readytochange

i am brand new here. i am addicted to cocaine. i first tried it almost three years ago, but started using heavily (and quickly progressed to almost every single day) a little over a year ago.
i don't want to do it any more. i can't do it any more. i've put thousands of dollars up my nose, had to sell my car, have thousands of dollars in credit card debt from it... and most of all, i don't want to be this person any more. i don't want to need coke to function.i don't want to need to drink every night just to counteract the coke i blew all day at work so i can finally fall asleep when i'm drunk enough. i don't want to be on drugs any more.
i use about an 8ball a week. i use socially on weekends, but NO ONE knows that i use on my own other times (and often go to the bathroom and use even more by myself when other people are openly doing coke at a party). my roommate does not know. my serious boyfriend does not know.
i just don't want to be this person any more. i don't want to be paranoid and so irritable and to always have a runny nose. also, i would REALLY love any advice from other former or current users about nose damage. every morning my nose is totally clogged and hard inside and i blow out these HUGE red and white hard like, CHUNK boogers. also, when i look up my nose, i see a hole in the septum. do other people get these boogers? have i totally ****** my nose?

basically, two things: 1) are my nose problems normal? and 2) please, how can i stop? i hate ******* cocaine for taking over my life, and myself for continuing to let it rule me.

serenityqueen

cwoltman

I am a cross addicted cocaine and heroin addict. I have been sober and in recovery for almost 2 years now and I am only 20. I have been fortunate enough to not rot a hole through my nose, but not fortunate enough to not be addicted to cocaine. yeah the problems you are experiencing are perfectly normal of a habitual cocaine addict. i once watched a friend blow out his septum, so consider yourself lucky if you only have a hole. everyone gets those red and white chunky boogers/snot. in case you didnt know cocaine is very destructive to our bodies, and i mean that in many ways. one time i set coke out on a cd case and came back an hour later and was surprised to see that it was eating a hole through the cd case. not only does cocaine deteriate your nose, it also rots away your teeth, melts holes in your brain, and seriously alters your moods for up to 2 years.
i am glad to hear that you want to change, and the first step is admitting you are powerless over cocaine. the best advice i can give you is, join an inpatient rehab if that is feasable, and if not find an outpatient one, and some sober friends to help you get through your hardest moments. in order to stop using, you have to be serious and determined. and you should like who you are, just not a part of who you are, the addict. you are not a horrible person, and you arent alone. youll be very surprised to see that a lot of people can relate to you.

you need to realize that the little voice in your head telling you to use is your own.

find out why you use, find out your triggers(things that make you use), and take it day by day. any day sober is better than any day youve been high.

i wish you the best, and i know how you feel, you arent alone.

chad

2ala2

Hello Readytochange and welcome Home,
Do you believe that you are powerless over Cocaine and Alcohol?
Do you believe that your life is unmanageable this way?
If your answer is yes, I suggest you check out NA in your area today. Go to a meeting, sit down, when they ask are there any newcommers, raise your hand and the rest will be taken care of. NA helped save my life. I could not quit ANY other way!
Don't worry about the nose. It'll be fine..

cwoltman

i second exactly what 2ala2 said. 1) Admit you are powerless over cocaine. 2) Find an N/A A/A meeting to go to. When finding a meeting keep in mind that there are lots of them out there, and so finding one isnt just an a b or c decision. Find a meeting that you feel comfortable in. How meetings are run varies based on who is the group leader for the night. AA and NA meetings are very very similar. Keep in mind that Alcoholics and Drug Addicts are one in the same. Both addictions rely on chemicals to dissrupt your brains natural chemical balance.

Any day as a sober addict, is better than any day as a using addict.

bval

Welcome to the forums, and keep posting.

I second the above advice. Get to some meetings is my best advice. Get involved, buy the books, read the literature, get a sponsor, start working the steps and the recovery program suggested to you in the rooms of AA/NA. And most of all, be willing to listen and take advice. If you had the answers, if you knew how to 'live clean', you'd already be doing it.

