Life After Methadone Keeps On Going

[Lbad]

Hi Woops! The running came to a complete halt this morning!!! I did something very, very bad to my heel and have been in excruciating pain all day.... Up until then everything was going just swell. lol I did some reading though and apparently it is a common injury made better by "not running".... lol I am pissed. I think I might still be able to ride my bike though.. We shall see in the morning....

((prayers and good thoughts going out to your friend))

[Impurrfect]

Hi Woops!!!

Lbad - I've always heard that any injury to the heel is one of the most painful things there is, so take good care of yourself! Exercise is a good thing, but, as with everything else, there are drawbacks to overdoing it. I hope you can still ride your bike, or you are going to have some serious exercise-withdrawal!

Work was good, only really busy for a while. I had a rude man (obviously part of the convention, because all the women dress in sari's or whatever you call those dresses with the scarfs). Anyway, he was snapping his fingers at me (had to bite my tongue on THAT) and said he was hungry but we "didn't have anything he would eat". The OTHER 30 people from the convention didn't have a problem finding something to eat! I did my best to smooth things over, the rest of the table was very nice. I can tell women in HIS culture are very submissive and that is NOT an adjective anyone would use to describe me

My favorite mgr got frustrated with us because she had to bus our tables. I told her that there were only 2 of us, about 75 customers, and we couldn't seat the door, take care of the customers we've already sat, run food and milkshakes, get refills AND bus tables. Got a little frustrated, but it finally calmed down.

The "kids" are getting burned out on the job. They've been there a year or less, and tomorrow will be my 3rd anniversary there. Our new GM won't let my friend come back to work, so don't know what he's going to do. I never knew waiting tables and keeping a restaurant clean was so physically exhausting. I get burned out a little, but I need my job and always get some really nice customers that keep my spirits up.

Had a really, really drunk guy come in. Couldn't remember that he'd already paid me, but I was honest and told him he had and thanked him for the tip (100% tip!!). He's been in there before, always drunk, and always tips good. I feel sorry for him, but he's a good reminder of why I work so hard at recovery!

Hope everyone has a good Sunday!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning...
I woke up restless irritable and discontent this morning.
I know why too.... lol
Doesn't make it any better.
I tried making conscious contact w/my God before I got out of bed even. I laid there for 20 minutes asking God for help today.... I need to remember that maybe God is helping by allowing me to feel what I need to feel to grow some more emotionally and spiritually.

1. My heel hurts and I want to run and I can't. I am addicted to running and so I am kinda like a junkie who needs a fix. (kinda lol)

2. (probably more important lol) I have finally met someone I really want a relationship with... My experience sober has been men always pursue me on a pretty consistent basis.... I have not really been ready for a committed relationship and no one has sparked my interest etc.. etc... etc, so I have just done some dating, coffee etc....
Now....here comes Mr. Dreamboat lol He pursues me too... Yea!!! but.... I can not figure him out. He is not transparent like most of the men who have pursued me... bottom line I am scared of him. Scared I will fall in love and he will dump me...

This is one of those tricky situations.
I know that my solution is a spiritual one and I need to ask God for help to remove the fear and just take it one day at a time. I am scared because I have been abandoned by every man I ever really loved... It is natural to be fearful... I am fragile in this area.... I know God is giving me an opportunity to test out the mending that has taken place in that fragile healed heart of mine. It is a little liking taking off a cast and walking for the first time....
It is scary and it hurts a little.......
phew ((deep sigh))
This is when all of the cliché's really come in helpful...

One foot in front of the other "no matter what"
Everything is already ok...
Trust God, clean house, help others.......

I know if I really want to feel better right now I need to get off my ass and go do something for someone besides the "all mighty self centered ME"... lol


((amy)) I hope you get some good rest today....
Lots of people get burned out at my work too....
There is something about being grateful that keeps me happy and working...


