Frustrated

[ccgirl]

Ok, I'm so frustrated I could cry. I've been clean for 5 months now. That's wonderful. It is truly a gift. I know that. My state of mind is finally clearing and I'm feeling pretty good mentally.

Physically though, I haven't managed to pull it together. My stomach is still a mess, and I'm terrified I really screwed myself up (for those of you who dont know, my doc was hydrocodone) And I'm still so very tired. Please tell me when this part gets better - because even though I don't want to use; I'm learning to deal with my demons, but the thought of covering up the physical symptoms is well, tempting.

I know, I know, I'm calling the doctor Monday to schedule an appointment. I was just wondering if physical symptoms can drag out like this.

[Impurrfect]

(((((cc))))))) -

no advice, since my DOC wasn't hydrocodone, but sending you LOTS of hugs and prayers. I'm sure someone else will be along soon.

Congrats on your 5 months!!!! You have helped me out so many times and I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated. I'm dealing with money issues and it's hard. As long as we don't pick up, I'm pretty sure we'll BOTH be feeling better soon.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[bvaljalo]

Well, if it's any consolation to ya, I can say that I'm 5 months clean off of -codone drugs, and my motivation level still totally sucks, and things are still not totally alright with the ol' bathroom situation. I can't say I'm actually *tired* but I still yawn a lot (kinda like in W/D's but instead of like 5000 times a day now it's like 50). I drink quite a bit of coffee to get going in the morning... then I still don't tend to 'get going' unless something is compelling me to do so.

So, yeah, 5 months later, I still feel bit of the after-effects I would say. But over time, I feel things getting better and better. And just think ... if you go out and use ... you're risking having to re-live the entire last 5 months, and it could end up being even worse.

Don't give up!!!

You might benefit from doing a little research on the subject of PAWS, which is a known medical syndrome that effects a lot of recovering addicts. There's lots about it on this interweb thingy we're on right here

[mikiglen]

cc, i'm sorry, i really feel for you.
you could be anemic or something, make sure and get some bloodwork done
nice u2 sig, bv

[tennchick9598]

You are so loved Purr, and such a beautiful person and kind soul who has helped so many, please dont hesitate to PM if you want to talk more. You are very loved, and very much needed here. YOu have helped me tons, all the love in the world and all my prayers. LadyT

[northbelle]

Ya know cc, I feel like I could drop from exhaustion much of the time myself..
I ALMOST made the 60 day mark and I decided to get loaded on some benzos and oxycodone....Well let me tell you it was a reminder of how ****** things can REALLY get ya know??
I do things like ...drink alot of water...drink crazy herb teas..use honey intead of sugar..and eat lots of pastries and candy!!! hAHAH>>>HELL yeah baby ..north is GONNA have her cake!!! I really have tore myself up out there and now i get to do the best i can to TAKE CARE of myself ...it is not always easy..it does not come to me naturally to take care of ME!!! although i am so SURE i can take care of everyone else!!!
I am at the library today..i don't foresee being reconnnected at home for awhile..
Man i miss you girl..
Can you send me your snail mail addy????? Pm it to me I would like to send you a "post " now and then!!!
Take care of you D......
love north

[bvaljalo]

Hi northbelle ...

U haven't been around in days, girl!

We've missed you around here. Sorry to hear ... the news ... but it sounds like you're right back on track, so GOOD FOR YOU. As long as you learn from your experience and don't give up ... you can at least minimize the harm, eh?

And Misti ... nice Nickelback sig. If you like that song I've quoted, check out this vid ... i remember when they all looked like this!

u2 - bad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPyhYczii8I

[ccgirl]

Thanks, Tenn, I'm doing well too.

[Jane63]

GRRrRR!! I just had a long post and the site went down right when I hit "submit"!!!

{{cc}}...You have always been there for so many here at SR including myself and I just want to thank you for that! {{HUGS}}

I am sorry you are having a crappy day but if its any consolation...me too!! {blah}
That is why I'm headed to bed after I post this and putting this one behind me!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for both of us!!

I think the lethargy is pretty normal for 5-months but best to check with your DR just in case. I remember my energy wasn't so great around that time either...it came and went and when it was low I remember getting pretty depressed. Walking helped me greatly...not just for the exercise but also just to get out of the house! {especially in the winter!!}

My GYN told me at my last apt to start lifting weights to build some muscle tone which would {hopefully} boost my metabolism, so you may think about trying that also.
Anytime in my life when I have felt and done the best was when I was exercising, eating well, taking my vitamins and getting enough rest daily!

