When Life Really Kicks ya In The Pants

[sk8rvirgo]

Well I am a newbie to the board however, I am not an newbie to addiction and/or recovery. I won't go into too much detail on the past because that is all it is, the past...however, I had a few years where I gave just about everything a try. I ended up in legal trouble for Controlled Substances however the program I was placed in upon being released from Jail was not monitored and easily beaten. I did myself very wrong during that time and actually progressed my addiction further because at that time, I "wasn't an addict."

Time went forward with heavy use of again, just about everything, until one night I was arrested for possession of cocaine. In my small community this was a big deal and I was treated like a murderer since everyone was on Meth, not Cocaine. Weird right?

So I did 6 months in Prison, went straight into the Drug Court program and that was such a good thing for me. It was heavily monitored, to the point that I would say I would dare someone to challenge their system and try and win for very long. Because of the issue of me being a "hardcore" user, since my drug of choice was cocaine, I was monitored and had more restrictions than most. This was a good thing and kept me straight.

After a year I graduated, clean, not one relapse, and was on my way to doing good things. I was active in NA, had a job which was taking me in a good direction, and felt like I was going to make it.

I didn't. Plain and simple. I gave in to something that I shouldn't have; the severe pain I have associated with various medical conditions related to my back. I know every opiate addict has had a backache at some point however mine are much more severe and it is medically justified that I take painkillers. As an addict I should have known better but I did it anyway.

Two years it has been since that time and life has been less than perfect. Last Monday I lost the job I had for 3 years for no reason...and this is true actually; they had no reason to fire me. No writeups or issues of any kind but they did it and I lost everything that went along with the job. Tenure, medical insurance, life insurance, etc...

That same week my Doctor said he is not treating me anymore and is not offering any referrals to assist in my care. I cant afford it anyway since I have no job and no insurance however I am left in a very tight spot. I have enough medication to sustain me and hopefully self-taper down for the next 10 days. I have been taking Roxicodone 30mg five times each day for two years, so it won't be easy.

My question is this...for those of you who have had any experiences such as this, where do you start? My concern is getting a job and then going through massive withdrawls and losing it. I have the option of going to a clinic which has Suboxone for $25/day but I can only afford that for a short time. I have tried a taper and just one day was hard...I know it will only get worse.

If anyone has experiences they would like to share, they would be welcomed by me as I am lost right now. I don't know if I can taper in 10 days but I'm afraid of trading Oxycodone for Suboxone...

I'm reaching out and hope that someone has experiences they can share. I appreciate and value the words of all in these forums since they are honest, and truly sharing to help other people in the same place they are. Recovery is never easy, even after 2 years of clean living, it was not easy. Maybe that is why I slipped back into it.

I would like to note that I have not abused my scripts in anyway at all. I have not doctor shopped, taken more than was prescribed, or bought off the street. It has all been on the up and up it's just now is the time I have to get off of them.

Thank you in advance!!!

[ccgirl2]

Well, for the short term, w/ds, while they suck, the worst of them is over in a bout 5 days.

Longer term, you need some long term addiction help. NA or AA is free as I know money is an issue.

P.s. I mentioned it in another thread of yours. Shame on your doctor.

[tommyk]

Have you been to NA meetigs or checked out a 12 step program?

[Lbad]

Desperation is a gift.... It breeds willingness. Start at the beginning again... Go to a meeting...
I don't make very many promises but I promise your life will get better if you stay clean...
Also, don't see yourself as a victim... Go do something positive for yourself.

I am cynical...... (just so you know).. lol
I was raised in 12 step rooms by my parents and have been clean for 5 1/2 years in the rooms..
I have never meant anyone who lost there job, got fired by their Dr... etc etc etc while they were using and it was legitimately a "run of bad luck"...
You are an addict and you got fired and your Dr said "nada"... It might have something to do with you... maybe... I think... maybe....stay open to that possibility because it is really freeing if it is about you... You can do something about you...
If all our problems are "their fault"... we are screwed cause we can't do anything about all "them".....
If you are detoxing off opiates and need support you can absolutely get that from me or many others here who have been where you are...

