Cold Turkey Opiate Recovery

[Munky]

Hello Folks,

Recovering Oxycodone addict here, just thought I'd post my progress on this, maybe it could be inspiring or something to someone who may also be dealing with opiate addiction. I posted an introduction a couple weeks ago in the newcomers forum, but for those that may not have seen that I'll describe what's been going on now.

It all started really "harmlessly," A couple percocets here and there when I was out of cannibis just to get that high feeling. At that time I didn't feel I was addicted to any once substance, just addicted to being high. That didn't bother me then because there was no physical side effects from not having drugs, it was more something to pass the time when bored out of my mind, or something to 'enhance' the games I play (pretty hardcore computer/console gamer). Before long, I moved in with the person I was getting the percocets from. Again, at that time it was just a couple here and there. After a couple months of pretty "harmless" use I started taking them without asking. After we both moved to a new apartment things started to get out of hand. It was then that I started snorting 5mg Time-Release Oxycodone. For the following 6 months or so, every day my dosage would creep up to more and more until a couple weeks ago I was at 10-15+ pills per day (thats 50-75mg or more). Granted, compared to some other posts I've read, that dosage is really nothing compared to the dose people take who are using it for severe pain management, taking 80mg per pill and such. Once this started, it wasn't long before I started to notice the physical side effects in the morning: the constant yawning and teary eyes, followed by the inability to sleep at night without Oxy. Then, just a couple weeks ago, while I was at work I just simply decided that this needed to stop soon while I can still take care of it myself. So, I requested a leave of absense from work, thankfully everyone I work with is pretty chill, so I was able to talk to my boss about this and because I was able to do that, I was granted pretty much as much time as I needed, short of a month. Tomorrow (Tuesday) marks day 1 of week 2.

My recovery started off not so well. I couldn't sleep at night and to combat this I tried to drop my dosage down, but even then the first night I took 6, the second day I took 4 (2 in the afternoon and 2 at night), and the third night I was back up to 6. At that point, I went hang out with some friends (a couple of them I used to snort Oxy's with before I became addicted). I brought 6 pills with me (2 for each night I was there), but ended up taking 4 of them on the second day. Then I was out. I was over an hour away from home with no car so I pretty much knew that this was it since I planned to stay there for two more days.

Cold Turkey - Day 1
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Only one way to describe day one: Misery. I was tired, cranky, uncomfortable, my back hurt no matter what position it was in, couldn't sleep due to creepy crawly skin (and after more research, I found out it was a lack of opiate receptors in my brain). Fortunately, a few of my friends didn't want to sleep either, and stayed up all night with me so I at least had someone to talk to and wasn't completely miserable.

Day 2
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Day 2 was even worse than day 1. My back hurt more than it did the day before, and I still had all the other symptoms of day 1, only now with the addition of nausea and diarreah. Fortunately through this whole ordeal I never vomited, but the constant visits to the bathroom made things even more uncomfortable as you can imagine. On this day I decided I HAD to go home and someone had to bring me there. My buddy was sick that day so he wasn't feeling up to driving me home, so after most of the day I finally convinced his ex to bring me home. Now, I didn't want to go home just because I wanted to get some Oxy in my system and take care of the withdrawals, though, that was certainly on my mind. But after thinking for a minute I decided that if I could live through 2 days of withdrawals, whats another 5 or so. Thus my main thoughts for going home that day was: "If I'm going to be miserable, I at least want to be miserable in my own home, and be able to at least try to sleep in my own bed." That night I almost slipped again. I wanted to sleep so bad but couldn't, so I went down to the cupboard where the pills are generally kept to get a couple. Fortunately, my roommate had taken my earlier advice and had hidden the pills on me. I was really disappointed, but at the same time relieved that I wouldn't have to start withdrawals over again.

