Life After Methadone Keeps On Going

[Lbad]

((ladyblue)) I don't think your weak.
My personal belief is that you have a spiritual malady that has not being treated. It is cunning, baffling and powerful and it wants you dead....
Addiction is a grim disease with ghastly consequences if left untreated....

I hope you go to a meeting and reach out to the woman you already know in the program. Your son will be okay for a couple of hours. I had the same injury, same surgery to repair and was in a wheelchair for 3 months with two toddlers and a big morphine habit....... lol My mom came by only once a day to check on us. I survived and so will your son.

I love you mucho grande much...



One more thing I wanted to share.... (a god story)

I arrived to my daughters 10am graduation ceremony at 9am. I thought that would give me plenty of time.. well I was wrong. This is a big school, 700 kids graduating and there was no place with even a slim hope of seeing anything to sit at or even stand at. I looked and looked getting prodded and pushed my rude abrasive people. I could not find her dad. It was horrible and I started to get a resentment... I finally asked God for help and remembered that this was not really about me. It was about Shauna and she was good, she saw me and knew I was there. I was still fighting the resentment though and I pushed my way out of the hopeless crowd feeling a little pissed and a lot sad. I was milling about aimlessly on the edge of the crowd when I suddenly heard my name called. I looked toward the sound and saw my clean/sober friend Jacob!! He has a son the same age at the same school. He said, "come here I found a secret spot!" lol I climbed up the stairs and he was in the stairwell on the second floor with a birds eye view of the stage!!! (wait it gets even better) ......... I thought to myself, "great!!!! but Matt (the dad) will never find us..." All of the sudden Matt appeared in the stairwell and he said, "I was lost and all these people were pushing and being rude and I looked up because there was a glare in my eye and it was the sun reflecting off your serenity prayer necklace!!!!!!"

Long story short we got to see the whole thing sitting in the shade surrounded by people in the program. We got great pictures too!!! ahhhhhhhh

God works in miraculous ways. Stay open to the possibility of God answering prayers in ways you never dreamed possible..


Bad

[Impurrfect]

((Lbad)) - that is SO cool about the graduation! I'm glad you got to see everything and get pictures.

Just wanted to let you know, our internet is screwed up. The only computer (out of 5) that will get online is dad's desktop, and it's really slow. He had a trip to NC, so hopefully, when he gets back he can get the wi-fi fixed. I'm really spoiled, can lay in bed and use my laptop. Thank God I remembered my password here, or couldn't get logged in. I DIDN'T know it for my bank (they're all programmed into my computer, except for my password) so had to answer "security questions" to get on my account.

No big deal, unless he doesn't get it fixed..then I'll be going into SR withdrawal Not to mention, I'm supposed to be doing the online school thing...kinda need my internet, right?

Work was slow, but that's okay. Have a great day and I'll check in when I can!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

((joe)) Good to see you were here visiting...
((ladyblue)) You too...

((amy)) I hope you get your internet fixed....


I am working so I gotta dash back off..

ttfn
gtg
Bad

[Lbad]

I just rode my bike 26 miles and I am beat.... ((phew))

Hope all is well with everyone..

gtg
Bad

[Lbad]

Good Morning,

Happy Tuesday. I am off to run before work..

Hope all is well with everyone....

[Lady_Blue]

Hi. I'm going to go talk to my friend from the group. I haven't talked to her for awhile......I gotta get myself thru this. I'm seriously thinking of rehab. Just ANOTHER escape from "my world" here? Thats my fear.

Any suggestions? Love u. LB

[Lbad]

((ladyblue)) You can't... God can....

God often works his miracles through people. I have seen it over and over again in the program of AA and NA.

Rehab might be good.. Some people benefit from the respite. They will give you a safe place for a few days and tell you to go to meetings.

((amy)) Hope all is well and that you get your puter up again soon...

I am off to a meeting and dinner with a friend.

I miss my kids. They are at Disneyland today and for the next two days...then off somewhere else...

[Impurrfect]

I'm still having to use dad's slow computer. I'm hoping he gets the wi-fi fixed today, because I really miss laying on my bed, and cruising around SR!

