Memories

[bzlt]

i woke up this morning with a really bad headache...i took some advil to help with it. i did not eat anything prior to taking the advil...about a half an hour later i got that funny feeling in stomach that reminded me of when i use to take my doc opiates. i really felt like using...it brought back alot of memories of using. i have 109 days clean in and i do not want to go back to using!!! i called my sponser and we talked it out but i still have that "trigger" in my head and it is driving me crazy... i am going to a meeting at 7pm tonite and hopefully that will calm me down too... anything else anyone wants to throw at me to help would be great....
thanks everyone....

brian d. addict

[peachy1005]

man, what I kept telling myself through the initial withdrawal period, was that I was already so invested in it, why stop and start over.
Thats what i told myself at hours 24, 48, 72, and many times in between.
Thats the only advice that I can think to give you- is that you are already so invested in your sobriety, what a waste it would be to start on over again.
sorry if that wasnt much help.

[Impurrfect]

Hi Brian!!

First of all, congrats on your clean time...that is awesome!!

I smoke cigarettes (need to quit), but one night when I exhaled the smoke, I thought of crack and was taken back to the feeling of when I got high. I just had to remember all the BAD things that went with that high. It took me back to that feeling of anger that I can't get high again, but also why I don't want to get high again (if that makes sense).

I'm glad you called your sponsor, and were going to a meeting. Those thoughts are going to come occasionally, but with recovery, we realize we don't have to ACT on those thoughts. I tell myself "that is not an option" and force myself to think of something else...usually a gratitude list works VERY well.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[ccgirl2]

Amy's right. I always think of how bad w/d's are. I never want to go there again!

[anvilhead]

it's much easier to STAY clean than it is to GET clean!!!!!

[Paulie]

Just stay in today. As suggested a gratitude list helps. Do some step work, read some stuff. Share like you are, sharing takes the power away from our disease. Most of all keep it simple and sty into today. What will happen if you use today?

[bzlt]

thank you everyone for your replies....i am happy to say yes the triggers went away but it took some time...til this morning...thank you all again...

brian d. addict

[kelsh]

Hi Brian,

My Brother is going through this now...he has been detoxing for a month from methametaphine & alcohol...he finally can eat & keep water down...he has done this many times but still goes back to it.

He was arrested & given a $1300 fine & skipped out on court...so decided to sober up...my thinking is so he doesn't go through withdrawal in jail...I had not heard from him in three years so was very emotional when he called me.

I have been sober 19 years but I know I cannot get him to stay sober. We, his friend & I, are moving him out of his & my family home. We are co-owners which I wish I had never agreed to. My Brother agreed to live there & keep up the property taxes & home owner's insurance but has done neither.

He is 66 and I am going to be 68...so we are no spring chickens and do have a lot of living experience...but he was so co-dependent on our parents that he really can't function on his own now that they are gone.

This all is going to happen this next weekend...my brother wasn't going to be there but it sounds like he is coming with his friend. I live across state from him and his friend lives about 100 miles from me. If the cops see someone there they probably will come looking for Leigh and I already told my lawyer that he was having problems so wouldn't meet the deadline to be moved out.

It is not worth having to go through withdrawals again for sure...but I know from my own experience that it is hard. The last time I sobered up in 1988, I was in hospital setting so didn't have such a terrible time of it...was so grateful for being able to do it that way.

I am nervous about seeing my Brother after all this time. To make things worse my 39 year old son is having problems with a pressure sore...he is a quadraplegic from a failed suicide attempt while drunk and this is not good. He is home with caregivers going in to help him.

He may die soon so have been preparing myself for this. He hasn't been taken back to the VA Hospital yet...a private nurse is doing his dressing changes with instructions from the VA Hospital.

I am glad I have the foundation I have with my sobriety and that I don't ever want to go back to that kind of life again.

It is wonderful that you have 100+ days CLEAN...the hard part is keeping it...I had dreams that I was drinking again and they were so real...it was a relief to wake up and know it wasn't true.

Keep coming back,

kelsh