Is this the time of year for relapse..........

[newsandi]

I starting getting my pain pill script filled again about a month ago. Not much but still............ 30 Tylenol 3's for the last 4 or 5 weeks. Was at or around my 90 days. Also, those benzos, whatever they are, to depressed to get the bottle to read it. I took all of those damn things too. And the saddest part about all of this is I cant wait to get my script filled for the benzos so that I can take the edge off of all of the stress I am under. Pathetic, I know. I am mad enough at myself but I guess I am not mad enough to care to quit at this point. I dont think my life has been this tough EVER!! The pain pills suck, when I do get the script filled, I take them all in 2 1/2 days and feel like ****, cant sleep, usually feel more pain then without them, moody, depressed, isolate myself so I am hoping, cant guaratee, that I will get them anymore. Its one thing to come on here to share a relapse but I dont know if I am ready to change at this point. I cant afford to buy the pills "black market" so I cant end up the way I was before, but the medicine takes the edge off but then again, I dont take them as prescribed. Sorry, I am just rambling. Sorry to let so many down.

[MNGirlyGirl]

Newsandi,
Please be careful with those benzos. They have very bad withdrawals. I started taking them to help me sleep without knowing the side effects. Now am having a heck of a time tapering off of them. Cold Turkey is way too hard. It has really been a huge inconvenience due to the withdrawals and anxiety. Hard to function some days. Please stop this stuff before it causes other problems for you and you won't be able to quit.

It sounds like they are causing you more misery than anything else. Put the pills down and find a meeting where you can get some support.
I wish you well.

[Impurrfect]

((((Sandi))))

I just responded to you and ex on his thread.

I really do understand about the benzos and it's why I won't take them....I KNOW I will abuse anything that "takes the edge off".

You've had a LOT going on with Scooter, work, and your marriage. I just know that taking the benzos may take the edge off, but you will end up with a worse problems. I saw what the klonopin did to my stepsister and it was pretty bad.

I'm glad you came here and posted. You may think I am just cruising along in my recovery, and handling everything great, but believe me....I still have the thoughts of using and I HAVE thought of getting a benzo....but I'm dealing with so many damn consequences of my past now, I don't want to have any more consequences to pay for later....and there WILL be consequences.

I stay on SR so much, because I'm having to learn to deal with the crap life throws at you sometimes without dope. So, please stick around here and keep posting and reading.

Luv ya!

Amy

[emmer]

Hi Sandi, Im glad you came here. You've heard many times about benzos, but i'll say it again because I care for you and dont want you to end up very addicted to them like I was. Being addicted to them was frustrating enough but kicking them was something from hell.
I cant take pills as prescibed either .... no way. Its a joke even thinging i can.
Not only do i abuse "feel good" pills or pills that take the edge off. I abuse pills that do nothing for getting high.
Its the addict in me I guess.

I glad to see you here and we are all here to help you!!! and we love you ((Sandi)).

keep posting no matter what.....K

..Joe

[chiynita]

I hope it's not the season for relapse. I tend to be festive.
Benzos are awful. I use to take them a long time ago and I was a violent raging maniac. My exBF's brother is also doing natural life for killing his best friend in a benzo blackout when he was only 17.
Please get rid of them and fast!

[serenityqueen]

(((Sandi))) I'm not sure where to begin except to say for starters, stop beating yourself up. Consider yourself lucky that you lived through your relapse and are able to ask for help.

We all have another relapse in us, we just aren't guaranteed another Recovery.

Count your Blessings and get to meetings, get a Sponsor, get phone numbers and use them!

If you cannot take prescription medication as directed, DO NOT get them filled ever again. I have numerous medical problems that could justify my getting heavy duty narcotics and the stress of my life would justify enormus amts. of benzos. But the bottom line is, I am an addict. I cannot get a prescription and take it as directed. Sure, I can fill an rx and just take the initial one that was prescribed. But within the few minutes it takes to get that feeling, that taste, that warmth in my body, I've got a handful of more of them going down my throat. And more handfuls to follow. I had built up a huge tollerance that I couldn't, for the life of me understand how in the world I didn't die years ago. I still don't know why. But God has a reason for me still being here on this earth. Maybe it's to get that one person to realize that they too, are powerless of their disease as well. I'm unclear after reading your thread if you have ever been to a meeting or not. If you have, you more than likely heard the expression, "One is too many and a thousand is never enough." That pretty much covers it for me. If I take one, I'm off, on my way to a sure death. And a thousand will never, ever give me the feeling that I am trying to get back that made me fall in love with the pills.

