i am so scared......

[Someone]

i have been smoking crack now for sometime. like 8 years maybe. i am 30 years old and i can't take it anymore. although i never go on binges or anything. i may one day and then then stop for a week and then use another day and so on. the most i have ever used is twice in one week.
i really really want to stop. why can't i just stop?? i know what i am doing is wrong and it makes me feel terrible afterward. i am not doing so good. i have no money and i am not being what i can be for my family. i CANNOT tell my parents whats going on, it will kill them literally. my dad has a heart condition and if he knew what i was doing it would be the death of him.
i WANT to stop now before i go to jail or end up worse. Please somebody offer me some encouraging words or advice on what i can do!

[windysan]

You need to make a plan for quitting for good. Find a narcotics anonymous or alcoholics anonymous group and they will help you get started. Detox and rehab was the only way for me. NA and AA are the entry points for most people. Search google for narcotics anonymous or alcoholics anonymous meetings in your city. Go to a meeting. Ask for help.

[indigo]

Have you got an empathetic/sympathetic doctor you can go and see? Also there are helplines available and as windy said NA, please seek some medical help. It's not easy, you can however stop, many people here are testaments to that.
I wish you well, it's beat to try and stop before it consumes you as it surely will.
hugs indigo

[indigo]

By the way welcome to SR I'm glad that you found us!

[Someone]

thank you indigo. i am glad i can finally tell someone about my problem, even if i can't see you face to face.

[indigo]

Please feel free to PM me if you need anything.

[Someone]

thank you soooo much!! really. i may have to take you up on that! =) cuz i seriously could use someone to talk to.

[Someone]

thanks to you too windysan!!

[frstnm]

for me it started w once a week and then 2....
then everytime I drank I wanted to smoke crack
it was already bad before I added the coke and only got worse
see a dr or get into the program as soon as you can
best wishes to you

[chiynita]

Cant say too much more than what already has. You need to get some kind of support and program in place. Crack is freakin evil.
I always felt like I had a life sentence to this crap.
But it is very possible to stop. I have seen it done and am 2 and 1/2 months into my own miracle.
I wouldnt wish this crap on ym worst enemy.

[Someone]

i don't drink and i don't even smoke cigarettes. thank goodness i don't feel like i need it every day. i wouldn't even think to go and buy it on my own. i still never have. its when the person i smoke with asks me "hey you wanna get high?" that i can't seem to say no. i am so glad that its not every week because that would make me crazy feeling so tired all the time.

i wish that i could do it on my own. i really don't want to go into a program where i have to stay there for a long time. i KNOW i can do it if i really want to. and this time i REALLY WANT to stop. this seriously can't continue. its too much for me anymore. couldn't i just go to NA or something first??

[anvilhead]

yes, you can go directly to NA - bet you could find a meeting in your area today even! i'm so glad to see you here wanting to stop the madness now before it gets worse, cuz trust me, it does get worse.......lots worse. crack is a highly addictive drug and won't let go easily........best of luck! check out a meeting or six!

[chiynita]

Program doesnt always mean rehab hon.
Na is a program. Outpatient is a program.
You definately need to stay away from those people that ask "Hey..You wanna get high."
If you only get high when asked then that is your solution. And not being funny. But I doubt thats all it takes.
I KNEW I could do it if I really wanted to also. I ended up in jail plenty. Almost getting killed. Almost killing myself. Selling all my possessions. And when I say selling everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Not to mention the misery I dragged my family through.
Now I am not saying you couldnt do it. I hope you can. But please whatever you do. Get a support system. NA is a good one.

[Someone]

seriously i WOULDN"T go out of my way to get the drug. i never bought it by myself and I don't ever ask. its always the other person asking me, but because i am addicted, i guess, i can't say no. and believe me i try. actually we made a pact together just yesterday that we are going to stop. NO MORE we said. and God knows i really really want to mean it this time. WANT is the key word here and i so do. i know i need support and i know it won't be easy at first but i feel i can do it. i am deffinately going to check around for a NA meeting. thanks you guys!

[windysan]

Stay away from FERAL people. Go find an NA meeting. Stop doing dope before you become an animal. I promise that if you continue doping you will become an animal. A messy, sad, pathetic animal.

[JPHartford]

Originally Posted by Someone

seriously i WOULDN"T go out of my way to get the drug. i never bought it by myself and I don't ever ask. its always the other person asking me, but because i am addicted, i guess, i can't say no. and believe me i try. actually we made a pact together just yesterday that we are going to stop. NO MORE we said. and God knows i really really want to mean it this time. WANT is the key word here and i so do. i know i need support and i know it won't be easy at first but i feel i can do it. i am deffinately going to check around for a NA meeting. thanks you guys!

I know all too much about crack. You can read my story elsewhere on this forum. The reason you can't just stop is because of the way the drug rewires your brain. Please take a look at this link: HBO: Addiction: Understanding Addiction: Addiction and the Brain's Pleasure Pathway: Beyond Willpower

I went out and bought the DVD series and had my wife sit down and watch it with me. Addiction is a brain disease. It is not just a matter of willpower or being a wild person or an immoral person. It has a neurological cause. They can see this now in brain scans.