Bad

[woops]

Hi guys,
Lbad.........
The heel.............. I forcibly jumped off a ladder 9 years ago and broke my foot - the bone under the heel - the calcaneus - its called the "scaffolder's injury" - for obvious reasons............... my doc told me it was the worst bone in the body to break - it will never heal properly due to lack of blood supply............ its been a bummer. Permanent pain - swelling etc etc. But - I have found that the more exercise I do - the better. So - I have a swollen and painful right heel - but now work on the principle - if I dont want to lose it then I must use it. Works for me. Hope your injury is not so bad - and not permanent - hopefully tendons or muscles - which will be fine in time? (Not meaning to play down any injury - cos I know that tendons can be much more difficult to heal that bones)
Its a real bummer - this injury - cos I have always been pretty sporty - now its difficult - altho my physio assures me that I can do just about anything if I set my mind to it. But sometimes it does hurt pretty badly. Hence the beginnings of my attraction and addiction to opiates!!!!
Take care.

As for your personal situation - WONDERFUL - enjoy. I think you are thinking way too much about it all - over analysing............... no "ordinary" person would put themselves thro the loop you are putting yourself thro!! LOL

"I am scared because I have been abandoned by every man I ever really loved... It is natural to be fearful... I am fragile in this area.... I know God is giving me an opportunity to test out the mending that has taken place in that fragile healed heart of mine. It is a little liking taking off a cast and walking for the first time....
It is scary and it hurts a little......."

Why not try and clear your mind of all this analysis - and try to just enjoy things as they come at you? One foot in front of the other - indeed!!! hee hee Love the play on words.
Lass - you are entitled as a human being to happiness? So - enjoy!! The most natural thing in the world. If things dont work out as you hope - then -no matter - c'est la vie?
And not every man in the world will let you down - so you have to believe in yourself and in other people? Trust. Yes - you are fragile - but I suspect that most women are in this particular world of male/female relationships?
Dont let fear imprison you................ it has in the past - as it has with all addicts - so you must consciously break free of fear? You have left all of that behind.........................
So - love yourself - let yourself fall in love - if that is what will happen....................... sounds like he might be a smashing bloke?
What have you to lose?? And what might you have to gain?
Cut yourself free.

"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

Enjoy - and just live life to the full. Enjoying all the happiness and also the sadness...................................
All part of "life's rich tapestry"!!

Amy
Love your post above - you paint a vivid picture. Sometimes the public "at large" is horrible? Waiters and waitresses can be treated by Joe Public just so badly. What expense manners?
But - I reckon you manage just fine!!!
I remember doing a waitressing job on Long Island, New York one summer - a wealthy country club - absol vile club members - I have never been treated so badly - before or since that job - but my trick for dealing with it - not very original - but I used to think of those perpetrators of bad manners as being stark naked!! LOL Always made me smile. The most ghastly people were always the awful fat slobs.................. so thinking of them in their birthday suits was just a hoot!
But you do have a physically very challenging job - bloomin hard work - and I just hate to hear of the kids getting burned out - its just not fair. Kids with all that potential - being overworked and underpaid (for the most part) - being taken advantage of - its just not right. Somehow as you get older then you develop some psychological "armour" to deal with it all.
I must say that I think that employers who abuse our youngsters so that they suffer "burn out" are just despicable. They are just taking advantage........ and know that the youngsters dont have the capacity to retaliate.....
Oh well - you must take care of you - and I am sure that you are supportive of your fellow workers.............. Solidarity - and all that.
Take care.......
woops

[Lbad]

Thanks woops..
I have tried to clear my mind... I practice meditation and ask God for his will to be revealed to me and the above is what I came up with....
I think I need to do this or I will make the same mistakes I have made in the past..
Self examination, prayer and meditation have not failed me so far...
Processing it here too is very theraputic... as well as with my trusted sponsor...
If I don't listen to my gut and see the waving red flags I get screwed every single time.. lol

More has already been revealed today about this man and I was correct. He is unavailable to be in a commited relationship.... I am glad that I took the time to think things through...

I do think that you are right about the whole letting go process though...
I heard an excellent speaker a few weeks ago talking about recovery and how it has been a process of getting rid of garbage....
He said, "Ask yourself, What can I get rid of next?"
I loved that..

[emmer]

Ask yourself, What can I get rid of next?"
I loved that..


......amen sister, I have lots of garbage that needs to go to the curb too.

[Lbad]

((joe)) You are in my heart every single day... I am going to go write you a response to your PM...

