Now I'm worried....
I am 911
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Out in the Backwoods
Posts: 20
Now I'm worried....
Well I had this damn thing typed out, and hit the back button on my mouse, and lost it all. So here we go again.
Yesterday I kinda felt, "ok" I guess you could say. At least as to how I had been feeling. We had a snow storm that came through about a week before Christmas and it really tore up our farm. Took down some trees, some of our fence, branches out of trees, etc. So I felt good enough to go outside and try and do my best to help my step-father out. I knew from experience of my last detox getting outside and exercising a bit helped.
Anyways about 30 minutes into being outside, I had this huge migrane headache just hit me. And I just said it out loud without thinking, and my step-father asked me if I took my Blood pressure medication that morning. I thought for a second and said well no, I didn't. So I jumped on my four-wheeler and headed back to the house to take it. I was in a hurry to get back out and help, so I just took my bottle out of the cabnet, hit it on my palm a few times until my 2 pills dropped out into my hand, threw them into my mouth without looking, drank a sip of water, and headed back out to help.
About another half hour passed, I didn't feel "high" but, I noticed my legs, for the most part, had quick hurting. I had just thought, oh, well this is my body thanking me for actually getting outside and doing something. Then a little later, I noticed I had become more talkative, my anxiety lifted somewhat, and everything just seemed better. I thought to myself, damn should of got out and done this earlier. Then around 5:30-6 it started getting dark, and we headed in. We were already cold enough.
When I came in my mother looked at me and asked why my pupils were constricted. Then a wave of "Oh ****" just came over me. I knew what I had done earlier. Back when I was using, my mother knew I was addicted, and I had pills stashed everywhere. After finally breaking down to her about it, she put everything in the house in a lockbox and we both went through everything everywhere to locate anything I might of stashed away. I don't know where the lockbox or the key is and I don't care to. But what I never thought, was to check my normal pill bottles of my Ativan and BP meds.
What I realized was I had a 30mg pill of MScontin in my blood pressure bottle, and being in a hurry I didn't even stop to look at what I was taking. It never crossed my mind anything was in that bottle other than my normal BP meds.
Once I realized what I had took, I went into the bathroom and tried to make myself puke to get the damn thing out of me. And try as hard as I did the only thing I could throw up was a little bit of ginger ale that was in my stomach. Nothing else. I become worried as hell, and for the first time ever in my life. I felt dirty and guilty for taking a painkiller.
I didn't get any sort of feeling that rushed over me that told myself, more. You need more. I just felt guilty and dirty. All I wanted to do was sleep so that my -mind- conciously wouldn't remember whatever feeling it did give me.
After knowing what I had done, my mother and I sat down and had a talk, and I let her finally know that I had used what Ativan I had left to alieve the withdrawl symptoms. Obviously she knew what I was going through, although we left me step-father out of it. He's a Vietnam vetern, and I had already put both my parents through enough the first "detox" around, and if he caught wind of what I had done this time I'm afraid my ass would be out on the street. So as far as he knew, I just had the flu.
Anyways, as I stated before in an earlier post, she is a nurse, and knew as I did that rapid detox from benzo's is dangerous and deadly, so put me on the equivalent of Valium to what i was taking of Ativan until my next refill comes up, which is the 11th of January, The first day of classes. =\
So it was about 4-5 PM that I ingested that pill. Its now almost 9 AM. I still had resltess sleep, although of course my legs felt about 60% better. And notice I said 60%. Even with morphine in my system I'm still in loads of pain. This is just the pain I'm going to have to live with I guess. Anyway, It's almost 9 AM 17 hours after taking the pill. I have no "cravings" for another, my legs are aching but not as bad as what they were on the first few days of detox. And what pills that are in the house are totally inacessable to me. So I know that there are no more. And I don't know if I ever stated this before, but I never bought or sold pills. So going out and finding someone on the street to sell me some just isn't something I'd do. Added to the fact I have no money to buy the damn things.
It was a total accident, I felt horrible about what I took, I felt dirty, and I felt like i had let myself down. As I stated I'm not having any cravings for more, and I feel as if I'm still on what would normally be day 10 of detox. Pain is still there, but better, sleep is still bad, but better, and appatite has somewhat returned, but no where near normal.
My question is, taking that, will it reset me back to day 1 of detox in terms of my body? Am I going to be back to hot baths every 2 hours because of the leg pain and body aches, back to the diahrea keeping me locked in the bathroom every 30 minutes, and back to not being able to stomach any kind of food? Or has the mindset of me feeling horrible about taking it and this many hours into last ingesting the pill, will I be alright for the most part?