Well, hope something here helped...I'm so sleepy I cannot think so I'll post more if I think of something else!
Get some rest...Tomorrow is a new day!!
{{HUGS}}
Jane

[Hope]

I heard that it was normal.

I know what you are going through. I'm going through it too.

But we'll get through it!

[tanyapmc]

Hi CC.

I am sorry that you are having a tough time. I have been off of opiates and benzos for 10 months. Some days are great. Some...well, not so great.

But I promise that it DOES get better. Hang in there and don't pick up NO MATTER WHAT. I know I don't want to redo these last months and I know you don't want to either.

Are you exercising at all? That may give you some energy.

Hang in there sweetie.

[exjunky]

One thing that addicts tend to forget is that as human beings, we naturally have good days and bad days.

When you're addicted, you can tell what kind of a day you're going to have, just by looking at your drug stash--it's as simple as that. Without the drugs, it's no longer easy to predict. Your day to day swings depends on a 100 other factors, including your overall state of health.

I'm 100 days clean now (or so) and I still can't believe how screwed up I feel. It's easy to imagine that somehow I've damaged some part of my body that permanently that regulates my feeling of wellbeing. But I also know from experience that this feeling too will pass, if I can just stay clean.

[ccgirl]

Hey, thanks guys. I know all of that rationally, but ya know? When you feel like crap and you carry immodium in your purse every day, lol? Plus I have two school aged daughters who need a mom that can do stuff with them. It just frustrates me because I've always been a doer.

One thing I do, is while they're at school is I set a timer and take a 45 minute rest; it does help. I need to eat better too.

It's just comforting to know I'm not alonge feeling crappy. Thanks.

[ccgirl]

bv, you know what I forgot to say? I've looked up PAWS, and all it ever mentions are the mental symptoms, not the stomach stuff. I think that's what's kind of worrying me. Have you found a site that says anything different?

[Impurrfect]

Good morning cc -

I actually tried to find something about physical symptoms of PAWS, too, but didn't find it. Hopefully, bv will find it - he's pretty good at coming up with info. I will ask my stepsister to ask her addictionologist about it next time she talks to him.

Hope you have a good day!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Jane63]

Morning {{cc}}...So is today alittle better? I hope so!!!!

I was soo mad last night when I typed up that reply and lost it!! {GRrRR!} Then I was too sleepy to remember half of it!
Man, I slept like a log!!! LOL!!

The stomach problems would be a concern for me, especially with what I'm currently going through, so I would def. make an apt. with your DR for a check-up!
It could be all sorts of things like diet, stress, etc but you want to get a professional opinion so you can start working on curing it.
Stomach upset can cause all kinds of emotional problems, IMO, cause when you don't feel good it effects everything you do.

And BTW...I took short naps all through my daughters school-years and even though sometimes I felt kind of guilty, I think it helped make me a better Mom! So if you can find the time to do it, I say "Go for it!"!!

Maybe your "winter blues" are affecting you too...I remember you said you get them this time of year also?
I am 'trying' to make myself get out for a walk and keeping my coat, hat, scarf and gloves handy {Darn, I hate bundling up!!} even though I just haven't felt like doing much of anything lately!

One thing that addicts tend to forget is that as human beings, we naturally have good days and bad days.

When you're addicted, you can tell what kind of a day you're going to have, just by looking at your drug stash--it's as simple as that. Without the drugs, it's no longer easy to predict. Your day to day swings depends on a 100 other factors, including your overall state of health.

Excellent advice exjunky!! I remember having to remind myself of that also in my early months of recovery...and I STILL have to do that over 3-years later!!
I think our overall health affects soo many things in our lives, our state of mind and how we cope!

Good luck {{cc}} and I really hope today is a better one for you! Why don't you call first thing tomorrow morning and make an apt with your DR? I know it is so easy to self-diagnose {I do it all the time!} but a DR's advice is really the best!!
{{hugs}}
Jane

[newsandi]

My worst symptom is tired and lack of motivation. I am only at 30 days but I am tired and depressed alot. Yeah, the life situation is depressing in itself but I just feel like crap. I know what you are going thru and it is kind of discouraging knowing that the feelings I am having can last for so long. Can anyone that has longer sobriety tell us if we will get our energy back or have we screwed ourselves up so bad that we will always feel like sh##. I take meds for depression anyway but I blame my depression on what I go thru with my son but I think it runs in the family. I know if I just jump in the shower to wake up and get out of the house, I feel ok but just making myself do that can be a task sometimes. This weekend sucks big time. I think we all of having a hard time. Lets stick together and get thru the weekend and hopefully we will feel better. Atleast that is what I am counting on. Love you guys, I would be using right now without you guys.

