Crack

[larrylive]

Sometimes I wonder if that will really get anybodies attention. But because I didn't see any similar threads, I figured I'd start. Been a crack addict for about 12yrs, been in(volved with) recovery for about 10yrs. Can't seem to find any real answers. Appearently alot of people either want to make money off my (our) misery or alot of (ex)drug abusers enjoythe feeling of power/control by calling themselves recovered or being sponsors and making up rules to recovery which do not corrospond with what I have read. Anyway I am searching for the way home, it has been a long time. So much life to live.

Sorry I digress. Should you be a crack head, recovered or not, please join me as I search for the solution.

Regards,
Larrylive

[anvilhead]

my solution was to quit smoking crack........everything else got a lot easier after that

[Sugah]

Good thing about sponsorship is that it doesn't come with a contract. If one doesn't work out, you can get a new one. I was blessed with one who followed the program, not her program.

There is life after crack, Larry. If you want recovery more than anything else, it's yours.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[emmer]

I hope its ok for me to step in here Larry ..... I can say that I've only tried crack a few times and found it to be wildly addictive and I went thru mega $$.
Im not a upper kind of guy so I stopped it.

anyhow what I wanted to say is that dope (as you know) clouds our thinking. Things seem to fit into place alot better clean.
Im trying to give recovery a chance even though Im not convinced I have a problem..
blind faith I suppose.
Would you consider joining me?

..joe

[chiynita]

I am not sure if there is any one solution. I believe everyone finds their own.
I am not sure if I have found mine yet. I do have only 2 mos clean from the evilest thing in the world.
But 2 mos seems like forever really. I struggle everyday. But I have made it so far.
I have faced death more times than I care to remember. By not only another but my own hand as well.
And of all the extremes I have gone to time and time again.
The only thing that has seemed to really kick me in my a$$ and say "Hey dumbass. Look what your doing to yourself and the ones who care about you." Is the big taste of disconnection I got from my family in November.
I could never in my life even imagine what it would belike to have my family turn their backs on me.
It's one thing not to have anyone. But quite another to have people but they could care less. That to me is far worse than death.
So for me that is my fuel to stick this out and make every effort I can to make this a lasting attempt in recovery.

[Leo_the_Cat]

Crack was my thing. I did AA and CA which helped me quite a bit in the beginning, but AA and CA turned out not to be the answer for me, at least so far.

At this point I am able to abstain by remembering how horrible the end of my use was and how much I lost. And also realizing how horrible it will be and what I will lose if I start agains.

Crack just seems stupid to me now. The only good one is the first one, after that you're just smoking to be smoking, and it gets worse and worse.

Originally Posted by larrylive

Sometimes I wonder if that will really get anybodies attention. But because I didn't see any similar threads, I figured I'd start. Been a crack addict for about 12yrs, been in(volved with) recovery for about 10yrs. Can't seem to find any real answers. Appearently alot of people either want to make money off my (our) misery or alot of (ex)drug abusers enjoythe feeling of power/control by calling themselves recovered or being sponsors and making up rules to recovery which do not corrospond with what I have read. Anyway I am searching for the way home, it has been a long time. So much life to live.

Sorry I digress. Should you be a crack head, recovered or not, please join me as I search for the solution.

Regards,
Larrylive

[chiynita]

I just want to add that as impossible as it seems to not ever smoke that crap ever again. And it does feel like it will never go away sometimes. I have seen it happen. I have a couple friends that went from down and out homeless smoking in the streets. To good jobs, cars, families. You would never even think they ever smoked.
It is an awesome sight.

[anvilhead]

thanks so much for that chy.............recovery IS possible!!! my other half and i are sitting in a house we just bought, with a mortgage we shouldn't be able to afford, and a dog that would drive GANDHI insane....three years ago we were smoking that crap every other day, getting written up at work, scared, wondering how in the hell we were EVER gonna break free.................it didn't happen in one day, but it did happen.......

[Aa_vark]

Originally Posted by larrylive

Sometimes I wonder if that will really get anybodies attention. But because I didn't see any similar threads, I figured I'd start. Been a crack addict for about 12yrs, been in(volved with) recovery for about 10yrs. Can't seem to find any real answers. Appearently alot of people either want to make money off my (our) misery or alot of (ex)drug abusers enjoythe feeling of power/control by calling themselves recovered or being sponsors and making up rules to recovery which do not corrospond with what I have read. Anyway I am searching for the way home, it has been a long time. So much life to live.

Sorry I digress. Should you be a crack head, recovered or not, please join me as I search for the solution.

Regards,
Larrylive

welcome larrylive,

i dont know if you would consider me recovered or recovering, but ive been clean and sober coming up on 4 years.

I was thoroughly beaten and hopeless, and checked myself into rehab jan o3. the hardest part was being hopeless enough, but still alive, and free; (as opposed to incarcirated) to surrender. in 4 years crack brought my disease to a culmination, such a low bottom, what drinking and chronic pot smoking couldnt do in 16 years before rock.

The progression wasnt fast enough, untill i found the rock.

