This has been the worst day of all

[newsandi]

I didn't celebrate Thanksgiving today. Didn't feel like being around anyone today. Husband and stepkids went to his Grandmothers, like we go every year, but this year I just couldn't get out of bed. My AS caused alot of problems yesterday, main thing is he broke into our bedroom by knocking the door down and also took my car for a job I lined up for him to instead go cruising. I still have no idea what he was thinking. I was planning on giving him my car to go to his Grandmas house but I didnt even talk to him today. I am so pi##ed off at him. He did call today and I couldnt bring myself to answer the phone. Slept off and on all day. Now all I want to do is go to sleep and cant. Part of me wouldn't celebrate the holiday because I knew he was all by himself and I just cant do it. It would make me feel horrible. But my last words to my son last nite, was that I was not his mother any more, that he lost me and I feel terrible but I just dont know how to handle him. Everything that he does or says is negative. I cant think of one positive thing to say about my only child. I am just venting and wanted to share. I hope everyone had a good turkey day and I can just hope that Christmas will be better. I have always decorated my home before Thanksgiving and I dont have any desire to do anything. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I can be of help to some of you out there. Today I am a depressed soul. Thanks for listening.

[tennchick9598]

I am soooo soooo sorry that you had to go through that Sandi. That is horrible that he is taking advanting, and abusing you in that way!!! You can only love so much, and I know you love your son, but you may just have to kick in that "tough love" I really wish you had had a better day, and i pray tomorrow will be better for you. all my love and prayers

[Impurrfect]

((((Sandi)))))

Sweetie, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time and that your son is being such a jerk.

You may want to seriously think about calling the cops if acts like that again. I know it's hard, but you absolutely do not deserve to be treated like this. I hope you don't let him have your car again. He's being totally irresponsible and from what I see, only wants you when he wants something (car, money). He's not going to change if he doesn't suffer any consequences for his actions...why would he?

You know I luv ya and wish I could take your pain away. I'm just glad you came here and posted.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[marle]

My daughter came for Thanksgiving. She was an hour late. (She did call and tell me she would be late.) But she is an addict and with her comes addict behavior. I do not spend much time with her anymore. I have only seen her 2 times in the last 8 months. The reason being that I finally got it. I finally understood that I could not change her. And if I wanted to be around her I would have to understand that. Today I choose to see her as little as possible. She is my only and I love her every bit as much as I used to. But I love myself too and realize that I do have a choice. You do too. Hugs, Marle

[humming bird]

Hi-

I think I know how you feel. This was my very first non-Thanksgiving. However, it was peaceful because I made it so. Your son is hurting you so much now I feel you pain!!!!

I will never spend another drunk or drugged holiday after last Christmas. The addict in my life is my husband but he might as well be my 10 year old son because he acts about the age.

So thanks to this forum I was finally strong enough to tell my own kids I need a break from holidays. So I took Thanksgiving off!!! I hopefully will be back for Christmas. I have to be because I have grandchildren. They all understand as we had a horrible Christmas and New Year last year.

Oh, the AH is so mad that I told him - he finally had what he has always wanted!!!!! A holiday with out any family obligations. He was free to spend the holiday with his buddies. Guess what? He is so angry!!!! Go figure?

Anyway, my point after venting is great for us!! We stood up for us for a change. It may not have been what we wanted but it was what we needed!!!!

I am sending you love and hugs!!!!

[Jane63]

Sandi...I am sorry you had such a rough day...especially on a day when we give thanks for our many blessings in life!

I am a Mother too and it is easy for me to sit here and give advice although I might not follow it if it was my own child.
The one thing I do know is that at a certain point our kids have to be held accountable for their actions and taught that they cannot act that way!

Think of it this way...you are doing him more harm by letting him get away with the stuff he is doing! If he treats you, his Mother that way, how does he treat others? How long before he ends up in prison for doing someone harm? {or worse?}

If he keeps it up I would seriously think about calling the cops and getting a restraining order...and cut off all ties!
You cannot change him but it is wrong for you to have to spend the rest of your life upset and paying for his mistakes!

Be strong!!

Jane

[Sugah]

Sandi, I'm sorry that you've had such a miserable day. I hope that things smooth out for you and your family.

Though I have relative peace and serenity under my roof most days, that doesn't extend to my extended family -- which is the very reason that I have so little contact with any of them. My parents and one of my six siblings were the only ones invited to my wedding two and a half years ago for a reason. I have very solid boundaries, and their chaos is not wanted, needed or tolerated in my life.

