How long will he be angry during withdraw??!! It's killing me!!

[nicole17]

So I am trying to understand more about my boyfriend's addiction to drugs(Mostly weed which he did a couple times a day, everyday, oxycontin a couple times a month, various pills he could get ahold of, cocaine binges in the fall of last year, and I'm pretty sure that's it...) I know a little from various psych classes I've taken but I'm wondering about the week to week stages addicts go through during intensive treatment and withdraw from drugs. My boyfriend was so happy last week to be in treatment and to be getting help and now this week it's all of sudden turned into let's take out all my anger on my girlfriend!! He says things like, "You have no idea what I am going through right now!!!" "You have no idea how hard this is!" "You just don't understand!" Which hurts me so bad because I really don't know what he's going through because I've never been an addict but I wish I could just tell him everything's going to be ok when I don't know if it is! I just really need help understanding the week by week process they go through and how long his anger will last! I also don't know what I could say to him when he says these things!

Thank you so much everyone!

[Sugah]

I've seen pot addicts get mean when they go without, and I guess I did, too, when my use was heavy, though I was so deep in denial, I wouldn't have admitted it. I've also seen addicts milk the sympathy of others now that we're coming more and more around to acceptance of the disease model of addiction.

I'm not saying that addiction is not a disease. I believe, having it myself, that it is - one I didn't ask to have or choose to have but rather something inside me that causes me to have a different reaction to certain mind & mood altering substances than a "normal" non-addict would have.

There are differences, though, between our disease and certain other diseases. We have a 100% chance of complete recovery - not of cure, but of recovery. There is, however, a catch. Without one key ingredient, we have 0% chance of stopping, short of death or institutionalization. That ingredient is willingness.

We can often make stabs at recovery without willingness, and we might even have a measure of success, at least on the outside. We may stop using, but if we don't really want to stop using, we remain miserable. We might start out unwilling, forced by an employer, a judge, or a family member to stop, and we might find willingness along the way.

Now, this is not to say that your boyfriend isn't willing. He could be in the uncomfortable stages of withdrawal, and in my experience with pot, that's mostly psychological. Reality hurts, almost physically. I know a woman who would do anything to get pot for her husband when he was out because she knew he'd become physically abusive without it.

If you were my sister or my best friend and you asked my honest opinion, I'd suggest you emphasize to him that you're proud of him for quitting, want to support him, but that you will not tolerate abuse.

I don't know what kind of treatment he's getting, but I know that I could not have found any level of happiness or serenity without a fellowship of people who knew what I was going through and a program of recovery that I could carry out into the world. In other words, a 12 Step program, fellowship, and sponsorship.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[emmer]

I also got angry when i had no dope. Absolutlely out of control when both on Benzos and detoxing from them.
I remember in the early 80's when i ran out of pot it really bothered me something awful.
It will go away of he satys off drugs but it will take time.

..Joe

[ccgirl2]

As far as understanding him, Al Anon would be a goodplace to start.

As far as duration of w/d's everyone is different.

[peachy1005]

I feel so bad when I read a post like this because it reminds me of how badly an addiction can hurt the people that care about us. It is so easy just to get caught up in the "poor me" attitude, and to forget that it is really "poor everybody else". I think this is because the withdrawal off drugs is an agonizing, painful, uncomfortable, and irritating thing to go through, and you focus on yourself rather than those who are trying to help.
I don't believe, however, that you should put up with any crap from him just because he is going through a tough time. Too bad for him, but he made his own decisions to use, and this is no-one's fault but his own.
You said you don't know what to say to him when he complains "you don't know how this feels"
Well, you could say, "you're right, I don't know, I've never experienced a drug addiction. I don't know if there is anything I can do to make this easier on you, but what I do know is that I am not going to put up with you treating me like this. I will be here, and support you through this, but it is not my fault you are an addict, and I don't deserve to be treated badly because you are not feeling good. When you realize this, I would be happy to talk to you, but I am not going to stick around and be yelled at for something that you got yourself into."
Just a suggestion, and I don't claim to know what your relationship is like, or how this approach would work for you two, but sometimes us addicts need to be told straight up how things are, and to be called on our actions. You have to realize that the most important thing is his continued sobriety, and if it takes a hiatus from him for him to realize that he cant treat you badly, maybe you just need to leave him alone for a few days/week. I think that he would come aroung to realize how he was acting, and that he was directing his anger and frustration towards the wrong person, and focus that anger/frustration back on himself, where it needs to be.
Anyways, just one persons opinion here, and I don't claim to know anything more about your situation than what you posted, but thought I'd give my two-cents and you can do what you want with it. Good luck to you, and prayers for his continued recovery.

-Brad