Yesterday I kinda felt, "ok" I guess you could say. At least as to how I had been feeling. We had a snow storm that came through about a week before Christmas and it really tore up our farm. Took down some trees, some of our fence, branches out of trees, etc. So I felt good enough to go outside and try and do my best to help my step-father out. I knew from experience of my last detox getting outside and exercising a bit helped.
Anyways about 30 minutes into being outside, I had this huge migrane headache just hit me. And I just said it out loud without thinking, and my step-father asked me if I took my Blood pressure medication that morning. I thought for a second and said well no, I didn't. So I jumped on my four-wheeler and headed back to the house to take it. I was in a hurry to get back out and help, so I just took my bottle out of the cabnet, hit it on my palm a few times until my 2 pills dropped out into my hand, threw them into my mouth without looking, drank a sip of water, and headed back out to help.
About another half hour passed, I didn't feel "high" but, I noticed my legs, for the most part, had quick hurting. I had just thought, oh, well this is my body thanking me for actually getting outside and doing something. Then a little later, I noticed I had become more talkative, my anxiety lifted somewhat, and everything just seemed better. I thought to myself, damn should of got out and done this earlier. Then around 5:30-6 it started getting dark, and we headed in. We were already cold enough.
When I came in my mother looked at me and asked why my pupils were constricted. Then a wave of "Oh ****" just came over me. I knew what I had done earlier. Back when I was using, my mother knew I was addicted, and I had pills stashed everywhere. After finally breaking down to her about it, she put everything in the house in a lockbox and we both went through everything everywhere to locate anything I might of stashed away. I don't know where the lockbox or the key is and I don't care to. But what I never thought, was to check my normal pill bottles of my Ativan and BP meds.
What I realized was I had a 30mg pill of MScontin in my blood pressure bottle, and being in a hurry I didn't even stop to look at what I was taking. It never crossed my mind anything was in that bottle other than my normal BP meds.
Once I realized what I had took, I went into the bathroom and tried to make myself puke to get the damn thing out of me. And try as hard as I did the only thing I could throw up was a little bit of ginger ale that was in my stomach. Nothing else. I become worried as hell, and for the first time ever in my life. I felt dirty and guilty for taking a painkiller.
I didn't get any sort of feeling that rushed over me that told myself, more. You need more. I just felt guilty and dirty. All I wanted to do was sleep so that my -mind- conciously wouldn't remember whatever feeling it did give me.
After knowing what I had done, my mother and I sat down and had a talk, and I let her finally know that I had used what Ativan I had left to alieve the withdrawl symptoms. Obviously she knew what I was going through, although we left me step-father out of it. He's a Vietnam vetern, and I had already put both my parents through enough the first "detox" around, and if he caught wind of what I had done this time I'm afraid my ass would be out on the street. So as far as he knew, I just had the flu.
Anyways, as I stated before in an earlier post, she is a nurse, and knew as I did that rapid detox from benzo's is dangerous and deadly, so put me on the equivalent of Valium to what i was taking of Ativan until my next refill comes up, which is the 11th of January, The first day of classes. =\
So it was about 4-5 PM that I ingested that pill. Its now almost 9 AM. I still had resltess sleep, although of course my legs felt about 60% better. And notice I said 60%. Even with morphine in my system I'm still in loads of pain. This is just the pain I'm going to have to live with I guess. Anyway, It's almost 9 AM 17 hours after taking the pill. I have no "cravings" for another, my legs are aching but not as bad as what they were on the first few days of detox. And what pills that are in the house are totally inacessable to me. So I know that there are no more. And I don't know if I ever stated this before, but I never bought or sold pills. So going out and finding someone on the street to sell me some just isn't something I'd do. Added to the fact I have no money to buy the damn things.
It was a total accident, I felt horrible about what I took, I felt dirty, and I felt like i had let myself down. As I stated I'm not having any cravings for more, and I feel as if I'm still on what would normally be day 10 of detox. Pain is still there, but better, sleep is still bad, but better, and appatite has somewhat returned, but no where near normal.
My question is, taking that, will it reset me back to day 1 of detox in terms of my body? Am I going to be back to hot baths every 2 hours because of the leg pain and body aches, back to the diahrea keeping me locked in the bathroom every 30 minutes, and back to not being able to stomach any kind of food? Or has the mindset of me feeling horrible about taking it and this many hours into last ingesting the pill, will I be alright for the most part?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
I consider a relapse an intentional planned event. This does not sound like a relapse. This keeps you on your toes to be wary now of what you are swallowing. As long as you are honest with yourself on this matter I would put this behind me. I do hope you are feeling better.
