Life After Methadone Keeps On Going

[Lbad]

Well, here we go again...

All are welcome.......


Much Luv,
Bad

[Impurrfect]

Wow...another thread already!

On my way to work...check in with ya in the morning!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Impurrfect]

I'm back

Work was actually good. Not a big money night, but apparently word has gotten around that I DO have a little authority and everyone did their job with no whining

Lisa (the girl who went off on me) is suspended for another night and then off for 3. I saw the letter she had to sign and she has to walk a thin line. She was told she's darn lucky she has a job. Her bf, Sonny, worked with me and we were fine. I think everything is going to be okay.

I can't remember if I posted this on the old thread, but the truck I hit has $1700 damage. I will work out a payment plan with his insurance company. I refuse to get down about anything, because everything has worked out just like it's supposed to, and this will, too.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning & Happy Saturday

Big hugs and much love to all of my special friends at SR....

Starting a new thread is always a little melancholy for me. I am not sure why...
I have started quite a few of them over the years....
I think this is about the 8th or 9th "Life After" thread.
Before the big crash here they didn't close threads at 500 posts long they just let them keep going and going... Anyway, maybe thats one of the reasons for the "big crash" lol We lost a lot of great stuff including me lol....
Everything turned out ok though and we all got back on and started again....
I remember being a little panicky though. thinking I had "lost" everyone who I was so close to here...
Here is a very sad truth... Of all those people I was "really" close to 5 years ago none are still here....... I know for a fact that most of them are back out there doing the death dance with addiction...
Most of them don't communicate anymore. That's what happens when it gets bad. You lose so much.... physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, legally.... I got lucky by the time I was 33 I hit bottom in all those areas and was pretty throughly mangled. I was able to have a complete surrender.

If you don't already know here is me in a nutshell:
I drank and used anything put in front of me from 12 to 33. My favorite was IV heroin but I didn't discriminate.. I would shoot water if that was all I had. I was an alcoholic, dope fiend, criminal, mother...
Crushing pressure and belief in nothing inspired a trip to the methadone clinic one day....
The rest is history....
Methadone and working a 12 step program saved my life. I was on for about 2 1/2 years did a slow blind detox and got off and didn't relapse and survived the ordeal. I have been clean/sober since January 22nd of 2003.
I believe in the 12 steps and have a God.
I believe in whatever works for you to save you from the hell we live in right here on earth.

I know today that I didn't even know what I didn't know about living a life of freedom...
I still don't know what I don't know yet and that brings me joy..

This thread is for anyone who wants to be here and wants to give or get support and some hope, but beware, we stay focused on a solution and gratitude...


Today I am off to ride my bike, attend a BBQ , give a friend a ride, go to a mtg, pay my bills and grocery shop. It use to take me like 7 and a 1/2 months to do that much before... lol

ttfn
Bad

[Impurrfect]

Just checking in. Work was really, really slow. Hope it picks up.

Get my car tomorrow Will start looking for another job, part-time.

oh...and 15 months clean tomorrow No matter how bad a day seems, now, it's still WAY better than back when I was using!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning

((amy)) That is so awesome about your new car tomorrow..... and 15 months!!!!! That is a long, time!!

When I first started going to meetings I would hear people say,

"My worst day clean/sober is still better then my best day using."

I would always think sarcastically to myself, "You must not have had the kind of drugs I did then because my best days out there were good." lol

Today I "get it"...

Wow Amy... another job... Well, you know what you need to do. Sometimes cleaning up our past and current takes diligence. In AA they talk about. "Our adventures before and after... lol

Was the little angry girl at work last night??


I rode my bike 41 miles yesterday and was really happy about that. I got lost on the bike trails and a nice $10,000 bike man helped me. I stopped for a water break and another one of the $10,000 bike men stopped to make sure I was ok... My tire got a tear in it and I rode to the cycle shop with no money and the man fixed it and told me, "pay me back later". I went straight home and got some money and drove over there. He only accepted payment for parts not his time....
Moral of the story is that lots of people in the world are very kind to their fellows..

I went to a meeting last night that was very small. Maybe 10 people. I liked it. It was very cozy...
We talked about how the literature uses these words, "Resentment is the number one offender it destroys more alcoholics then anything else...."
That was funny because on the way there I had stopped at Walgreen's and bought a notebook to start writing a few of my own.......

