where do i go?

[help2judgeme]

Hi,
Today is my 1st day sober in 10 years, I've been addicted to "more" of everything since i was 16.
The drugs have had a horrible effect on my life, I have moved half way around the country to be away from my parents because they cared too much and i couldn't hide the truth from them.
I've lost a truly beautiful girl that i was engaged to.
And i have run up some horrible debts from not caring about tax or credit cards or well anything
There my biggest regrets,
I wont bore you lot with the rest, we all have our reasons for quitting.

So now i'm trying to quit alone, >1000 k's from my family, one too many chances away from beloved ex fiance, and living in a double world of work and drugs.

I can't ask my work friends to help because none of them know, no idea how but they all don't even think i drink.
I can't ask my drug friends because i know i need to distance myselfm if i am ever going to quit, not to mention I;m expected to turn up with gear at everyone of my mates houses.

So any advice on someone to talk to to help me quit? Or even ways to replace the emptiness? I don;t know how to make friends unless they want something from me or there scared of me.

Sorry about the long post and its probly in the wrong spot but i'm about as lonely as they get, and i guess i want someone to congratulate me for trying, not just laughing at me like everyone else...
Andrew

[ftumsh]

i'm sure this is the right spot. congratulations on your decision and best wishes. do you have any supports in place at all? perhaps try NA or get referred to a drug counsellor by your doctor? there are many people on this site who will help you and be there to chat. everyone has been or is in the same boat.

[help2judgeme]

Thanks,
My main worry is that every doctor knows me now. And iv'e convinced them that i am crazy so i could get scripts.
Do they have to treat me off my record? Or as a sane person who wants to quit drugs?
I had my last line of speed at 7 am thursday morning, and a handful of tremaz, valium, tramadol, and avanza to get to sleep at about 10pm. Its now mid day friday, how long til the cravings start?
WIll i get sick?
I've been taking regularly speed, coke, ice and some online designer amphet. Through the week i have lines all morning to get through work, i usually try to have my last line of a week day at mid day.
I've been taking tramadol, tremaz, seroquel, panadeine forte, codeine, ketamine, weed, valiums and avanza (or what ever is around to get to sleep)
Weekends are usually three day benders that make me miss monday at work.
Will i get sick? Will the doc help me or treat me as a "schizo" due to the scripts i've been on?

[whiskerkissed]

FIRST let's clear this up - your nic!! No one here will help to judge you because there's simply nothing to judge!! You're in the right place. Can't get any righter except to add a few meetings under your belt. NA/AA and any other "A" you can find will do.

Depending on how much you use and how much you drink - you may want to seek professional help. Is there anyway you can check into a detox unit? I know you say your coworkers don't know, but depending on the severity of your addiction it could be dangerous to do on your own...even deadly.

Once you get your addiction under some sense of control - the rest of your responsibilities should follow and begin to fall into place.

Where are you located if I may ask?

[help2judgeme]

I am in western australia.

The judge me part is because i was a dealer and i started alot of people on the wrong road. I'm really really guilty about some of the people who's lives i've destroyed, especially this one young bloke who really looked up to me.

So is it still cool to stay???
I havn't dealt for 2 months, i have moved houses and changed all my phone numbers. That life is well and truely behind me, now its time to leave the drugs as well.

So back to my question will they treat me off my record (as a schizophrenic with bipolar disorder who isn't sure what he is saying) or as a druggo who wants to quit.

Will i get in trouble if all of my scripts are not needed?

[hairgirl]

Goin it alone is not a real good idea.You need some kind of support.Trust me, it doesn't work for long!!

[help2judgeme]

And one more question i have been pretty heavy into the codeine and tramadol, i've been taking about three 20 X 50 tramadol packs every week and a pack and a half or two packs of 12.8 mg codeine with ibuprofen every day.

I get bad headaches if i don't take codeine is that common? My tramadol scripts all ran out last week and i've been ok with that, does that mean tramdol is done for me? Out of my system?

Sorry to hassle everyone with all the q's, but should i go one by one or is cold turkey the way?

