newsandi

Hi Guys, I know that I have not been around and I think that is what a lot of us do when we have a relapse. I think I had around 80 days clean and went thru a lot of major life changes that were harder then anything in my life and I went back to numbing myself. I still am smack in the middle of some serious personal issues but know the time has come to do this. I have a full time job now and will have to do this and still go to work so I sure hope it all works out. My addiction this time is not as extreme as it was the last time but I know it isn't going to be pretty. I have just 2 tylenol 3's for tomorrow and then I am out. That means I have to work Thursday and Friday with nothing and then I have my 3rd and 4th day over the weekend to get thru , which seems to be the hardest from my reading. I honestly cant remember how I felt on what day when I kicked it last time. I just hope I can do this. I hate to blame stress, anxiety and depression on my using but it is what it is. I really love getting back out there and working and my job is so important to me, I hate the idea of feeling like **** and hiding it with a false smile all day long. I will try again. Hopefully this time will work.

Sugah

Including you in my prayers, Sandi.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

serenityqueen

windysan

Dang, Sandi. I hope you don't get too sick. It is good you timed it for over the weekend. I ain't a religious type but I'll focus all my megasuperluck your way.

abracadabraaaaaaaaa

Tryin2Recover

you can do it sandi, i wish you the best. Keep posting and let us know how you feel.

newsandi

Getting ready to go to work. Took my last 2 pills, which is normally 5 at a time. I know its not going to be easy but I got to do this. I am scared as hell because as you all know, you feel like you need the whatever little buzz you think you are getting to function in any situation. I know real clear that depression and being overly emotional was the worse for me. But I will keep posting and hope that this will work. I know I dont sound very positive but I have been taking opiates since I was 19 and I will be turning 40 this year. Send me all the luck and courage you can. God bless you all. I quit the last time here, so I will do it again.

illbeback

Hang tough, Sandi! I'm sure the next couple days will be awful tough for you, but maybe being at the office will help the time pass a little faster. And, you're right, about days 3/4 being the worst, but I honestly think that's mostly because you're just beaten down from lack of sleep and you're sick of feeling sick. Try whatever you can to sleep at night (Lunesta? Ambien?) and try to keep the anxiety low (prayer/meditation/whatever works for you). Keep us posted!!

windysan

Stay hydrated, take ibuprofen, try to eat. Stay on the bed all weekend even if you can't sleep just lie down.

Impurrfect

(((Sandi)))

Dang, I'm glad to see you back!!! Honestly, from what I remember when you went through this last time, you did pretty darn good! Don't "awfulize" it...thinking of how bad it's going to be, because our minds are pretty darn good at convincing us of things that may not happen.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

bval

YAAAAY!!!

Good for you Sands

I'm proud of you girl, just for coming back and saying you're gonna try, if nothing else.

Allow me to remind you of something, though, Sands, okay? Please don't take this wrong, I'm not criticizing you, I freely admit I've done the same thing, so ... Anyways ... last time, you tried to do this thing YOUR way. Remember that? Perhaps this go-round, it might be time to try OUR way. You catching my drift, sweets?

kj3880

How did today go>?

newsandi

Just got home from work. I am so busy there, that I dont have time to think about much but everything going on there. So today wasn't too bad. I have had a back ache for the last few days on the opiates, today my back hasnt hurt. (knock on wood) Anytime I say something like that, it happens. I know Bret that I need to hit NA and I just might go that route but right now my life is busy and I am counting on my people here to help me thru. I also know the saying that you work your life around NA but I cant use that philsophy (sp), I dont have much spare time these days. I will let you all know how tomorrow goes. My company I work for is a small family business and they are going on vacation until Wednesday, so if I get the you know whats, I wont have to feel so parnoid, if you know what I mean. Take care all and thanks for all the support. I need it.

ccgirl2

Aw, Sandi, keep coming back!

newsandi

Went to work today, just got home. I feel ok. I dont have any back pain or the "other" problem. I dont feel tired or anything. I was not doing as much as before and maybe this time will be easier. There were a quite a few times that I didn't have anything and I did without, never got back to using a dealer. Just the doctor this time. So, I am hoping that this kick will be a little smoother. I appreciate you all sticking with me even though I have been gone for a while. Life throws those hard fast curve balls and can take you away from what is important. I am hanging in there and determined.

Impurrfect

Good for you, Sandi! I think it also helps a LOT that you are being kept busy at work....last time you had too much time to THINK! Sometimes, it helps when we stay busy enough to just DO (or not do, in the case of drugs) and not think.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

newsandi

My job is non-stop at all times. I could work until 10 tonite and still have 8 hours of work left on my desk. So yes, keeping busy is so important for me with the addiction and keeping my mind off of Scooter. I will let you all know how tomorrow goes. I feel positive that this is really my time to do this and I know my addiction is not as bad as that last time. Not by a long shot. Thank God!!

emmer

If yer on benzos too, dont do what I did and take more (benzos) to make up for less opiates.

... actually it was the other way around but you get my drift Im sure.

Ive run out of both and its not a pretty picture.

You can do it Sandi.............Heck I did it .... and here I am,almost 6 months clean.


..Joe

Lily

NewSandi,

I remember going to an NA meeting and taking that white surrender keytag. It felt so good I slept w/ it on my nightstand. there was something about that Keytag and those ppl there that kept me wanting to stay clean.

Just a thought....blessings, Sheila

tanyapmc

Hi Sandi,

I am really glad that your getting clean again. Remember that the only time we fail is when we stop trying. I am thinking of you.

Much love

whiskerkissed

I just picked up my second one last night. Second one in 3 weeks. I thought I was ready the first time...and I really did think so...but not bad enough apparently. Last night...I was ready. It felt good to say it honestly...and not loaded. I was loaded the first time...on hydros. That's what I was there for after-all. Help to get them out of my life. Last night had been 10 days off and it felt much more honest in my own head. For others it could be much less than 10 days...some longer. I had been going for two weeks the first time. I display both of them proudly on my key chain...:-)

Consider a meeting...even if you need to do so online. This forum hosts some meetings, but there's another that provides them every night and I even accidentally (but welcomed) popped in for the beginning of one in the morning on a Saturday. I've been there several times for meetings and they're conducted just like a regular f2f meeting. I hope it's ok to post it - NA Recovery Chat: Online Community of Recovering Addicts Helping Addicts . Very nicely done and a good in-between the f2f...just for "listening" or sharing if you're up to it.