relationships

[lesa]

odd quest .how many have loss relationships when u got clean .as i said he is clean yet we fight a lot ..we do not get along..I have so much resentment against him..I hate him sometimes...I can not get past the abuse ,lies ,stealing from me,leaving me homeless and broken promises ..I fell he still selfish even when he is clean ..not sure what iam asking ..

[Freedom1990]

I lost a marriage when I got clean. He had gone through rehab just before me, but unfortunately went back to using.

He was psychotic and violent.

I had to leave the situation for my own safety, sanity, and recovery.

[TiredMama]

I had a boyfriend in college that I had to leave because of this. One of the many times that I tried to clean myself out, was a time when I was living with this guy. It left me homeless, living in my car until my friend got home from an internship. I was even in college at the time but of course, I didn't go to class. I couldn't go to my moms because she was considering getting back together with my father. They had divorced but were wanting to reconcile. I couldn't go back to that life of abuse, so I preferred living in my car. (they decided not to get back together thank God)

Anyways, that was for the best. Me leaving that guy because he was a psycho and an alcoholic, which would have never been good for my recovery.

[Sugah]

I left a relationship (7 years) to get clean. I can't say for certain that he was an addict, but he liked getting high, and he wasn't about to give up anything he wanted for me. It was up to me to give things up, change for him.

He did call me when I was three months clean and ask, "Why couldn't you have been this person when you were with me?" He asked me to come back, even though he had a new victim, I mean, girlfriend by that time. I declined.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[ccgirl2]

I had a supposed friend that kicked me to the curb when I was in rehab, because she said I was selfish and only thinking of myself. Boy, did she get that backwards because for the first time in years, I was trying to get better and be a better wife, mother and friend. Oh well, her loss.

[serenityqueen]

Here's a response from the other side.

I was in a serious, or so I thought, relationship when I got clean and sober. I suddenly realized that I was not in love with this man after all. I fell in love with the party that came with him. Once I left the party, there was nothing.

I realized that he did not give me love, respect or even treat me like a human being. At that time in my life I suppose the only thing that I thought was important in a relationship was having someone who would support my habit. I thought that love meant someone who brought me the best dope out there. How sick is that?

I've been in Recovery for a little over 2 1/2 years and I haven't been in a relationship as of yet. I am enjoying this time learning who I am, learning about myself. People ask me at times, "Aren't you lonely?" Not at all. I'm discovering me!

[FindingClarity]

Wow, serentityqueen, that post definetly speaks to me.

I have just realized after a binge that I am not at all in love with my "boyfriend" - I was in the love with the party and chaos that came with him and that he would not hassle me at all if I made the decision to spend my check on crack instead of bills. And no lie I was in love the physical relationship.
Everytime I would say I was going to stop using he would become distant, Im realizing now it's because I'm not spending money on crack at those times. As soon as I start up again he's crazy about me.
What a blind sucker I have been.

[Evanna]

Originally Posted by lesa

odd quest .how many have loss relationships when u got clean .as i said he is clean yet we fight a lot ..we do not get along..I have so much resentment against him..I hate him sometimes...I can not get past the abuse ,lies ,stealing from me,leaving me homeless and broken promises ..I fell he still selfish even when he is clean ..not sure what iam asking ..

I didnt lose the relationship but can relate to the anger and resentment. I felt much the same towards my partner when we cleaned up (we used together, cleaned up together). I was so angry about a lot of the stuff that happened in the past and really resentful that he still wasnt pulling his weight when clean. We didnt seem to be able to be close at all, i was always screaming at him, i felt completely unloved and thought that i was just waiting until i had the strength to leave.

That was over 5yrs ago now and so much has changed. We are still together. He is a good, kind and responsible man and my best friend.

[PeachyClean]

I left a relationship of 11 years to get clean.....> he was also an addict...> we tried getting clean while living in the same house and it did not work.

We reconnected after 1 year separation and moved in together again...>we were both clean....> it was very difficult....> but we've made it work.