I relapsed!

[Lost73]

After 15 months clean I relapsed today at work. I found a bottle of Klonopin that had been lost by someone. Prior to this I was arguing with a man who just broke up with me. Last week I went to see my parents, which is always triggering. Still these situations is no excuse for picking up.

What should I do? Part of me wants to keep using until the New Year. Another part of me is sick of meetings. I don't want to go back to the hellish life of addiction I once had. Anyone have any experience with relapse.

[dyingtobeclean]

You should empty the bottle of pills down the toilet and consider yourself lucky that you have not yet or yet again begun an addiction to benzodiazepines. i.e. (klonopin)

So you relapsed. I know it stings for a while, makes you feel guilty and like trash, but the feeling of guilt will disappear and you will feel great about yourself again in about 1 week. Believe me, I relapsed over 20 times. Kinda hard for me, I work in a LARGE pharmacy as a pharm. tech.

peace,
d

[Done-With-It]

My friend called me today, to tell me her friend relapsed on Friday and he
OD'ed, he's no longer with us.

You never know....

I'd say dump them.

Welcome to SR!!!

You'll find a lot of support here, and many others who are going through what you are. Others will be along shortly.

[Aa_vark]

Originally Posted by Lost73

What should I do? Part of me wants to keep using until the New Year. Another part of me is sick of meetings. I don't want to go back to the hellish life of addiction I once had. Anyone have any experience with relapse.

get yer a$$ back to a meeting... Flush the dope. Your ego is trying to kill you...

Find a different group if you have to. Get a new sponser. Forget about "take what you need and leave the rest". Take "THE REST", too. Pick up the whole spiritual toolkit, my friend...

I suppose that it is possible that a "controlled" relapse, until new years (you say?) WONT kill you... Maybe you'll be lucky, and just wish it did???

God help us to help you...

Alcoholic, addict,

aardvark...

[JackieG]

I agree with everyone - this doesn't have to mean the start all over again. You can just flush the pills and climb right back on the life wagon.

If you wait until the New Year you have to go through all the withdrawals again - It help's me when I remember the pain of coming off. I don't want to have to go through that again.

Lots of love
Jackie

You can do this

[Aa_vark]

It is my experience that addiction took away anything that stood in the way of me hitting bottom... jobs.. lovers.... family support... dignity... freedom... will to live...

Bitter end is not pretty,

trust me, but you dont have to take my word for it...

[tanyapmc]

When I think about using again I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of living through the hell that I know it to be.

Go to a meeting. Get a new desire chip. Swallow your pride and ask for help. It may save your life.

[exjunky]

Good luck.

[dyingtobeclean]

once a pharmacy receives pills to be destroyed, they do the exact same thing anyone would do. They simply put them in a sink or toilet to be disposed of. In fact, I know of people who work in the pharmacies who take the meds people drop off and keep them. Sometimes the pharmacy will gather a big bin of narcotics and send them off to be disposed of "properly". Most of the time we just chuck them in the toilet, sink or in our pockets. Let me assure you that many pharmacist and pharmacist techs are the biggest junkies.

Also it is against the law to re-sell ANY drug once it is in a patients hands, even for 1 second. So my advice is to flush them, just like a pharmacy would do.

peace,
-d

[ccgirl]

I can only reiterate what everyone else says.

[newsandi]

I can understand being a recovering addict that it could be easy to come across some pain pills and reason with myself that I could just take these since they are here and then get back on track. BUT, if I do that then I would hate myself because I have worked too damn hard to get off of these evil pills and take back control of my life. Flush the rest of them and chalk this up to a experience and dont beat yourself up about it, just move forward and grow from it.

[windysan]

Mr. Toilet is hungry.

Good luck with all of it.

Flush.

[SaTiT]

I relasped after 11 years.
It was a wake up called to my recovery.
Yes the meetings were downers and i felt i wasn't getting
anyware or felt stuck in my recovery. I needed to go back
to retain my soberiety, First things first and i needed that
support to do so. i had a temp sponsor he new will from many
years of recovery. I did the 90 in 90. Yet i felt stuck and
was questioning everything, it seems like the same marry go
round. Sure enough my temp sponsor had to yank me out
when it was time to do. i had to stop attending those newbies
meetings. While i might had to start my soberity day again,
he didn't treat me like a new, newbie. i wasn't allowed to
get away of getting babied as i used too...i wanted it thou.

It was actaully an opportunity in disguide another layer to be
peeled and more to be revealed.
As you stated visiting your parents had lots of triggers ...here too.
Relationship problems and you relapsed...here too.

On top of NA, or AA. I started looking into al-anon and ACOA.
I'm a product of that. All the damn dysfuntional being raised
by an alcoholic and my mother having us walk on eggshells all
day and all night.

This expanded my recovery.
i felt i wasn't struck anymore. There where issues i had that
NAer or AAer can't help me with. Sometimes i get so tired of
the cazinest in both fellowship.. all of the compitions and pity
crap...which was not helpful to me at all

The people in al-anon help me. More so with ACOA.
I feel i'm making progress in my recovery . People understands
me in there. I'm an aduit children of an alcoholic..this defines
me more..my life experince. I abused drugs and i also have
codependency traits. Many people had made the same leap
I wasn't the first...i imagine i won't be the last. Some make it
in early sobeiety, others after decade of soberiety.

wtf ??..don't hang out with your old playmate or your old play grounds...
it dosn't work for like that for me...when the feucken playgorund is HOME.
these people are not my aquentence..they are my family members that I love
and hate all at the sametime.

[Lily]

replay those tapes of how crappy you feel when going thru withdrawals.