Day 2 kickin' the Oxy habit...(1st time poster)

[Bear19]

not fun. let me start by saying that i have lurked a little and read some posts on the subject and it helps seeing this wealth of knowledge/experience

my story...like many, starts with an accident > bad lower back > pain pills help > pain pills are great > i take them more than just an abuser > addict

so, i am trying for a facility but later next week is the soonest and i am just trying to make it through to then. i'm a first timer so i am scared and hesitant. not because i think i am better than anyone, i am not, but getting past the admittance stage has been rough. i was hoping to get suboxone but it seems there are so many hoops to jump to make that happen and i may just say **** it. seems cold turkey for now.

it's starting to take over my life and i hate that. i've kept my gf in the dark but she's catching on and i'm tired of hiding it/lying -- i gave her a heads up this a.m.

i guess i'm just looking to vent, put a pen to paper so to speak. so thank you.

[Sugah]

Just like many women who wouldn't imagine going through labor without an epidural these days, many addicts reject cold turkey. It can be done (both labor and withdrawal), and I've done both. You can, too. Well, maybe not the labor!

Practical stuff: stay hydrated, immodium for the nasties, hot baths/showers, and maybe advil or tylenol for the aches. More practical stuff: try to find support asap. In-patient treatment is great, and if you can put yourself in a safe zone, by all means, do it. But, it's not a necessity in getting clean. NA should have a listing in your phone book, or you can search for your area online. Those folks know what you're going through and can help you through it.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[peachy1005]

Bear,

I think that the admittance stage may be the roughest part, and it is at least the first thing you need to do, so congrats on getting that far at least.
Oxy was my drug of choice as well, and I can completely sympathize with what you must be going through right now.
Just remember that the withdrawals won't last forever, and with each passing hour you are getting closer to being free of the control that the narcs have over you.
I went cold-turkey too, after weaning down, and I had to just keep adding the hours up in my head, kept telling myself, "well, you've already invested 48 hours into this, are you really going to just go back now?"
The worst of the withdrawals were over in 72 hours, and was feeling 100% by day 5 or so, so the end will come, just try to be as patient as you can.
Warm baths, try to eat whatever you can get down, and remember every time you have a bout of diarrhea, or a run of cold-sweats, you are getting more of that junk out of your system.
Good luck, let us all know how you are doing. This site helped me out a lot during that first week, and continues to help me when I read a post like yours and think to myself "God, I'm glad I'm not in that boat anymore."
You can do it too!!
PM me if you have any questions about what my time-frame of symptoms was like, or anything else, I'm sure others will be here to give you advice on what worked for them, too.

-Brad

[hairgirl]

The suboxone program is worth the hassle.I have been on it for eight months, and am doing OK.Admitting the dependence is so hard, I had a heck of a time with it.I had to build up myself to do it, and get help.I could not quit alone, that's for sure.I just chose another drug to take the place of the one I quit on my own, which was cocaine/crack, then with the pills, I was screwed.I never realized how much the physical effects would screw with me, and I paid a huge price.Thank God, I got wise before it destroyed my entire life.
Posting here is good for you.We all understand, and all have had the same issues as you.You did the hardest thing so far, and that was admit to another person that you are addicted.Keep coming back.

[Noah]

Now sounds like a good time for you to go to a meeting, NA or AA. Actually some people would say anytime is a good time but at first I was just too darn sick and spent too much time in the bathroom. Getting past the admittance stage is a big step. Congrats. Stick with it and get into a program as soon as you can and good luck!

Noah

[Bear19]

thx to you all. so far, 30 hours in. today is pay day and i haven't and i'm not making a pick up. i have been trying to stay hydrated but it makes me naseaus for the most part. immodium ? check. hot showers ? check. plenty of fluids...some candy. otherwise i'm just wastin' time. it is good to know others are out there.

something that helped...my buddy that got me into this (actually, i got myself into it, he was just already there) is going to rehab next week so that helps. i don't know why that helps me... but when my head clears i can make more sense of it.

one question i do have about tramadol/ultram. i do have some of that. it is listed as a non-narcotic but reading some stories here, it seems like it is trouble for some. i haven't taken any because when i did take it for back/nerve pain...it did nada. like giving 3 oz. of water to a thirsty giraffe. but will it help the wd's ? i don't want to trade one for the other, but in this instance i really dont think tram could take the place of oxy.

thought, comments, suggestions, all welcomed...thx

[Bear19]

Originally Posted by Noah

Now sounds like a good time for you to go to a meeting, NA or AA. Actually some people would say anytime is a good time but at first I was just too darn sick and spent too much time in the bathroom. Getting past the admittance stage is a big step. Congrats. Stick with it and get into a program as soon as you can and good luck!

Noah

i'm not opposed, i just don't think i'm ready for public just yet.

