What to do...

[Chris38]

I'm really stuck in a decision here. If you do not remember me, I think I last posted here nearly a week ago. I was addicted to vicodin, but have been clean over a year (as of april 1, 2007) and was on prescription xanax for a while as well. About 6 months ago, I decided to kick my xanax habit. (I was taking 1/2 mg once a day) The withdrawal was not too bad, lasted about a week. I did this against the recommendation of my doctor and psychiatrist, I'm beginning to wonder if I should have listened.

I also started seeing a behavioral therapist (no drugs), he wanted to try hypnotism but I would not let him. (I do not feel comfortable at all, for myself and based on what I read) but the anxiety excercises, well I thought they were working.

Fast forward to last tuesday, I was in a meeting with a new prospective client, and all of the sudden I started hyperventalating. I used to only do this before I took any drugs at all. In general I have not felt the same for about 2 months.

A real mind job, I got a second opinion (3rd actually, on top of my phsycican and psychiatrist) who said I should not have quit. It is funny being anxious about taking a prescription that did cure me of my anxiety.

What is driving me nuts is that I am almost 40 years old, but I am in the best shape of my life. I lift weights, run, elyptical trainer, the works. Take vitamins, and the thought of going back to a narcotic is making me feel sick. Even my wife, who is a family therapist is worried about me and telling me to go back on xanax, I know she only wants the best for me, which is perplexing.

I'm going for a full physical next Monday, and will decide then. I know I will get a bunch of replies, which is what I'm looking for. Thanks everyone for listening. One consolation is that I'm certainly in a much better position than I was over a year ago (Hooked on 20-30 vicodins a day.) I'd rather have this problem than that one! Thanks all. - Chris

[ccgirl2]

I'm glad you're seeking out a lot of medical help. I'm not going to push benzos necessarily for fear of being accused of drug pushing, but sometimes anxiety disorders are clearly chemical.

I haven't taken benzos for a long time, was never addicted to them, w/d off them with no side effects and I've been lucky. I take effexor for depression and they have an anti anxiety property in them. Maybe ask your doctor if there are any other non addicting exercises (yoga type) or meds that are not addictive. I've said this before and I'll say it again. If a condition is interfering in your quality of life, taking medicine is not necesarily the worst thing in the world. My brother is diabetic and takes insulin every day. Mental chemical based conditions are no different, IMO.

Good luck Chris. Let us know how it goes.

[2ala2]

Hello Chris,
Congratz on the year!
I also have anxiety issues. I absolutely will NOT take benzos for them, NEVER!
My doctor knows that i'm an addict. He prescribed a beta-blocker which works very well for me. Ask your doctor for an alternative to benzos. I don't believe in a replacing one problem with another.

[TheCartel]

The question of "at what point do medications actually help REAL ailments? and at what point do they cross the line, thus aiding the addiction?" is a tough one.

My anxiety was severe, and usually came out in the form of paranoia and psychosis. These spells continued through the first year of sobriety. I refused the medication that would have supposedly mediated the erratic ups and downs, simply because I KNEW I would either abuse it, or NEVER get off it.

The result has been positive. I've had to find other outlets, exercise being a great one. Through other outlets, I feel I'm able to process the imbalance in productive ways.

Good luck, and it's smart to get multiple opinions, since they will most likely be at differing ends of the spectrum.

The Cartel.

[Buzz Kilowatt]

Chris38,

Although panic attacks can have a chemical basis, my own seemed to be existential, i.e. caused by subconscious fear.

Perhaps you were afraid of failing with the new client? Or (paradoxically), being successful? Something to ponder down the road.

In the meantime, there are non-pharmacological things you try to control or eliminate the attacks. These work for me, and I no longer suffer from them:

1) Continue to exercise

2) Learn to control your breathing. Yoga is fine, but I think meditation is better. Meditation helps you to control many emotional and mental states, and self-realization is the byproduct. (The instructor I took a class from is a psychologist. She changed her practice to mediation after she noted that people could be helped more by meditation than by talking)

3) Panic attacks often respond well to behavioral conditioning. If #1 & #2 don't work, a specialist in the field might help. But #2 is much cheaper and gives a lifetime of benefits.

I learned to mediate with group instruction, and then continued to group meditation meetings. It's very hard first of all to know what to do, and then to do it all alone.

PM me if you want specifics (e.g. book written by my instructor).

Good luck.

Buzz