Day 3
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This was by far the hardest day of them all. The symptoms I had were at their worst and I was completely miserable and lethargic all day. I had no idea what to do with myself. Today depression also started to set in, but to combat that I just kept the thought: "You're doing this for good reasons, and you'll be a lot happier when this is all over." circulating through my head, which would always fill me with a sence of pride in myself that I was actually able to live through this on my own with no help from doctors or other medications. This was also the day I discovered something that would help me sleep at night if I used it at the right time. This little trick consisted of a cannibis brownie 1.5-2hrs before I wanted to try to go to bed, followed by 2-50mg Diphenhydramene (Benedryl). I had tried the benedryl by itself which never worked but when I added the brownie in it knocked me right the hell out. Still had a little trouble getting comfortable and drifting off to sleep, but eventually I did.

Day 4 - Things starting to get better.
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Well, now that I was actually able to sleep I woke up on this day feeling quite a bit better. The creepy crawly sensations in my arms and legs were nothing more than a minor annoyance now. The back pain was still present, but dulled dramatically. The diarreah was also starting to fix itself at this point. I also wasn't really having any problems with runny eyes or nose or yawning now and thought I might be able to get some real (non-drug induced) sleep this night. I was wrong, as it turns out the insomnia is one of the last things to go, so I used the above method to get to sleep again.

Day 5
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My friends came down to visit me today. In part to hang out and in part to check up on me I guess. I didn't mind, I had someone to take my mind off the withdrawal symptoms and just have fun. Today's symptoms were really nothing more than a small annoyance. Still it was annoyance and I was glad I had people to talk to. Anyway, they didn't end up leaving until about 3:00am and that's when I tried to get to sleep. We had been doing a bit of drinking (the 3 of us went through an 18-rack) and by 3:00am I was feeling mighty tired. Still...it took me over an hour to finally drift off to sleep.

Day 6 - Today
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The withdrawal symptoms are about the same as they were yesterday. Its early yet so I'm not sure how things will change throughout the day. I'm not totally sure yet, but it seems the Diarreah has come back. Is this common? I'm not worried about it...during all of this the diarreah was the least of my worries. Sure it was annoying but nothing compared to not sleeping or inability to get comfortable for 3 days. Anyway, last night I was able to get to sleep with just a bit of alcohol in my system (I think I had 5 beers, at 5% alc. ea.). I was quite pleased with this because I think it means sleeping is going to start getting easier now since in the heat of the w/d alcohol would do NOTHING to help me sleep. This doesn't mean I'm going to start drinking every night (I generally never drink alone) but it does mean I may be able to start going to work again within the next few days. Although, right now I've got a lot of weakness in my legs and I don't think I could stand on my feet for 8 hours.


Well...when I started writing this I wasn't intending to make such a huge post. For that I appologize. This ended up being more of a recovery journal than anything (something I wanted to do all along, but didn't feel like grabbing a pen and paper). I guess I just needed to share my thoughts. I plan to continue making edits to this as the days move on, in the hopes that in the end, someone out there can read this day by day account and become better prepared for what awaits them in recovery.

Thanks for reading.

[ccgirl2]

I really like the format you're doing your journal in.


Ok, I have to be a mom; pot and drinking probably aren't the best ways to go through w/d's. Just be careful and don't trade one problem for another.

As far as the diarrhea; mine lasted two months. It's different with everyone though, so I don't think you should worry.

Keep posting!

[Munky]

Thanks for reading and replying ccgirl2.

Last night I was actually able to get some sleep without additional drugs. It felt good. I think things are finally starting to get better and maybe within the next few days I can start going back to work. My biggest problem right now is the weakness in my legs. I would likely be able to go back today, however I'm a salesman and am required to be on my feet for the majority of my day at work. Because of the weakness I don't feel as though I'd be able to stand on my feet for 8 hours. I've still got some time though. Until then, I'll just keep dealin with the minor aches and pains and try to get out a bit more and do things. Today is day 7 though and from what most people say this is the beginning of the end of the worst of w/d's. I surely hope thats true since I don't want to stay out of work for too much longer for fear of losing my job.

[ccgirl2]

You're doing great! I just posted over in your other thread too!

[ShutupScott]

the physical effects from quitting an opiate addiction are truly the worst thing i've experienced a couple times.. and presently.. only this time isn't as bad as my worst.. but i know what you've gone through and are going through right now.. i really would recommend not drinking alcohol during this.. gatorade, life water, are better to clean out your system

[sk8rvirgo]

To the OP....going off of Opiates Cold Turkey is by far the hardest thing to do. I am impressed with your journal which you have shared with everyone, no doubt with the hopes of touching at least one other person. I know I give a big kudos for that.