[Bear19]

and i agree, admitting i'm an addict was tough and was huge for me. i have always been a 'recreational user' of different substances and i never got into any too hard. but i always liked pills, just never abused them.

once i got hurt, i had the greatest excuse in the world, right ? wrong. but i felt fine at first with that excuse. took away that 'i'm a junky' feeling.

eventually, i realized, that i liked the euphoria just as much, if not more, then the fact my pain was gone. i liked how it made me feel invinsible again. it's been a while since i felt that. bottom line, yeah, i'm an addict.

reading a good book on eric clapton and part of it deals w/ his addiction and how he won. it's good.

[ccgirl2]

Welcome Bear. It'll suck for a while, but in the long run, you know it's worth it.


When you first physically feel like you can sit through a meeting w/out barfing, try it. You'll be amazed at what you hear.

[Bear19]

Originally Posted by ccgirl2

Welcome Bear. It'll suck for a while, but in the long run, you know it's worth it.


When you first physically feel like you can sit through a meeting w/out barfing, try it. You'll be amazed at what you hear.

thx. i think i will attend a meeting. can't hurt right ? even if it's not for me. i am feeling a little relief at the moment. surprisingly. i'm sure it's short lived (haha) but i'll take it. gf is showing soon w/ reinforcements of fluids, newspapers, and sugar treats.

i hope you all are having a swell day. i'm not, but this is necessary.

[ccgirl2]

Just to make you feel better - About 4 days after I came out of detox, I went to my first meeting - never heard a word. I spent the whole time in the bathroom LOL

[ccgirl2]

Bear, I forgot to ask you - how long were you using and how much? I think it will make a difference in your withdrawals.

[Bear19]

about a year. between 100-200 mg's daily.

if oxy was scarce for some reason, vics, roxy, etc...whatever would do the trick

36 hours in.

[ccgirl2]

Well, bless your heart; you're still posting and you sound very positive. Good for you!

[Bear19]

thnk you CC

trying...hoping to get some sleep later but that's probably not gonna happen.

otherwise, i am sacking up. the old 'pay to play' adage

i knew it was coming. and here it is.

i gotta say, reading everyone's sorted experiences have been great...and sad, but helpful overall. i don't feel as isolated. i am trying to do this w/o telling many. gf knows...a friend knows and that's it. i'm not sure that's a great idea but we all do things the way we do and for me, i'm giving this one a go.

i have a facility set up in a week if i can't get it done. it actually provides motivation because telling my Mom this would hurt her. long story but...i'd rather not have to tell her.

almost 40 hours. getting there.

[peaceteach]

Hey Bear,
I'm a mom of an oxy addict who has quit recently (suboxone) and I just wanted to say great job, sweetie. Hang on. One mom here is proud of you

[Bear19]

thx peace-

day 3 and i can honestly say that i think the worst of the wd's has passed. i don't feel good by any stretch but better than day 1 and 2. for that i am lucky.

i mustered up enough strength to get out this a.m. for a bit. gonna take a walk later too, seems to help.

anyway, thx for letting me vent.

[hairgirl]

Ultram is just trading one thing for another.I got a script for them and was eating them like 20-30 a day.I think it is allot harder to break the psychological factor than anything.I would just get rid of them, eventually they will be gone too, and you will still face withdrawal.

[kj3880]

I take suboxone and I feel wonderful physically, not high though. I was on oxy for a year, 40 mg a day. So it does work, no withdrawal with suboxone. And real easy to get in a program for me. In the Md/DC/Del area there is a doc who takes you for a suboxone appt the very next day after you call. It's $100 cash, no checks, no insurance. Yes, he is a real, trained addictionologist, certified in suboxone. He just doesn't like to deal with insurance, and he doesn't have too. He just opened his clinic last month. He has 30 years of experience with the Dept of Defense dealing with addictions, he just started with civilians and suboxone. I'm impressed with his kindness, his down-to-earth quality. Real easy to talk to. And he lets you call any time because he is wanting to know how his patients are. Really. He answers his cell phone himself. There is no secretary or anything. I looked him up, he really is an experienced MD. I asked him how he could possibly have so much time to treat each patient and he said that I was lucky he was new in this area. He might not have so much time by next year, I guess. I'm glad I found him now!
KJ

[Bear19]

hair-

i've taken a total of 5 Ultram on day 1/2 to help w/ the wd's - i didn't notice any help...but i hear you. i am not looking to trade for a new addiction.

so far, day 4. last night wasn't good. got a little sleep, so that helped but terrible stomach pains and sweats. i guess i was wong about the worst passing. haha

i don't feel much craving to use at the moment. yet. or atleast not nearly as bad as day 1/2

hope everyone is well today. thx.