Bad

[Impurrfect]

(((Joe))) - I've missed you!!!!

((Lbad)) - glad you took your time with this new man and did what has worked for you....good for you!

((Woops)) - the one good thing about the kids being burned out, is one of them wants to go back to school. They are a couple...he's 20, she's 18 and they have 2 kids 2 and 1. We've been through a few struggles (she didn't deal with authority well, and I am their supervisor) but we have worked through it and are very close. They do come to me for advice, and I'm proud to say that they are in their own apt., paying the rent EARLY and taking good care of their kids and 2 new puppies.

Work was slow last night, so I came home early. I didn't even have to mop the dining room (I really, really hate that mop!!!). It was storming like crazy at work...had to drive really slow. We also had storms yesterday afternoon and 2 houses near mine were hit by lightening.

When I came home yesterday morning, saw the remnants of an accident.....several cop cars, wreckers, etc., and an ambulance heading back to the trauma center. Read this morning that a car had stalled on the interstate, another car hit it. The people from the 2nd car got out of their car and were hit and killed by a 3rd car. I am feeling very grateful that I came along AFTER the wreck.

Oh, and I don't know if anyone remembers, but months ago my coworker/friend got drunk (her night off) and passed out in our parking lot. I couldn't get her up and wouldn't leave her there, so called the cops and they arrested her. I caught MAJOR flack from everyone, then when it blew over, they say that I really didn't have a choice (I wouldn't leave a DOG in the parking lot, much less my friend).

Anyway, I had tried to call her several times but she wouldn't answer or return calls. I saw her for the 1st time last night, and she was so excited to see me, and gave me a big hug. I asked her if she hated me and she said "no, ya know I love ya". Made me feel so much better. She is trying to get her job back, but it's up to management.

I also saw AJ last night...they will not give him his job back but he is determined to find another one. He says he survived BEFORE this job, and he will survive WITHOUT it. I'm glad he didn't let it get him down. I told him to use me as a reference.

So, it was a good night, even if I barely made enough to cover the gas. I think it all has to do with an attitude of gratitude!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning

((amy)) I am glad you are ok. I will pray for the accident victims....
I was thinking about the drunk in the parking lot and really what else were you supposed to do?? Leave her there to drive home? People are so stupid sometimes.... You might have saved a lot of live that night....
Maybe you can help out your friend AJ by just being the wonderful supportive friend you are.
I know when I was looking for a job and I was a convicted felon it was hard.. I searched for well over a year and my friends who encouraged me to not give up saved my ass.

Everything with "the man" is ok for now. One day at a time.
I tell you, I am falling though, and I still know he is going to end up breaking my heart.....
At least my eyes are wide open..

I know I have some friends who will be there to dry my eyes when I am laying on the floor sobbing cause he doesn't want me anymore... lol

He is so handsome I want to just die every time I see him..... ((deep sigh)) He is charming too and honest.......

Well off to work for me now... No running or bicycling.. I am on heel restriction...


ttfn
gtg
Bad

[emmer]

((Amy)) you are growing in leaps and bounds! I am very proud of you.
((Lbad)) I sencha an e-mail kiddo. Love your kitty avatar too.

Me? I have about 140 days clean now.

I'm fighting procrastination and tiredness, laziness etc, but I'm surviving.

[Impurrfect]

Way to go ((((Joe)))!!

((Lbad)) - hope the heel heals fast. When you said "heel restriction" I thought you must feel like you are a kid being grounded!

Work was busy again, but the tips weren't great. It's okay, though. My needs are met. I had a hard time going to sleep yesterday, so should sleep like a log today. I can't go in early anymore, because the 2nd shift people are staying longer and I don't really like missing out on that little extra cash. I just have to remind myself that every time I start to panic about money, things always work out, so I don't even need to go there.

I've also been procrastinating on a few things....like a mile-high load of laundry, so will try to make myself get something accomplished on my days/nights off.

Oh, and Lbad...love your new avatar, but I also miss the "doo" one Our chihuahua, Tinker, has gotten used to the "morning ritual" when I come home....the cats get their treats, she gets hers. I got to see the kids's newest pit puppy, Chino this morning when I took Sonny home. They are SO cute, but quite a handful...along with the 1 and 2 year old babies!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning

((joe)) I got your email and will reply soon... thank you. 140 days!

