easy for me?

[canuhearme]

I'm so mad and confused right now. AH left a letter on my our front door some time last night. (he moved out, or left on my request this week end)
Stupid considering I seldom open that door unless some rings the door bell and he knows it. Guess he felt like a guest. Any way the letter was pretty straight forward, he understand why I'm doing things this way and is sorry he hasn't acted like what I was doing was important. "BOY he hit that nail on the head!" but then he says he can't just take it or leave it the way I can. AND that it's easy for me.
The rest of the letter was ok, he knows we can't be together as long as one of us are using.
Well I don't know if we will ever be able to be together again, relapse is real and I don't want to put things in my future that almost insure a relapse. WHAT HAS ME SO MAD and HURT is him saying it's easy for me. It's not easy, I can't even vacuum my floors with out thinking "What if we dropped something, and I see it?" or taking out the bed room trash, I'm tempted to look and see if there is any left overs.. EASY!! It's so hard some times I can't breathe. I get little panic attacks if I let my mind think about it.

[Sugah]

He sees you doing something he's unwilling/unable to do, so, from the outside, it probably looks like you just walked away. I'm very guilty of expecting other people to know what I'm thinking and feeling - when there's no way that they can unless I tell them. I think I understand the way you're feeling towards him, though unless he can get right there inside your head with you, he can't really know, can he?

With the panic - something that helps me is to visualize letting it go. Give it form and substance in your mind, then lay it down and walk away. Maybe it will help you, too.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Sugah]

P.S. Nice signature.

[canuhearme]

Sugah, That's what hurts, is he should know. I cried so many times to him after we'd get high, we'd try to quit together and one of us would push the others buttons, and off we'd go.

Nice signature

Thank you, just something to remind me "Don't think about it" when I think about my doc, it gets bigger and bigger, then I do one of two things: panic or get high!!

[Sugah]

Originally Posted by canuhearme

Sugah, That's what hurts, is he should know. I cried so many times to him after we'd get high, we'd try to quit together and one of us would push the others buttons, and off we'd go.

Thank you, just something to remind me "Don't think about it" when I think about my doc, it gets bigger and bigger, then I do one of two things: panic or get high!!

When we're unwilling to stop using, anything anyone else does to make a positive change is "easy for them" - regardless of what he should know about you.

Please know I'm not making excuses for him. This is all part of the denial and justification to keep using. I went through it with my ex. He seemed to be able to put it down when he wanted, but I saw, after I committed to staying clean (moved out, went to rehab, started going to meetings) that he was still struggling. What I thought in my head was so easy for him when I was still using (despite the conversations we'd have about quitting, how much money we were blowing, how are kids were neglected) I realized, once I was clean, wasn't so easy, or he'd be clean, too. He's still managing to maintain, but the last time I saw him, he looked like he'd aged twenty years. We've been apart less than six.

Ultimately - he's gone, and you're clean, so what does it really matter what he thinks about your journey? I understand what you're going through. I remember it well. You're asking an active addict to get out of himself long enough to feel compassion for you, and from my experience, that's almost asking the impossible.

I can hear you. I know you want for him to hear you, but, whether you know it or not, you don't need for him to hear you.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Timebuster]

Canuhearme…

I feel your pain.

Hang in there. It does get better.

Just keep on taking about. I know that helps me when I do.

Ivan

[kj3880]

Good advice from Sugah above. I'm struggling with a breakup from this weekend also, canuhearme, and it sucks. it isn't easy at all. I feel so cruel not answering the phone today. But he's still drinking/using, and I'm not, so what could he possibly say that would change the way I feel? And what could I possibly say that would make his suffering any less. I don't know much about keeping a relationship together, but I've sure been through more than my share of break-ups. And what I've learned is that if you contact them in any way or even take their calls/visits/e-mails, it only prolongs their pain. The best thing you can do is let him think whatever he needs to and let him move on. Don't try to correct his impression, or you may end up getting sucked back in. I'm praying for you and for me to have the strength we need not to go back to these still-suffering addicts. We can make it!
kj

[Callie]

I don't have any words of advice for you. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Stay strong in your recovery. You've come a long way, you should be proud of what you're doing to get better.

[hairgirl]

It sucks, but you are doing the best thing to survive.I know right now,life seems pretty crappy, but in time, with staying clean, you will see the rewards.Keep the faith woman, it has a power you can only imagine!Start making sober friends!!!!