homefree? thought so...but here comes the ex......

[Klynn33]

Just my rant for the evening, because I can't think of what else to do to keep me sane.........(lucky you guys)

for those of you who don't know, I've been doing really well. much better than I ever dreamed I could be. Clean over a month now, work is going great, found this site that has helped me through what I never could have gotten through before. Bills are getting paid off, been making plans for things to do in the future, finally feeling normal.

But then my ex calls. wonderful. When I left home and moved out here, I left him behind. For a whole lot of reasons. He called constantly months ago wanting to come out, start over. I debated for a long time about this, but he was a part of my life that I don't ever want to go back to.......so in the end I said stop calling. it's done. well apparently it's not...........
He got my new number......(how do they do that???) Just wanted to talk. No problem. until the conversation turns to how much he wants to be here, and how unfair I am. How the relationship didn't work out before because of me and my addiction (I'll give him that one) but now that I'm clean there's no reason for him not to be here. He just finished his jail time for domestic assault on the one who replaced me (like I was to congratulate him or something). Said he never should have gotten time, she provoked him the same as I did (the nerve of us). Difference is, I never charged him. I sent him packing instead.
Point is - in this whole time I've been clean I've had urges to use, but NONE as great as I do right now. And yes, of course I could have hung up on him (and did eventually) but hey, who can resist being screamed at by their ex for things that happened over 6 months ago. not me apparently. I didn't pick up the phone the next 7 times he called and let it ring forever, luckily I don't have an answering machine so don't have to listen to him..........
I just don't know why this is throwing me back into the mindset I had when with him. Seems like all the good I felt for the last number of months was instantly shot down.
And now I'm cranky, and feel sick to my stomach.
and I know what would cure those feelings.........

This sucks.......grrrrrr

[colagirl]

Klynn - I have only known you a few weeks, but already I know enough to know that you are better than to let this guy ruin your clean time. He sounds like bad news... really bad news... don't give him the power to take away how good you've been feeling the last month.

There is a similar thread by flgirl in Newcomers, don't know if you've seen it... called "how can" or something like that. There were some good responses there.

[RobbyRobot]

venting is good for you Klynn, so feel free! and the good is still all there, don't worry it just don't vanish like nothing... its only been thirty days or so though, so your still new to this so be patient and you'll get through another day. your still doing good... you just feel bad, and it will pass away. sorry your hurtin, klynn

[Klynn33]

I know Cola, I know...he can't ruin my clean time......only I can. been repeating that all evening. still sucks. The way I come across on this site is how I wish I could be with "certain" people.......but I can't seem to do that sometimes.

feel free to vent Robby?? you may regret saying that but thanks for the permission to do so. and that's what I thought tonight actually after posting that - it has only been a month. I can't expect old thoughts/behaviors to just vanish in that length of time. But I'm certainly going to try and continue changing them. I kinda like who I'm becoming........
lol. well that sounded vain.....

[RobbyRobot]

you got that right klynn your becoming some one YOU like... how cool is that, eh!! yay!!

[windysan]

Dang, he sounds like one to stay away from. By the way, what's up with the feet they keep finding over in BC? Dang weird Canadians.

[Impurrfect]

(((Krista)))

I don't know about you, but no matter HOW long my ex has been an ex, no matter HOW much I was justified in leaving him, they still have a way of pushing our buttons. We loved them once and, for me, it just brings everything back...not just the bad, but the good, too. THAT'S what I have a problem with!

I just try to focus on the BAD, vent here, and remember...these are just feelings. I remind myself that there was a reason I left him, and the reason hasn't changed.

Hang in there, sweetie!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[ccgirl2]

He sounds like he sucks AND he sounds like a trigger to use. That's what all those feelings are. Danger, Krista, Danger!!!


About those feet....I know someone in Vancouver and they said there's been people missing and those feet may have been from people killed in satanic rituals. Yes? No? Creepy anyway.

[windysan]

very creepy indeed. we should prolly just invade canada and seize their breweries.

[woops]

Originally Posted by windysan

very creepy indeed. we should prolly just invade canada and seize their breweries.

Ah well - since you're going to hijack their oil - then why not take something more fun too - like their beer?

Happy days..........

