maybe it's not just me....

[jkm1201]

So, I think I might be coming along... I posted a few days ago that my husband asked me to leave after I became honest with him about my years of prescription drug abuse. He was very angry because he felt like he didn't know who I really am and because I'd been lying to him for years by hiding my 'big secret'. You know... the one I was afraid he would leave me over if he ever found out. Guess I was right about that. Anyway, I've been so angry with myself, hating myself even for being so deceitful and dishonest with him. Blaming myself completely. Today, something odd happened... I came to the realization that perhaps it's not really the dishonesty and 'secret' that is causing him to react the way he is- Perhaps, instead, he is upset because in order for me to get better, HE would have to make some pretty big changes too. You see, he's an alcoholic- he's very open about it, I've known it since I met him. I chose to accept and live with it because I loved him so much, also because I knew that I had an addiction too. The difference between us is that I hid what I was doing because I was ashamed, he drank in front of me because he knew I would never leave. He even encouraged me to drink with him often but I never really got into it- I preferred the pills. We also smoked together on numerous occasions.
So, here's my lightbulb moment... I think he's really afraid that he may have to quit drinking in order to support me in my recovery and I don't think he's willing to do that. So, perhaps he's blaming it on the deceit and inability to trust.... but I think that's a bunch of crap. And that makes me disappointed in him. We've been together for 6 years and we've loved each other very much the entire time, but he's been drunk most of that time and I've been high most of that time. Maybe, just maybe... we wouldn't like each very much sober. I suppose time will tell, but I feel a lot better realizing that I'm not soley responsible for the mess I call my life right now. Anybody else have any thoughts? I always appreciate your feedback. jkm

[Lily]

WOW! I think you are totally RIGHT ON! You see, I now have 4 months clean and I was so excited about my recovery I shared with my sister. Guess what? She is hardly talking to me anymore and told me that I was basically being brainwashed by a weird program. After her first husband got sober in AA, she was having issues with him. They ultimately broke up.

My sister is a prescription drug addict who gets her meds from a legit doctor. Way over medicated.

Sad....

I will pray for your hubby and your marriage.

Sheila

[Evanna]

It certainly seems to be true that when we make changes in our lives others can get quite prickly about it. Not just those who may have a problem themselves either but all sorts of people such as parents, siblings, friends, work colleagues, etc. These people while often wanting us well can also sometimes grow kind of comfortable with the status quo and used to us being in a certain place which is familiar to them. Change is nearly always scary for people.

The important thing sometimes is to hold the focus on one's self. As your husband sees you growing stronger he may decide that he wants some of what you have got and walk the same path.

Warm wishes
Evanna.

[ccgirl2]

My thoughts are that whatever happens, you take care of you.