I can empathize with anyone wanting to quit crack., I had to put all drugs and alcohol down. 2 breif relapses, that both started with beer ended with crack quickly,.

Yes im an alcoholic. I belong to AA. And im an addict. I belong to NA too. I have one sponsee in each fellowship. Neither of them are done. Its rough to watch. The crack addict is still a few years from my bottom... He's blissfully unaware that hes spiriling the drain quite quickly. My hand is out to him, but he wont sit still through a meeting, wont start a written first step. Wont buy the step study guide. Crack will convince him... I cant. He may not survive. He's not done.

anyway, recovery is great, real, and fairly fragile but my higher power, involvements in meetings and service, honest step work have gotten me far and i dont want to use today.

Glad you;re here

nice to meet you,

aardvark

[Impurrfect]

Welcome to SR!

Another recovering crackhead here. I went from being an RN, making pretty good money, to being on the streets, doing what most females do to get crack. Not a pretty picture. I've been to jail, in a diversion center....got clean, relapsed for a week, and finally realized that I just can't do that anymore.

I went to meetings when I first had a problem with opiates (before I discovered crack) and I learned a lot from them. After I got out of jail, I'm in another town and work as a waitress on 3rd shift, so haven't been to meetings. I do, however, spend a LOT of time on SR and e-mailing and talking to friends I have met here. I also have some very supportive friends in real life that will call me on my crap if I need it. This is working for me, and I will have 1 year clean Mar. 9th. If it gets to the point where it's not enough, I know where meetings are and what times they are.

I don't ever want to go back to the life I was living, and am finally willing to do whatever it takes to keep going forward instead of backward.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[larrylive]

Originally Posted by anvilhead

my solution was to quit smoking crack........everything else got a lot easier after that

Well why didn't I think of that...oh wait I did and I couldn't, no I'm wrong I couldn't stop buying crack and hell if your gonna buy it ya might as well smoke it..............

Anyway, enough sarcasm.
First and foremost thank you to all who responded. I am truely grateful to find such pleasant people with an understanding of what I am going through.
Perhaps some one would be kind enough to explain how the hell I am supposed to refrain from purchasing crack the next time I get money, because sure as I can swear I would rather not, I am going to be hittin the streets soon as the workday ends.

Please be advised I have lost my wife,kids,jobs,home and just about everything I could sell or trade. I've slept in my car, my storage space, the homeless shelter and my tent. I've eaten at the soup kitchen and gone without for days. I have gone from thousands in the bank to thousands in debt. Been in rehab & outpatient & halfway houses.I've heard the cell door clang more than once and still when the opportunity arises, back I go.
Currently I have established a somewhat secure enviroment, full time job, fair apartment, and less than a thousand in debt(one step forward two steps back, wait thats not right, well maybe) but the cycles a circular motion and I feel it coming around again. Just a matter of time.

So again I ask, please explain in the words of the program..what happened and what are you like now. (we can skip the what we were like I think I just covered that)

Regards,
Larrylive

[anvilhead]

larry, if my reply is do dang obvious, and dumbed down, then why ain't it working for YOU? cuz we can all tell you OUR stories, and what worked for us, but until you quit picking up that pipe, it won't matter squat.

YOU need to figure out what YOU are gonna do the next time you get cash so you don't go buy crack. you don't have to. it's not a requirement, it's an excuse "i can't help it" - the amount of energy we put into the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more is one hell of a lot harder that simply changing our playmates playgrounds and playthings. we become WILLING to do WHATEVER it takes.

you seem to want the secret. there is no secret. ya do whatever it takes NOT to smoke that sh!t anymore. ya take a stand. you ask for help. you go to a meeting. or church. or your therapist. you find other recovering addicts that you can lean on in the rough times. you stay busy. you begin to take care of yourself. you cook, lots. take b12. drink lotsa water. find new routes home. toss all the what nots. you say to yourself that you ARE redeemable, and you can get off the sh!t. and you try and try again. and you say today, NO MATTER WHAT, i will not use. tomorrow all bets are off, but JUST FOR TODAY, i will do everything in my power to stay clean. and you quit wearing your war story like a badge - crack sucks. period. no other qualifications needed. you aren't any badder than the next idiot wrapped around a pipe. you quit making the next run a foregone conclusion. you set yourself up for success instead of failure. you play the tape all the way thru, to the really sucky parts. you don't dwell on or romance the good ole days. you want for better. and you get off your ass and go get it.

ya quit smoking crack and everything else gets better.

[TiredMama]

I can't offer much advice but the way I didn't buy drugs when I had extra money was by keeping myself as busy as possible. Finding hobbies I never did before, cleaning the house, and just anything to keep myself busy. That made time go by faster which is what a lot of us addicts have to be patient for. It just takes time and refusing to use.

[matman]

I had to give my atm card to a friend so i wouldn't have spontaneous access to cash. It helped me a lot.

[JPHartford]

Originally Posted by larrylive

First and foremost thank you to all who responded. I am truely grateful to find such pleasant people with an understanding of what I am going through.
Perhaps some one would be kind enough to explain how the hell I am supposed to refrain from purchasing crack the next time I get money, because sure as I can swear I would rather not, I am going to be hittin the streets soon as the workday ends.