[windysan]

Originally Posted by woops

Ah well - since you're going to hijack their oil - then why not take something more fun too - like their beer?

Happy days..........

that's alaska, woops, and we already own that area. if we really wanted canada we would've just taken it long ago. if we do ever decide to invade then i call dibs on the maudite brewery.

[Peter]

Have your number changed again. Stay away from him.

[tommyk]

My ex calls occasionally.

I hang up the phone.

Now, exactly what is the problem?

YOU are the problem.

YOU choose to talk to him.

Don't shoot the messenger (me).

[Klynn33]

LOLOL
Only I can start a thread feeling miserable and have it turn into a discussion on severed feet. (made me laugh though)
nope, won't shoot you Tommy......I said the same thing. I didn't hang up right away. I thought maybe I could let me ramble on and be fine about it. apparently not yet. I need to get a call display phone.
Peter, this is the third number since Jan. I don't think they're going to change it anymore

and now for the feet thing........they have way more left feet than right. They don't know yet where they've come from, but looks like they have an actual set now. (ew) There have been a bunch of young guys go missing in the Lower Mainland in the last few years.........so people are speculating now. Maybe it was a cult thing, who knows. and maybe the feet aren't even Canadian..........
maybe they're "dang" American feet. And no invading..........play nice eh?????!!!!!
hahahhaha

[colagirl]

That's funny, just yesterday I was reading a news story about those feet and they had a map of where they were found... I actually looked for Langley on the map to see how close they were to you (stalker!). OK, not really, you're just the only Canadian I've met lately, and also BC is not that far from me and I need my feet if I want to start running again.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, I bet the phone company will change your number as many times as you ask for it, especially if you explain the situation. I would also be curious how he keeps getting it and try to nip that in the bud. I agree with ccgirl that he sounds like he sucks AND is a trigger... do everything you needto to keep him away.

How are you feeling today?

[Klynn33]

Langley's pretty close to the Seattle border. About half hour from Vancouver (in good traffic which is rare) and all I know is they aren't my feet

this number isn't supposed to be listed and is with a different company than the last one so i have no clue. But I supposed I could track someone down if I really wanted to. He wasn't all that bad (not wonderful by any means) but not horrible all the time. just for some reason my mind associates him and my old ways. Going to pick up a call display phone this afternoon, and if I don't know who it is, I'm just not answering it. solves that problem. More mad at myself than him - that I would get that upset and allow thoughts of old habits to come back into play. Like Tommy said, it's not his problem, it's mine.
and I feel good today , thanks for asking. Went to work for a bit and now relaxin in my nice cool basement suite. it is HOT outside. might wait for a bit before I go shopping.
how are you doing Cola? having a good week-end I hope, and if you ever decide to sneak across the border, let me know. I'll hide you!

[colagirl]

Glad to hear you have a plan re: future phone calls.

I'm doing pretty well. It's HOT here too! I really want to get central AC but it's so expensive. So I sit here and suffer. Oh well. Making a list of things that need to get done tonight... water plants, etc.

I do have some work training to do in Vancouver that I keep putting off. It'll probably have to be next year now though since I believe our training/travel budget has been blown for 2008.

[windysan]

Note to self: don't go shopping for shoes in Vancouver

[ccgirl2]

Krista, can you dump the landline and get a cell phone only? I know a few people who have done that. I think it's harder to get hold of cell phone numbers.


I'm glad he's not that bad. I've heard a lot of horror stories here, but like I said before and you said it a couple posts back, you associate him with your old ways, and that worries me because one of the most important things they tell you in rehab and 12 steps is to distance yourself from people places and things you associate with using.



P.S. I can't resist the feet. How sick is this? One of the last feet they found was a hoax. Someone stuffed a severed animal paw into a sneaker. People sure are twisted and sick sometimes!!!

[Impurrfect]

wow, guess I haven't been reading the news because I didn't even KNOW about the feet!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Klynn33]

Yeah, the animal hoax was sad, people have WAY too much time on their hands. They're still checking DNA against missing persons.....
did say they didn't think the feet were actually severed, looked more like they just detached naturally after death.
hope they figure it out soon. it's a little disturbing........

guess my problems really aren't that bad........