I need this explained to me, please....

[Klynn33]

Hi all,

I'll start by saying that maybe I should already know the answer to this question, (is it possible I'm not as smart as I think I am? kidding)
and I don't even know if it matters in the grand scheme of things. but I CANNOT get it out of my head.....it's something I constantly think about. So at the risk of sounding like an idiot - here it goes.

Why is it that only some people become addicts. How come certain people are able to handle their DOC in moderation - on a night out/on a week-end/socially/ whatever. And then some of us don't stand a chance trying to do it that way. I know from what I've done in my life I likely can't be considered overly smart - but joking aside...I'm an educated person. I have overcome HUGE things in my life. I have done some really good things in my life. So why is it that I struggle so much with addiction? and it always seems to be something. if you're able to become addicted to it - it seems that I will. People say what a strong person I am, the person that everyone comes to because I am so eager to help (and that's what I love, looking after people). so at what point did I get this addictive personality?

ok I'm having a hard time asking my question - does anyone understand what I'm trying to get across? sorry........trying here to have this make sense. I just don't understand how some people can handle this and some can't.

I hope someone can help make sense of this for me..........can't seem to let it go. I'm very much a "black and white" person. grey areas drive me insane - everything has to have a reason - and I just cannot figure this one out.

(thanks for taking the time to try and understand what I just wrote - hope I didn't give too many of you a headache)

[Impurrfect]

(((Krista)))

I think genetics has a part in some people, environment in others, but I don't think there really is an answer as to why some people become addicts.

When I was a kid, I overate to deal with life. When I got out on my own, I got with XABF #1 who was a functioning alcoholic. I drank to put up or keep up with him...got a DUI, drank most of the guys under the table. When I broke up with him, stopped drinking except on occasion...no withdrawals, no cravings.

Then I got involved with opiates. Again, I did an extreme amount. When I no longer had access, I quit them...again, no withdrawals, no cravings.

Then I found crack....that I could not stop until my consequences got really, really bad. I've had to take pain pills when I had my teeth pulled and just made sure the dr. only gave me very few, but they didn't trigger anything with me. I can have a beer every now and then, and don't think about it for months. Crack? One hit and I'll be off to the races.

Everyone's always told me how smart and how strong I am. That's what kept me from reaching out to others when I couldn't quit using...I thought I should have been able to do it on my own....I did the other stuff! But it just didn't work that way. If I hadn't had SR and a few close f2f friends, I know I would have gone back to crack.

So, I don't think that answers your question, but I've always wondered, too, why it seems like a switch goes off in our brains and we're addicted.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[tommyk]

I often ask myself the same question.

Then I think about other people having even worse diseases than addiction, like diseases that kill them no matter their willpower & resolve.

And then I feel fortunate to have the disease I have. I can manage it.

(I know... I didn't answer the question, but maybe there is no answer?)

[Callie]

GREAT question! Although I'm on the other side of the addiction fence, I've been wondering about that ALOT! From what I'm reading genetics does have alot to do with it. With my AH, his dad used the same things he did for migraines (darvocet, percocet, vicodin ect) I don't know that he ever had a problem, but he certainly popped alot of pills for "migraines". Ah's 1/2 brother is in jail right now for stealing cd's from walmart for $$ for drugs (the exact same drugs AH takes). AH's full sister said that she cold take a pain pill and have her house cleaned the next morning (from all of the energy - and she does not take things regularly) where as if I took one I'd get a good nights sleep. AH has alot of addiction in his family - gambling, alcohol and who knows what else.

[frstnm]

Turns out, I drank and drugged due to poor coping with FEELINGS then it became an addiction. Genetics may also have been a part of it also.

[Munky]

I definately think genetics play a major role in your addictive personality. Unfortunately for me, I only know one half of my family's genetics since I was adopted by my biological mom's sister (lol my mom is my aunt & my aunt is my mom ... sounds like some strange incest story).

As far as what Impurrfect (heh I'm a cat person too) said about being able to use one substance occasionally but when going back to crack was an instant addiction: I think that has something to do with how your brain recalls that high. For most people I'd bet crack would be a much stronger high than an alcohol buzz (I've never done it so I wouldn't truely know, only speculating here). Thus your brain easily associates major pleasure with this one substance, so should you do it again, your brain is going to be constantly telling you it wants this substance to feel that great pleasure again.

Now when it comes to getting addicted in the first place, as I said above, genetics certainly play a role, but it also relates to how you carry yourself every day, how you deal with your problems, and what you do for fun. For me, I had always tried to get drunk when I was feeling down since that would push those feelings away. While that did not lead to an alcohol addiction for me, it did leave my mind open to always trying 'new' drugs. This is what led me to the OC's that I DID become addicted to and am now finishing up with the physical withdrawals. I'm also not a very confident or talkative person and drugs were always a way for me to open up to people and become that social butterfly I always wanted to be. For fun, I'm a major gamer and computer tech and would always smoke pot to "make games more interesting." At the same time, sitting down so much has caused my middle back to go out of whack so I'm uncomfortable all the time which is another factor which led to my OC addiction.

Well, babbling aside, I don't think there's really any one true answer to your question Klynn, but a combination of factors that all end up leading you to the downward spiral of addiction. I'm no expert, but I hope this post at least gives you some things to think about.

[justanothrdrunk]

First, don't assume that your experience when using a certain chemical is the same as anyone elses.

