choices

[mysz]

i am not quite sure how to deal with my difficulty. i am very sick with severe cirrhosis (i am only 33 yrs old) and recently had my varices banded - basically sick to the point of realising that i cannot drink. i have had many experiences with practically all drugs but alcohol seems to have sucked me in the most. i am not sure whether it is because it is so readily available and cheap (and i refuse to, and have no idea how to, do crime or sell myself) even though i would prefer speed, coke or heroin. i am getting to the point where i hate the stuff - alcohol... but it's been a huge part of my life for a long time. i don't find myself looking for an alternative except healthy relationships and the attainment of realistic goals. i have changed quite a few things around, such as moving out of an area which almost killed me, starting to be serious about my counselling and different groups, seeing and talking to my family more often and more honestly, etc. do others actually manage to do this without substituting it for something else?

[Sugah]

Yes, others do get clean and sober, don't substitute one thing for another. Is it easy? Not at first. It takes a lot of work to change not only the outside -- people, places and things -- but the inside, where the real urge to drink or use originates.

I had to find a willingness to live differently, and once I had it, I found sobriety through the twelve steps. Is NA or AA one of the "different groups" you mention?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[mysz]

thanks sugah!

yes - i am slowly getting back to NA and AA, however i've never really followed the steps. a friend told me about GROW groups and there are many others here (australia) that rely solely on discussion in a more relaxed format.

[Sugah]

If you can find change, real and committed change, through discussion, then that's wonderful!

I tried for about ten years to make my life better through therapy -- both one on one & group therapy. The problem I ran into was that I had trouble being honest about how I really felt and what my true motivations were. I also didn't have the benefit of drawing hope from others' experience, because, well, when they were better, they moved on, you know?

Steps are discussed in the rooms, but they are more often than not taken outside the rooms with a sponsor. Yes, in many cases it's a structured thing (though I know many people who sponsor in a very laid back -- but serious -- manner), but as it's geared towards systematic change and the spiritual awakening that's the result of that change, it can't be approached in a haphazard manner. Maybe if you speak to someone one-on-one about how they took the steps, you might feel a little more comfortable?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[anvilhead]

hey mysz - how about just giving AA or NA 110% for 3 months or so and THEN see how ya feel about the whole thing? i mean what the hell right? heck you might come out the other side sober and happy.......i mean unless you got something better going on right now...........?

[ccgirl2]

I don't mean to sound harsh, so please don't take it that way. My aunt died of cirrhosis. She was much older, but she didn't stop drinking. You've got too much life left to live.

[roadie58]

It took me several years of relapsing and struggling back in the doors of AA, but I finally beat my coke and alcohol addictions. I have found two major threads in successful recover.
1. Get a Higher Power of some type.
2. Make friends, a new social life so you can have fun in sobriety is a must.

[tw33k]

You can talk all u like but unless you put in some action and are willing to do WHATEVER it takes to stay sober, u will die!
You gotta put in the work if u truly want sobriety. Sitting at home drinking, hoping for the answer to fall in ur lap won't do a damn thing. Get up and get moving. You are capable of soooo many things. Utililise your potential and most impotrantly...be honest. To your ur family, ur friends ur councellors, everybody.
U have to be honest to stop and stay stopped.
Use ur knowledge, u know what to do. Just get off ur a$$ and do it.
We're all here for u and always will be but u gotta want it more than anything. It should be ur no 1 priority, getting sober and staying sober.
We love you.

[ANGELINA243]

Thanks tw33k! I really needed to hear that today. Keep posting mysz! We at SR care about you!

[mysz]

thanks everyone. it means a lot for me to read all this. i really am struggling because my physiological condition i very dire. if i stop drinking cheap wine, i cease to vomit and poo blood. the intention is there, seriously. has anyone had any experience with banded varices? i DO understand that i have to abstain totally. tw33k is completely right that i have to stop talking and planning, and actually start achieving.

oxoxo