Good Luck and God Bless,
Bad

[sk8rvirgo]

I appreciate all of the suggestions/comments already from everyone. It is why I say this board is a Godsend to anyone struggling with addiction!

In an attempt to respond to everyone, I haven't been back to the rooms since I have been on Pain Meds...about 2 years. There is a reason for this however I know addiction is full of excuses. I live in a smaller town which leads to smaller groups and stronger opinions. The opionion of the dominant group has always been you are either clean, or your not...Methadone Maintenance was not considered being clean, even if you were being treated for pain. I differed in opinion because I truly have chronic pain and understand the need to maintain that in order to live a better life.

One thing I would like to say, not in any attempt to contradict a cynical response , this truly has been a run of bad luck. As crazy as it may sound, there has just been a culmination of things that led up to all of this happening at one time. One thing I failed to mention in my previous post was that I recently got out of a 2 year relationship, one where I lived with her and her 2 kids. That relationship financially drained me to the point of having to end it because I had no more financial room for error. I have been "recovering" from that for 2 months by trying to get back on my feet. Through that whole time I never used outside of what I was prescribed each month.

Also, I agree when you say, shame on my Dr. I think that it has to be the most unethical thing in the world to KNOW full well what opiate withdrawl can do to a person without a medically regulated taper. Had he asked me to work with him to do this, I would have complied 100% and done so willingly. Rather than be professional about it and even talk with me, he had a "nurse" relay the message via a phonecall. Mind you, this is not a pain management clinic either, it is a Primary Care Physician. So go figure how someone can sleep at night by doing that to someone else.

One final thing...if anyone has experienced Suboxone use, I would appreciate an idea of what it is like and if it is worth it. I feel like I have to consider going through that treatment in order to make it successfully.

Thank you all and God bless.

[kj3880]

Hi,
I've posted so much, and so has BV, on suboxone. It saved my life, really. I see a very experienced addictionologist (30+ years of only addictions practice) and he put me on a real slow taper. I never take as much as I'm given, always have some extras.

It is expensive. $100 an appt. to see this guy (he won't mess with insurance, which suits me, as I like privacy) But a lot cheaper than street addiction was. Also, the suboxone pills are $30 a bottle with insurance, $150, without. Still a lot cheaper than street drugs.

It was real easy to find a doctor. There are a lot of them now. And getting in the program is a phone call, easy in the U.S. I would make the extra effort to find someone with experience is all.

You can expect to feel really normal, no high, maybe a slight, slight sleepiness at times some say, but I don't have that at all. I have no cravings at all. You can expect to have a normal life. No more sneaking and hiding. I wouldn't want to go to a rapid taper with this, although some people do it. I think the incidence of relapse is higher with a rapid taper. I think, take your time. What's the rush anyway, if you are happy? And I am quite happy on suboxone. I have no side effects. Everything, my digestive system, sex drive, even my skin, is back to normal. I love my new life. I go to a lot of NA meetings, and I feel good. It tastes kind of bad though, suboxone. Nothing is perfect.

Hey, if you decide to go on them, IMHO, don't just do the pills. Go to recovery program and work on the inside, too. Best thing you can do. And there are some crucial things to know before you take them, like they need to dissolve in your mouth under your tongue for about 15-20 minutes to have maximum effectiveness. If you swallow them right away they don't work. And most people are happy with just 4 mg a day or less, unless you had a mega-habit. No more than 8 a day, for sure. You won't feel "higher" if you take more, there's a ceiling affect. My doc started me on 16 mg and it was way too much. I'm on 3 mg a day now. I never needed more than 8 mg a day.

Suboxone is pretty good for chronic low to moderate pain in my opinion. It renders all other narcotics useless, they won't get into your brain receptors for a day after you've taken suboxone. So that makes relapse hard to do.

Suboxone is being clinically tried for chronic severe depression, so far with good results.

Suboxone has w/d, not as bad as say, heroin, but unpleasant for sure, if you don't taper it down good before you quit. Most people say the w/d is not as bad as other opiates, unless they tried to go down too fast. Suboxone is way easier to taper than oxy or heroin. Not as tempting.