I am 911
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Out in the Backwoods
Posts: 20
Thanks. As I said, once I had found out what I ingested, first thing I tried to do was puke it back up.
When that didn't work, after talking a little bit with my mother about a few things and getting some crap off my chest, I just decided to take what little bit of pain relief I did get and decided to sleep. My thinking there was, if I'm asleep I'm not gunna "feel" this. So if I don't "feel" it, theres nothing for me to want to go back to.
And as I said, it didn't even make me feel as it used to. It just upset my stomach, made me feel like utter crap (in the sense that I felt I had let myself down), and it just made me feel like crap in general.
Its now a little after 11, I was able to get myself outside and continue work on picking up some limbs and whatnot for about a half hour. Took the dogs for a run and came back inside. Overall I feel like I'm on track in terms of my days of detox. I have had one craving earlier, before I went outside, but it was a "normal" one I guess you could say, the type of craving I'd been experiencing all throughout my withdrawl period. Not anything that lasted or made me crawl up the wall or feel like I had to have it or I'm going to die. Kind of one of those, damn I need a cigarette type of cravings.
Time also seems to be moving by a bit quicker today. A few days ago by this time I would of thought it should be 3 or 4 in the afternoon, now my time schedule seems to be getting back in order.
All in all I'd say today is probably one of my better days. I was just so worried that little mishap was going to just royally screw everything up. But I must say, and ask as a general question as well. It was the first time -ever- I had felt bad, guilty, or had any remorse about swallowing a pill. So does that show that I'm actually starting to change my mindset, or the outlook I have towards the future?
So I'm just going to try and look at this day and be thankful its one of my better days, and hope that they all just keep getting better from here on out.
When that didn't work, after talking a little bit with my mother about a few things and getting some crap off my chest, I just decided to take what little bit of pain relief I did get and decided to sleep. My thinking there was, if I'm asleep I'm not gunna "feel" this. So if I don't "feel" it, theres nothing for me to want to go back to.
And as I said, it didn't even make me feel as it used to. It just upset my stomach, made me feel like utter crap (in the sense that I felt I had let myself down), and it just made me feel like crap in general.
Its now a little after 11, I was able to get myself outside and continue work on picking up some limbs and whatnot for about a half hour. Took the dogs for a run and came back inside. Overall I feel like I'm on track in terms of my days of detox. I have had one craving earlier, before I went outside, but it was a "normal" one I guess you could say, the type of craving I'd been experiencing all throughout my withdrawl period. Not anything that lasted or made me crawl up the wall or feel like I had to have it or I'm going to die. Kind of one of those, damn I need a cigarette type of cravings.
Time also seems to be moving by a bit quicker today. A few days ago by this time I would of thought it should be 3 or 4 in the afternoon, now my time schedule seems to be getting back in order.
All in all I'd say today is probably one of my better days. I was just so worried that little mishap was going to just royally screw everything up. But I must say, and ask as a general question as well. It was the first time -ever- I had felt bad, guilty, or had any remorse about swallowing a pill. So does that show that I'm actually starting to change my mindset, or the outlook I have towards the future?
So I'm just going to try and look at this day and be thankful its one of my better days, and hope that they all just keep getting better from here on out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
It sounds like you are on the right track. One of the worst withdrawl symptoms I remember is the restless legs and I was clean about 2 weeks and took a 1/2 pill once and it brought back that RLS event again. That was back when I was trying to figure a way to control usage.
When cravings hit I had to just knuckle down and ride them out.The worst ones for me were the ones that were "emotional event cravings" like a tense fight with someone, or someone in the family hurt or something of that nature.
I hope you can get hold of a list of relapse prevention tools. (things to do to keep from using) and you have a plan.. we all need a plan of some sort to keep us accountable to ourselves and others.
I am glad this turned out okay for you and SR is here for you. I love it because it is one of my tools.
When cravings hit I had to just knuckle down and ride them out.The worst ones for me were the ones that were "emotional event cravings" like a tense fight with someone, or someone in the family hurt or something of that nature.
I hope you can get hold of a list of relapse prevention tools. (things to do to keep from using) and you have a plan.. we all need a plan of some sort to keep us accountable to ourselves and others.
I am glad this turned out okay for you and SR is here for you. I love it because it is one of my tools.
