Trying again

[GvngIn]

I've been a 'lurker' on this site for a while now, and this being my first day of sobriety AGAIN, I thought it's a good time to join. I'm just coming off a 1 and 1/2 month run with hydrocodone (in a cough syrup) and got up to 180mg/day. A chronic relapser, I know what the withdrawls are like and decided that I need to try something different to stay sober, so I called a doctor nearby and enrolled in his Suboxone program. I started this morning with 2mg, and am supposed to call him when I start to feel sick again. He gave me a prescription for the sub which I already filled. With this program you are also mandated to participate in a group session once a week, and do twice weekly random drug screens. A year ago, i would have said 'no way - too harsh', but now I realize how truly powerless I am over my addiction, and harsh is what i need to stay sober.

The battle for me right now is meetings. WHen i first got sober from Oxy's in 2003, i stayed sober for a year because I was going to meetings. After that, my meeting attendence waxed and waned, as did my sobriety. I haven't been to a meeting in over a year and this past year was the worst for using. I was arrested in May for the first time (and hopefully the last) for prescription fraud, and thankfully only received probation (no jail time). I stopped using when that happened, and thought I learned my lession, but once everything calmed down, I picked up again. I am now realizing that meetings HAVE to be part of my recovery, or i will continue to relapse. I just moved to a new town, and am terrified of going to new meetings. I have to get over this fear, because i'm more scared of jails, institutions, and death and that will be my fate if i don't surrender.

Sorry this has been so long. Thanks so much for your support

[whiskerkissed]

Welcome aboard!

I did the whole first meeting by myself thing, too. I was most definitely terrified to the point of nearly losing the lunch I didn't have. Had been in w/d myself - third day out I believe off lortabs.

I don't know anything about suboxone except for what I've read...so I don't feel comfortable responding to that. Someone else will be along for that.

But...very glad to have you here...:-)

[SlvrMag]

Originally Posted by whiskerkissed

I don't know anything about suboxone except for what I've read...so I don't feel comfortable responding to that. Someone else will be along for that.

But...very glad to have you here...:-)

Same here.

Are you more afraid of going to a meeting than you are of continued relapse?

[Viki]

Gvngin....I'm glad that you are trying recovery again. One day i hope to become a perfect recoverer...lol Be careful with the Suboxene...as it has it's own hell in terms of addiction and w/ds. As for the meetings....I always liked going to new ones. Noone knew me and i could always start fresh. having good friends and support is important and I'm sure you will get both here. Good luck with your sobriety..... You did it with the oc's and I'm sure you can do it with the Hydro. Viki

[kj3880]

Welcome. Search this forum for info on suboxone, I've done, and so has BV, some really long posts with info for you on it. Here are my top 6 quick tips for suboxone success:

1. Remember you have to keep the medicine in your mouth for 20-30 minutes or it will not work well. Your spit, too. Ew, but it works well. Don't take more than prescribed.

2. Be honest w/your sub. doc. He can't help without the truth.

3. Meetings every day if you can for a while, as much as you can at first.

4. Get a sponsor, and until you find one, get NA phone numbers and build up your clean people network. Call people. Hang out after the meeting with folks. Share honestly.

5. Don't be put off your meds if you need them by people in NA that didn't use suboxone to get clean. A lot of the folks at NA are not opiate addicts and don't understand it, or they got clean before sub. and have resentments or fear of it.

6. Start looking at the relationships you are in now. Are any of them with addicts or alcoholics. I'm learned the hard way that recovering addicts can't coexist long with using addicts. So just be aware of that. They will often try to get you dirty again.

I'm a walking miracle from NA and suboxone therapy.
KJ

[GvngIn]

thank you all so much for your help and support.
I definitley need to meet a good network of sober people, and going to meetings with accomplish that for me (along with helping me stay sober!)

[princezz07]

Hi GI,
Im like you in the same situation....many relapses...just getting back in to the meetings and attempting to be a part of the fellowship that saved my life before, but i worry that it wont work thos time (thats just what my crazy addict head tells me)....that im different and just not capable of 'getting it' etc etc.
So im on this journey with you, just letting you know your so not alone, im detoxing though at the mo though, was gonna take sub, but had an allergic response to it a while ago, (not precipitated w/ds btw!!!)

Im sure you will make it through this, and i sure hope i do too.
Do you believe in an HP or any faith of any kind?? Im really trying to connect with mine again, as i can draw great strength from this.

All the best, keep posting... i will look out for you.

[GvngIn]

Princezz - thank you so much for the kind words and support. I'm with you too on this journey. I'm so sorry you are going thru withdrawls right now. Just remember that 'this too shall pass'. Take it one hour, or even one minute, at a time! I'm here for you!

[help2judgeme]

Well done for trying again, it really is comforting to know we're not the only ones trying to change our lives.
Thankyou and all the best, i'm pretty messed up myself, and in another country, but pm if you want, might not hurt to talk to someone else who is at the same stage of quitting