You better get help and stop now because it does get much, much worse.

I would suggest that the first thing you do is cut yourself off from this person who supplies it to you. Tell him/her that you just can't be around them anymore. Don't worry about hurting feelings--your life is more important than someone's feelings. If you would not go out and get it on your own, then it sounds like cutting yourself off from this person would do it.

I am 2 weeks clean today (after using daily for many years). The craving does not go away, although it does get easier to manage. My wife has my keys and my credit cards right now. She just asked me to run to the store to get some milk. The store is a quarter of mile from my house. She gave me the keys and the card and sure enough as soon as I pulled out of the driveway--something in my brain said: "hey you could go score." Thank God, I did not give in and I came right back home after buying the milk.

So get educated and rid yourself of bad influences. Thats the best advice I can give.

[canuhearme]

You sound a lot like me, I hope you can leave this alone, I never smoke crack but husband did and he said it was the hardest thing to quit he ever tried. He said if he does it once he can't stop until there is nothing left to sell or steal.
I feel like I can quit too, as long as nobody ever asks me again. What are the odds of that? I have to try.

[Someone]

if you guys could see me right now, you would see that i am literally crying. LOL i'm sorry but it just feels so good to know that there are people out there like me. i mean, i know i am not the only one, obviously, but you guys are so nice and understanding and its just great to finally have that, you know??

JPHartford-- thats so great that you went right back home. congrats to you also on your 2 weeks clean. i can't wait until i can say that.....and i will! you watch! i will be right back here saying just that!! i know it!

canuhearme-- your husband is right. when i smoked it was always until i had no money left in my pocket. once in a while i wouldn't spend it all but that was on good days. LOL i never sold anything but i did overdraft my bank account once by $100. that was my lowest. i hate myself for that. you have to try as do i! and it WILL work!!

[canuhearme]

Fingers crossed. my mind plays so many tricks on me. I keep thinking hmmmm, if I can just make a week without it then I can do it again because I can stop it any time. I've seen addiction up-close, I know I can never touch it again. EVER! I did B4 but back then I just didn't like it.
I think maybe I should just move into SR. Feels safe in here!

[JPHartford]

Thanks. Yes this place is very therapeutic for me. Even if no one reads or responds to what I say--it makes me feel better just saying it.

Oh, I wish I had the money back that I have spent. I am embarrased to say that I have over $150K on credit cards, largely because of crack. Then I lost my job a month ago. My first reaction was to say, "to hell with it" and just go out and binge. I wound up pawning my wedding ring and my class ring. I haven't told my wife this yet because I don't thing she can handle the fact I pawned the wedding ring (we have been married for 27 years in May). I am hoping to find some money and buy it back before she finds it out. The class ring is not as important (even though its worth more money).

The good news is that I have a job now working from home (executive recruiter) and hopefully I can rebound financially. AS I mentioned, I have not used since Feb. 13 and by God's grace I won't ever again. But it won't be easy. It will be a struggle but at 48 years old, I don't have any more chances.

[chiynita]

I estimated what I spent on crack one time. I figure I smoked at the very least $200 day. That is $73,000 a year. For someone without a job at the time that is dam good money. Thats not counting all the stuff I sold.
So pitiful the energy I put into getting high. Now I'm working for peanuts. But at least it is honest and moral.
Now in just a month and a half I have accumulated over $100 in change alone. I even have a lttle stash of money that I keep forgetting I have. Who'd have ever thought I would forget about money laying around. Bills are caught up and still got some dollars in the pocket.
Most of all the difference in the way my family is toward me. And the way I feel, look and act. So different in just a matter of months.
I struggle every now and again with the thoughts, Especially when I try to go to sleep. But thats all they are. The physical cravings arent as bad.
You can do this. ANd that saying..People places and things. It is so true.

[windysan]

If I could have those wasted days back.

wasn't that metallica or whatever?

[ccgirl2]

Welcome to SR. I have no experience with crack, but addiction, yes. We're all in this together and we're on your side.





P.S. Windy, wasn't that a Freddie Fender song?

[windysan]

Originally Posted by ccgirl2

Welcome to SR. I have no experience with crack, but addiction, yes. We're all in this together and we're on your side.





P.S. Windy, wasn't that a Freddie Fender song?

nah, freddy sang "wasted days and wasted nights"

[biggbbs]

listen dude it can and will get a whole lot worse if you dont get help..
i have driven over 40 miles to get 40 dollars before just for the 15 minutes of the crack high.I drove from maine to western mass to meet my dealer and bring some crack back with me to maine (vacation with my family) i would go into the bathroom to smoke it so no one would know. but guess what? i never made it back to maine. i spent 450 dollars i had on me. and got arrested when i was trying to steal to get some gas money to get back to maine, since i had the only transportation. needless to say, it can and will get a lot worse. email me if ya ever wanna chat privatley..pavarotti77@aol.com