I have an addictive personality. I can't do much of anything as directed. I go to mop the floor, hum, bottle says to add two capfuls to a gallon of water. Well, damn, if that makes the floor clean and sparkley, imagine what a cup will do! Well, now, my floor IS dirtier than the normal persons so I think I better use two cups.

Now, don't get me wrong, my disease has never gotten me out of mopping the floor! Lol ! But I have come to realize after too many years of abusing myself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually that I cannot ever again take a narcotic or benzo. Any mood altering drug in my hands is the same as a pistol pointed to my head. Just a slower, more painful process.

Keep coming back here, there is hope.

[Lily]

Sandi,

I am sorry about your relapse. You hit the nail on the head when you said they made you feel even MORE depressed and in more pain etc. etc. My last use was t-3's and i was a raging lunatic to my husband and my 2 boys. I was very depressed as well. I went thru my script in 2 1/2 days too. It is not worth it to ever get filled again. Before you glamorize that next fix, try to remember how incredibly crappy you felt afterwards.

hang in there, thanks for sharing. Sheila

[2ala2]

No, It's not the time of year for relapse. It's time to get a recovery program in your life.
It's time to ask for help. Do that face to face.
This is my advice to you and don't forget alcohol is a drug too.
Have you tried a 12 step program?

[ccgirl2]

Sandi, it's not the time of year; you're an addict is all. An addict who's been going through a lot. I have two pieces of advice. Tell your doctor what's going on, tell your pharmacy to not fill anymore addictive scripts for you (it holds you accountable whether you want to or not) and I have to second ala: a program, any recovery program.

[windysan]

i think that if i relapsed i would be dead in a month

[Jane63]

{{{{{{{Sandi}}}}}}}}
Hey sweetie...no, it is not the time of the year but surely just everything that has been going on in your life and the way you are choosing to deal with it. It is so easy to fall back into old habits if we do not have the proper tools in place at all time...I know that from my own recent relapse!

Please don't beat yourself up too much for this or let anything keep you from moving forward! You cannot control what is going on around you but only the way you deal with it. Easier said than done yes, but the sooner you realise that, the better off you will be.
I know this is tough but you have got to tell the DR prescribing you the meds that you are abusing them and come up with a better solution. I think that would open up all sorts of avenues for you to get the help you need in dealing with your stress.

I am here for you too and please PM me anytime you need to vent or whatever!! OK?? Hang in there sweetie...remember our plans for the New year and the new us? I have not forgotten and maybe I can help you remember too!
{{HUGS}}
Jane

[tennchick9598]

Sandi, proud of you for fessing up, that takes pure guts. You dont KNOW how many times I have come close. I thought if I just call the pharm back and tell them to uncancel it, but it doesnt work that way,so I did the best thing I could have, "flush and call" easier said than done. I have relapsed many times. Sometimes it just takes being absolutely ready and fully comitted. I never was until the last time. We are all sisters in this, and we love you and want you better. if there is ANTthing I can do to help, please let me know

[newsandi]

Just wanted to let you all know that I appreciate your kinds words and support. I have just been so consumed with medical and legal issues with my son that I am not taking care of me. I have way too much time on my hands with not working and I know that I need to get out and do things for myself. I can say that I haven't had anything in a few days and am not thinking about doing anything. Thanks again, you guys have saved my a$$ a few times and SR is important to me.

[Impurrfect]

((((Sandi)))

I'm so glad you haven't taken anything in a few days. I just know how I am, and I can't have anything that will calm me down around me. When dad had the vistaril, I was almost obsessed with that bottle of pills because it helps you sleep and has a calming effect. Luckily, the day I decided to do "just a couple" the bottle disappeared and I haven't seen it since.

Like I posted in the MH forum....I just worry about you getting lost in all of Scooter's issues. Even supermom's can't fix everything, sweetie. If they could, there would be far fewer people with mental health problems and addictions.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy