going to start now.........

[alterego]

hey guys.....i have been lurking for about a month now,each time getting inspiration to try and achieve and then failing the next day. 6 months ago i was not a user but always enjoyed a glass of wine(or two) at night.I have dabbled with drugs in the past.......... nothing serious. I found my ex`s coke stash and during a stressful situation thought "why not" . i now take on a daily basis....."just to see me through". My mind tells me i need it to clean the house,make the calls,calm me down.........I am an intelligent person i know this self medication is not helping in the long run.
I can`t attend a meeting,partly through childcare,nerves and my job is one that should not be held by a drug user..........
i feel i have said enough for now,taking the step to post after so many nights of wanting to is big enough i think.

[Rugrider]

I am glad you decided to join, that is the first step. I had a 3 year addiction to pain pills. I know what you mean, I would take it to get me through the day and it made me feel like a super dad. My mind told myself that I had to take just to survive. I never took drugs or even drank before. Just know the people on this site are very friendly and can help in any way they can. For me, the first week was the darkest time of my life, but with the help of this site I was able to overcome it. Good luck and keep posting, it helped me greatly.

[Impurrfect]

Welcome to SR!

I had a job, that was not supposed to be held by a drug user (I was a nurse)....went to AA anyway, and met many more nurses, as well as doctors, judges, lawyers, and just about every other profession. What is said in the rooms, stays in the rooms.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[ccgirl2]

You're getting great advice so far. Welcome!

[bvaljalo]

Welcome to the 'mainstream'.

Let us know how we can help

[sailorjohn]

Originally Posted by alterego

I can`t attend a meeting,partly through childcare,nerves and my job is one that should not be held by a drug user..........

Here's a thought. If your job is one that should that "should not be held by a drug user" then stop using. Or quit your job. You can't attend a meeting because you don't want to attend a meeting. You can find time and excuses to use, but you can't find time to attend a meeting? BTW, I've been to countless meetings where the kids sit in the hall while the family attends the meeting. Are you telling me that you can't find a babysitter for an hour?

[alterego]

Originally Posted by sailorjohn

Here's a thought. If your job is one that should that "should not be held by a drug user" then stop using. Or quit your job. You can't attend a meeting because you don't want to attend a meeting. You can find time and excuses to use, but you can't find time to attend a meeting? BTW, I've been to countless meetings where the kids sit in the hall while the family attends the meeting. Are you telling me that you can't find a babysitter for an hour?

mmmn? thanks for the straightforward answer. I don`t want my kids to sit waiting and i guess i don`t want to tell anyone where i am going?
Thats the nerves bit.....what if i see someone i know? i understand it is supposed to be anonymous but what if they tell someone?
i was hoping to do it with support online where i can log in when i need and can? Do you not think this is possible? x

[MrsMagoo]

How old are the kids? I have a 20 mo. old and when my husband and I go together we can take her along cause it takes both of us to keep her busy. If just one goes, she's a nightmare. I also don't have a babysitter so my H goes to his AA meetings and I have the kids or I go to my Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting and he keeps them. The older kids are bored by it all but not old enough to babysit.

This IS a great place to start and it is a 24/7 meeting. Don't be so concerned with who you might see. My husband said that over and over again cause he is a substance abuse counselor, he could loose his license, etc. He goes twice a week now. He started using again and it took some ego beating but he goes now cause the addiction (opiates) is BIGGER than he is. His ego doesn't like it. His life depends on it.

[Freedom1990]

We are as sick as the secrets we keep

[jazpoppy]

Alterego;

You need help. Period. Do what YOU need to do for yourself to help you with your addiction AND to help keep your anonymity(sp??). But, please do get help. Don't suffer alone. Coming here is a GREAT start. Good for you!

Luv

Jaz

[anvilhead]

how were/are you getting your coke supply? what if somebody you know saw you buying dope? what if you got arrested for possession? what if they did a random drug test at work? there are a lot worse things than going to a recovery meeting.........besides the other people there did drugs too!!! ain't like anybody will be surprised that you do as well!!!!

it's up to you, it's your life, your recovery. why not get ALL the help you can and make it as EASY on yourself as possible, rather than taking the tougher route? seek the path of least resistance........

[ksos]

Welcome to the forum!

You asked a good question about "getting support on line". I believe that you can get an amount of support from online recovery boards, but, in truth, it is my belief that one must include an offline process as well, due to the dynamics of this disease.

It's like the burning question that I had when you mentioned childcare as a barrier to starting a 12 step meeting process. I wanted to say that chidcare didn't stop you from getting to your drugs--but someone beat me to it, and that is where it's at.

Good luck and welcome again to one of your hopeful support systems, which you really do need in my opinion.

[Lily]

I go to OPEN meetings all over town on a regular basis, both NA and AA and I bring my 4 yr old son with me w/ a back pack with coloring crayons, books, etc.

He does great and guess what? It is great for him to learn how to sit for an hour. Several ppl at AA have told me how wonderful it is to see him there cuz so many have lost their families, etc....

You can do this! accountability at meetings does absolute wonders!

sheila