Be prepared for people moralizing that you aren't as good as they are if they cold-turkey'd it, or whatever. But if it is right for you, don't worry about that sh@t. Just do you. I don't let it get to me when people talk down "replacement therapy" in here or at NA. Their own ignorance in my opinion. Most people can't quit opiates without help from some sort of detox. I needed a lot of help. Maybe some people aren't as sick as I was, I don't know, but I needed suboxone to get clean. I tried it the other ways many times without any success.

Not trying to sell you on it, but it has worked for me. Hope you find what you need to get and stay clean, buddy.
kj

[sk8rvirgo]

Originally Posted by kj3880

Hi,
I've posted so much, and so has BV, on suboxone. It saved my life, really. I see a very experienced addictionologist (30+ years of only addictions practice) and he put me on a real slow taper. I never take as much as I'm given, always have some extras.

It is expensive. $100 an appt. to see this guy (he won't mess with insurance, which suits me, as I like privacy) But a lot cheaper than street addiction was. Also, the suboxone pills are $30 a bottle with insurance, $150, without. Still a lot cheaper than street drugs.

It was real easy to find a doctor. There are a lot of them now. And getting in the program is a phone call, easy in the U.S. I would make the extra effort to find someone with experience is all.

You can expect to feel really normal, no high, maybe a slight, slight sleepiness at times some say, but I don't have that at all. I have no cravings at all. You can expect to have a normal life. No more sneaking and hiding. I wouldn't want to go to a rapid taper with this, although some people do it. I think the incidence of relapse is higher with a rapid taper. I think, take your time. What's the rush anyway, if you are happy? And I am quite happy on suboxone. I have no side effects. Everything, my digestive system, sex drive, even my skin, is back to normal. I love my new life. I go to a lot of NA meetings, and I feel good. It tastes kind of bad though, suboxone. Nothing is perfect.

Hey, if you decide to go on them, IMHO, don't just do the pills. Go to recovery program and work on the inside, too. Best thing you can do. And there are some crucial things to know before you take them, like they need to dissolve in your mouth under your tongue for about 15-20 minutes to have maximum effectiveness. If you swallow them right away they don't work. And most people are happy with just 4 mg a day or less, unless you had a mega-habit. No more than 8 a day, for sure. You won't feel "higher" if you take more, there's a ceiling affect. My doc started me on 16 mg and it was way too much. I'm on 3 mg a day now. I never needed more than 8 mg a day.

Suboxone is pretty good for chronic low to moderate pain in my opinion. It renders all other narcotics useless, they won't get into your brain receptors for a day after you've taken suboxone. So that makes relapse hard to do.

Suboxone is being clinically tried for chronic severe depression, so far with good results.

Suboxone has w/d, not as bad as say, heroin, but unpleasant for sure, if you don't taper it down good before you quit. Most people say the w/d is not as bad as other opiates, unless they tried to go down too fast. Suboxone is way easier to taper than oxy or heroin. Not as tempting.

Be prepared for people moralizing that you aren't as good as they are if they cold-turkey'd it, or whatever. But if it is right for you, don't worry about that sh@t. Just do you. I don't let it get to me when people talk down "replacement therapy" in here or at NA. Their own ignorance in my opinion. Most people can't quit opiates without help from some sort of detox. I needed a lot of help. Maybe some people aren't as sick as I was, I don't know, but I needed suboxone to get clean. I tried it the other ways many times without any success.

Not trying to sell you on it, but it has worked for me. Hope you find what you need to get and stay clean, buddy.
kj

Thank you so much for this information...there is truly is no better way to find the answers to some questions than to hear from experience!

I have contacted the only clinic we have around here regarding the suboxone therapy and although it's expensive ($25/day), this also includes counseling and support groups anytime during the week. If I do go this route, which I believe I will, there is not a doubt in my mind that I will participate in as much therapy as possible. I also plan on going back to NA, swallowing my pride, and introducing myself as a newcomer in the same rooms where I used to attend and facilitate.

It is unfortunate that the only clinic around is a for-profit clinic, leading to higher prices on everything but sometimes you don't have a choice in things like that right??

Again, the response is very appreciated and don't worry, I will stay in touch!

mn