Myself, I am brand new to the forum, reason being is that I have been an addict for many years. I was clean for 2 1/2 years then slipped back into the string of addiction. I didnt do anything illegal this time, I only took what I was given by the doctor, but there is no doubt that I have reached that time.

This past week I was fired from my job of 2 1/2 years, my doc dropped me, a close friend OD's in attempted suicide, and life has gone str8 down. That being said, I have three options to quit using...taper my dose for the next 3 weeks, party til I am out and then start at the clinic which I can't afford, or be smart about it and quit.

Joining this board I already know will be a Godsend and I look forward to hearing more success from not only you, but also others in the same boat!

[butterflylover]

Congrats! That is awesome! I was addicted to Lortabs. I never could do the cold turkey thing. So, I fessed up to my doctor and went to a pain management doc and got on Suboxone. I've been on it for about 2 weeks. Everyone has their own way to get clean. Again, congrats and keep on postin'. This is a GREAT site with WONDERFUL people!

[ccgirl2]

Munky; check in, OK?


Virgo; shame on your doctor.

[Munky]

Hey again folks. Sorry I haven't been updating. Over the past couple of days I haven't really felt depressed, like super sad depressed, but I have been extremely bored. It seems none of the things I used to do for fun by myself really seem to be fun anymore and I spend most of the day staring at the wall ... sounds like a great life doesn't it?

Anyway, I'm pretty much done with the physical withdrawal symptoms, by the way today is the beginning of day 10 in case you were wondering. I'm still having trouble sleeping at night. When I make the attempt one of two things happen: I'll either roll around for hours and finally pass out around 3-4am or I'll pass out fairly easily but snap awake at 4:30am. The sleeplessness is really starting to get old which makes the "candy cupboard" all the more tempting. Don't worry yourselves though, based on what I have just went through, I'll never touch those damned pills again.

I'm going into work today for an hour meeting with my co-associates and to talk about coming back. I'd like to start soon since at the moment I barely know what to do with myself, but at the same time I'd like to start with some light 3-5 hour shifts because due to some lingering weakness in my legs, I don't think I could stand on my feet for 8 hours. I'm not sure if that will be possible since I've been out for 2 and a half weeks and other people want to take their vacations.

But, all in all I'm doing quite well now. The not-quite-depression-but-extreme-boredom syndrome is annoying but tolerable. I just can't wait until I can sleep normally again.

Edit: Hmmm, apparently I can't edit a post once it has been replied to. If there are any mods reading this, could you please edit the topic title and just delete the Day 6 part. I'm on day 10 now and without being able to edit the post title its pointless to have it there...

[ccgirl2]

Munky, boredom is a sign of depression. So you could be depressed and maybe, if you're lucky it's just not too severe.


BTW, check in, OK?

[bvaljalo]

And, then there's that OTHER one-hour meeting that you oughta start thinking about attending ... regularly ...

[Munky]

Well, I just got back from spending the holiday weekend with my friends up north. I had a blast! It was so nice to get outside and do things, I didn't really want to go home. But, I've gotta go into work tomorrow so I had to come home. I think I'm pretty much set as far as the w/d's go. This is day 13 (lucky...ain't it?) and the only time I really think about Oxy's is when I'm talking to people about the addiction. Now that I have a vehicle (finally!!) I can get out and do more things which is a great feeling and helps with depression and boredom.

I want to thank all of you for your support during the difficult times. It was tough, but apparently I'm tougher than I thought. Another great feeling. Maybe sometime soon I can finally quit ciggs now that I know I can quit things that are much worse. Anyway, sorry for such a scatterbrained post, it's been a long time since I've felt this good.

[ccgirl2]

Munky I've heard a lot of people say especially in early recovery that they think about their doc mostly when they're discussing it.

One way I countered that was instead of attending NA meetings I attend AA. Part of that was logistics also, but one of the counselors at rehab said that can be helpful, as long as the AA group is open. Just a thought.

