I need this explained to me, please....

[Klynn33]

agreed Rickardo.........

if it could be done safely, no chance of burning out brain cells (of which I think I lost many) and it was free??? holy..........
But alas, it's not - and I'm glad I'm getting out of it. for being such small little things, pills can really do a number on ya.
and I guess I'm not alone, and I'll never come up with just one reason as to why I have such a hard time with it, so I somehow have to shut my mind up and continue working on staying clean.

(still bothers me though.........)

[Impurrfect]

((Krista))

One thing about your son. I know he has autism, and may not process everything the way we do, but it sounds like he his is mild, from what you've told me.

My niece, Brit, has addiction raging in her genes. Her dad is at least a crack addict (and more I think), her maternal grandfather was an alcoholic and every one of her aunts and uncle have struggled with addiction of something. Then, there's me...not biologically related (her mom was my stepsister), but I've been around.

Her watching me try to hard to work my recovery, has taught her a LOT. She knows all about my using...no one told her and I stayed away from the family so she didn't see me for almost 2 years, but she knew.

She is more open with me about drugs/alcohol..told me when she was smoking weed and drinking liquor (at age 13!) and after my jaw dropped and I composed myself, we talked about it.

What I'm saying is, your son will learn how to deal with life by watching you and others. Brit has seen me struggle like crazy, but keep on keeping on. That's what we teach the young ones we love. I can't take back what I did, but I can show Brit that there is a much better life without dope.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[sct]

Hm. Interesting question...

I grew up in an alcoholic family- with an active alcoholic. I clearly remember my dad bashing his hand with a wrench working on the car and laughing because he was plastered. When he broke my nose and I couldn't sleep, I got plastered to get that same kind of invincibility. Genetic, or environment? I never saw him use any drug other than alcohol, but d*mned if I didn't discover them and really like them too.

My best friend is not in recovery, is not an addict. He grew up in the barrio, I grew up in the ghetto. He's had siblings go to jail for dealing, has dealt himself, been homeless, uneducated, lost family and friends to addiction and violence- essentially all the same sh*t so many of us have been through. We used to party together, but he could always stop when he wanted to. His brain has an "enough" switch, mine doesn't.

I asked him about it, because our backgrounds are pretty damn similar, we knew all the same people and played the same games. So I asked, "How the f*ck come you aren't an addict?" His answer was "There's other things than drugs-" and at the time (I had maybe 2 or 3 weeks clean) I couldn't understand that for the life of me. His brother- on the other hand, is an addict, currently in prison for crimes related to his addiction.

So- go figure. F*cked if I know, is my answer

[Timebuster]

Hi Krista

I can relate. I to have ADD on top of that I have Dyslexia. Double whammy. When I was growing up (am fifty three) words like ADD and Dyslexia never existed. I had a very difficult time leaning anything in school. At the age of twelve I stop going to school. The ridicule from my classmates unbearable sometimes. The last straw was when my teacher throw a peace of chalk and hit me in the head and then he said, ‘hey stupid pay attention‘.
Everyone started laughing. I was so humiliated I never went back to school.

One of many reason I become a addict. low self-esteem.

Dysfunctional parent might be other reason. Cutting school I would hide at home. One day my mother came home from work early and caught me hiding behind the sofa. She pull me up from behind the sofa by my hair. With my hair in her hand, she took me to the nearest police station, which was a mile and a half away. Told the sergeant behind the desk that she wanted me arrested for cutting school, and left me there. When the sergeant started walking towards me I peed in my pants. I was thirteen at the time.

One of many reasons I became a addict. Abandonment.

I was sixteen when I meet my first love and she broke my heart. And I swear to never let anyone hurt me like that again.

One of many reasons I become a addict. Not only did I close my heart to love, I also closed my heart to life.

In the Sixties New York City had a black out. My whole neighborhood was in the dark. Believe it or not my mother blame me for that black out. She said to me, this was Gods way of punishing me for being the brat I was then.

One of many reasons I became a addict. If God is punishing me then the simple solution to that was. If I don’t believe in God then he cant punish me. I stop believing in God. Mind you I was only eleven years old when I made this profound I regret decision.

I could go on and on. No one else in my family ever had an issue with drugs or alcohol. Everyone did well in school. Have great carriers, happy marriages. Genetics, yes I agree with that. But there is more then that. In my case. I was morally, spiritually and mentally bankrupt before I become an adult. I hope this help some. And keep up the good work on your recovery. Am very proud of you. Your asking the right questions. Keep them coming.

