you to know that the energy level DOES return, and i was a meth addict yrs ago and a hydro addict w/ 7 1/2 months clean now. I am getting a lot more organized now and feel GREAT!
You too can do this. Have you ever thought of trying NA? I didn't do well on my own, but since meeting ppl in recovery, it helped a lot!
|09-01-2008, 04:23 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
I have thought about going to NA, but the problem is is that I live in a small town in Iowa, where EVERYBODY knows EVERYBODY & I'm scared I'm going to see somebody who know's me. I want to try Subutex but my shrink doesn't think I'm as addicted as I am. But I know I am because I constatnly think about it & WANT it more than ANYTHING in the world.
I really would like to try this myself, but man, I'm feeling really crappy though.
|09-01-2008, 05:37 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2008
hmm--isn't it better that "everybody" knows that you are a recovering addict in NA than that you are an addict, which is what will eventually come out if you keep using opiates. It all comes out in the wash. And NA is an anonymous program. Do you, for instance, know who all goes to it?
You need help, my friend, NA, and an addictionologist. Your shrink might not even be qualified to treat your addiction. Mine isn't. I go to a shrink and an addictionologist. And they both know about each other so the meds won't "clash." Suboxone was, for me, a miracle drug.
Everyone I know who beat addiction had help. It's so hard to recover alone. And there is just no reason to try to do it alone. I think that NA will be a surprise to you if you try it.
|09-03-2008, 06:35 AM||#7 (permalink)|
OMG everything's real
Join Date: Sep 2008
Blog Entries: 3
I am getting up the courage to go to my NA meeting, the nearest one is half an hour away. AA is only 5 minutes away but I am like you, scared someone I know will be there. But then, they will be there for the same reason we would be there, wouldn't they? And feel the same as us about wanting to be anonymous.
|09-03-2008, 10:24 AM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Go to AA then if it's closer and you feel more comfortable maybe having people think you drink too much, rather than the real issue. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, either. Just go, listen, buy a 'big book' from the secretary at the end of the meeting, and ask for the free book 'living sober'. They should have 'em. Then when you read stuff, you just mentally substitute 'drugs' and 'addiction' for 'booze' and 'alcoholism'. It's all the same dang disease anyway, and the treatment is the same, too (barring very advanced stages of alcoholism).
Everything you're freaking out about right now, TRUST ME, it's all a function of withdrawals. Getting off the stuff messes with your head really bad, as well as giving you all kinds of flu-like physical symptoms. It would be hard for you to do, but if you were to look through all my posts here on SR.com to people going through withdrawals, you'd find that I almost always describe one of the symptoms as 'feeling like you just might die, and thinking that if you DID, then that would be okay, since at least then your misery would be over'. That's totally normal ... well, in a manner of speaking it's 'normal' ...
Look, this intense psychological distress of w/d's? This effect is a HUGE part of why people have so much trouble getting clean off of opiates, ya know? This is 'what happens' with these drugs. You play, you pay. It's that simple.
But ... what you're feeling now, it's not 'real', it ENDS, and fairly quickly, once you hunker down and tough it out, from the level of hydro's you were on (frankly, that's not a lot of dope that you're talking about doing ... what you do in a day, I used to do just to get out of bed in the morning ... and then I'd do a WHOLE lot more during the day) you should be right as rain in about 5 days, long as you don't cave and restart the whole process. How you feel now, the way you're 'thinking', TRUST ME, it IS *entirely* temporary, and making a full recovery, getting back to your old self, is not only possible, it's almost guaranteed, if you stay clean. YOU can do it, too
There's lots of posts here giving 'directions' if you will for getting through w/d's, I don't have time to rehash them, but do some poking around. Pretty sure I gave some to someone less than a week ago here...
|04-07-2009, 09:51 AM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Blog Entries: 4
I hope it gets better for you! I know how it is with hydrocodone...
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh, and I will cry. Happiness I can not feel, and love to me is so unreal." Loony in Rings of Power I will never forget CarolD.
|04-08-2009, 01:49 PM||#11 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2008
Man I was pumped to start giving advice, what the heck ? I was still high back in September
Believe in life! Always human beings will live and progress to greater, broader and fuller life.
W. E. B. Du Bois (1868 - 1963),.
|addiction, lortab, vicodin|
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