[whiskerkissed]

Originally Posted by help2judgeme

I am in western australia.

The judge me part is because i was a dealer and i started alot of people on the wrong road. I'm really really guilty about some of the people who's lives i've destroyed, especially this one young bloke who really looked up to me.

So is it still cool to stay???

Want to hear my dealing credentials? I'll tell if it helps! Doesn't really matter though. It's now in the past...nothing you can do about it. Move past it and make amends by your own actions. Wanting to get clean is a VERY good action. Worry about you right now. You can't do anything until you get better first.

Originally Posted by help2judgeme

So back to my question will they treat me off my record (as a schizophrenic with bipolar disorder who isn't sure what he is saying) or as a druggo who wants to quit.

Will i get in trouble if all of my scripts are not needed?

If you sit down and get honest with your doctor...yes...you'll get help. Maybe not off-record. It jeopardizes their license. You can simply find a detox center closest to you, to. Not sure exactly how those operate. Never been to one...but plenty here have. If you don't need your scrips...shred them! No sense keeping something you don't need. With all the drugs you have going on...I strongly suggest the doctor. You may have a real hard time in the next couple of days.

[whiskerkissed]

You have a long list of scrips you've been abusing. I can't imagine you NOT hurting before too long. Please...seek professional help.

[ftumsh]

perhaps go to a fresh doctor? also (i'm in australia too) try ADIS (australian drug information service) not sure what the WA number is. google it. i've found them very helpful. they can tell you of all detoxes and rehabs in your area and whether you need a referral, etc. i, too, think that your "diet" is a little large and varied to do it by yourself. googled it for you

DAO - ADIS

[help2judgeme]

thanks i will go see the doctor and face the music. The effort i put into getting those scripts seemed like a good idea but i think it will cause me some troubles.

I decided i'm going to burn the rest of my stash at 8.00 tonight and then go to bed.
I'm not sure if its the kindness from the people here or this being the 1st step on the road but i'm an emotional little bitch at the moment.

And i stink, its only been half a day, any former users who'd care to comment on how long this will happen?

And i NEED to go away for work for four days next week, close quarters with a lot of really serious people who will be expecting me to be my usual self.
Any suggestions

I'm tired and sweaty but glad to be amphet free for the 1st day of what i hope will be forever.

[windysan]

NA or AA....they know the way to get started. Good luck.

[emmer]

I was heavy into codeine as well and heavy into benzos and lots of other stuff too.
...... I considered myself at one time to be a pathetic pill abuser but I am now 6 months free of all drugs.

My very best advise to you is NA, period. The meetings will help to save your butt!

Please pickup the phone now ... They are kind there and helpful and I have never been judged there.

Go ahead now and pickup the phone.

Your friend from Canada....Joe

[help2judgeme]

Sincere thankyou everyone, I have an apointment to see a doctor on monday. Wish me luck, i hope he understands and doesn't get too pissed and make it an issue, even though i was a dick for doing it and probly deserve what ever happens.
The appointment is before the work trip so i will ask he's advice, i've done a little reading this morning between posts and it looks like i might be headed for rehab, might be tougher than simply stopping.
Still destroying everything tonight so i can't be tempted, I think i will make it through the week end ok.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

[HopeTo180]

Welcome help2judgeme,
You've made a great start. Congratulations on your 1st day! Never look back. Remain clean and sober "just for today". Tomorrow do the same. Then the next. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that you've got a long and rocky road ahead of you. The good news is that your losses stop here. Today is a new day. You can begin to pick yourself up and start a new. A life free from addiction. SR is filled with many that have gone "there" and by the grace of God, found their way back. I cannot tell you how important it is to keep posting. Writing is a way to cut through your own negative self talk. I'm sure you felt better after writing your post. Don't worry about not being able to talk to family and friends about your addiction. I find great inner strength by remaining silent about my addiction. I feel I will lose valuable energy if the words leave my lips (it's just what works for me). Do whatever you can to stay clean and sober. Find a group in your area and attend often. Seeing a doctor is highly recommended. You are a walking chemistry set. Rehab would change your life. Whatever you do please stay the course, as if your life depends on it. You will need to make some adjustments in people and routine. You will be very vulnerable throughout your recovery. Don't take any chances. You will find a wealth of knowledge here at SR. This site and it's wonderful people have given me the edge to finally quit for good. Rely on all the resources available to you, I like to call these resources ammunition. The fight is on! Good luck and welcome aboard! Prayers

[bvaljalo]

I would think you should probably be planning on a proper, inhouse detox here sometime VERY soon my friend.