It's not a popular view, but I'm not of the mind that "blood is thicker than water." I will try my best -- harder with my children -- but I will only own what is mine. What is theirs is theirs, and if it brings upset and drama into my life, I will firmly ask them to take it elsewhere.

Do the next right thing, Sandi.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Doug]

Sandi, just with that post you probably helped someone today. You may not ever know who, why or when, but it happens. Thanks for being here, and being honest.

It was a rough holiday day for me too, and it's over now. Me, you, and countless others managed to make it thru the day, and without using. So we did succeed anyway, in spite of ourselves.

Happy Thursday.

[Brewster]

True enough Doug. Rough one here too. Lots of family and chickens coming home to roost. Could've but didn't. Would've but didn't. It went from just for today to just for the next second.... lol.

Holidays used to be such fun. Now they seem to be the ultimate test. That and I got a bad toothache. Used to be able to call the dentist and get something phoned in. Instead I've a fresh Goody's (tm) powder and a better sunrise to look forward to.

[SaTiT]

Sandi

Sorry that you feel that way. Maybe you can catch a marathon meeting
or sometime or maybe just get out of the house and get some freash air.

There's two things happening Sandi..You're trying to recover from you own
addiction and dealing with your son's.

Burning the candle at both ends...you can say.

Maybe you can try al-anon to help you get through.
I'm familar with codependency..i struggle with Agf.

My mother bascailly say and did the samething to me before i hit bottom.
I can only imagine how much it hurted her to do that.
The guilt and the hurt. she couldn't live like that anymore.
I added 10 years to mother because of all the streess and chaos.

I continue on with my addiction...in my addiction it didn't matter
if it was a tuesday or if the sun don't shine..I got high no matter what.
soon there after I hit my bottom. i had to loose everything.
If you make it convieant for me...I would conviently get high.


I still stay clean and sober today so i can deal with my codi issues.

Happy Thanksgiving anyway,

[ccgirl]

Sandi my best friend is going through the same thing with her daughter. Her daughter is 21 and while addiction isn't her issue, she's got some other biggies. Well, my friend finally decided that her daughter was putter her own health and finances and her younger son in jeopardy and she had to let her go. She changed the locks, got all her stuff out and that's that. Dont' get me wrong, she feels terrible, but I thinkg she felt she had no other option. I'm not telling you what you should do, I'm just saying you need to think of Sandi.

P.S. I did have a nice Thanksgiving dinner. But you know what? Just because they're your family doesn't mean squat. I hated every second there. Sometimes I think we all make a lot out of these thing and are let down by the reality of them.

I hope you wake up refreshed and ready to start a new day tomorrow!

[Dragonfly821]

Hey - I feel for you. This was the first Thanksgiving at home. I have no family left. So it was sad too. But I chilled - Me and my dogs a fire and a good book. I had tears in my eyes thinking about the fact that I am here, clearheaded, and not out of my mind - numb to the world high. And that is what I was thankful for today and that was all but enough I guess.

I hurt so bad for you!!! I can't stand it. Tonight I am going to send you all the good energy I can muster. You don't deserve this, no one does. Something needs to change for you and I don't know what that is, only you can find that. I just really hope you do.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Love and light -

[jane_668]

Sandi,I am sorry for what you're goingthrough .I've caused misery for my parents more than anyone can imagine.They stood by me in the ICU for 4 days without food deadly worried and tehy sheltered and helped me when I needed to but what I gave them back was pain in the neck.Yesterday,I got home wasted from too many Benzos along with alcohol and I directly feel asleep.The next morning the told me that my sis spent all night long crying over my bed feeling guilty for not helping me.And when I was sober all what I did was scream on her and asked her not care for me.I said no one asked you to care.That's why Sandi I'm sorry and sorry for my siter because that';s not me but drugs taking action.I didnot intend to hurt my sis and myby your son don't mean to hurt you.He just need his boundaries to be set up.
Peac& Love
Jane

[newsandi]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and encouragement. It makes me feel better to know that I am not alone. I am up and at em today and ready to get out of the house for the day. Me and hubby have errands to run, go out for dinner and maybe pick up a movie for tonite. Tomorrow is our 1 year anniv. so we are going to go to the gambling boats and get a room for the nite. Then Sunday I will decorate the house for Christmas. So hopefully the next few days will be ok. I know that none of us our doctors or should give out precise medical knowledge but I have a question and wanted to see if anyone can get me some of their experiences on this. I am going to be making a doctor appt for sometime next week to go see my doctor about my Paxil that I take. I take 2 37.5ml a day and I dont think they help anymore. I dont recall who told me here alot of times they just dont work after being on them for awhile and I have been on this for 5 years or so. I was just on 37.5 a day for the longest time and if I am not mistaken, I just started taking the 2 pills within the last 6 months. I did some research on different anti-depressants and want to go in there with somewhat of what I think might be a new med to take. The doctor I see is just a regular family doctor but he is extremely good and I did see a pshy. for a couple months but I didnt click with them. I know in the future I might need to go thru a few to get someone that might work. But right now, I feel I can get more advice and support here with people that are in my shoes. So anyone that has any knowledge or experience or whatever on anti-depressants and Paxil would be extremely helpful. I love you guys. I am soooooo glad yesterday is in the past. I am going to make Christmas better.