Work has picked up, and no drama this week..yipppeeeeee!!! I now have 2 nights off. I'm supposed to fill out one more financial aid form for the school, but have to be on the phone and computer with them. I was too tired yesterday, so didn't even answer the phone.

((Ladyblue)) I never did rehab, so don't know. I'm like Lbad..I pray a lot. Don't always get the results I WANT, but I darn sure get the ones I NEED.

Oh, BTW, I still LOVE my car Got an fm transmitter thing so I can listen to my MP3 but have to find the right station....Desirae and I tried to find a station on the way home, but I realized I needed to be paying MORE attention to the road, so we just listened to the radio. This is definitely a situation that seemed pretty bad at first, but turned out for the best (so far..haven't heard about the other guy's insurance). I'm focusing on the positives, will deal with the negatives if/when they happen.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

Good Morning,

((amy)) Sounds like everything is going good and hopefully your wifi will be up again soon and you can lounge around and post.... I am glad your new car is working out too. I have an old Volvo but it is very reliable and I love it. I do wish it had air conditioning but it doesn't... Anyway the payment is $0... lol so I don't complain...

All is well with me. I found out my promotion is moving in the positive forward direction that I want it to. I am feeling happy about that. I am really trying hard not to have to many expectations though. I have had the rug pulled out from underneath me too many times regarding jobs. I am glad I love my job now. Everything is already OK....

I got to talk to my youngest daughter yesterday and I feel better about that today too.

I just ran 4 miles and that felt good. I mean I ran 4 whole miles without stopping. I live right by a great park with a beautiful jogging trail and I am always surprised that I am the only one out there jogging. Doesn't anyone else in the whole neighborhood think it is a good idea to jog in the early mornings??? hmmm baffles me a bit... I will ride my bike after work....

Dashing off to get ready for work now....

Much Luv,
Bad

[Lady_Blue]

Mornin'. I'm thinkin the rehab thoughts were stupid ones. I talked to Sara.....she made me feel better. IF I'm not puking, chilling like a freak, etc. I'm goin to a meeting w/ her tonite....
I'm off work to care for my temorarily crippled son......so I need TO GET W/ THE PROGRAM. FULL SPPED AHEAD.....WD sucks.....SO BAD.

Thanks to you gals for being here........

LB

[Impurrfect]

(((Lbad))))

I sure wish I lived where you do....I wouldn't be jogging, but I'd sure be out there walking a lot!

I decided not to go ahead with the online school. I read several reviews, and found out it is VERY expensive. Even if I got the loans, I would be putting myself into serious debt, and that makes me literally sick to think about. I've been trying so hard to get OUT of debt, I can't see getting INTO more.

But, I'm not giving up. I'm going to check with the local state college here in town. I got my first assoc. degree from them, when they were a jr. college. I put myself through nursing school....it was very hard, but I did it and I can do it again...may just have to take one course at a time.

Stepmom also told me that the school Brit is doing her home-schooling for has several adult courses, they are accredited, online, and very reasonable, so will check that out whenever I get to use my "fast" laptop again.

I started second-guessing myself....am I reacting to fear (of debt), and not having faith. Prayed about it and decided I may be afraid of the debt, but it is a healthy fear. Sheez....this recovery stuff makes ya think!!! I had to remind myself that fear is not necessarily a bad thing...it makes you look at the situation a lot closer.

I slept all day, Elvis is on my lap, and life is good.

(((Ladyblue))) - all I know is I started recovery as NOT a happy camper. I was mad that I couldn't use again, furious with myself for the consequences I brought on myself, and just angry. It didn't take long to start clinging to the GOOD things in my life and to realize there were many more good things to come. I prayed a LOT, and did whatever it took to stay clean....that's what's worked for me.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

((ladyblue)) Lots of love coming your way. Did you meet up with your friend? Meeting??
Keep posting..

((amy)) Wow.. too bad about the on line school but I think you are probably making a wise choice about the $$$... There are probably other great options that don't cost a fortune...
I like what you said about fear. I think most of our character defects are normal, natural emotions blown out of proportion.