I am 911
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Out in the Backwoods
Posts: 20
Yea. I have RLS as a general disease anyways. So when you throw the added withdrawls on top of normal RLS, as I've said it makes you feel like a chainsaw to the legs would be less painful.
As of right now my plan is just trying to get back to a point where I can get to college, and I know that once I'm in college, going into the field I'm goin in, I'm going to be too busy with classes, studying, and just getting into a new social group.
I live in a rural community. And when I say rural I mean Backwoods. We don't even have a stop sign in this 1780's village I live in. haha. I live with my parents which are both retired, both on painkillers for diseases and pains they have because their both eldery. (I was a late child). And my parents have told me, and I kind of know in the back of my head, its not healthy for me to be up here by myself in a house with two retired disabled parents. Its not a normal life. And it's not good for me.
So hopfully I can overcome the agoraphobia and anxiety and college will be a good stepping stone in my recovery process.
As of right now my plan is just trying to get back to a point where I can get to college, and I know that once I'm in college, going into the field I'm goin in, I'm going to be too busy with classes, studying, and just getting into a new social group.
I live in a rural community. And when I say rural I mean Backwoods. We don't even have a stop sign in this 1780's village I live in. haha. I live with my parents which are both retired, both on painkillers for diseases and pains they have because their both eldery. (I was a late child). And my parents have told me, and I kind of know in the back of my head, its not healthy for me to be up here by myself in a house with two retired disabled parents. Its not a normal life. And it's not good for me.
So hopfully I can overcome the agoraphobia and anxiety and college will be a good stepping stone in my recovery process.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
I have some agoraphobia, I don't like crowds or what I call my bubble invaded. I have to force myself into meetings because it's so physically close to other people. By profession I am a nurse and I never had trouble touching patients or being close to them because it was one on one but in larger groups I don't do so well. I have learned that if I force myself it gets better.
You are in a tough spot with being the person that your parents lean on but I do agree you need to not be so isolated either. You can do some online classes if your community has internet services, which duh it must if you are online now but it could be a way to get ahead of some of the schooling till you can make the move out. What is your interest of study, what is it you want to do and be, I have terminal nosiness so you don't have to say if you don't want to.
You are in a tough spot with being the person that your parents lean on but I do agree you need to not be so isolated either. You can do some online classes if your community has internet services, which duh it must if you are online now but it could be a way to get ahead of some of the schooling till you can make the move out. What is your interest of study, what is it you want to do and be, I have terminal nosiness so you don't have to say if you don't want to.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Originally Posted by stonewall 
It was a total accident, I felt horrible about what I took, I felt dirty, and I felt like i had let myself down. As I stated I'm not having any cravings for more, and I feel as if I'm still on what would normally be day 10 of detox. Pain is still there, but better, sleep is still bad, but better, and appatite has somewhat returned, but no where near normal.
My question is, taking that, will it reset me back to day 1 of detox in terms of my body? Am I going to be back to hot baths every 2 hours because of the leg pain and body aches, back to the diahrea keeping me locked in the bathroom every 30 minutes, and back to not being able to stomach any kind of food? Or has the mindset of me feeling horrible about taking it and this many hours into last ingesting the pill, will I be alright for the most part?
Anyway, I did something, kinda similar, early in my recovery and I lost a job opportunity over it.
Intentionally, since I was out of vicodin, and did not have money for a refill, I took one of my mother's darvocets. I DID NOT THINK (kinda like you were not thinking- when you took your BP pills). I applied for a job about 2 weeks later and had to take a drug test. Sure enough, darvocets stay in your system, supposedly 10 days (a component of them). Despite being passed that 10 days, I still had trace amounts in my system and I did not get that job. It would have been a REALLY great job too. In a way, I am glad I did not get it, being 15 bucks an hour, so early in recovery, I think, at that point, I would have used crack, eventually. What would have stopped me? At the time, money was a big trigger, and I wasn't letting anyone help me by holding my money for me.
Anyway, I told my sponsor about the whole ordeal. She made me do a two week journal, where I wrote down every time I did something without thinking. Even if it was something stupid like going to the bathroom. It really opened my eyes up to how OFTEN I did things without thinking. And, even today, though I no longer have that sponsor, I am grateful that she made me do that and I try to always be aware of not thinking. So what I am saying, is would this be a good idea for you? Maybe try the journal thing and it might be helpful? IDK. I thought of that, instantly, when I started reading your thread. LOL
Hang in there. I hope nothing bad happens, as a result of accidentally taking that and I am SO happy you have such a great support system, and a farm an awesome place to keep your butt busy! And out of trouble!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi stonewall
I hope you're feeling better now...
if not please think about seeing a doctor.