And don't beat yourself up. There's a reason it's called addiction, it means you've lost the power to choose. Doesn't make you a bad person, it's just that drugs are more powerful than we mortals are.

thelex

no my man...first of all..i congratulate you for having the willpower to quit that habit..number two..is normal to have those boogers cause your nose is trying to regenerate....you probably made quite a number on your nasal cavity but if you dont consume coke no more it will heal..now...keep in mind that peer preasure is very powerful and almost hypnotic..dont fall again remember the damage that the stupid habit caused you remember how crapy is to feel like **** the nest two or three days...remember that is not worth it....and..rock on brother..you can do it...i dont know you but i believe in you...keep cleen.

alex cantu

tbeit

Thelex you have to look at the date that post is 3yrs old but good advice keep posting

poppins

So I do have a hole in my nose. It's not that the cocaine is eating the inside of your nose its that the blood vessels are constricted and there is no blood flow and the tissue is dying. Also if you were picking your nose from all the scanning and boogers, you may have helped dig thru to the other side seeing as your septum was already compromised. My hole is very small. My nose whistles when I sleep or have a stuffy or runny nose. I haven't been to a doctor, its been 10 months since I noticed it. I've read a lot of stuff online and I think it will be okay. I make sure it isn't infected and that it is lubbed up in there (it helps with the whistleing) and the inside of my nose can't do it itself anymore. And coke doesn't rot your teeth. It's from getting dry mouth, and the sugars aren't being washed away from your syliva and that all addicts pay less attention to oral hygiene. I hope you feel less scared. The doctor is a good idea but it is going to be expensive, that's why I haven't gone... Oh and because not even the hole in my nose has made me completely stop using. There's no use fixing something until I stop breaking it.

england

You have made a big decision on wanting to get clean.

I know first hand how hard it is to stop but YOU can do it.

Your nose problems are normal but will get worse if you continue to use - I currently have a dent on the front of my nose and I am constantly preying that it will vanish but my doctor said it was very unlikely. You may also have some mental problems that will need to be dealt with - I was suffering with paranoia and a little of depression.

I'm from England so am not sure what the procedure is regarding medical help in America as its all free here. However, if you do have medical insurance then go to your doctor as they will be able to help you - remember that its not only your nose that could be damaged.

To stop using I was provided with the following advice by my drug support worker:

1) Write a list of your cocaine triggers and see what situations set of your cravings and try eliminate them from your life.
2) Cut off all friends who use drugs - this was very hard for me but its a matter or life or death, so I had to lose about 10 friends who use
3) delete all dealers phone numbers
4) avoid all places where you know drugs will be
5) Attend CA or NA meetings and keep going back - even if you dont want to
6) take up a new interest - I have started cycling again

Just remember that everybody has their own way to kick their addiction, so do not take my list as gospel but just some ideas that may aid your recovery.

If you need any more advice then let me know and I'll do my best to help you.

The first few weeks were hard as I was feeling really depressed and unable to smile but I am now just over 90 days clean and believe me asking for help was the best decision I ever made.

Also keep posting as there are lost of people who can offer support.

scaredandsick

I feel exactly like you I dont know what to do with my runny nose anymore I feel sick ashamed and so guilty so stupid.
I had use cocaine and quit before for years so I thought I was stronger than everyone but my father died last year and I went back to my lost friend cocaine this time I cant quit its all I think about which bank will lend me more money and the truth is if I didnt feel this scared for my nose I woudnt care. I live with my mother and work with her last night she told me she find my pen white I denied and keep really calm so she got relaxed but after that I started to cry how can I do this to her she just lost her husband she has always been a great mother I feel like a monster I dont even do coke to party I do it to be alone in my room and at night I dont drink but I take strong sleeping pills and I have became the most manipulated charming person in the world I just ask someone for money and they lend it to me even when i dont pay back and even my dealer gives me a lot for free I dont know what to do or how to quit I am a mess

Sorry if my english is bad I am from Chile.

Dee74

Welcome to SR scaredandsick
I think yr English is great

Have you given any thought to something like NA?

