lonely

[karma35]

hello all
well seem i don't do very well when tested - short version...
i was at home at the end of the first day and had had a long day.. doorbell goes and there is a girl who i haven't seen in a long time (she lives about 80 miles away but has family here in town).
she turned up unannounced because the person who told her where i lived also told her i was still using ergo i would be at home... anyway i didn't think she did heroin -she hadn't done before to my knowledge which is why she was allowed in the house.
could have knocked me over when she asked if i had any foil...
so nxt minute we are both doing lines..
i have just said goodbye to her this morning -we finished it all off some time earlier.
so....
now i have erased numbers , phoned the 'others' and told them not to call me, got food and am here again.
i phoned N/A and the nearest place doing meetings is miles away - i'm sorry guys but i didn't hit it off with the person i spoke to and so it just seemed to confirm that meetings aren't for me - to be honest the last time i went to any sessions like that i'd been clean for a while and all that ended up happening was scoring with other addicts after because all that talking had done was make me want it more...
so can't say today is day 1 really cos of earlier (4/5am) but now i feel that i've done what i can to make it work for 2moro(food, washing etc tidy house tidy mind) i'm calm and ready.
i know i'm saying this still feeling well but i DO want this out of my life.
The support here is really amazing -you all have at least given me CONTACT which is the something new over the other times of stopping so thankyou for that...
i don't feel entirely alone like other times - thankyou for alleviating that loneliness because tis the one thing that cripples me.. hope you all won't give up on me for not being a twelve step person- i need your insight nonetheless

take care all
Karma

[canuhearme]

You got blind sided, I know how that feel all to well. Keep with it, don't ever give up.

[ccgirl2]

Please don't make the attitude of one person on a national phone line give you an excuse not to attend meetings. The same thing happened to me and then I realized I could not paint every person in NA with the same brush. When i got to my first meeting it was the absolute truth. Everyone couldn't have been nice.

Having said that, if you're still not happy, try AA. A lot of AA meetings are open to people with our type of substance abuse. Check check first.


Best of luck.

[2ala2]

Hello Karma,
I strongly advise you get a new number. Erasing the numbers and asking people not to call did NOT work with me.
I second CC's advice to give NA another go and to tell the next person who answers about what bothered you earlier.
In NA, you don't have to be lonely anymore.
SR is great but nowhere near face to face recovery. I have real friends for the first time in my life.
Good luck.

[freshstart]

I can share my experience there. When I went to rehab i was really torn on my old friends. i can't say that i'll never talk to any of them again because they use. that isn't fair. i can say though that until i'm either much much much stronger or they are in recovery as well, i HAD to change my number. yes, some of those people care about me but the sad truth is if they have to work too hard to find me, they will eventually just give up. i don't think any of them would actively try to get me to use, but i do know that the drama they would inevitably bring around me would not be productive and healthy for me to be around. it's not just dope or pills i would be around, it's the rat race that gets me every time. i can't afford to go down like that. i've got too much going for me. so for now, i did have to change my number. only one person from that period of my life knows where i'm at right now and that's the bondsman lol. and he's told me he'll revoke me if he finds out i'm running around with the people i was with. i'm sorry you went through this. you need to work on your boundaries. i'm horrible at it. i can't set healthy ones yet so i just have to cut ties altogether. i have an awesome support group now in NA and AA in my town. you have to love yourself enough to go to any length to get it. do what you gotta do. you are doing the right thing right now by talking about it.... the only question is, do you have another recovery in you if it happens again. i know i don't.

[canuhearme]

Hey Karma, meetings are not really my thing either, in fact I'd rater be beat than go, but you really should go to a a couple (at least once) I can remember getting ready to withdraw money from my atm and thinking I don't want to do this, and I didn't but it took a call to first AA to get NA number to give me the time I needed to stop myself. Anyway it's not like you are getting married to it, just testing the waters. You've only have one thing to loose by not giving it a try, and I'm sure you know what that one thing is.
Best wishes...

[ccgirl2]

I have to admit; I love meetings. I literally feel the weight of my shoulders lightening when I go. I have an hour that's all about me; not my dogs, cats, husband, mother in law (ugh) or kids. I come out of there and the knots in my shoulder blades feel like I've had a massage. If I could not see these people again, my life would be an emptier place.

[Sugah]

Keep trudging, karma.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[ccgirl2]

You know something else? Try a couple of meetings. Get a couple of phone numbers of people you kinda felt a connection with. Then, if you don't want to continue meetings, you've got some sober people you can call. Trust me, if they're not home when you call, they'll call back when they get home.

[serenityqueen]

I really hope you won't think that the one person you talked to on the phone represents everyone in NA. How many times have you got high and didn't have a good experience. Didn't stop you from going back for more, did it?

I seriously don't know of anyone who has been able to maintain any length of good, quality Recovery by themselves. I think most of us tried isolating ourselves from our addition and all that did was stop us for a short time from getting high. But as you well know, it will come to you.

Recovery isn't just being clean. It's changing every aspect of your life. And in order to do this, IMO, it's can't be done alone.

I hope you'll give meetings another chance. Maybe it's time to try something new. All meetings aren't the same. Just like all people aren't the same.

Stick around, miracles happen every day.

God Bless,
Judy

[bob_sapp]

I go to meetings so I don't have to be alone. Meetings are one of the few places I can find people to do things with who aren't into getting wasted. The program and even the fellowship doesn't necessarily come easy. Sometimes you have to go to a lot of meetings and meet a lot of people before you find your 'group'. There is a group of friends out there waiting for you, you just need to find them.

[windysan]

dogs make great friends