D
My question is, taking that, will it reset me back to day 1 of detox in terms of my body? Am I going to be back to hot baths every 2 hours because of the leg pain and body aches, back to the diahrea keeping me locked in the bathroom every 30 minutes, and back to not being able to stomach any kind of food? Or has the mindset of me feeling horrible about taking it and this many hours into last ingesting the pill, will I be alright for the most part?
if not please think about seeing a doctor.
D
I am 911
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Out in the Backwoods
Posts: 20
Well thanks for the input all. Today was actually an overall good day. Once I got the valium in my system to suppliment the Ativan I was missing I started to feel a deal better. I was deffinatly detoxing from both meds at the same time... it's no wonder I was such a mess. Praying I get a half decent night's sleep in tonight.
I got out this morning and did a little work on the property, and finally got out of the house and took a drive with one of my close friends, shared the experience of what I had been going through the past basically 2 weeks. I've been out of contact with anyone aside from my dogs and my parents. With only my mother knowing the truth. My dad still thinks its a bad case of the Flu. But I felt good to get out and some things off my chest. Although he is not an addict, or even close to one, he at least listens to me and tries to understand where I'm coming from and offers different outlooks and opinions. It felt good to finally get out of the house in over two weeks, talk to one of my great friends and get -some- of my skeletons out of the closet... However after a talk with my mother I did learn we all do have skeletons in our closet, and they don't have to eat at us everyday. We just have to put them in a box in our mind and just lock them away. Something I find very, -very-, hard, but am trying to do.
I was able to stay out from about 2-6 PM. Basically just sitting in my car in one of the closer sub-ubers to the inner city which is about 40 miles from me. So it was an 80 mile round trip. Quite a step from not wanting to pick my head up if I do say so. However after getting home my back and legs did hurt quite a bit, I won't say it didn't make crave painkillers, but that passed after a few minutes. A few asprin and a heating pad seemed to make things at least tolerable.
Meditation, as far as my major, and I know some of you are gunna fall out of your chair or think, wtf are you thinking being an addict in recovery its about the worst thing I could go into, but from the avatar, I am a medic, and I love the field of work I'm in. Giving back to the community and getting that "thank you" or a card or hug from someone I just saved from dieing, or from a member of that family saying thank you for what you did really helps me keep going. However it's something I also attribute to addiction. I'm very soft hearted, and I do believe I suffer from some form of PTSD. My step father has it from 'Nam and I'm all too familiar with the signs and symptoms. I've had a lot of people die in front of me, in my arms, or with me standing there not being able to do a damn thing. And it really takes a tole on someone like me who almost cries if they hit a rabbit in the road. You don't find too many men that are like that. And I don't like broadcasting it, as we men are supposed to be buff, weightlifting masculine, gun toating heros. I can play that part, but deeper inside lies a much kinder spirit.
Anyways, Med to answer you're question, I just want to keep 'climbing the ladder' so to speak. Currently as of January 11th when classes start, I'll be attending Pre-Med for 4 years to get my Bachelor's in Nursing, and taking what classes I'll be missing out on like Zoology and whatnot during summer school, then attending Med school for 4 years. I really want to specialize in Pain-Management and Addiction. Being someone who suffers from chronic pain and being an addict myself, I believe I'd be really well suited for it. I'd at least know where my patients are coming from and what they're going through. Rather than being some cold hearted doctor who just tells you to get lost or go to rehab.
As I said today overall has been 100% better than how I felt even yesterday. I just hope I'm over the worst hump, and to quote someone I saw post this before a while ago, addiction is like a river. Shallow on both sides, and deep in the middle. So in terms of my detox, I hope I'm past the deep middle, and on my way to the shallow. But I do realize I've still got a long road ahead of me to stay this way.
Oh, quick edit. I almost forgot. You mentioned crowds. Yea me and crowds do NOT get along. The inner city, concerts, malls, anything where I feel cramped, un-safe, or just anything of the sort just shoots me right into a panic attack, and my little 'Panic' Benzo's I'm prescribed don't even touch my anxiety attacks. It's something I really need to have the doctor look into when I get my insurance back. But I as well don't like my little 'bubble' being invaded. I think some of it rubbed off on me from my step-father and his case of PTSD. If he gets around crowds I'm almost 100% sure he'd freak out, grab a gun and start putting some rounds down range shouting Die Charlie! Again, another reason for me to try and overcome the anxiety and agoraphobia... it really isnt' healthy for a kid, and yea I'm legal and all but compared to most everyone here I'm still a kid, to be isolated with few friends, a small social network, no girlfriend, inside a home with two elderly parents on painkillers, and little to do other than play with my dogs, weld crap together, and mend fence.
