18 hrs-my breaking point

[adoublelife]

Hi~I've been on this website for quite some time, reading, admiring all of your honesty and strength in fighting the good fight, but I can't seem to get my head out of my ass and stay with kicking this awful addiction I have to oxy.

I want to, a big part of me wants to, but then I wake up and wonder how in the hell will I keep up with my life, I have an 8 yr old & a 3 1/2 month old-such a sweet little blessing, a business to run(office work), and all the other activities and chores of a mother, since it's so easy to get I give in and then immediately regret it.

The sad thing is I already have suboxone, but does anyone know how long I actually have to go before taking sub? Maybe if I didn't have to go 18 hours, well I try to push to 20 or 22, but I guess I'm just weak.

I just had major surgery with this baby, my uterus ruptured, almost died, so I do have legitimate pain, but still I know I'm abusing meds, and it sure aint the first time! It seems it's in my blood, I need to really cleanse myself of this addiction, however I must take the first step of abstinence to feel the power releasing in my life from sobriety. I have felt it before and it's truly great. I think I will need to get support here and other places as well.

Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated! Thanks and God Bless all of you in your recovery and way to go fighting the good fight, as I hope to follow shortly.

[ksos]

Hi!

I see that you have been here before and you already know what you have to do.

Maybe you have yet to lose enough? I mean, you said that you have a beautiful baby and a child, a home business that appears to be making you happy, and I am thinking that you may have to hit rock bottom before you'll try to reclaim yourself.

I am very troubled that you are caring for an infant and a young child while abusing opiates. I lost my child and know that in part, it had a lot to do with my addiction. I am a male, by the way, and my child was 13 years old and effectively divorced herself from me--just like her mother did.

You know that you will have your children taken away if you are even suspected of what you are doing. I mean, can you see how powerful your disease has become?

My suggestion is to attend an NA meeting TODAY. Just go and listen to some of the foks there, when the time comes for sharing. If you have used today, you cannot talk, but you can listen.

I feel bad for your children, since their mommy is at such a high risk of being jailed, having child protective custody called in on a true case, or simply dying.

Don't even think about dosing issues of other opiates to quell anticipated withdrawal pain. Look at your babies and ask yourself this. Why am I using a drug which will eventually rob me of my children and my soul?

That is one heck of a price to pay, isn't it? Imagine your 3 1/2 month old living in a foster home. Or your 8 year old wondering what happened to mommy.

Please install a program in your life.

[adoublelife]

Ya know, I do have a script and I think you rushed to quickly to judge. I'm here for advice, support, experience and not to be scolded by you. My children get nothing but the best, and they would never be taken from me! Sorry that happened to you. I think it was a mistake posting on here if this is what will come my way

[adoublelife]

The main thing is that I realize I need to change this and I will, doesn't always happen without failing once twice, many times? I am trying and making great progress

[losangeles]

replying to your suboxone question:

wait until you're in a full kick before taking it, and i think that using your own judgement on that will do you just fine. if you're unsure about it, wait until your legs are in full, full kicking discomfort, your stomach is in conniptions, you're thoroughly depressed, your heart is racing, etc etc. i usually waited about 20 hours before i would take the subs. just know that you're very blessed to have access to those and the money to afford it. i'm going on a 21 day methadone taper to get off my heavy heroin habit in a few days, and i would MUCH prefer using subs, but as it's extremely expensive, it's out of the question. i'm replying using my heroin experience with withdrawals, and i don't know what opiate you're using, but after 20 hours, with any opiate pretty much you start kicking.

i really, really hope that you stick with it this time. i have an older sister who is an addict and she also has a child, and i sympathize with you. opiate addiction can seem impossible to kick, even when you have a child to get clean for. good luck!

[losangeles]

and another thing:
you are not, in any way, shape, or form- weak. opiate addiction is nothing small and nothing easy to kick. grit your teeth for 20 hours and just know that about 15 minutes after you take a sub, you'll feel better and be on your way to complete abstinence from everything.

[ccgirl2]

I'm in no way an expert on suboxone, but I thought it was 72 hours give or take. Hang on. There's some people who are way more experts than me.

[kj3880]

Hey,
Don't let that first judgy judgy response get to you. Most of us on here have been there, and I've been right where you're at, with kids too. Of course you want to quit. And imo, there is nothing wrong with suboxyn. My doctor really thinks that with the pain mgt issues and addiction i have, it is the right course of action for me. maybe for you too? I was started on Suboxyn after one night off opiates and a little bit of symptoms by my doc. I feel just fine. I've started to taper a little, very gradually on my own after three weeks. I'm not high, nor will you be. It doesn't get you high. You can expect to be able to go to work and take care of your daughter just fine, unless you are allergic (rare). Many people are on suboxyn longterm and lead happy, healthier, productive lives while on it. You might just be one of them, or maybe your doc will prescrible just a short course. I am worried about relapse, so I'm doing the longer term thing. I have 19 days since I got high, and I'm proud of that. I have mental clarity. I'm doing what is right for me in my situation, and it's a whole heap better than getting high for being around children. Don't let anyone talk you out of it if you and your doctor have decided this is the right way for you to go. Nobody on here is a doctor. Good luck and hang in there! I'm proud of you for doing something about your addiction. Now go make a meeting!
kj

[ccgirl2]

kj, ugh! I was one of those rare allergic people. Thank goodness it's very rare, lol.

[Rugrider]

I never tried the sub thing, I quit cold turkey. I had a 4 year hydro addiction and the first 5 days were brutal, but it does get better. I heard the sub makes recovery much easier and I think I read you should take it after 72 hours.

[bvaljalo]

It's not necessary to wait anywhere near 72 hours. If you can wait that long you might as well not even start it.

You just should wait until you're in a full blown w/d mode. If you take your last oxy in the afternoon one day, by midmorning/noontime the next day you're likely to be hurting enough to take the subs and have them help. Beware though, it does take some time to adjust to, usually 24-48 hours ... it won't be full-blown w/d's, but it can feel pretty crappy. Give it time, don't use oxy (won't really work anyway once you take the subs!) and you'll be feeling amazingly NORMAL again before you know it.

BTW, hopefully you're doing this with the guidance of a good doctor. If not ... well, lots of us have been through it so feel free to post and ask questions.

Welcome to the boards, and sorry about that first post. Your story obviously struck a nerve with someone ...