Ivan

[sk8rvirgo]

To the OP...I don't think that there is any specific answer to this question but I wanted to share my experience with you.

About 7 years ago I started hanging out with a large group of friends, all of us using and partying til the sun came up and went down again. All of us used the same drugs, at the same time, in the same place...but somehow I stood out. See I always used "just that much more" than everyone else. Also, these friends were all in college, on their way to getting degrees, and I was doing nothing with myself.

Turn the clock ahead a couple of years...I was in an orange jumpsuit for selling drugs. Why? Because I always took "that much more" than everyone else. I went through rehab, had my name splashed across the local newspaper, in a small town I might add, and where were my friends? Clean, maybe using twice a year at the most...and moving forward with life. Me, I was "recovering".

Move the hands of time ahead again...two more years. Now these friends are married, have a home, good job, finished the college they started before, and maybe use on the weekends once a year. One is even a Marine!! I was in the exact opposite spot...I had just finished 6 months in prison, was entering drug court, and had a minimum of a year ahead of me before my life was even my own. While I went to court each week, had the same curfew as a 13 year old, and didn't have control over anything in my life, that EXACT same group of people, were succeeding.

Now, present day, those friends have kids, they are clean, never one time did they get in trouble with the law, and they are happy. I find myself once again on the opposite end of the spectrum. I just lost my job, found out my PM doc is dropping me, and I have been using Oxycodone for the past 2 years. I have 3 weeks worth of medication to use for a detox so that I am as safe as I can be. While I go through the sheer agony of rapid detox, I have to find a new job, try and pay bills on time, and attempt to find happiness in something.

So the long answer to your question is you never know who has the addiction "bug" in them. I have one friend that I introduced to drugs and she has been a Heroin addict ever since. Each day of my life I wish I would have known that would happen so that I could have at least delayed the chance that she would become an addict. No one else in my family is an addict either so you can't always look at genetics. My family won't even take Advil let alone a pain medication, even in the worst of times.

Life is crazy like that...you never know what chain of events are going to lead to full on addiction or who has it in them as opposed to who doesn't. I personally hope that someday they find a way to check people in order to see if they are addicts or not to prevent the pain and suffering the happens to everyone and their families when they are in active addiction.

I'll quit rambling but I feel you brought up a very valid topic...one there may not be an answer for, but a good topic nonetheless.

Regards

[ccgirl2]

OK, Virgo, I've heard you mention it twice. What's an OP? Sadly my first thought was Online Pharmacy.

[Impurrfect]

original poster (I think)...it took me a while, to figure THAT out and I still don't know if it's right!

[canuhearme]

I think original post too.

[Peter]

Originally Posted by ex D-Boy

I've never known even 1 single person in all my years that was able to moderate shooting heroin or smoking crack :/ or was just a "recreational user" of either of the 2

I never knew any "recreational" hard drug users either. I knew a few "moderate drinkers" but to tell the truth I never wanted too much to do with them. For the most part they were party poopers and only wanted to spoil my using. I preferred hanging out with people of my own kind.

[austingemini]

I think it's like HappyBoy says; trying to solve that is only opening the door for someone to try to figure out how they can have a drink and not be addicted. Unfortunately it doesn't really work that way.

[sct]

Yeah. Like I said- I've got friends who have an 'enough' switch in their brains. It's enough for me to know that- I don't have one. And sitting around looking for that 'enough' switch in my head- is only enough to get me loaded.

[Gmoney]

I haven't the slightest idea why some get addicted and others don't. I've heard all the theories and can't say I buy into any of them. I certainly don't buy the "genetic predisposition" stuff. I stopped asking that question years ago when I surrendered, because it no longer mattered. My experience shows that when I ponder things like that, I'm actually looking for a loophole so I can use.

But that's me.

[Klynn33]

I've realized that I think way too much since I stopped using...........

'cause this is still bothering me.

maybe it's a combination of everything that everyone above suggested.........

[SoosieQ]

It is odd the way that our brains work. My sister and I aren't very close, in fact we're total opposites in many ways. I won't see her for two years, but then we get together and within minutes are saying the same words, laughing with the exact same syncopated rhythm, using the same hand gestures.

My father and mother never admitted to drinking problems, but I can see that they both struggle/ have struggled. My grandparents were teetotellers (and I've read this is just the opposite end of the spectrum). My uncle was a very messy drunk. My sister and I both scoffed at the drinkers and smokers in my family, but now we are both heavy drinkers and smokers ourselves.