Larry, believe me--I can relate. I cannot have any cash or credit cards in my possession. Fortunately, I have a wife who is still with me and trying again for the last time (she said) to help me. Even with all that, I found some cash advance checks in the drawer on Tuesday and immediately went out and bought some rock. I felt so miserable and guilty but I just couldn't stop myself. I pawned my class ring and my wedding band to get more.

When I came home, I cried (I am 48 years old) and begged my wife to stay with me. At the moment, she has my car keys and I am a prisoner in my own house. But I don't know what else to do.

I am hoping that I can gradually be trusted again and resist this horrible temptation.

I wish there was an easy answer but I don't think there is. I am open to suggestions from those who have been successful.

[InnerWinner]

Originally Posted by larrylive

Sometimes I wonder if that will really get anybodies attention. But because I didn't see any similar threads, I figured I'd start. Been a crack addict for about 12yrs, been in(volved with) recovery for about 10yrs. Can't seem to find any real answers. Appearently alot of people either want to make money off my (our) misery or alot of (ex)drug abusers enjoythe feeling of power/control by calling themselves recovered or being sponsors and making up rules to recovery which do not corrospond with what I have read. Anyway I am searching for the way home, it has been a long time. So much life to live.

Sorry I digress. Should you be a crack head, recovered or not, please join me as I search for the solution.

Regards,
Larrylive

try listening to tony robbins "life mastery" about a dozen times. my drug addiction was because I had challenges understanding my emotions.

[1cor13]

I do remember those nights at 3am picking through the carpet looking for a crumb to smoke. I mean I had to drop something somewhere? I used to give my money to my girlfriend and make her promise not to give it back. Then at 3am when there was nothing left in the carpet I would wake her up and I would beg her to give it back and when she didn’t give it back I would go crazy looking for the money. To think what I put her through and unnecessarily so. I’m glad I got the chance to make amends.

Personally I don’t know what you’re going to do. In the process of all this drug use I did a lot of drinking and decided that AA might welcome me in. I looked in the mirror and for the first time I saw what was really there, nothing more than a poor reflection of a child who needed to become a man. Because of my decision to reach out and ask for help today I have a good life and I have good friends. I don’t have to hide or avoid drugs or alcohol.

Is everything perfect, no I have debt and some wrongs I can never fully right but I don’t smoke crack, drink, or do any other mind and mood altering chemicals so maybe it is perfect. Far better than the hell I was living in. There are also NA and CA meetings that I have heard that are very good. A drug is a drug, 12 steps are 12 steps but I had to make a decision. I had to somehow feel that I was important enough to deserve a good life and then ask for help.

[Brewster]

Originally Posted by InnerWinner

try listening to tony robbins "life mastery" about a dozen times. my drug addiction was because I had challenges understanding my emotions.

Heh, I got a lot out of that set of tapes. Tony works for some and for others he doesn't. I like listening to his output.

[anvilhead]

i think this bears repeating::

I had to somehow feel that I was important enough to deserve a good life and then ask for help.

[chiynita]

I know my sarcasm ran rampid when I was using and shortly there after.
I have to agree with anvil. Noone can answer that except you.
There is no manual on how to quit buying/smoking crack. If it was that easy I wish I would have had it years ago.
Money is my biggest trigger. I have to give it to a family member before I even cash my check sometimes. It sucks not being able to manage my own money but I gotta do what works for now.
All that stuff that you said youve been through. That list can get longer and worse.
So like I was asked. And I'm sure youve heard it before.
What lengths have you gone to get high? Now what are you willing to do to get clean?
We dont get hit with a recovery stick and all of a sudden we are cured.
This $hit is hard a$$ work. It is very tiring and uncomfortable at times.
I want to go on a punch everyone and everything rage sometimes I cant stand it sometimes.
But you learn how to cope. You get use to it. You learn from personal experience as you do with anything.
YOU NEED TO WORK WHATEVER PROGRAM WORKS FOR YOU.

[larrylive]

Hello and thank you to all,

Sorry I haven't been back, got wrapped up in another forum. But I do appretiate all the wonderful replies this has been getting. I tell ya I have been at this for a good 8 yrs. (recovery) and it just now seems that the message about the money is getting out there. I had an employer that would not pay me direct, that worked for a while but I can always out fox the fox even when it's me. My last plan...got a debit card from my tax return, yes the taxes are gone, but the card is reusable. So I am getting direct deposit and my neighbor is going to create the PIN #, therefore no bank to make withdrawals from, no ATM's available, but I can still buy food.

Time to catch the bus home, thanks again for the piositive support.

Regards,
Larry

[anvilhead]

i was hoping like hell you'd make it back here Larry. just do whatever the hell it takes to stay off the sh!t ok??? thanks for posting today.......

[Barto]

Hey, does anybody know what’s in crack besides cocaine, if anything?

[anvilhead]

100% pure EVIL and maybe some bunk duff that didn't get cooked out all the way