Today I got the phone call I have been waiting for.... They offered me the job/promotion I have been trying for!!!! Part of me is so excited. It is a 13% pay raise and 3 miles from my house......I will be back in the social work field. I will be working with HIV/AIDS patients who are indigent and need help with money for their meds....
I can ride my bike to work.
The other part of me feels impending doom... Like they will find out who I really am and something will happen and it will all fall through... ((deep sigh))
She told me I will be hearing from the Personnel Department soon. I am very anxious to get a start date and have it more concrete... I already work for the County so it shouldn't take too long..... It is just a transfer....not a new hire...

I know that no matter what everything is already okay... I really want this though. I hope it is God's will for it to all come together.....

Keep me in your prayers...

Bad

[Lbad]

Hello Good Morning..

[Lbad]

I just ran 4 1/2 miles and my feet are pretty much in agony.. I don't feel it when I am running though.. only after I stop. I rode my bike 14 miles (only ) last night... I can't wait till the weekend when I can bike 40 or 50 miles all at once.

Exercise is very meditative. I can almost reach a place of complete absence of self... It is amazing and addictive to have freedom from my still crazy thinking.. lol It is better than it used to be by far though....
I really hope I hear something soon regarding the job....
Keep me in your prayers...



Bad

[Impurrfect]

(((Lbad))) - Way to go on the promotion!!!! I know about the "will they find out who I really am" feelings...when do we stop remembering how we WERE and realize we're not the same person? I KNOW it, but my gut hasn't figured it out yet!

((Ladyblue)))

I'm still having to use dad's computer...yuk. On the other hand, since I'm not ON my computer all the time, can actually tackle cleaning the disaster I call my room Just had to check in here first.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

((amy))
((ladyblue))

I got called just before I left work.. damn double damn promotion on hold....
I am off to the detox to do a meeting

[Impurrfect]

(((lbad)))

I'll tell you what you always tell me.....everything happens for a reason. We may not understand it, but it always works out.

And remember....everything is already ok!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

((amy)) You are so right... I know that everything does happen for a reason....

The detox was great I ran into one of my favorite peple there..

[Impurrfect]

((Lbad))

Of course I'm right...I learned it from you and some other awesome recovering friends!

I got my room cleaned!!! I can actually see the floor I have been putting this off for months, and it feels good to have it done. Not to mention, I found some clothes I'd forgotten I had Of course, the laundry pile is pretty big...next project.

I had an awesome evening talking to my stepmom...I'm usually holed up in my room, she's watching TV, so it was really neat. I'm about to finally eat the KFC dinner she got me earlier. I already ate the coleslaw, because Elvis usually licks the dressing off and leaves me naked cabbage

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Lbad]

((amy)) Ahhh a clean room is a happy room. I lived in such squalor for so many years I am a little fanatical about things at least being "neat" now...

I love the part in your post about you and your step mama......
Tell Elvis "meowwww meow..."

This is what I wrote to my sponsor this morning..

Right before I left work yesterday the budget was approved effective immediately and that caused a "hold" to be placed on my new position.. I am very disappointed and was almost on the verge of tears last night.. Today I feel better. I mean I know that I am already ok. I have a job I love, I can take my dog with me, the girls are happy and healthy, my bills are paid and I have the best friends/family that anyone could ever hope to have. I won't say that there are not moments of self pity but I am ok and I know that the solution is a spiritual one... "one foot in front of the other no matter what"

footnote.....In my misery yesterday afternoon I realized it was my night to go do H & I at The Effort.. I didn't want to go and considered just flaking so I could get on my bike and ride into a state of oblivious exhaustion.... "of course" I did not do that, I went to the Effort despite what I wanted to do.... I walked in and was immediately rewarded with the sight of one of my favorite people in the whole world who had gone missing again... Kerbe!! lol I left feeling 100% better then when I arrived.. One more time service saved the day...

That is pretty much how I am in a nutshell.
I just ran 5 miles and now I am going to take a shower and go to work with my dog...

Much Luv,
Bad

[Lady_Blue]

Hi friends. I came yesterday & posted a really long msg, only to have it disappear in cyberspace! Arghh. I'm taking my son to get his staples out of his leg/foot today. I'm going to a meeting again tonight. I'm trying NOT to be an angry, self loathing idiot. It's not easy, but what worthwhile IS? Back on track....but NOT happy....wd is a miserable bitch! Gotta roll...love u all! LB