I feel I cant get sober
I feel I cant get sober
Here I am again, suffering another withdrawl/side effect of the drugs iv'e taken. I am an alcoholic but switched to drugs the past few months- smart me. Thats the sick addict in me. Ive been talkin 8 pain pills a night for about 4 nights. I told myself and my gf that it was my last time for as long as i can go without. Ive said that twice this past month. When I do get sober, I want it. I like being sober, its what I need. . But I always start using again. So at this point i'm thinking ''why try anymore?'' im just going to keep relapsing over and over and over the way ive been doing for 6 years. Then I think of my mom, who died of addiction. she died when i was 14. . But yesterday I started to remember that I saw and read her wills years and years before she passed. Shed share them with me. I was 8-10 so I didint know it wasnt normal. She must have known she was dieing years before she died. I dont want that to happen to me. I can't stop. I can go a few months, but always go back to drinking or using drugs. Ive tryed evertyhing, here, chat, fourm, aa. . It didnt work. There is no where eles to get strength. I have been sober a year in the past so I know i can possibly do it. But ive been failing so much this past 4 months, I dont think there is a change for me so im thinking about not trying to get sober again. Just because I dont think im able to obtain sobriety anymore.
Please help, give advise, anything. If i have a change, tell me, if youve been where i am and have more than a year now, tell me. Im praying for myself and am not even religous much. Thanks so much for reading.
Please help, give advise, anything. If i have a change, tell me, if youve been where i am and have more than a year now, tell me. Im praying for myself and am not even religous much. Thanks so much for reading.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Philadelphia PA
Posts: 9
It's rare that someone maintains long term recovery (abstinence) the first time out. It happens, but it's rare. The nature of addiction is that our bodies and minds cry out to be medicated. We see no other way out.
Look at it this way: I've never seen Japan. I've seen pictures and met people who have been there. I have faith in my belief that Japan exists because there is evidence.
I ask you to have faith that you can do this today, because there is overwhelming evidence, right here at SR, that it happens.
It's just today, my dear. There is no future, there is no past....no day but today.
Hang in for now. As you add another day, you become the proof.
Be well,
Bear
Look at it this way: I've never seen Japan. I've seen pictures and met people who have been there. I have faith in my belief that Japan exists because there is evidence.
I ask you to have faith that you can do this today, because there is overwhelming evidence, right here at SR, that it happens.
It's just today, my dear. There is no future, there is no past....no day but today.
Hang in for now. As you add another day, you become the proof.
Be well,
Bear
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 187
Da bear is very wise. We only have today, the past is history and tomorrow isn't promised for any of us, addict or not. Try to take it day by day. You have to want to get sober more than you want to get high. Keep reaching out for support. You can do it!!!
Very few of us stay clean ALONE, and it doesn't make sense to take a gamble on whether or not you personally are one of those who can. Frankly, you don't sound to me like a good candidate for doing so, not a knock (I know I CANNOT), just an observation from 'being around' recovery for awhile now. Start hanging around with sober/clean people, people who are really 'working' recovering, and I promise you everything you fear will come back to you in time, if you just stay clean.
Hopefully you see somewhat what I'm on about when I speak of the need to alter your WAYS of THINKING in order to recover. You need to LEARN how to gain choices over your thoughts and their direction, otherwise, it's always going to be a struggle to stay clean.
Hang in there...it DOES get better, I promise.
TB
Hopefully you see somewhat what I'm on about when I speak of the need to alter your WAYS of THINKING in order to recover. You need to LEARN how to gain choices over your thoughts and their direction, otherwise, it's always going to be a struggle to stay clean.
Hang in there...it DOES get better, I promise.
TB
tigerlover
I wanted to stop 3 years ago but got worse and worse... I would drink really heavily 4, 5, 6 or 7 days a week then go cold turkey through withdrawal for 2 days and start again... I did that for 3 years because I thought I would be okay... now I have to stop because I am very ill... bringing up blood, bad kidneys, effed liver... and I am a cancer survivor
so you are thinking correctly... stop while you are young and strong and healthy
I wanted to stop 3 years ago but got worse and worse... I would drink really heavily 4, 5, 6 or 7 days a week then go cold turkey through withdrawal for 2 days and start again... I did that for 3 years because I thought I would be okay... now I have to stop because I am very ill... bringing up blood, bad kidneys, effed liver... and I am a cancer survivor
so you are thinking correctly... stop while you are young and strong and healthy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1
It's rare that someone maintains long term recovery (abstinence) the first time out. It happens, but it's rare. The nature of addiction is that our bodies and minds cry out to be medicated. We see no other way out. Look at it this way: I've never seen Japan. I've seen pictures and met people who have been there. I have faith in my belief that Japan exists because there is evidence. I ask you to have faith that you can do this today, because there is overwhelming evidence, right here at SR, that it happens. It's just today, my dear. There is no future, there is no past....no day but today. Hang in for now. As you add another day, you become the proof. Be well, Bear
with every relapse, I have learned more about how to stay clean, and how badly I want it. I have tried so many different things. one day the timing, knowledge and actions just come together. Don't stop giving up..... that's inviting death
keep going..... now I do what it takes....
keep going..... now I do what it takes....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 8
Relapse and drugs are a part of my story too, unfortunately.