It sounds like you've been dabbling in stimulants and opiates (tramadol, codeine, and I think panadiene) primarily as your 'day drugs', then taking benzos and other downers to sleep at night, correct? Going through this process for a long time really messes your system up, and although I know my drugs and withdrawal effects pretty dang well when singular (or even with two different) classes of drugs are involved ... but ... things REALLY get complicated when you're messing around with so many different things like you are right now, particularly when benzo's like valium are involved.

Frankly, I can't in all good conscience try to offer you any of my usual 'how-to' advice in this situation other than to say ... check in somewhere, and FAST. You are really in a dangerous situation here my friend. What you've been doing is gonna flat out kill you if you keep it up.

I wouldn't even be thinking about your doctors somehow 'helping you', I'd be thinking full-blown lockdown and professional detox, and quick. Forget about what you got coming up at work, or whatever. You need a leave of absence ... take one, and check in. Please.

I ain't trying to get down on you, btw. I was spun on speed and opiates myself, and dabbled with pretty much everything under the sun over the years, and have done my share of dealing to support my habit as well. As did many of us here. You are far from alone

Welcome to SR.com, you've found the right place. We don't care what you've done in the past, all we care about is helping you get clean off of drugs and stay that way. Okay? Oh, and do keep posting ... we're here for ya!

[help2judgeme]

Can't sleep, or eat, or sit still. Anxious fidgety mess.
The muscles in my left arm are stiff and i can't straighten it, my hands are way off and i keep dropping thinhs

I don't know if i can do this but i have trashed my stash and i look like **** so i couldn't get any drugs if i tried. I really want some codeine I don't want any amphetes

Reality bites and my knuckles wont stop bleeding, don't even remember hitting anything.

This was not part of the plan. I've come to the conclusion that this is hopeless, I can't do it by myself. THanks for everyones help i'm going to a clinic, i will probably be gone for a few days

[serenityqueen]

You said you're going to a clinic, do you mean a hospital emergency room? I hope so! You need to get somewhere NOW before things get worse. Am I trying to scare you? Yeph! Scare you into getting help.

Look, you can't worry about work, friends, co workers, any of that now. First things first, get through a safe and medically supervised detox. It's only going to get worse, but if you are in a medical detox, it won't be nearly as bad. How can I say this? Because before July of 2005, I had been in detox more times than I can honestly remember. You'll be medicated and made as comfortable as possible.

It's important that you tell the Dr.'s what all and how much you have been using, you have to be honest about that.But you don't have to volunteer where you got the drugs, even the scripts. No need to go into details of the where's with them. Doctor's at a hospital only have your bet interest at heart as far as being medically safe.

Now, get to the hospital. We will all be here when you get out and praying for you the whole time. We all made mistakes too and have done things we aren't proud of. Let go and Let God help you now.

Hugs,
Judy

[ccgirl2]

How about an ER? Let them take over for you.

[hairgirl]

I hope to see you back soon.You sound very desperate for help, and again, you cannot do this alone.We have a way of isolating ourselves because we feel to ashamed or too proud to be honest.The minute we reach out, a huge weight lifts- we no longer have to bury the awful truth- which usually is fuel for our addiction also.It takes so much effort to conceal our sickness.
If you really want the nitemare to end, and want a real chance at a new life free of this madness, there are ways to do it, but you have to reach out.With all the meds you are taking, medical help is crucial, then a strong recovery program.We all understand here, and this is a great start for you, but you need more help than online support can provide right now.Do yourself a huge favor, and end the insanity.Life gets so much better, trust me.