Well, I am off on my bike again in a few minutes and then to a morning meeting and out to brunch with friends and then who knows what..... maybe more bike!!

Life is sweet.......

Bad

[Impurrfect]

((Lbad)) sheez...you'll be going across the country on that bike before too long Just remember...if you pass through Atlanta, look me up!

The "little angry girl" did come in, but only to pick up her bf. I said a few things to her..she didn't really say anything back, but was definitely not rude or hostile. I'm trying to lead by example and most of the time, she listens. She told me one night of how she handled a situation and said "you will be so proud of me"...I was and I told her.

We're going to be just fine. The only problem is there aren't enough customers for any of us to make money, but at least we're struggling together.

Enjoy your Sunday. I'm off to sleep shortly.

(((Ladyblue))) (((Arura))) (((Joe))) and (((anyone I missed)))

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning.....

((amy)) Sounds like things are turning out ok at work with the people now if we could just find a way to get more customers in there!! ... Today is the new car day right??

Congratulations on your 15 months....


I am off to work this morning...

[woops]

Hello Bad n Amy...........

Wow - another start up for this thread.......... always nice to see the thread when I clock on! Good for you for being so "reliable" - if you'll forgive that word - not many people (including moi) would have the fortitude and staying power - but it is so needed and appreciated.

Bad - you quote people saying such things as

"My worst day clean/sober is still better then my best day using."

Well for me - and I get it now - is: "Give time time"

I think we are all in such a hurry to get better - so impatient to get thro withdrawal and start living like other people.............. and it just cannot be done that way - well - I dont think so. The whole mad behaviour of addiction has to be trained out of us - real change has to happen or there's not a hope.......... And that takes time. As to how you effect that change is up to you - whether it be a 12 step programme/a spiritual approach - or both...........or forums like SR........ whatever.......... but there has to be real change. Have to learn to deal with all the difficulties of life without resorting to a pill/bottle etc. And I think you have to be aware every day of your life that you are an addict - and always remember.......... for the beast addiction lurks close by ready to pounce on the unwary!! It really is huge threatening monster that lies in wait for the recovering addict to take his/her eye off the ball........I know from first hand experience. So I think gently does it - taking it slowly, day at a time......... and things will get better - no doubt of that. And you have to be patient - and give time, time.

Hey Bad - there must be something in the air........... all your cycling - and I am in the throws of trying to get fitter - walking, running and now thinking of cycling!! But I live in a city and dont fancy cycling with all the mad motorists there are on the roads............. but might just get myself a bike rack and head for the hills!! Even considering getting a personal trainer - just for a bit - to really get me going................ After all those years of just sitting and doing so little.................isnt it just great to be able to enjoy the great outdoors? Maybe the fact of having been so imprisoned by addiction makes us all the more appreciattive of what life has to offer.

Enjoy your cycling - and all the people you meet while on your travels.

Amy - hope work picks up............. and give time time!!

Best

woops

[Impurrfect]

I got my car and I love it!!! Rides great, very clean. I think the only thing I need is new windshield wipers. I'm about to burn a CD so I can listen to my favorite music (old car didn't have a cd player). This car is everything my old car was, but very much new and improved.

Salesmen were boasting on my perfect credit with them, what a great customer I've been....a long, long way from the irresponsible crackhead I was not long ago.

Time to get some sleep....got to get up in a couple of hours for work. Work is still really, really slow and it's not just our restaurant. I filled out applications for jobs closer to home before, and never got any responses. Times are tough, but I'm tougher, so will figure it out.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning,

Hi Woops

Hi Amy!! That is so cool about your car.... I am a little envious..

All is well with me just a little busy this week..

Much Luv,
Bad

[Lbad]

Just checking in to say hello and goodnight!!!

Hope everyone is ok.

Work was incredibly exciting today.... We had a 5,000 acre (residential and pasture) fire with people and animal emergencies everywhere.. We put our disaster plan in action. Dispatch was intense and dramatic. I was monitoring 4 radio frequencies and 10 officers. My adrenaline was amped up to close to maximum. I love it... lol

I am calmed down now and ready for bed...

[Impurrfect]

Wow, Lbad....sounds like an exciting day!

Yesterday morning, when I was taking 3 people to the train station, there was a huge wreck...3 tractor trailers, one with fuel. We took the back roads. Then, I was going to stop at the gas station and fill up...there was a car that ran into a pump and it was on fire!