I like what's been said so far in this thread... baby steps. One day at a time, self-care must come first or else we are at risk. That's what has always been hard for me; I get overloaded then I crash and relapse again and again. I can't afford another relapse. This time around, it's all about me first.
I'm 7 days now going through a horrible opiates detox. I don't ever want to look back. You can do this!!!!! I've been doing it with good people around me whom I trust and taking extra care of myself.
I'm also a supporter of NA and SMART recovery, and I see an addictions doctor and go to a psychiatrist but that's what keeps me sober after I get sober...
Stay strong and keep posting!! You're worth it!
OF
I like what's been said so far in this thread... baby steps. One day at a time, self-care must come first or else we are at risk. That's what has always been hard for me; I get overloaded then I crash and relapse again and again. I can't afford another relapse. This time around, it's all about me first.
I'm 7 days now going through a horrible opiates detox. I don't ever want to look back. You can do this!!!!! I've been doing it with good people around me whom I trust and taking extra care of myself.
I'm also a supporter of NA and SMART recovery, and I see an addictions doctor and go to a psychiatrist but that's what keeps me sober after I get sober...
Stay strong and keep posting!! You're worth it!
OF
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 1
I was introduced to recovery in 2003. I'd love to be able to tell a story that involves 13.5 years of clean time, but I can't. And while relapse doesn't have to be part of everyone's story, unfortunately sometimes that's just the path.
At one time I thought of myself as a chronic relapser. It was rough. I'm my own worst critic. I have put together a lot of years of clean time in the last 13.5 years, however just not all in a row. Several stints of 1-2 years. Lots of stretches of 9-12 months. Lots of time "around" the program, but not actively participating.
I've come to the following conclusions, which I hold as undeniable.
1. I was not a relapser. Relapsing implies I had some recovery - I did not. I was abstinent. My behaviors in other areas of my life were atrocious as I acted out.
2. I have been around long enough and built small relationships with "winners" - people that I feel live and follow the 12 step program I attend an believe in (however have not fully engaged myself in) - to know that it works. Following the program, working the steps and living the principles of the program works. There are too many examples for me to deny that. I simply need to put in the time and do my part and it will work for me.
"Simply" is not always simple - at least for me it's not.
I hope we all find some serenity.
At one time I thought of myself as a chronic relapser. It was rough. I'm my own worst critic. I have put together a lot of years of clean time in the last 13.5 years, however just not all in a row. Several stints of 1-2 years. Lots of stretches of 9-12 months. Lots of time "around" the program, but not actively participating.
I've come to the following conclusions, which I hold as undeniable.
1. I was not a relapser. Relapsing implies I had some recovery - I did not. I was abstinent. My behaviors in other areas of my life were atrocious as I acted out.
2. I have been around long enough and built small relationships with "winners" - people that I feel live and follow the 12 step program I attend an believe in (however have not fully engaged myself in) - to know that it works. Following the program, working the steps and living the principles of the program works. There are too many examples for me to deny that. I simply need to put in the time and do my part and it will work for me.
"Simply" is not always simple - at least for me it's not.
I hope we all find some serenity.
I totally relate to your situation and how you're feeling.
Don't give up just yet.
I'm 31yr, alcoholic/heroin addict, and I'm thinking "where'd my 20s go..?"
You keep trying and if you fall back, you try again. Despite the fact that my first rehab was six years ago and I just kicked heroin two weeks ago, I can say that AA/rehab/soberliving saved my life numerous times.
It absolutely matters that you keep trying.
Don't give up just yet.
I'm 31yr, alcoholic/heroin addict, and I'm thinking "where'd my 20s go..?"
You keep trying and if you fall back, you try again. Despite the fact that my first rehab was six years ago and I just kicked heroin two weeks ago, I can say that AA/rehab/soberliving saved my life numerous times.
It absolutely matters that you keep trying.
AA helped me. Before I went, I was a know it all but i got desperate enough that I asked for help, like you're doing. And when I went to AA, I promised myself that I would not be a know it all, I would take all suggestions and scoff at nothing. I got a sponsor and I'm now coming up on 15 months. You can do it, just be willing and keep an open mind.
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