Second, it's because it's a disease. Addict brains simply aren't wired the same as the "normal" person.

[JoJoPalm]

You are asking a question that, I think, all of us have asked. No worries. The answer is that we are born addicts for the same reason some people are born with spina bifida, red hair or a talent in music. Unfortunately, our talent is in having the ability to become addicted to mind-altering substances. Our brains and bodies actually respond differently to the stuff (neurotransmitters). Also, codependancy is quite often a trait of an addict - it is no surprise to hear you like taking care of people. Not a bad thing. Hope this helps.

[canuhearme]

I have to agree with the theory of genetics, but don't exclude what I call "phantom genetics". I knew this guys, mentally he seemed carbon copy of his father. His father was an alcoholic and so was he, they both smoked pot at different times in their lives. It was strange how much a like they were considering he was adopted! Still they stood a like, walked a like and even shared many of the same personality traits. Al tho they were built different, they both had the same posture so they looked a lot a like from a distance.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I the addictive personality comes from a little of every thing: genetics, phantom genetics (or how we are raised), personality, self image, and more.
As far as

I'm an educated person. I have overcome HUGE things in my life. I have done some really good things in my life. So why is it that I struggle so much with addiction?

MHO there is no 'ggod' answer to that question it's like asking why one survives lung cancer and another dies from it. I think what's really important is how you fight the fight.

Oh, BTW if the black and white images shows up below, take a good look and tell me what you think it means...

[canuhearme]

black and white thinking:

[bvaljalo]

This here question is a perfect example of what I call 'thinking too much'.

You, me, and the rest of us around here (Callie notwithstanding) ARE ADDICTS/ALKIES. We are in the grips of a progressive illness for which there is no known cure. Left untreated, the ends of which are always the same: Jails, institutions, and death.

Surrender ... accept ... survive.

There's some black and white for you, sugar

However, if you INSIST on doing some deep thinking, my best suggestion is that do some pondering on WHY you are really ASKING this question. Where does it all 'lead to', if you will? What's the point of utilizing brain-cycles on the question?

[happyboy]

I asked my sponsor that once. He said "You can spend a lot of time trying to work that out. What may be more important is accepting that you are an addict. What does it matter why?"

That really irritated me.

But today I accept I am, and that helps me manage my disease and stay clean.

[sorrycuse7]

It's the ones who seem to not have the issues....the ones that can walk away from a situation....I know I know I know.....I wage this war in my head all the time....why me? am I the coward? It is something that you don't have much control over...I become addicted to everything...it's a range from soda-to talking on the phone-chewing the inside of my cheeks-sex-coffee-drugs-tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It drives me nuts...I hate feeling so out of control...

[Klynn33]

Thanks all for responding - great explanations. And I know I spend too much time thinking about this stuff - but I always think there's a reason for everything and it drives me nuts if I can't figure it out. Keep in mind when I went off the narcotics, I went off everything else - the anxiety meds, the ritilan for ADD the depression pills - I got rid of them all. And I was taking pills like the above since I was 3. I always wonder if they maybe could have treated my problems as a child better rather than just put me on all the medication. maybe they couldn't........but I wonder if that played a hand in "needing" something to be able to function. A couple years ago I decided to try and figure it out, so I started going to doctors and therapists........and I got a different diagnosis everytime I went. ADD was the only one that stayed consistent.

I worry too because my son is on respiradol. he used to take "rages" from the autism and we needed to control it. It's a very low dose, but it worked. I tried taking him off it and he can't concentrate at ALL and cries a lot. the doctor wants the dose upped, and I said no way! he manages fine with the smaller dose, and that's where I'll leave it. but it worries me that he can't function now without it. I didn't want to repeat the cycle with my kids and I hope that it doesn't lead to what I've done. I can live with what I've done in my life - because I still think I'm a good person and that I can do good things now that I'm clean, but I don't think I could live with the fact that I've increased my sons chances of turning out like this.

God I hope not.....

[Peter]

What makes me an addict and my neighbor not ?

I am not really sure of the answer but i do not believe in the genetic link. I can only speak for myself but I believe my own addiction is the product of learned behaviour and life experiences.

I grew up in an alcoholic family. I grew up watching the adults around me drink and observing the behavior associated with drunkeness. I thought from an early age that drinking and drunkenness was normal and that the dysfunctional way in which family problems were dealt with was the way everybody dealt with their issues.

Despite the warnings I had heard about drinking my observations around me were enough to convince me that drinking was not as bad as people said it was and I knew that one day soon I too would try it.

My early experiments with alcohol left me violently ill but the euphoria and the awesome sense of "wellness" i felt before the headache and nausea set in had thrown a switch in my brain that remains "on" even to this day.

Despite promises to myself and family never to touch the stuff again, I remembered the joy and the bliss of that first drink far too clearly to be able to convince myself never to drink for any great length of time so less than four years later at the tender age of thirteen I began a life of drinking and drugs that lasted for 20 years.

I started out by practising what I saw the adults in my life doing and my own body's reaction to it somehow convinced me that drugs and alcohol could make me into something I could not be on my own.

My brain and body demanded transcendention to a level of pleasure that drugs seemed capable of supplying. I believe every single one of us possess this
inate desire to escape the bounds of pain and gravity and to exist on a plane where bliss never ends. Addicts i believe tap into this false illusion and it is why so many of us believe in heaven despite the absence of proof.

sorry for the ramble but that's my excuse for now.