[ccgirl]

I hear you Sandi, I hear you.

I thought I read in a post recently Brewster saying that around month 5 it got better. Brewster? Calling Brewster?

[Sugah]

cc, I had digestive problems for awhile after I stopped. My final detox was from opiates & benzos, primarily. My doc was leaning towards an IBS diagnosis (it had been a problem years earlier) when it finally began to straighten out. I would definitely suggest seeing a doctor to rule out other issues, but if it's a left-over from the opiate abuse, I have a different suggestion.

It's November -- gratitude month! I'll bet that if you make a running gratitude list, including especially those things that you have because you're clean or those things that you didn't have to lose to get clean, it'll make this time a little easier to get through. I've had to rely very heavily on gratitude these last few weeks to keep from slipping into a funk, and it's really worked. It used to sound simple-minded to me. Not anymore.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm so very glad you're clean. I had a moment last night in a meeting where I remembered someone very dear to me who didn't have the chance you, I, all of us have. It's been almost seventeen years since the disease took him, and though my life is very full, there's a place in it where he was that will always be empty. I'm glad, cc, that you don't have to be an empty place in someone else's life. In our lives.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[ccgirl]

Hey Sugah; My doctor and I have actually been talking about IBS also. I'm trying on a trial basis a new med, I can't recall the name; you put it under your tongue and it dissolves; it's prn. But, you're right, I should talk about lingering w/d effects


And I am so very grateful for all I have. I think, as a woman, I get frustrated when I can't do everything I want to for my family because I don't feel well. This too, will pass.

[Sugah]

Can we then remind each other that we're humans as well as women, cc? I've had a little more activity than my increasing physical challenges can handle this weekend, so I know that if I'm going to get through the baking chores of Wednesday and the cooking chores of Thursday, I better plan on doing next to nothing from now until then.

But, I want to do it all, and I can't. So, I've been trying to take advantage of the challenges by including my kids in things I can't do by myself right now. They can peel potatoes, drain pasta, mix meatloaf and anything else that saps what limited utility I have in my hands, and we've been having a ball doing it! It was either that or let my husband do all the cooking (he shops & cooks about half the time). That example might not be useful to what you're going through, but I offer it as a way I found to adjust. Maybe you can find some ways, too, at least until you get through this current patch.

And, yes, this too shall pass!

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[bvaljalo]

Hey cc ...

Are you talking actual recurrent or severe stomach pains? Or are we talking things just not being right with the bathroom situation? You mention imodium so I'm guessing you mean the latter of the two. As I said, 5 1/2 months in, I still have the same issue. Not everyday, but often. Let me ask you? Do you drink Coca Cola? Cause I'm slowly but surely coming to the conclusion that my very regular drinking of Coke might actually be what's causing it ... but I love the stuff so much I never stop drinking it long enough to be really sure ...

I know, what a friggin cokehead, huh!?!

Truthfully, that's not even a joke. I'm slowly becoming convinced that Coke might actually have some addictive qualities besides the caffeine (cause I drink my share of coffee, with plenty of sugar, too, and yet I still crave Coke on a practically daily basis).

One of these days I'll have to break down and put my little theory here to the test. Cause it *seems* like my digestive system *should* be back to normal by now. I dunno.

Anyways, I wouldn't worry too much about it unless you're actually in pain. Sounds like you're already consulting a doc about it, so ... I'm sure you'll get it figured out.

On a happier note, provided one hasn't damaged their liver by taking too much tylenol over the years, pretty much any damage you do to yourself with painkillers is *eventually* going to totally reverse itself. Except for the part where you get easily addicted again. That never goes away. Everything else WILL though. Opiates, in and of themselves, are remarkably non-toxic to the body. They don't cause any known disease or malady ... except addiction, of course. All they are is imitation endorphins, really, and as such, they are quite innocuous as far as any organ/tissue damage goes.

So we got that going for us

[ccgirl]

hey bv, you're so funny. No, I hate soda. Don't drink the stuff. And you're right about the immodium part; that and nausea. And that lack of energy stuff, which of course could be caused by part one. Ah, addiction, it's a lovely thing, isn't it?

[tennchick9598]

Hey have you heard of that new over the counter stuff, relaxane, or something like that, you can buy in drug stores, its supposed to be great for the general blahs, stomach upset, (stress induced too) and all sorts of other things, Its worth a shot. I hope you feel better soon. we love you