So, yes, even tho' I'm a skeptic (or at least one to question everything), I do believe in genetic propensity. I have read that you can have the genetic thread and that life circumstances (childhood experiences, rearing, non-supportive adults & role models, environment) can all serve as triggers that lead to abuse. Some of us teetotal, some of us totally fall off the deep end.

I also believe firmly that there is a nutritional link to addiction and that many of us who have lived w/ depression/ anxiety, etc. for many years before self-medicating were not properly treated early on.

I know you want this to be black and white. It helps make sense of things. But I really think that addiction is a combination of factors: genetic propensity, biochemical imbalance, emotional and environmental factors.....

[ThisIsTheDay]

Originally Posted by Klynn33

I've realized that I think way too much since I stopped using...........

'cause this is still bothering me.

maybe it's a combination of everything that everyone above suggested.........

I think this may be what put me over the edge the other day...I was think about why, I can't just go out and be a normal person...have a beer or 2 and go home. Today thinking very clear... but still bothering me. :~(

[SoosieQ]

Yep. We've stopped stuffing things down with drinking/ drugging. I think it's important to have new ways to focus your mind. For some people, it is helpful to pick up a new (or abandoned) study. For others, it is good to go out and do something active. Over-thinking things just keeps us chasing our tails.

[ZombieWife]

I think the factors are different for each person (sorry, that's vague, I know.)

But, I think people who use "only recreationally" are playing Russian Roulette and they're bound to hit a bullet someday. It could just take a bad week, the loss of someone close to you, a terrible tragedy to make that person go from once a week to twice a week to three times, etc.

[bvaljalo]

Ya know, it's real simple.

Drug addicts are people who've done a lot of drugs, and who, because they've done a lot of drugs, now have a hard time NOT doing them.

Most of us here are drug addicts who must abstain from all mind-altering substances if we wish to avoid slipping back into the cycle of active addiction.

Honestly, that's really all you need to understand about this subject.

But ... if I were forced to analyze the subject further, my best analysis would be that people become addicts because of some perceived personal inadequacy (or inadequacies) which they discovered some addictive drug to be a effective remedy for. If they continue to take said addictive drug for too long, they end up addicts. The people that AREN'T addicts ... didn't.

[ccgirl2]

I think Gary W. worded it well. Who knows? All I know is I am, and I have to NOT do them. Period.

[bvaljalo]

Originally Posted by Klynn33

I've realized that I think way too much since I stopped using...........

'cause this is still bothering me.

maybe it's a combination of everything that everyone above suggested.........

First off, thinking too much ... is bad, n'kay? You shouldn't think too much ... cause if ya do ... it's bad.

Secondly, I can tell ya from first (and second, and third, and ...) hand experience, this 'line of thinking', this pondering of the question? This is a mechanism by which the disease of addiction attempts to trick you back into using.

The way this works, see, is that the MORE you ponder this question, the more you (seemingly innocently) try to 'figure out the the answer', the more you will slowly become convinced that *maybe* there's *a chance* you really AREN'T an addict, and that it may be worth it to 'give yourself another chance' at 'being like other people (i.e. non-addicts)'.

That's why this question is stuck in your head. It's the disease, always looking for an angle, always seeking a 'way back in'. Believe me, this is not something you want to let yourself spend too much time pondering on. K, Lynn33?

[Gmoney]

insidious, cunning, baffling, patient.....deadly.

My disease lives between my ears.

[RobbyRobot]

Originally Posted by bvaljalo

First off, thinking too much ... is bad, n'kay? You shouldn't think too much ... cause if ya do ... it's bad.

Secondly, I can tell ya from first (and second, and third, and ...) hand experience, this 'line of thinking', this pondering of the question? This is a mechanism by which the disease of addiction attempts to trick you back into using.

hmmm. thinking itself never f**ked me up much. its what actions i took, or didn't take, that made the difference. freedom of thought is an awesome place to live in, and the struggle is worth the admission price. just my experience with it. but ya, stinkin thinkin sux, if that's what it is. not sure that is what Klynne is doing with her head on this stuff.

i think therefore i am.

regards

[Gmoney]

I agree with you Robby...

Yet, I recall an oldtimer share in a meeting once, "I never had an action that wasn't preceeded by a thought."

Thinking, in itself, isn't a bad thing...but thinking too much might cause problems. My experience has been that when I think too much (or overthink) I usually talk myself into doing whatever it is I really wanted to do in the first place. I can rationalize and justify the most outrageous nonsense. "Think long...think wrong," another old saying.