[exjunky]

Good post and your description is very typical. Day #3 is usually the worst if you cold-turkey.

A fast taper works differently. With a fast taper, there will be a few days at the end where you take a tiny dose that prevents you from getting very sick, but they are still uncomfortable. Then when "D-Day" comes and you take nothing at all, it turns out to not be so bad. So the taper process takes a few extra days but no day is as acutely painful as the day #3 you described.

[Munky]

Well well, we're at the 2 week marker now. I'm so proud of myself that I've lasted this long and yet still I have the willpower to knock down any craving I get as quickly as I get it. I think facing the w/d's head on was exactly what I needed because I NEVER want to feel that way again.

I went into work today for about 3 hours, I felt a little akward at first since I've been out for 3 weeks, but it all came back to me relatively easy. In fact, in just that three hours I jumped to 2nd in sales for the day at the time I left. It was definately nice to see my crew again. I only work with about 6 other people so we get along pretty much as friends (certainly makes days go by faster that way).

The "depression" I'm feeling is still persisting though I know that can last for a month or more so I just continue to deal with it. Besides, I still don't really consider it depression because I don't really feel sad about anything. My problem is that I got used to playing games and other such solo things while on drugs, so they don't seem as much fun anymore. However, the key word in that last statement is 'solo.' It's only when I'm at home, by myself, that I "don't feel like doing anything." I have a feeling I'll soon have to change up my lifestyle a bit to keep myself sane. By changing my lifestyle I mean getting out and doing more things and seeing more people. A perfect example of this would be 4th of July weekend. I felt so awesome being with my closest friends, getting some sun and swimming that toward the end of the nights I'd get into uncontrolable giggling fits just because I was so happy (and probably exhausted). I'm even starting to be able to sleep without help from benedryl, but I fear if I continue to sit on my ass all day every day (like I had been doing, but not caring because of oxy), I'll slip back to the insomnia again.

Well I suppose thats about it for now. I guess the next major milestone will be 1 month. Then 3 months right? I'm feeling confident that neither of those will be a problem.

[LadyTenn422]

Munky, just wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU. You did it, what a great feeling, I am so glad you came here. I was just dropping by to say hi to all the newbies, and to say I am very happy for you. Munky, you have great posts, a flair for writing, and I enjoy reading them. Im so proud and happy for you!! Please stick around and keep posting

[sk8rvirgo]

Munky-


Your story is inspiring and I love how you termed something; "Facing your Addiction Head on" because that is the only way to do it. I have posted on here once but I've lurked almost daily, always finding inspiration to move forward with my own recovery. I honestly don't think that you can truly place an accurate amount of value on the power of one addicts story shared with others. My guess is that you have touched more people through this thread than you may ever know.

Keep up the good work and the postings!!! They are very helpful to anyone in the trenches of addiction!!

Kudos

[Munky]

Thank you LadyTenn and Sk8rvirgo for your kind words. It really means a lot to me.

Lady, I've never really considered myself much of a writer, though I have been told I do have a talent for the written word (spoken word, on the other hand, is a completely different story). While I've been able to recognize this, I've never really enjoyed it but maybe that's because I never really had anything meaningful to write about. Who knows, now that my head isn't clouded all the time I may pick up the pen every now and again.

Sk8r, I couldn't help the big grin that came across my face as I read your post. I don't really know what to say, other than I do really hope my experiences can help people overcome one of the greatest of society's monsters. Thank you so much for what you said, and I wish you the best of luck in your struggle as well.

~Munky

[bvaljalo]

Proud o' you, man. Keep up the good work.

I always tell people around here to EMBRACE the PAIN, that withdrawals are their friend. Sometimes ... people fail to see it that way, ya know, at the time. Can't say as I blame 'em. But they really are actually a 'force for good' if you adopt the proper attitude about them, as you obviously have. Without w/d's, you'd probably never see a reason to get clean, and even if you did, you might not STAY clean if you didn't have the threat of w/d's hanging over your head. I can tell you that for me, my desire to avoid going through them again is probably the single most tangible reason I've been able to stay sober for 13 months. When all else fails, it's great to have that memory to fall back on, in other words.

