GSP527

Was clean for almost 2 years and began to dabble with pills again here and there thinking I was stronger than my addiction... Long story short I lost complete control and I'm starting detox today. I snorted the last of my pills 1 and a half oxycodone 30mg and am waiting for wd to set in. I have clonidine n trazadone and I am going to try and get Xanax sticks.... Terrified of what's to come

FT

Hi there and welcome!

Don't beat yourself up with self loathing over falling down again. This is the time to dust yourself off and move forward.

Look at your relapse as a lesson learned. Make this your LAST recovery. I should know. I faltered with opiates in the setting of severe osteoarthritis and orthopedic surgery, after quitting alcohol over 20 years ago. It will be a year next week since I got free of the opiates.

This is worth it. Being sick a few weeks is worth the freedom from this crap.

Hang in there. Check out some threads and find your home here.

Ft

CanUbelieveIT

Well, it's better to be back at Day 1 than to never be back at all, right?

You've been thru this before, which very well could make this detox less agonizing (at least that was the case for me).

I got 100% clean over 2 years ago, and relapsed quite some time ago too, but today is my 5th day clean and I've gotten thru it much much better this time around (and still getting thru it).

Stay safe and seek support if needed...take care.

Threshold

I know withdrawal is hell on a stick, but I am curious how your 2 years of clean time were.

Did you have experiences then that you can look forward to now?

Did you just stop using, or did you make some other forward moves in your life?

I keep reading here, because I've had some clean time, then relapse, etc...and my initial clean time was not so great, but they've gotten better. I am not suggesting anyone try using one more time so they "get" a better result in recovery, just musing on my own experience.

Reading here helped me go through getting clean and starting over AGAIN because people shared how much better their life is clean and I want that. I figured I must not have been doing clean the right way, so I was willing to try it again, even though I had some not so great clean experience.

And I have learned, from my own experiences and the ones shared here, how to do this clean thing. I kept trying to make using "work" for me, and when it didn't, I changed it up and tried again. So I figure I can try being clean and if it's not working, get some new ideas and try again.

The real key for me was to realize that drugs were not my only addiction. I had others, and some dangerous addictive thought patterns that kept me relapsing. I am growing more and more aware of those things and addressing them now.

The real problem for me isn't that I can't handle drugs (I mean, heck, I can not pick up if I choose to not pick up) it's that I can't handle life (that truth has led me to choose to pick up)

I'm addressing the life part now.

I don't know if that is what you are terrified of, but looking back at my last relapse, seven months ago, that is what I was terrified of. Dealing with life.