I got out this morning and did a little work on the property, and finally got out of the house and took a drive with one of my close friends, shared the experience of what I had been going through the past basically 2 weeks. I've been out of contact with anyone aside from my dogs and my parents. With only my mother knowing the truth. My dad still thinks its a bad case of the Flu. But I felt good to get out and some things off my chest. Although he is not an addict, or even close to one, he at least listens to me and tries to understand where I'm coming from and offers different outlooks and opinions. It felt good to finally get out of the house in over two weeks, talk to one of my great friends and get -some- of my skeletons out of the closet... However after a talk with my mother I did learn we all do have skeletons in our closet, and they don't have to eat at us everyday. We just have to put them in a box in our mind and just lock them away. Something I find very, -very-, hard, but am trying to do.
I was able to stay out from about 2-6 PM. Basically just sitting in my car in one of the closer sub-ubers to the inner city which is about 40 miles from me. So it was an 80 mile round trip. Quite a step from not wanting to pick my head up if I do say so. However after getting home my back and legs did hurt quite a bit, I won't say it didn't make crave painkillers, but that passed after a few minutes. A few asprin and a heating pad seemed to make things at least tolerable.
Meditation, as far as my major, and I know some of you are gunna fall out of your chair or think, wtf are you thinking being an addict in recovery its about the worst thing I could go into, but from the avatar, I am a medic, and I love the field of work I'm in. Giving back to the community and getting that "thank you" or a card or hug from someone I just saved from dieing, or from a member of that family saying thank you for what you did really helps me keep going. However it's something I also attribute to addiction. I'm very soft hearted, and I do believe I suffer from some form of PTSD. My step father has it from 'Nam and I'm all too familiar with the signs and symptoms. I've had a lot of people die in front of me, in my arms, or with me standing there not being able to do a damn thing. And it really takes a tole on someone like me who almost cries if they hit a rabbit in the road. You don't find too many men that are like that. And I don't like broadcasting it, as we men are supposed to be buff, weightlifting masculine, gun toating heros. I can play that part, but deeper inside lies a much kinder spirit.
Anyways, Med to answer you're question, I just want to keep 'climbing the ladder' so to speak. Currently as of January 11th when classes start, I'll be attending Pre-Med for 4 years to get my Bachelor's in Nursing, and taking what classes I'll be missing out on like Zoology and whatnot during summer school, then attending Med school for 4 years. I really want to specialize in Pain-Management and Addiction. Being someone who suffers from chronic pain and being an addict myself, I believe I'd be really well suited for it. I'd at least know where my patients are coming from and what they're going through. Rather than being some cold hearted doctor who just tells you to get lost or go to rehab.
As I said today overall has been 100% better than how I felt even yesterday. I just hope I'm over the worst hump, and to quote someone I saw post this before a while ago, addiction is like a river. Shallow on both sides, and deep in the middle. So in terms of my detox, I hope I'm past the deep middle, and on my way to the shallow. But I do realize I've still got a long road ahead of me to stay this way.
Oh, quick edit. I almost forgot. You mentioned crowds. Yea me and crowds do NOT get along. The inner city, concerts, malls, anything where I feel cramped, un-safe, or just anything of the sort just shoots me right into a panic attack, and my little 'Panic' Benzo's I'm prescribed don't even touch my anxiety attacks. It's something I really need to have the doctor look into when I get my insurance back. But I as well don't like my little 'bubble' being invaded. I think some of it rubbed off on me from my step-father and his case of PTSD. If he gets around crowds I'm almost 100% sure he'd freak out, grab a gun and start putting some rounds down range shouting Die Charlie! Again, another reason for me to try and overcome the anxiety and agoraphobia... it really isnt' healthy for a kid, and yea I'm legal and all but compared to most everyone here I'm still a kid, to be isolated with few friends, a small social network, no girlfriend, inside a home with two elderly parents on painkillers, and little to do other than play with my dogs, weld crap together, and mend fence.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Clarendon hills il
Posts: 1
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi stonewall
I hope you're feeling better now...
if not please think about seeing a doctor.
D
I hope you're feeling better now...
if not please think about seeing a doctor.
D
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