I still think you should hit some meetings though, man. AA/NA, doesn't matter. Just go. It really helps, even if all you do is show up and listen for an hour a few days a week.

[sk8rvirgo]

Originally Posted by Munky

Thank you LadyTenn and Sk8rvirgo for your kind words. It really means a lot to me.

Lady, I've never really considered myself much of a writer, though I have been told I do have a talent for the written word (spoken word, on the other hand, is a completely different story). While I've been able to recognize this, I've never really enjoyed it but maybe that's because I never really had anything meaningful to write about. Who knows, now that my head isn't clouded all the time I may pick up the pen every now and again.

Sk8r, I couldn't help the big grin that came across my face as I read your post. I don't really know what to say, other than I do really hope my experiences can help people overcome one of the greatest of society's monsters. Thank you so much for what you said, and I wish you the best of luck in your struggle as well.

~Munky

Munky- I'll attempt to be short and sweet although that is never my strong suit!! Something which I learned during a period of time spent in the rooms of NA, your story can help someone so much and you may or may not ever know it. So many people go through the same hell each day yet they don't even know there are more people going through that same hell and they truly are not alone. Sharing your story, your experience, your success, is NEVER a bad thing because it is guaranteed that if done in the right forum, and not just online but in a meeting or other "forum", you will make a difference in someone else's life. You may not know it; you may never know it; but you do..keep sharing your experiences and stay strong. I will do the same and look forward to reading more of your posts.

[Munky]

How's this for short and sweet?

Sk8rVirgo: You Rock!

Seriously though, I have definatley found sharing my story has taken a huge load of my shoulders. I'm also glad I found a place to talk about it with such caring people. For a scorpio, I'm pretty open about whats going on in my head (most of the time), so I tend to tell just about everyone remotely close to me. Though, talking about it with my closest friends has been good, and they're all proud of me for doing it, but I feel like I'm preaching when I talk about it ("Drugs are bad, mkay?"). Its so much more rewarding to talk about it with people who KNOW what you're going through.

I've tried talking about it with my roommate (the one I used to get the pills from) since she knows exactly what the withdrawals are like. But, she's a chronic pain patient so her attitude was more like "Try living in my body for a day...then complain..." While I totally understand where she's coming from, since she's been on Oxycodone, Percocet, AND Methadone (all at the same time) since about 1998. The Methadone came later but still. My point is, while I understood her, she wasn't very helpful in recovery. I became my own best friend during that nasty week, though the visits up north were necessary to keep my sanity.

[sk8rvirgo]

Originally Posted by Munky

How's this for short and sweet?

Sk8rVirgo: You Rock!

Seriously though, I have definatley found sharing my story has taken a huge load of my shoulders. I'm also glad I found a place to talk about it with such caring people. For a scorpio, I'm pretty open about whats going on in my head (most of the time), so I tend to tell just about everyone remotely close to me. Though, talking about it with my closest friends has been good, and they're all proud of me for doing it, but I feel like I'm preaching when I talk about it ("Drugs are bad, mkay?"). Its so much more rewarding to talk about it with people who KNOW what you're going through.

I've tried talking about it with my roommate (the one I used to get the pills from) since she knows exactly what the withdrawals are like. But, she's a chronic pain patient so her attitude was more like "Try living in my body for a day...then complain..." While I totally understand where she's coming from, since she's been on Oxycodone, Percocet, AND Methadone (all at the same time) since about 1998. The Methadone came later but still. My point is, while I understood her, she wasn't very helpful in recovery. I became my own best friend during that nasty week, though the visits up north were necessary to keep my sanity.

Munky-

The kudos are more appreciated than you can even imagine. I'm not doing a cold turkey w/d however I am using Suboxone to keep my functionality since I am in the process of trying to find a new job. Your posts are read by me (and I'm sure many others ) every day, multiple times each day. This board is my first stop when I logon each day and the inspiriation provided from the success stories such as this are truly worth so much!!! We may be seperated by a long distance however I feel like I've found a friend in recovery. This message board was not around, at least to my knowledge, when I got clean 3 years ago but I wish it would have been. The support I find here, and I hope you do too, is amazing. Keep in touch!!!

sk8r