((amy)) You sound so great.......
Doo will probably be back.. something happened though so I did a quick fix and replaced it with kitty waking up.... lol

I am OK....
More later hopefully.
104F humid and smokey... ugh

Bad

[Impurrfect]

((Lbad)) - dad sent me an e-mail and I thought of you. I don't have your e-mail address, so will just have to tell you about it.

It starts off with a conversation of a son asking his dad if he wants to do a marathon. Dad says yes, and they do one. They continue to do marathons and finally decide to do the ironman triathalon. THEN it shows the u-tube video.

The son, is an adult with obviously severe physical/mental deficits. He is in a wheelchair, with not much control of his body. It shows the dad doing the triathalon...when he swam, he towed his son in a raft behind him. When he ran, he pushed the wheelchair. When he biked, he had a special bike with a seat for his son. At the end, he carries this grown child, in his arms, across the finish line. The very last scene is of the son, at his computer as he types "can do". The video reminds us of how much a father loves his child...just like God loves his children. It was really awesome and brought tears to my eyes.

(((Joe))) 140 days!!! Way to go!! How is the pond doing?

Had another disagreement with Lucy, my mgr, last night but talked it out with her AND left a note for my GM. I had D, my other mgr, read it first to make sure I don't sound like a whiny brat, but I WAS ticked. I'm mopping and Lucy takes a table!!! She makes $12/hr, and I get my money from tips. Just want clarification on whether I'm a server or a maid!!!!

The laptop goes back to the factory tomorrow, so I won't be on as much as usual for at least a week. Hopefully, Brit won't be home much, or I'll NEVER get on the computer.

Oh, and today is 16 months clean for me!!! I posted on another thread that I could kick myself that it's taken 46 years to learn how to live life, or I can be grateful....I choose to be VERY grateful!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

(((((Amy))))) 16 Months!!! Wow! Think about it... that is a log time.. Amazing simply amazing... Congratulations.....

I spent a bazillion minutes answering emails this morning so I need to dash off to work... I will post more later..

Bad

[Lbad]

Morning

((amy)) I hope the puter is back soon and you make it back ok soon....

As per usual I never had time to make it back again yesterday.....

I am really having a trudge week. It is so hot... 108F....humid (it is not usually) and the smoke is just blowing in from the fires in the County next to ours.. You can see it, smell it and taste it.... I keep thinking something has to be on fire right here for it to be this bad... I am a dispatcher so I have access to special websites and I check three times a day thinking... "now the fire must be here..." It's not....

So anyhow the weather conditions are treacherous, I don't have air conditioning in my car and life continues with all the same stuff I usually get to do... I pretty much race from one air conditioned place to another... lol

I am grateful I have a car though and that my home is air conditioned... work too..

I am trying to completely disengage from the man..... He did text and call me again yesterday and I ignored them all until 10PM and then I picked up the phone and lied.... lol I am so spiritual... ha ha ha.. He asked if I had been avoiding him and I said, "Of course not Darling.." It is so much harder to do the next right thing when your head is telling you you want him.... I KNOW he is out to break my freaking heart..... Just for today I will ask HP to help me stay strong when he calls.....

Today my youngest daughter and I have our first counseling session... I am nervous and excited too...
When I was a little younger then her some disturbing info came alight in our family..
My Mom asked if I wanted to talk to someone... I said, "YES!"... lol She never followed through as per usual...

I am grateful that recovering has made it possible to follow through for my beloved daughter......

My soul brother who really is like a brother (he is gay) is back in detox and I am so relieved about that. I was so worried about him tweaking on the streets in this weather. He called me yesterday and said, "I am in a safe car on my way to detox, they have a bed for me." I said, "Just don't jump out at a stoplight."........... said in all seriousness actually... lol Anyway I do H & I at his current detox so I will get to see him early next week... ((deep sigh))

I taught my oldest daughter about very personal girlie stuff last night. She gave me a big hug and was so happy...
My Mom never taught me anything about that stuff.....