Later read, that the guy had pulled his car to the gas pump, got out NAKED and danced on the car, then got back in an rammed it into the pump.....I just missed all the excitement He's now resting in jail.

Work is still really slow...figured out it is costing me $120/week in gas and this just isn't working. Got my rebate, but don't want to depend on it. Will be looking (again) for work closer to home.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning....

((amy)) I will keep good thoughts coming your way in regards to work closer to home...

I had good news about the job I am trying to get closer to home. She called my supervisor and talked to him for about 30 minutes regarding me. He said he gave me an excellent reference and that she had stated to him, "You have made a difficult decision much easier." I am trying not to have expectations but I am excited that the process is moving forward in a positive way. The new job would be 5 minutes from my house plus a raise. It would save me an hour a day in transportation time and with the raise and using less gas I would make about $500 more a month... The great thing really is though that there is no pressure. I love the job I have now. So no matter what it really is already OK...

I am off to work today and then I have the rest of the week off for some vacation days.. Yea! It's my Friday!!!


Have a brilliant day peoples...

[Lbad]

Happy Thursday...

One foot in front of the other... "no matter what"

[Impurrfect]

Good morning!

Lbad - that sounds great about the job, but knowing you'll be okay even if you don't get it is priceless!

My resume is lost in cyberspace..had it on dad's computer but viruses or something have lost it I'll have to piece together my history the best I can. Talked with an online school about taking courses...they will see if I apply for financial aid tomorrow. If it happens, great, if not, I'll figure out something else.

Have a happy Thursday!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning and Happy Friday

(((amy))) I hate resumes..... ugh... I feel like that whole process of writing down your work history is really a little like torture. Sounds really cool though about taking the classes! I will keep good thoughts coming your way about financial aid...

I had a really busy day yesterday.. It was my daughter's junior high promotion celebration and we went out to lunch afterwords. We all had a good time.

I have been riding my bike like crazy. This morning I did 26 miles.

I have been going to lots of meetings and the detox and that is all good.

I am really trying to find a balance... recovery, kids, exercise, work, friends, fostering animals, (maybe a relationship????..... ) etc etc.... It is a lot...

The girls are off on vacation with their cousins.... Santa Barbara, Disneyland, Lego Land, San Diego. They will not be home until next Saturday.......

I am off to enjoy my extra time off....

I got an email from LadyBlue... I am going to send her a link to this thread.. she said she can't find it...


Bad

[Impurrfect]

Wow..a vacation from the girls? As much as I love my niece, it's pretty quiet and calm when she's at her friend's.

Just got off the phone for an hour, completing financial aid forms and applying for school. The school is no problem, and she said I should get financial aid with no problem. If that's the case, I'll start online classes on the 24th! I figure if I get my RN license back, this will enhance it, and if I don't, this will still get me in the door for a good job and the healthcare industry is one of the few that is growing.

It's pretty much a leap of faith, but I feel good about it.

Back to work tonight..the first time I will work with little miss angry....hope it goes well.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

(((amy))) I will keep you and little miss angry in my prayers....

Wow! About school.. Maybe I could take some online classes..???

The girls are gone now and I already miss them... ((deep sigh))

I am off to a mtg...

[Impurrfect]

I finally had a good night at work! Business was much better and money was good.

"little miss angry" tried to have an attitude at first, but I was calm, consistent and didn't play into it. I was amazed at how well it worked. She and her bf just got a new pit bull puppy, so we talked about her and everything is back to normal. She's still cussing, but she's either going to straighten up, or she'll get fired. I'm going to let her decide that. I could have gotten her fired several times, last night, for cussing but I just kep telling her "watch your mouth".

I'm actually getting excited about school, so hope the financial aid goes through. Lbad - there are TONS of online courses for just about anything you could want. I have always been the kind of person that has a thirst for learning something new. If I could get paid to be a professional student, I would

It's raining here, so good sleeping weather. For once, it's just rain...no tornado warning.

Hope everyone has a great Saturday!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning and Happy Saturday.....

((amy)) I am so grateful that work was so successful financially and emotionally. What a relief... Isn't it amazing how much better things go today then how they used to go....??? I mean you have handled everything that has happened in the last couple weeks with such dignity and grace. It is amazing.

I think I will investigate school. ((Amy)) Thanks for inspiring me about on line school. I mean that might really work for me...

I am off to ride my bike this morning...

I wish LadyBlue would check in.....



ttfn
gtg
Bad