[Lullu74]

Bear! I am 1 week in on the kicking the oxy habit (Pretty much same dose as you and same length of using.)... I am a 25 year old girl from Canada, and have been serioulsy struggling... so here's what happend. I decided I would quit cold turkey, that didn't work out well for me, and I ended up in the emergency room, and just spilled my guts to the ER nurse... I finally got in to my family doctor, and I am now on a controlled de tox, I started out at 90, of ms contin a day, than down to 60, and tomorrow I am going down to 45mg. The Mscontin does not makeyou high, but prevents you from feeling like Sh*t. I think you are very brave, and very very strong for doing it yourself, and doing it cold turkey. I was living a total lie, with my family, my boyfriend, my coworkers, and clients. I was snorting over 20 pills a day (huge sinus problems now). So I just wanted to share with you to let you know that your not alone, and if you need to talk send me a message...

[ccgirl2]

Bear, hang in there. The stomache pains were the worst part for me, too. Just remember, it will pass. If you've got a heating pad, put it on your belly. It helped a little.

If you don't feel safe and any time, please go to the ER.

[Bear19]

Originally Posted by Lullu74

Bear! I am 1 week in on the kicking the oxy habit (Pretty much same dose as you and same length of using.)... I am a 25 year old girl from Canada, and have been serioulsy struggling... so here's what happend. I decided I would quit cold turkey, that didn't work out well for me, and I ended up in the emergency room, and just spilled my guts to the ER nurse... I finally got in to my family doctor, and I am now on a controlled de tox, I started out at 90, of ms contin a day, than down to 60, and tomorrow I am going down to 45mg. The Mscontin does not makeyou high, but prevents you from feeling like Sh*t. I think you are very brave, and very very strong for doing it yourself, and doing it cold turkey. I was living a total lie, with my family, my boyfriend, my coworkers, and clients. I was snorting over 20 pills a day (huge sinus problems now). So I just wanted to share with you to let you know that your not alone, and if you need to talk send me a message...

Thank you for sharing. We are in a similar boat. So far I am on day 5 and I feel pretty good considering. It's gotten warm here and I am sweating still but it's good to release the poisons. I am forcing myself to hit the gym in a bit and walk and do a few push-ups. Anything more and I might die haha

On day 1 & 2 I really thought I was gonna have to hit the ER or do some kind of taper but I just held on and pushed through. Part of it was I think I was punishing myself for making this mistake and subconciously I wanted to make sure I felt pain so I would have a harder time next time I am confronted w/ the choice. Part of my past included grueling sports training and running, etc...so I think in the past my body had become used to be pushed to it's limit and that may have helped me. Pure speculation on my part but...

As far as cravings, I have had a couple. Not too bad but I overcame them and I'll see what the future brings. I have promised myself that if I feel the cravings are becoming hard to handle, I will attend a meeting right away and start that route.

Some of you may be saying, why not hit a meeting anyway ? And while you may be right...and that most definitely wouldn't be a BAD idea, I just can't bring myself to do it yet. Maybe I'm stubborn, maybe I'm naive, maybe I need it, maybe I don't...what i do know is that living day to day at the moment, i wake up and plan my day and not using is included in those plans.

i also have to be honest, my friend and partner in crime is hitting rehab later this week and he's my connection. Do I know anyone else ? maybe if I made 100 calls but truthfully, the urge hasn't gotten there. with my buddy away in rehab (he felt he needed it, so did his family, his addiction was a lot stronger and longer) i know it will help me. I do pray for him though, it's gonna be so tough but i'm happy he'll be under Dr. supervision.

As for me, I do want to thank you folks for the advice and help. If it's ok with you, I am going to continue to check in and post and read what's going on. A lot of the posts here, have made my situation so real it has helped. There is a lot of sadness as well and from that, I find motivation because I know that sadness and pain and despair. Anyway, thanks again.

[Bear19]

one more thing if I may ramble on...

i started to get back into my music collection again which, when using, wasn't something i was really paying attention to, or would remember later on...

I'm amazed at how clear the music sounds and feels. it invokes so many emotions in me and in a crazy way helps me feel better and better.

"got to get better in a little while" -- Derek & the Dominoes is playing at the moment and if anyone has been through these ups and downs, that band is one of them...I dunno, guess it's cool to feel these raw emotions in conjunction w/ music again. It had been a while.

Anyone else get back into their music after recovery ? as a listener, and notice a clarity that's been so evasive ?

full lyrics...

Don't you know what's wrong with me?
I'm seeing things I don't want to see.
Sniffing things that ain't no good for me.
I'm going down fast, won't you say a prayer for me?

It's got to get better in a little while.
It's got to get better in a little while.
It's got to get better in a little while.
It's got to get better in a little while.

The sun's got to shine on my guitar someday.

Revolution all across the land.
Just like Sly, you got to take a stand.
Please don't hurt nobody, don't knock them down;
Give them a helping hand to get off the ground.

The sun's got to shine on my guitar someday.

Still one thing that you can do;
Fall down on your knees and pray.
I know the Lord's gonna answer you.
Don't do it tomorrow, do it today.


damn that makes sense...