I am grateful that recovering has allowed me to be there for her and talk to her about personal girl issues....

OKee dokeee off to the races.....

Bad

[Impurrfect]

(((Lbad))) - you sound like such a good mom! Glad your friend is back in detox. I know when I was in FL and we had the bad fires, it seemed like they were really close. The smoke was terrible. I worked in an ICU and we had a lot of people admitted because the smoke made their breathing problems worse...be careful! I've been trying to get Brit into counseling for years, but stepmom won't do anything. Brit is getting better about handling her anger, but I just think it would benefit her. Her mom died when Brit was 1, her dad is a manipulative crack (and who knows what else) addict who is in/out of jail and prison...she has a right to be angry.

I went to see if I could get my old car insurance back, and I can. It will be more a month, but the coverage is so much better and I dealt with them for 10+ years and they were awesome. I have until next month to change it over, as my other policy doesn't run out until 8/22.

One of my credit card companies increased my limit...on a card with a 0 balance, so I'm not touching it...will use it as a backup, or may have to use it for the tickets, but it's nice to have $700 available..I get nervous if I don't have something to fall back on (totally opposite of how I used to be...NO backup).

The laptop is gone for at least a week, and dad's computer is already driving me crazy. It's going to be a long week.

It's raining off and on here, everyone is taking a nap and I don't know who snores the loudest...dad or Tinker, the chihuahua

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[emmer]

(((Lbad))) ...... when disengaging yourself from the man...... you might want to reconsider calling him darling.lol

Good for you for doing service work Lbad !! and for talking to your soul brother in a serious tone ...............even if only for a moment.


(((Amy))) Hi! the fish pond is doing well and so are the newborn fishes. Frisbee loves it outside in the fenced off area ( 500sq feet) around the pond.
After lots of fresh air though, he comes in and stretches out on the bed (looking totally exhausted) and crashes for awhile.

He's such a good boy.

[Lbad]

Originally Posted by emmer

(((Lbad))) ...... when disengaging yourself from the man...... you might want to reconsider calling him darling.lol

((joe)) No contact yesterday.... None.. I will try never to call him anything ever again...just for today anyway....

Frisbee sounds like he lives quite the life of leisure... I am so glad the fishies in the pond are doing well and babies too!!! My cat Gracie is speaking to me again after many weeks of silent treatment because she was pissed the foster baby kittens were here....

((amy)) Well, first I am glad you can get on with your Dad's computer at least.
Brit is a lucky girl to have your Dad and Step Mom and a clean/sober Auntie to help her through......

I screwed up my credit so badly when i was using I only have one secured credit card with a $300 limit.. I am very careful with it...

Well, I am glad it is Friday.. I ran this morning and it hurt so I only did 4 miles and did them real slow and stretched a lot.. We shall see how it feels later. It hurts right now but, not the kind of hurt as when the injury happened. I love the effect produced by running. I am taking it easy though because I promised many I would...

It is payday...all my bills are already paid... life is sweeeeet today.

Counseling with youngest was enlightening to say the least... This will be a journey.. It felt real good though to be an active parent.... Every two weeks..... I love the physiciatrist....

ttfn
Bad

[Lady_Blue]

Greetings friends!

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I Will Attend a Meeting

Creator; I will attend a meeting today.
I promise to seek out the similarities and not the differences.
I will find something good in everything that is shared.
I will praise the clean and sober and pray for the using addict.
At the end of the day I will thank You for my recovery.
It does not matter if the meeting was good or bad.
The most important thing is that I was there.


My most favorite meeting in the whole world *thus far* is tonight.
I'm so looking forward to it!

I've missed you all, puter breakdown here too....but she's up & runnin' again. For how long is another story.....

Lbad.....what makes this man "unavailable for a relationship"? It sounds to me like you're denying your feelings.....just from what I've read this far....sorry if I'm wrong....need to play lots of catchup....

I'm off today, had to take the boy the Dr. He GETS to walk without his crutches, so long as he sports his lovely black velcro boot.....just 31 days post op! How cool is THAT? He is healing nicely.....

((Amy))

((Emmer))
May you ALL have a fantabulous weekend.

Lady Blue