[Impurrfect]

Sandi -

Check out the forum on mental illness....there are several threads on it about various antidepressants. I was put on ad's twice - once on effexor and once on prozac. Both worked, but everyone is different. They also have a lot of new ones out. My stepsister is on lexapro and she loves it.

Hope you have a great day! I just learned to be careful of what you pray for......need some extra $$ so volunteered to work an extra shift today. Now, just found out that I'll be going in at noon and may not get off until tomorrow a.m. at 6. 18 hours of waiting tables In all honesty, I could have said no, but I've gotta do what I gotta do to get back on track.

Check in with you tomorrow (if I don't come in an collapse into bed)

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Jane63]

Let's hear it for strong women!!!

Sandi...You sound much more positive and focused today!! What a difference a day makes!

Good luck seeing your DR and I hope you find a solution that works for you!
Take care!
Jane

[tennchick9598]

Just wanted to say hi sandi, and that I really hope you are feeling better and being treated better. YOu are a joy and a treasure to us here. We love you and I hope you can feel that wherever you are. You deserve to be happy. I am thinking of you and praying for you......

[mikiglen]

same here....my mom and oldest daughter did not show up for thanksgiving, all the kids were sick and couldn't eat....and this was our first thanksgiving without their dad, who was always the cook.
it was rough, yet making it thru the day sober is what it is all about, and you did it.
one step at a time

[tennchick9598]

Sandi???? You ok??? I am worrying over you, you are in my thoughts and prayers, hope everything is getting back to normal and you are feeling ok. You are a good person, and you deserve a good life. Tell yourself that 10 times a day. (they made us say that in the mirror while I was in teh 28 day rehab. 11,000 and fat lot of good it did me, huh) Also, you are responsible for you and your actions and your own recovery. NOT HIS! Take care of you, and love you and know that we love you and want you happy and well

[Dragonfly821]

Hi, So glad to hear your having a better day!

Obviously you need to talk to your doctor but in my case I was switched slowly to another antidep and it has worked better for me. I am now on lexapro. I also have a friend that has severe depression issues and after 3 years on the same med they switched her and she is doing much better. So tell your doc what you are going through and say that you don't feel it's working.

Congrats on the 1 year anniversary! That is wonderful!

To many more good days and not so many of the bad -

[mikiglen]

hey, tenn....while i'll admit, i don't do them, cause i have such self loathing...i fully, FULLY believe in affirmations.
i make my kids get in the mirror every single day, even when i was using...they have to look at themselves in the eye and say positive things....and they believe them, they really do (as they should). even jonathan, who has such anger issues, feels secure in himself, as far as a four year old can be.
it's a good thing to do....probably something i should start doing again....when you are full of self hatred, but start talking good to yourself, things change
sorry, sandi, didn't mean to hijack....hope you are doing ok, check in when you can

[Impurrfect]

((((Sandi)))))

How are you doing today? Sending good thoughts your way...

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[tennchick9598]

Hey Sandi, checking in again, Kinda worried about you...... Hope you are well. Much much love and hugs....Becky

[newsandi]

I am ok. I have been staying busy and haven't had much time to post. It sure makes me feel so good to have you guys checking on me, it means the world to me. I haven't talked to my son since Wednesday and it has been hard but I am trying to do the tough love thing but it sucks. I do call my mother and check in with her to see how he is doing. He is struggling with not having a car or money and thats what I want. I told my mom to make sure that he turns himself in Monday to get his warrant taken care of. I told her the only way he gets his car back is to take care of that. Who knows, he might get locked up. And this is all over driving without having his driving privledges with him and carrying a butterfly knife. Not sure what will happen to him. I dont want to see him locked up for any extensive time but would like him to get 10 days or something just to teach him a lesson. He wouldnt go to his court last week when I went down to pick him up and now they mailed him something on having a warrant and a $1500 bond. I have no idea what that means. A $1500 bond???? Does anyone know. Does that mean he has to pay that before he can get out of jail once they arrest him. I never in a million years thought my child would have a warrant out for his arr