My recovery seems to be deterring my recovery...

[YouveGotStyleKi]

If you know me, then you all know that I'm addicted to Oxycontin, and not just oxy, but opiates of any form. Vicodin, Lorcet, MS Contin, etc etc. During my peak usage, I was doing approximately 400mgs of oxycodone per day. 2 80s at a time just to feel normal. I was a trainwreck. Went through rehab once, failed at recovery after 3 months. Went to my doctor. Discovered Suboxone. Have been on it for over a year now. I want to be off of it. I still find myself taking whatever little pills I can get my hands on.

Just about 2 weeks ago, I made a huge turn I swore to myself that I would never do... I bought a stamp bag and snorted it. I now find myself constantly wanting to get high, whether I've taken my Suboxone or not. My Subs work for maybe (MAYBE) 12 hours if I'm lucky. I'm sick as a dog on a daily basis, and I need help.

I need a safe way to detox, but I can't take any time off work. I need the money more than you'd ever know, and I can't let my friends/family know that I've turned to the evil H. Is there anything I can do other than cold turkey? Or methadone?

[Peter]

I can only recommend what worked for me. Narcotics Anonymous,

Regardless of how much you think you need the job or the money, you need sobriety more. You may not necessarily die from being broke but your addiction will kill you.

[tommyk]

Originally Posted by Peter

I can only recommend what worked for me. Narcotics Anonymous,

Regardless of how much you think you need the job or the money, you need sobriety more. You may not necessarily die from being broke but your addiction will kill you.

Exactly.

[2ala2]

Hello There,
Sounds miserable. No one deserves to live that way. Sounds a lot like the way I used to be..sheer slavery.
NA also worked for me. It helped save my life.
I advise you to detox at a facility, not on your own.
Break free and start living.
Good luck to U.

[Timebuster]

Personally. The detox was the easy part.

Not picking up again after I detox was the hardest part for me.

NA worked for me. But I know other addicts who have found alternative methods to recovery and some of them have been very successful. I truly believe that it all comes down to how bad you want it and what you're willing to do to get it.

I feel your pain Dude
I been there

Ivan

[bvaljalo]

If you will get your dosing right, and STAY ON ONLY suboxone, you won't be sick. You'll feel fine and normal every day. Are you getting it from a doctor? How much do you take each day? How long do you suck on the pill when you take it?

My best advice is to resolve yourself to hit some AA/NA meetings, and stay on ONLY the suboxone for awhile, then wean down (get someone to divvy them out to you as you get to lower dosages) and off of it when the timing is better.

When you mix subs with real dope, all you end up with a bunch of misery, never getting high, never even feeling normal. You GOTTA stop mixing the dope/pill crap with it. I promise if you'll stick to the subs only for awhile, things will start looking up for you!

Good luck in any case. And get to some meetings. I was in your same shoes at one time, needing at LEAST an OC80 every 6 hours or so to feel remotely normal. I did this for YEARS, along with whatever other opiates I could grab (dilaudid being a special fave), so I BEEN THERE, trust me. I got off the stuff by forcing myself to stay on subs only for 7 months, weaning down, and then stepping off of them while under my mom's lock and key. Which was pretty close to being locked up, since I was dependent on her at that point for everything ... It wasn't easy, but the bad part lasted 'only' about 96 hours. It was doable. 4 days. Think how fast that goes by now ... I started meetings on THE DAY I started getting dopesick off the subs. I should've started earlier, but I didn't. I credit NA/AA with saving my life, along with subs, my mom, and my g/f.

I was where you are EXACTLY at one point, and I now have 13 months completely clean and sober.

If I can do it, anyone can. That includes you.

Keep posting

[kj3880]

As usual, I agree with BV. I'm 3 months clean off pills with the help of suboxone and NA. I didn't' and don't ever use anything else while on suboxone. If you are using it correctly, you shouldn't have many cravings or ills at all.

So here it is again: Are you dissolving the pills for 15-20 minutes and holding your suboxone-spit in your mouth for the whole time before swallowing? Because they don't work if you just swallow them. Relax when you take the suboxone, lay back for 15 minutes and just dissolve and watch TV without talking.

Break your dose in half, take one dose in am, then another around 4-5pm. What are you on now? If it is 4 mg a day, then take 2 and 2.

If you are already doing all this, then did you step down too fast, or did you never take it consistently enough to get it in you all the time? What you want is a consistent flow in your system. The suboxone works, I promise you, and you can do it, if you stick to this way.

Try an NA meeting for support. I started going before I even got off pain pills, went to meetings high for a few weeks, it helped me to stop. Still helps me.
kj

[exjunky]

I'm a little confused. What drugs do you take right now? If I read you correctly you are taking heroin and suboxone? If so, that's crazy. Stop it right now. I'd hate to tell anybody to do heroin under any circumstances, but it sounds like you're going to be using it no matter what I say, and frankly doing just heroin alone makes more sense than doing both. At least that way you can save the suboxone when you are serious about quitting.

So try something like this. Taper or cold-turkey off of heroin (or pills or whatever you're on) and then after 24-36 hours resume your suboxone. And this time really use it. If it's not working, tell your doctor, I bet he'll be willing to give you more. Don't be afraid to tell him you've been using heroin. Suboxone doctors know who their clients are; there's no need to be bashful here.