All the Pills...

[curtis23]

hi i'm new here, just got banned from my previous support group forum (for benzodiazepines) and they never understood my case...my case is this..

i've been taking pills since 03...it started with ritalin and then valium, restoril, xanax, oxy contin, vicodin, oh gee what else...too much to tell!!

i can't seem to control how i take these medications when i get them. for instance, i am prescribed SOMA (muscle relaxer that works like valium kinda) and they don't give me much of it...and since i have a problem with abuse anyways i usually get rid of a 60 qty bottle in like a week.

even if i take 3 and the pain goes away, i still wanna fly to the moon if ya know what i mean...which is what i usually do.

stuff i fly on:

clonopin (clonazepam) & soma (carisoprodol)

i was prescribed valium 3 times in my life, averagely held onto it for 3 months until the doc said "nope, can't let ya have that big of a smile" and i've been on and off of meds for a long time. i'm NEVER stable on medication, i take it however it comes. if i was prescribed more maybe i wouldn't abuse as much cuz i'd have more to work with. either way it's a serious problem and it's all i think about RIGHT when i wake up...that feeling like "how ****** up am i gonna get today and from what dose" ya know?

i know i'm not alone on this...compulsive abusive behavior...my fancy is GABA analogues like anxiety meds that help produce higher levels of GABA in the brain like valium for instance.

this mental dependency/imbalance has created a different "me"...i won't write music if i don't have meds in my blood, i won't go out or do anything, i'm basically ****** hollow without any meds...and that's ME for ya!!

i hope this forum turns out better than the last one...bunch of judgemental twacks if ya ask me...

anybody have the same sorta fancy?

i twitch without meds...kinda...

Peace & LOve
Curtis

[exjunky]

Hey curtis, welcome. I don't have to much to offer right now other than the obvious: you sir, are an addict.

It's no surprise you are a polydrug addict--most addicts are. You can name 100 drugs you use, and every single one is a symptom of the same underlying cause.

I don't know why you were banned from another forum but I can imagine. We're all kind of schizophrenic aren't we? On one hand we want to use drugs, on the other hand we want to not have that desire at all. So when you post here just try to make sure it's Dr. Jekyll doing the posting, and not Mr. Hyde. I've messed up in that way myself, but thankfully the mods never banned me, and since that time I've undergone massive and noticeable improvements.

Anyhow, glad you found this place, and I doubt anybody will be too judgmental. I read your story and I see my own plight written all over it, so who am I to judge?

[windysan]

don't tell me, curtis. benzo island? there are lots of us here who got booted from that place. you are right about the judgemental quackery.....dangerous people. i'm somewhat of a pariah there.........which is a good thing. a couple of moles from there pop in here every now and then to cause trouble.

glad you made it. welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys. LOL

[emmer]

Hi Curtis and welcome ... Can I ask you ? Do you want to be clean of the drug abuse?
I'm like you ..I'll cram down my throat any pill thats in front of me.
This type of behaviour is dangerous to say the least, and requires lots of support and of course the will to stay clean.
I hope you can also find a FTF support group.

again welcome.

[curtis23]

thanx so much for the feedback fellas!! and yes i did get banned not only from benzo island but then TRAP (tranqualizer recerovery awareness place).....

i don't know how to fix my problem...it sucks ya know. i wrote a song last night titled "LET IT GO" ....but it is extremely tough for me to just "let go"...

my GABA system is dependent on drugs that enhance it... THAT'S my problem!!

Loving this forum already

Peace & Love
Curtis

[windysan]

I kicked them and was fine in a couple of weeks. Some folks have a hard time with it. Wish I knew the answers, butt, I don't.

[Sugah]

No idea what a GABA system is, but this I know about myself: if it's dependent upon a drug I'll abuse, I'll have to learn to get along without it.

I don't think you'll find many folks around these boards who are able to moderate drug use. What you're describing is addiction -- and the first step in recovery from addiction is abstinence.

If you have conditions that require medication, I would suggest an appointment with an addictologist who can try to put you on something that can't be abused, though I really don't know what that might be. Also, regarding muscle relaxers and pain meds, they're rarely effective for more than short-term use. Any chronic condition, especially in an addict, requires learning pain management techniques.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[curtis23]

that's just the thing: there is NOTHING that is potent without being addictive. it's simple logic...how do we find a solution for this twisted logic is beyond me....and taking me over!!!

2 years ago i could take a LOAD of benzos/opiates and not feel ANY withdrawl!! i personally think it takes time for the GABA Neurotransmitters to get printed in the brain, and once that happens...**** i don't know what happens after that really...

*lost fool*

[windysan]

I don't know what happens with the Yo Gaba Baba either. I had to quit or die....so I quit.

[newsandi]

Welcome Curtis, I have just less then 3 months off of opiates / adderall and I still have some bad days but that just my life right now. I understand what you are saying about when you are using you feel more productive in things. When I took the drugs I actually closed more deals at work then I do now. I dont want to think that it was the drugs but I sometimes wonder myself........ I never thought I could quit the **** ever, honesty l never thought about it until the day I just did it. I was high from morning to nite every single day for over 10 years. I spent way too much money on those evil pills and could con anyone and everyone out of anything I wanted. It wasnt pretty. Hang in there and when you are ready you can do this. Keep posting, we are all here for each other.

[Pete The Addict]

Originally Posted by curtis23

that's just the thing: there is NOTHING that is potent without being addictive. it's simple logic...how do we find a solution for this twisted logic is beyond me....and taking me over!!!

2 years ago i could take a LOAD of benzos/opiates and not feel ANY withdrawl!! i personally think it takes time for the GABA Neurotransmitters to get printed in the brain, and once that happens...**** i don't know what happens after that really...

*lost fool*

Its called you became an addict. GABA receptors and GABA exist NATURALLY in your body. Infact GABA is really just an ammino acid not generally associated with protein. They dont have to be printed, formed or anything like that. 2 years ago i could do heroin and be fine the next day. Now i cant even take 20mg of hydrocodone without being sick for a few days. I became an addict, and it sounds like so did you. Good luck.

[windysan]

anybody seen that weird kids show Yo Gabba Gabba?