admitting the problem, finally

[lhs2385]

I'm 22 years old, and I've had an interesting relationship with opiates for the past several years. I love them, very very much.

Last summer, I got my hands on Liquid Morphine. I drank too much, and passed out on my bed. My mom found me moments before I aspirated and died, but I was unconscious. That was the first wake up call to my friends and family about my opiate abuse problems.

Since then I've told everyone I've stayed clean. It's a lie. I've stolen just about any opiate I can get my hand on, from Darvocet to Vicodin to Oxycontin. I've lied and manipulated people into getting the pills and drugs for me, and just recently I've established a connection with someone who can provide me opiates on the regular.

But I am scared now. I've read the horror stories of other opiate addicts and I don't want to go down the path to that. But I crave these drugs on a daily basis. In fact, I've been abusing Suboxone and Tramadol for the past week, but these drugs have knocked me on my butt - I can't do them anymore.

I have severe clinical depression with adjunct acute anxiety, for which I'm taking 2mg of Ativan a day for.

I guess...after all this, I believe my love for opiates is ultimately because of how it makes me feel psychologically. It is the ultimate form of self-medicating. It relieves all my social anxiety, which is something I've had for years, and it makes me much more sociable and talkative with the people that are important to me in my life. In that regard, it's not bad. But the drugs are so addictive.

I'm scared to come forward and admit to everyone that I need help, because I will have abused their trust again. How do I take that first step towards recovery and replacing the void that oxy and other opiates fill with something healthy?

[Dragonfly821]

Isn't that the reason any of us became opiate lovers? The "psychological relief", that feeling that we had finally found something that calmed us down, numbed the thoughts, made everything soft and fuzzy and warm? Oh opiates... the great deciever.

Well, let me tell you. I came off that crap cold turkey a few months ago and it was hard as hell. I still don't sleep well but I am nearly 7 months preg so that plays a factor. But I am so f-ing happy to be out of that mental lie I can't even begin to explain it.

You have made the most important move yet, you still have an inner voice that is trying to get through to you. Listen. Go to a meeting. Keep reading, you will find much inspiration from others that have gone before you.

There is a life out there that you are meant to live. One full of great things that can never be experienced under the darkness that is an opiate addiction. The road back to that life isn't a little jaunt but it is a path that has more reward than anything I have ever experienced.

You will be supprised at the support you get when you ask for it. We are ALL human, on a quest to find ourselves. Opiates are EXTREMELY powerful, you are not a failure because you fell under their spell. Reach out - you can do it.

[ccgirl2]

Is there someone in your real life you could tell? It's always easier than bearing the burden alone. Welcome.

[peachy1005]

yeah, I know all about loving the opiates- esp the oxy.
just went cold turkey off oxycontin and norco after a 2 year daily binge, and I'll tell you what, I was in no way prepared for the withdrawal.
dont know what the extent of your use is from your post, but you're in for a world of hurt if you start a daily habit and have to come off of them (which of course you will at some point)
tellin you- don't go down that road - oxy is a tricksy b!tch, and the withdrawal will be an "I'm going crazy and take me away now" experience.

[TiredMama]

Hello and welcome.

For some, NA meetings. Have you checked on out in your area?

I was an opiate abuser for almost 8 years. With benzos on the side. (liquid klonopin, and xanax)

Keep posting.

[exjunky]

You think you can't quit because it's so hard. Yes it's hard, but listen: as hard as it seems to be for you right now, you ain't seen nuthin' yet. It gets so much worse. Please quit while you can.

[Pete The Addict]

Wow. I just read my own life story, short of a couple years. Im 24 now, and those 2 extra years of opiate abuse took me down a path so much more intense than the hell i was living at 22. Everything you said was me, even the liquid morphine I used to drink that really first developed my love affair with opiates. You can tell the people you love, it just takes a lot of strength and courage. I would suggest you check out a NA or AA meeting, that has helped me a great deal in coming to terms with the addict within. Also if you get a chance, check out my ongoing recovery thread in this forum titled 'Hello Everyone.' Good luck, and feel free to message me if u want to chat.

[Brewster]

It's a bold decision to leave opiate island, but in the end no one can stay. Set your sail and leave, go to jail or die. That is pretty much the range of available options. Take your pick while you still can or have the decison made for you.