D

Gandhi

First you have to ask yourself the question, WHY. Why am I using this drug. When I asked myself this question my first answer is "Because I want to party and have fun". But when I thought long and hard over the years I realized that it was an escape. I was escaping the stress of life. In order to beat this addiction you need to realized that stress is a healthy part of life and you must let your body learn how to naturally cope with the stress. As well, I used to use it because I was bored. Learn to embrace boredom... Once you identify why you are bored then you will be able to understand the art of time management.

trappeshot

welcome. I've been clean for about a year and a half now. I'm realitivy young myself (28). started like you with coke. every weekend. then w hen I figured out crack was cheaper to get high with than coke, all bets were off. Please, stop before you take it there. And you will take it there if you don't stop. I wish to god I could go back and stop when I was just using coke.

you can do it. but you are going to have to fight for it. it's not some magical pixy dust you just sprink and the desire is all gone. you are going to have to go go war everyday with this for a while.

it gets easier. i promise. but you really, have to sit down and plan and sit down and come up wtih a game plan as to how you are going to tackle it. it's not just going to "happen". you got to chase sobriety like you chased getting high.

IvanKatz

While I've never done coke, I understand that the damage coke does to the septum and sinus's (long term) is quite dramatic. Once the coke has eaten your septum, you're left with either living without it, or undergoing extensive and VERY expensive surgery to reconstruct it.
If you still have your septum, then now would be a good time to quit for good. After all, not having a septum is not only unattractive, it's also a "tell" that screams out to society that you are a coke head. What is life going to be like when you can't get a job because the person hiring you knows why your septum is missing?

If I'm hitting a nerve (no pun intended), please don't take my comments the wrong way. I'm not criticizing you or your addiction, but rather trying to present the possible reality of your future.

I wish you the very best of luck in your quest to quit! You have a long and tough road ahead of you but recovery is closer than you may think. Of course it's hard, but anything in life worth fighting for is.

Just remember, that we here at SR are always hear for you!

neferkamichael

1) are my nose problems normal? and 2) please, how can i stop? i hate ******* cocaine for taking over my life, and myself for continuing to let it rule me.

Your nose problems are common for a heavy coke user snorting it.
You start quiting by saying NO everytime the thought pops into your mind. Also seek help. Hating is a useless waste of time. I am 5 months off cocaine after using as you described for 32 years. You should quit for your health and you'll save about $300,000+, and probably your life. You can do it.

beyondthesky

The problems with your nose are unfortunately, a very common side effect for heavy users. My former friend screwed his up so badly that he can squish it flat. Cocaine is a powerful drug, it's lure is such that it can destroy even the strongest of people. I never thought that I would fall to it, but here I am. The withdrawal is not going to be fun, and I do not recommend, "cutting back", as that can make things even worse.

ChrisF

Cocaine is a real bugger to get off! It is a common side effect the nose thing, sadly. I've had many friends lose some life, there is a way out though! If you feel strong then get help to self medicate, if not look into professional options. If some aren't available to you they usually point you to something that is. People care! Just be brave and seek them out

england

I also have a problem with my nose - a dent in the middle and its noticable which is ruining my social life as I think people are looking at the dent. There is no point on the tip of my nose and it has a dent in the middle.

To make matters worse my friends 7 year old daughter asked why my nose had a dent in it - this crushed the little confidence I had and it has made me more paranoid.

Last week I managed to finally see an ENT and they I should leave my nose alone for 1 year before I have surgery but I doubt if I can wait this long. Luckly my septum is not badly damaged but I have a saddle nose.

I am also exploring the possibility of the lunch time nose jobs where you have a jel injected into your nose and they last for about 1 year.

I am very proud of myself over the past 6 months for staying clean and changing my life but this is the last problem I need to work on.

Just remember your nose will not heal naturally as once the damage is done it will not heal itself.

Please go and seek help for your addiction or your life will get even worse - believe me

fountainhead

I stopped doing coke a good few years ago-

I did coke 2-3 times a week for a few years and at weekends for a few more and I have definitely done some lasting damage to my sinuses. Now have bad sinus infections a few times a year. Still, it gives me good reason to avoid the stuff....