family problems affecting me

[squiggle]

Hi i've never posted on this forum before.

A bit about me,I am 24yrs old have been outta work for over 2yrs.
I have 30 days clean , i used heroin for a long time over five years.

This is the first time i've been clean completely of any mind altering chemicals .
Its been tough at times but its great also.

I have moved back home to my dads house, at first this worked out well.
Although now things are not so good at home, my dad has an alcohol problem he is addicted , although somehow holds it together. His drinking worried me before , he has drank too much since i moved in with him when i was 16,but since i have got clean i am finding it really difficult to be around him.
Cause i'm out of work and have no money, my options are to stay at home but i am finding myself getting annoyed with him.

He is my adoptive father and we have not always got on/ we don't always see eye to eye. My birth parents both had alcohol problems too , i think this is one of the reasons i find his drinking so frustrating.

At the moment my brother(adopted too) who is 26 is going through a bad time, he is drinking heavily and using weed, after losing his job, his first baby is due in less than ten wks.
This is strsssing my dad out no end , i have told him to talk to my brother but he finds this difficult,and avoids it so he drinks .
i worry about my brother too, what he is going to do when the baby comes, he doesn't seem mature enough .

I don't have the best relationship with my brother we just arn't that close but i really do love him, i also don't think i am the right person to tell him to get his act together for the sake of his baby and girlfriend, he would just blow up in my face and get all defensive.I don't need that just now , he can be very hurtful and cruel.

I am finding being back home really restricting , my old man doesn't work at the moment and i feel i hardly get any breathing space in the house ,i used to live alone before.
He is trying to be helpful too much and it feels like he's trying to do everything for me, and stuff i can do myself, like mundane things.
I could do with a little guidance with getting back to college and getting a job , how stupid do i sound i'm a big girl i should be able to that stuff myself, it scares me i have been outta mainstreanm life for a few years.

I don't mean to sound so un grateful i am feeling a little trapped and stressed out.
I love my dad loads and really i am quite worried about him.I was hoping with me being clean he would be happy , but it hasn't worked that way, he hasn't said much about me staying off, i know really he is proud,i wish he would say it, i think he is really struggling to cope.

I am having second thoughts about whether i should apply to college for september, having problems getting a reference, was going to use my counseller(therapist) but feel that might not be appropriate, annoyed at having to deal with the consequences of my drug use ,finding a reference is one of them.

I am sorry if i come across ungrateful about my dad, i really love him ,but am finding living with him whilst i'm clean and he's drinking awkward and depressing to be around.
I wish my dad and brother would get it together , i know how difficult it is when your using but i need ther support too, especially at the moment.

i fell slightly better now i have written this down.

Still a bit messed up, not the night to make major decisions about moving out or colleges.

[canuhearme]

Hi Squiggle,
It really sounds like a tough spot you are in, but wow, congrats on the clean time, thats wonderful.
My guess is you don't have any where else safe to be or you'd be there. I'm sorry, I don't have any advise really, just wanted to welcome you to SR. I'm sure lots of people will be along soon to offer advise.

[Impurrfect]

(((Squiggle)))

Congrats on your clean time!!

I am living back with my dad, stepmom and 14-year-old niece because of the financial mess I put myself into when I was using.

I knew I was a codependent for a long time, but didn't realize how much it affects my addiction. I get so wrapped up in the problems of others, that it made me think about using. I went over to the friend/family of substance abusers, and have learned how to detach from issues that used to consume me.

You're in a tough situation, but I understand not being able to get out right now. You may want to check out the other forum...there are a few of us recovering addicts (RAs) over there who are dealing with others' addictions.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy